Our Moments
by pamhalpert
Summary: J/L "He was going to tell her right here, right now. He was going to say it out loud: how he really felt about her. He knew there was something else there. There had to be. And she was so close and so warm" - Important moments in the L/J relationship
1. Promises

**Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to JK Rowling. I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N-**This is a story made up of the significant moments in James and Lily's relationship. It is a collection of drabbles, mostly fluff where the secondary characters are present but not a main focus. I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter One: Promises**

Lily was bored. This was her least favorite thing about being Head Girl, hands down. Professor Dumbledore had requested that she and James start doing bi-weekly hall monitoring. The other professors were doing the late night shifts but before curfew it was the Prefects and the Head Students' job to keep the corridors safe. So she and James had made up a schedule of the nights of the week and assigned the Prefects and themselves specific nights to roam the deserted corridors of Hogwarts castle. Prior to this particular night it hadn't been so bad. She and James had walked together chatting idly about nothing in particular. He would make her laugh and it was a nice break from the monotony of the deserted corridors.

She had to admit that working with James had not been nearly as horrible as she'd thought it would be at the beginning of the year. She had nearly broken down in tears when Professor McGonagall had informed her that the Head Boy was not Remus Lupin (as Lily had suspected it would be) but James Potter. It had taken her a few weeks but she eventually realized that James had changed. Not only that, but much to her dismay she found that she not only enjoyed his company but had come to count him as a friend.

They'd had fun the past two weeks (or at least as much fun as you can have walking in empty corridors for three hours) on their hall monitor nights. Last Thursday they'd finally run across something interesting. They'd found two Ravenclaw fifth years making out behind a statue. James had sniggered heartily as Lily had deducted five points each and then shamed them back to their common room.

"They were just having a little fun, Lily," he teased, still chuckling at her flushed cheeks. "You didn't have to be so hard on them."

"One of us has to be the responsible one. You didn't even try to help me." She feigned anger, but truly didn't care enough to be upset with him. Besides, there was still an hour left of their shift and she didn't want to spend it arguing.

"Well, it would be hypocritical of me to punish someone for _that_," he said flashing her an amused grin. She looked over at him with her nose crumpled up, her green eyes surveying him critically.

"You disgust me sometimes, you know that?" He laughed out loud at her reaction.

"Aw, come on. Don't tell me you've never been enchanted by this incredibly romantic setting. There's nothing better than dusty corners covered in cob webs to set the mood," he said sarcastically. Lily glared at him and shook her head. "Really? No one's ever even _tempted_ you to give him a kiss in a dark, deserted hallway?" He raised his eyebrows at her suggestively. Lily was quiet for a moment and then smiled slyly.

"Someone tried once…he was in the hospital wing for the rest of the day." James had to laugh at this and they continued chatting happily the rest of the evening.

But instead of that friendly banter tonight, she found herself wandering along the 3rd floor corridor alone with nothing to distract her but the memory of the pile of homework she should have been working on this evening stacked up on her bedside table in her dorm. She and James, along with some of the other professors, had heard rumblings about _some students_ (aka Slytherins) attacking _other_ _unsuspecting students_ (aka Muggle-borns and "blood traitors") and decided that while it would be more dangerous to be separated, they would be able to cover more ground and hopefully stop the attacks before they happened.

For the first thirty minutes of tonight's shift she had been alert, hearing everything from a murmuring portrait to the rustle of the leaves outside. Her hand had been tensed on her wand ready to strike. But as the minutes went by and she didn't run into anybody, her mind began to drift and her wand had ended up in the back pocket of her jeans.

She was just about to check her watch again when she heard muffled voices ahead of her. She assumed that it was probably James or one of the two prefects talking to someone but pulled her wand out anyway, just in case. As she crept closer to the noise, she realized that the sounds were more violent. She couldn't hear spells but what sounded more like punches and kicks.

"_Lumos!_" she muttered as a light on the tip of her wand flicked on. She began jogging a little quicker but still remained quiet. She heard distinct cursing and knew that she was getting closer. She snuck around the corner, her wand raised, ready to curse anyone when Severus Snape's face was illuminated by the beam of light from her wand.

She didn't hesitate long, but long enough for him to yell, "RUN!" and for the other two males with him to heed his warning. She waved her wand and sent a stunner in their direction but missed as they sprinted away from her and down the corridor. She momentarily considered going after them until she heard a moan from whomever it was that they had been beating up.

She shuffled toward him but continued to stare down the corridor to make sure that Snape and his two mates weren't coming back. Finally she looked at the figure lying crumpled against the wall, and realized with horror who it was as she saw his messy dark hair and cracked wire-rimmed glasses.

"James! Oh my gosh, what happened?" she asked as she sprinted the last few feet to him and knelt down by his side. "Are you okay?" Her voice was shaking as were her hands as she anxiously tried to help him sit up. He groaned again and grabbed his ribs before lying back down. She pulled his head into her lap so that he wasn't laying it on the cold stone floor and tried to take in his appearance.

He was bleeding...a lot. His lip was busted and there were two very obvious cuts above his left eye and across the bridge of his nose. He also appeared to have been thrown to the ground at one point because there was blood in his matted hair.

"I've never been better," he said through a grimace. He tried to grin at her but winced as the movement pulled at his bleeding lip. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Please don't try to be brave," she said as he attempted to sit up again, this time succeeding with her help, though the pained look on his face made her feel no better. "What happened?"

"I was walking around, not really paying attention, and one of them just came up behind me and held my arms back and the other two just started beating the crap out of me. Apparently I did something to really piss off one of those guys…I generally consider it pretty personal when someone actually throws a punch rather than just hexing me."

"Is this a regular occurrence for you?" Lily asked, trying to sound lighthearted but failing to do so. He gave a small chuckle but immediately winced and grabbed at his side again.

"I think they cracked a rib," he said through gritted teeth.

"Did you see who it was?"

"Snape, Avery and Mulciber…who else?"

After a moment of silence, Lily stood up and moved behind James. "Come on, lets get you to the Hospital Wing," she said putting her hands under his arms and attempting to help lift him up. He pushed up and groaned, grabbing his right side. Lily pulled his left arm over her shoulders to help hold up his body weight, though she knew that if he collapsed she would be able to do nothing about it.

"I don't need to go to the Hospital Wing, I'll be fine. Just take me back to the common room."

"James, you have a broken rib! You need Madam Pomfrey to mend you," Lily protested.

"I can fix it myself," James replied stubbornly.

"I know how to mend breaks too, but Madam Pomfrey is better at it than either of us and…"

"Don't insult my abilities. I happen to be a very skilled bone mender. I've had lots of practice," he interrupted, giving her half a smile. She sighed and glared at him.

"Now is not the time for jokes…you could be seriously injured. You could have a concussion or a punctured organ or..."

"Lily, I'm not going to give those guys the pleasure of knowing they put me in the Hospital Wing…this is humiliating enough as it is." Lily sighed again, clearly exasperated.

"Is that what this is about? You're more worried about your reputation than you are about your actual physical health?" She sounded frustrated and remained silent for a few moments as they took tentative steps down the hall. "James, please, _please_, you could be really hurt. If you value my peace of mind at all, you will go to the Hospital Wing and at least let Madam Pomfrey clear you," she begged.

He stopped walking and looked down at her pleading green eyes and considered her for a moment. She seemed genuinely concerned and he _did_ value her peace of mind. Not to mention, his rib was really bothering him.

"Fine, let's go," he said, dragging her toward the Hospital Wing now.

"Thank you," Lily whispered.

"MmmHmm," he murmured. "And just for the record, I wasn't trying to save my reputation. I couldn't care less about what everyone else in the school thinks. I just don't want to give those three guys the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me enough to send me to the Hospital Wing." He was quiet for a moment. "It makes them think they've won." Lily considered this for a moment.

"I guess that's acceptable." She smiled at him gently and helped him limp down the stairs. "Why didn't you defend yourself? Where is your wand?" Lily had never known James to be caught unawares.

"In my back pocket…I guess I wasn't really paying attention."

They reached the wide doors of the Hospital Wing and Lily shoved them open and then helped James in before Madam Pomfrey bustled up to them and shooed Lily away to a chair in the corner. James changed into some Hospital pajamas and then headed over to a bed near where Lily waited. Madam Pomfrey touched her wand gently to his chest and ankle to repair what was two fractured ribs and a sprained ankle. Then she proceeded to tell James that he had a mild concussion and a spot of internal bleeding that would take an overnight stay in the Hospital Wing to heal. Lily tried not to look too smug when she heard this but couldn't help throwing him an "I told you so" look.

"Miss Evans, you are free to return to your duties. He needs his rest," Madam Pomfrey said severely. Lily was about to stand up to comply when James interrupted.

"Aw, come on Madam Pomfrey, let her stay a little longer."

"Absolutely not!"

"Please, it's curfew in twenty minutes anyway," James begged.

"Fine," she said coolly. "But keep it down. I know how you are with your friends, Mr. Potter. I don't want you two waking up any of the other patients." Lily smiled serenely at her as Madam Pomfrey handed her a rag and a bowl of water. "The least you can do is make yourself useful. Clean some of that dried blood off of his face. You have ten minutes." And with that, she threw a disgruntled look their way and bustled off to tend to another patient.

James fought back a grin as Lily pulled her chair closer to his bed and began dabbing cautiously at the smear of blood on his forehead.

"You don't have to do that," James said in a low voice. "I'll just wash it off before I go to sleep."

"I don't mind," Lily said, holding the rag out of his reach before soaking it in the water and dabbing at him again. "Besides, I'll probably be gentler than you. It's bound to hurt less if you just let me do it." He didn't argue but watched her as she gazed intently at the wounds on his face. "Now, aren't you glad I talked you into coming down here?" she asked, meeting his hazel eyes momentarily before going to work on the blood that had trickled down his nose.

"I am eternally grateful." He smiled at her and she grinned back.

"I feel bad though," she said quietly, avoiding his eyes.

"What for?"

"I feel like if we hadn't split up, maybe they wouldn't have attacked."

"Don't be ridiculous. Having you there might have made it worse." Seeing her confused expression, he hesitantly clarified. "I mean, because you're Muggle-born. They probably would have attacked you instead of me and that would have been infinitely worse." He shuddered at the idea.

"Maybe…but then again, it would have given you enough time to get your wand out of your pocket." He rolled his eyes trying not to visualize what would have happened had Lily been with him when he was ambushed. "Besides, I'm still not fully convinced that Severus has it in him to attack me," she said more quietly, for she knew that this would outrage James, and she was right. His hazel eyes instantly darkened and narrowed and she could see his fists open and close convulsively.

"I think you give your old mate too much credit," he said viciously. "He didn't seem too merciful to me tonight."

"Yes, but that's because he hates you," Lily said matter-of-factly. James' knuckles were turning white as he clenched his fists now. "But then again, maybe you're right. He's not under the greatest of influences right now…maybe he's changed enough that he would be capable of hurting me just as he is you."

They were quiet for a moment.

"Do me a favor, will you?" she finally said, breaking the silence and dropping the rag so that she could look him in the eye. "Go easy on Snape." James's eyes widened in horror.

"You're not serious!"

"Yeah, I am. You don't understand, it's hard for him to be around you."

"Yeah, well, it's going to be hard for me to be around him if I just stand there and let him do whatever he wants to me. You think this is bad?" He asked, gesturing wildly at his body. "Just wait 'til he decides to use his wand. I'll be lucky if I don't die!" James' voice was rising dangerously and Lily was afraid that Madam Pomfrey would come over and kick her out if he started yelling.

"I'm not saying try and be best friends with him, I'm just saying, if you get the opportunity to be the better man and just walk away, do it…please. It's hard for him, he's jealous of you." James looked ready to strike back until her last phrase which startled him.

"Why in the world would he be jealous of me?" James's voice was cold and disbelieving.

"You honestly don't know?" She looked at him skeptically but he just glared back at her. "James, you have _everything_. You're popular, you make the best grades without even trying, you're Quidditch captain, you're Head Boy, you have parents who love and adore you which is something that Severus never experienced." When James still didn't look convinced she swallowed and continued. "And…well, you have me." She shrugged and looked down at her hands briefly before meeting his gaze again.

"I don't _have_ you," James murmured, a slightly pained look crossing his face briefly again. "Not the way he wished _he_ had you." James tried to repress a shudder as he visualized the two of them together.

"True, but I am your friend. And that's still more than Snape has." She smiled gently at him. When he still looked reluctant she added, "All I'm asking is that you don't purposefully seek out a fight. Don't add insult to injury." James still didn't say anything but contemplated her words. "Plus…with the guys he's running around with, they won't just attack you with a bad jelly leg curse. You're bound to get hit with some kind of Dark Arts."

"I'm not afraid of that. Sirius and I could take on the whole lot of them without breaking a sweat."

"I know…but still, I worry." James looked up into her eyes and felt for the second time that night that he was going to give her something she wanted despite the fact that it went against his instincts.

"Fine," he said, throwing his hands up into the air. "Fine, I promise not to go out looking for a fight." She flashed him a huge and grateful grin but he held up a finger. "_But_ I'm not promising that I won't fight him. If he comes after me I'm not just going to stand there and take it. I'll fight back." And there was a finality and assurance in his tone that told Lily that there was no debating that fact.

"I know…and thank you."

"Miss Evans!" Madam Pomfrey trilled as she bustled over to James' bed. "Your time was up seven minutes ago! Go back to your dormitory. You may visit Mr. Potter tomorrow morning."

"Okay, sorry," Lily muttered, scooting her chair back and setting the bowl of water on the table next to his head. "See you tomorrow. And feel better!" she murmured as she walked out of Hospital Wing and headed back toward Gryffindor tower.

**A/N-**There you have it. I hope you enjoyed this. I've had fun dreaming up different moments that led up to them getting together. Next chapter will be about "The First Time He Needed Her."


	2. The First Time He Needed Her

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to JK Rowling.**

**A/N:** Here's the second installment. Just remember, these are just glimpses of different moments in James's and Lily's life, it is not a linear story where each chapter picks up where the last one left off.

**Chapter Two: The First Time He Needed Her**

James groaned loudly as he dropped his book bag onto the ground and plopped onto the couch next to Lily. Remus and Mary looked up at him momentarily before returning to their homework. James waited a long moment looking around at his friends who were paying no attention to him at all and sighed loudly again. He saw the corner of Lily's lips turn up but she still didn't look up at him.

"Something wrong, Prongs?" Peter asked, happy for any reason to close his Charms book.

"Why yes, Wormtail, something is the matter. Thank you for asking," he said sarcastically, throwing a glare at the rest of his friends. Lily and Sirius looked up smirking while Remus just rolled his eyes and continued diligently working away at his essay. "Slughorn caught up with me after dinner and told me I needed tutoring in Potions." Sirius immediately started laughing loudly and leaned his chair back on two legs, hugging his chest as his body shook. Lily just shook her head and muttered something that sounded like, "overdramatic."

"Are you really_ that_ bad at Potions?" Jenna asked causing Sirius to go into a fit of laughter again.

"No!" It was Lily's turn to chuckle at his reply. She tried to disguise it as a cough but not very effectively. He glared at her out of the corner of his eye. "I've never been particularly _great_ at Potions, but I've never needed tutoring."

"Who's going to tutor you?" Remus asked, finally looking up from his essay, looking just as amused as the rest of his friends. James flashed him an angelic smile.

"How about you, Moony?" Remus gave James a disbelieving look.

"I thought the point was to get _better_ at Potions," Sirius said, finally calming his laughter enough to speak. James ignored him and Remus balled up a spare bit of parchment and threw it as hard as he could at Sirius's head.

"Padfoot? Do you want to tutor me?" There was a collective snigger this time from around the circle.

"Ah, Prongs, there are so many reasons to say 'no.'"

"Oh yeah, and what would those be?"

"Firstly, I'm not going to spend any more time studying than I have too and I'm especially not going to spend more time than necessary in the dungeons. Second, I'm better at Potions than you, but not _that_ much better." James groaned loudly.

"Not to mention that neither of you would actually work," Lily said, giving them a pointed look before turning her attention back to her Arithmancy essay.

"Oh yeah, you think so?" James challenged.

"Of course I do," she said, finishing up a sentence and then looking up to meet his gaze. "You and Sirius locked up in a dungeon for a few hours…nothing good can possibly come of that," she finished giving him a good-natured smile.

"Why don't you tutor me then?" Lily gave him a disbelieving look but Remus's head had snapped back up from his work.

"That's not a bad idea, actually," he said.

"What? No, that's a terrible idea!" Lily protested.

"Why? You're the best at Potions out of all of us and you most certainly would keep him on task," Remus reasoned. Lily shot him a look of pure venom but he just raised his eyebrows and smiled back at her. "You have to admit, you're the best candidate for the job."

She looked around at the others in the group for a face that might come to her defense but found nothing. "But, I don't want to," she whined.

"You guys really know how to make a guy feel special, all trying to get out of having to spend time with me," James said, moodily pulling his bag into his lap and yanking a book out of it.

"Sorry, I always forget how fragile your feelings are," Sirius said leaning back again. James gave him an angry look and then kicked the chair so that Sirius went falling backwards onto the floor.

James turned his attention back to Lily. "Please, Lily…_please._ I really don't want to have to do one-on-one sessions with Slughorn." His eyes grew wide in mock terror at the idea and Lily sighed.

"Fine!" She threw her arms up in defeat. "How about Friday night? Meet you here at seven?"

"Sounds good to me," James said happily as he unscrewed his ink bottle and loaded up a quill in preparation for beginning on his Transfiguration essay.

"Sounds like a _date_ to me," Sirius said from the floor. "You two behave down in those deserted dungeons all by yourselves." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively before James aimed another kick in his direction and Lily threw and empty ink bottle at him, leaving a dark black smudge across his forehead.

As the week went on however, Lily's work load grew larger and larger and she slept less and less, staying up with Mary and Jenna in front of the fireplace hours after every one else had drifted upstairs to bed.

By the time Friday rolled around Lily felt like the walking dead. Mary took up responsibility for the task of poking Lily every time her eyes drooped during Transfiguration causing her to squeal loudly and Professor McGonagall to give them both disapproving looks.

By the time seven rolled around, Lily wasn't sure she was going to make it through the night. She sat in one of the arm chairs in the Common Room waiting for James to come down from his dormitory. She'd considered telling him they needed to reschedule but had decided in the end that the likelihood of her work load decreasing as the term went on was not good.

"What are we going to talk about for three hours?" Lily asked as they walked down to the dungeons, Lily carrying a bag full of books and James towing his cauldron.

"Quidditch," he replied as though it were an obvious answer. When she gave him a disparaging look, he simply grinned angelically at her.

"Oh great," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Aw, come on Lily. We're actually friends now. And you don't hate me anymore…at least I don't think you do." He looked at her questioningly and she shrugged. "Surely we'll be able to find _something_ to talk about."

"You're probably right," Lily said as she stepped through the door James held for her and into the dungeon they had Potions class in. He followed her in, setting his cauldron down over one of the grates and lighting a small fire with his wand. He pulled out his ingredients and his copy of _Advanced Potion Making_ and laid them out on top of the table. She sat down in the chair beside him and dropped her bag onto the floor. "Now, which potion was it that you were having trouble with?"

"The Brawny potion." A confused line appeared between Lily's green eyes, so James explained further. "Well, that's what Padfoot and I call it, anyway." She rolled her eyes at that.

"What is the _actual_ name of the potion?"

"The Strengthening Solution."

"_That's_ the one you had trouble with?" She considered it for a moment and then murmured, "That surprises me," as she flipped open her book as well.

"Why?"

"I figured you would have wanted to use it to cheat at Quidditch or something." She didn't look up from her book as she said it but then looked over at him to gauge his reaction.

"What kind of person do you think I am?" he asked, feigning indignation. She couldn't help but grin as he defended himself. "First, I never cheat. And second, Gryffindor doesn't need to cheat to win."

"Someone's a little cocky…" Lily said, raising her eyebrows.

"Not cocky, Lily…confident," James corrected. "There's a big difference." He looked at her very seriously before turning his attention back to his book.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to offend your honor." He laughed. "It figures you would have trouble on the potion that takes the longest to make," she grumbled.

"Sorry."

She waved a hand impatiently at his apology. "Just go ahead and mix in the first three ingredients. I'll start cutting up the puffapod root." He began pouring and stirring the solution and it instantly turned a dark orange color. Lily pulled a knife out of her bag and began cutting the roots up into small squares. "The real question here is do you want to make merely a satisfactory potion or do you want to make a perfect potion like I make?" she teased, giving him a playful wink.

"Now who's cocky?" James laughed. After considering for a moment he answered, "Let's go for perfection."

"Yes! But, I must warn you, if you start doing better than me in Potions too, I'll sabotage you." James shuddered teasingly.

"I'll be on the lookout." When he looked over at her, he pierced her with an inquisitive stare. "What are you doing?"

"This is my first trick. See, we want this to dissolve completely but you want it done quickly because the more potent the original solution is, the more quickly the potion takes effect. _So_ what you do is create more surface area on the root so that the solution has more to dissolve. You cut it up but then you just make criss-cross cuts over the surface to make grooves for the liquid to get in." She smiled proudly at her idea while James looked at her astounded.

"Wow…how did you come up with that?"

"I study," she replied sarcastically. He rolled his eyes at her and she flashed him a momentary grin. "No, I just figure out what it is about each ingredient that makes the potion work and then figure out how to make it more efficient."

"Yeah, well, who doesn't do that?" James muttered under his breath. Lily just ignored him.

"It's pretty easy after that, just like following a recipe."

"Are you a good cook?" James wondered.

Lily laughed before turning her eyes on him. "I'm not a good cook, I'm a _phenomenal_ cook. You should be so lucky to get to eat some of my cooking."

"Wow! You're just all kinds of arrogant tonight." Lily giggled and turned her attention back to the puffapod roots. "Do you cook a lot during the holidays?" James inquired.

"Yeah, it's kind of my thing. My mum always made me cook dinner with her growing up and now it's like a mother-daughter thing we do when I'm home. She always wants me to make her a potion but I was never quite sure how that fit into underage wizardry or the Statute of Secrecy."

"You'll be seventeen this summer though, right?" James said, grabbing a handful of her finished roots and tossing them into the solution with a tiny splash and watched as the orange liquid glowed momentarily before turning a deep navy blue.

"Yeah, I guess I should make her a love potion or something for Dad. Or maybe an Anti-Aging Potion. That's the one she was bugging me for all last summer." She mixed in the rest of the roots while he began trying to chop up the sopophorous bean. "You're doing that wrong, by the way," she stated while she gave the potion a quick stir.

"How? The book says to juice it…I'm juicing it!"

"That's what thickens it though so you need to get as much juice as possible. Here, put it in your palm and then put the flat part of the knife on top. Now, roll the heel of your other hand _carefully_ over the top…yeah, like that," Lily instructed. He followed her directions perfectly and was amazed as he watched more juice than seemed possible squirt out of his bean and into his potion. "See, much more efficient."

"Where'd you learn that?" he asked, astonished.

"Just something I picked up," Lily replied, off-handedly.

"From Snivellus?" He had to work really hard to not sound bitter and to not spit the name as it left his mouth. She stiffened instantly, but then gained control of herself and continued stirring the potion. "Is that why you're so good at Potions? Because you hung around with him for so long?" James wanted so badly for this question to sound light-hearted, but couldn't get rid of the steely tone his voice had taken.

"It's more the opposite actually. Don't get me wrong, Snape is very good at Potions, but I helped him more than he helped me." She avoided his eyes as she relayed this information to him. She had worked very hard to lose some of the bitterness she still felt toward her former friend and talking about the friendship they used to share only brought back harsh feelings. "Is it so hard to believe that I'm just naturally good at this?" she asked, hoping to change the subject.

"I guess not," James admitted after a few moments of consideration. "You are pretty good at everything you do." She smiled gratefully at him. "I suppose I should be careful complimenting you though. I don't want your big head to get any more inflated than it already is." He raised his eyebrows at her and quirked up the side of his mouth as Lily threw the remnants of the sopophorous bean at him.

"Ha ha…you just concentrate on stirring the cauldron," she ordered, handing off the spoon and flipping through the pages of her book. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, Lily cleaning up some of the tools and putting away the unused ingredients. "So, did you go to the World Cup this summer?" She smirked at him and he just laughed.

"You don't have to do that," he chuckled.

"Do what?" Lily asked innocently.

"We don't have to talk about Quidditch. I know you don't like it. I was just kidding when I suggested it earlier."

"I like Quidditch…I do!" she insisted after he fixed her with a disbelieving gaze. "I don't like it as much as you do and I certainly don't _know_ as much about it as you do, but I like it. Besides, I'm inquiring about whether you _went_, not how many times that Harpies' Chasers flew in an "I" formation."

"Whoa, I'm impressed," he teased. "Okay, yeah, my dad took Padfoot and me. I think when he bought the tickets the intention was for us to go with my mum, but when Sirius moved in she gave him her ticket."

"Wait…Sirius moved in with you? I didn't know that." Lily had stopped her puttering and looked at James with great interest.

"Oh…yeah, um…he kind of ran away and then stayed with us all summer," he mumbled, dropping his eyes. He wasn't sure that he was at liberty to explain the circumstances which caused his best friend to move in with him. Sirius wasn't typically a private person so James had taken the fact that he hadn't brought up the events of the summer to mean that no one was really supposed to know.

"That was nice of your parents to let him stay."

"Yeah, well, they love him. He's the closest thing I have to a brother and they think of him as a son so…"

"Keep stirring," Lily commanded as his arm had become stationary. He turned his attention back to the cauldron and began stirring feverishly again. "Why did he run away?"

James was quiet for a moment as he contemplated what he could say and how he should say it. "To make a long story short, he doesn't really…_get along_ with his family. And they, in no uncertain terms mind you, informed him that they didn't want him around anymore."

Lily's eyes were wide. She had never imagined that someone as confident and well, cool, as Sirius could be anything but adored by his family. Sure, he was rebellious and Lily was confident in the fact that he had probably gotten into loads of trouble when he was younger, but he was also funny and smart and a good person. How could his own flesh and blood not want him?

"I guess I can relate to that," Lily said quietly. James looked at her quizzically. "I mean, my parents love me, but my sister barely speaks to me anymore. Ever since I came here she's wanted nothing to do with me. Actually, she got married this summer and not only was I not a bridesmaid, but I wasn't even invited." Now it was James's turn to look shocked. "I went anyway," she said with a grim smile, "she wasn't very happy about that."

"I'm sorry," James said after a moment.

"Don't be," she said quickly. "It was my decision to come here. I chose to live with the consequences and I wouldn't do it any differently."

"Well, I think we both know that I'm glad you're here," James mumbled, his eyes extremely intent on the cauldron now as it changed from navy to a teal color. But the fact that he wasn't looking at her didn't stop her from noticing the blush that crept up his neck and onto his cheeks. She smiled slightly and gazed at him with a softened expression.

"Thanks."

"Sure," he said, clearing his throat and then turning his eyes back to her, his cheeks still tinged pink. "And please don't mention anything about Sirius. I don't think he really wants a lot of people to know about that so…" He didn't need to continue. The serious look he was piercing her with conveyed his feelings on the matter.

"Of course, my lips are sealed." He smiled gratefully at her and then pulled the spoon out of the potion. "Okay, ready for another trick?" Lily asked, ready to steer the conversation away from the serious turn it had taken. "Cover that up." She gestured to the cauldron. "I did learn this from cooking. If you cover it, it holds in the heat better so it gets thicker and in this solution, the thicker the better."

He did as she requested and watched as the steam fogged up the glass cover he had placed over the cauldron.

"Now what?" James asked, looking at her for further instruction.

"Now we let it sit for two hours," she instructed blandly.

"Thrilling," James said sarcastically. "I guess I can work on the essay for this class." He did not look remotely excited as he turned his attention to his bag again and pulled out a piece of parchment, a quill and his ink bottle. "Are you going to Hogsmeade this weekend?" he asked as she did the same.

"Yeah, I need to talk to Madam Rosmerta about having the Halloween party in the Three Broomsticks," Lily stated.

"I can help with that, if you want."

"Can you?" Lily gave him a puzzled look now, as if she doubted the validity of this statement. A crease formed in between James's eyebrows.

"Yeah…" he said slowly.

"It's just that Claire Andrews has been flouncing through all the girls' dormitories swearing that she is going with you to Hogsmeade this weekend," Lily explained. The crease disappeared as James's eyebrows shot high onto his forehead.

"Oh really? That's…that's weird," he said, struggling for the words. "She never mentioned it to me."

"Are you sure you didn't lead her on?" Lily giggled.

"All I've said to her all week is, 'All right, Claire?' If that's the new way of asking someone out, then I'm apparently out of the loop." He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, she's going to be so disappointed. She's really looking forward to all of the fun adventures you had planned for her." Her eyes sparkled with amusement as James groaned loudly. He shook his head again, dismissing this disturbing bit of information.

"So, _do_ you want help going to the Three Broomsticks?" he persisted.

"You're sure you have time?"

"Of course. I have to restock at Zonko's but besides that, my day is free." He flashed her a mischievous grin.

"Oh no…should I steer clear of the Common Room then?"

"The Prefects' Bathroom is probably more dangerous," James advised giving her a wink.

"Thanks for the warning," Lily replied, a playful grin on her face. As she started unrolling a sheet of parchment, James pulled out his wand and conjured an overstuffed love seat covered in cushions and pillows in the middle of the classroom. Lily quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I would have made it bigger but there wasn't enough room," James said, settling into one of the cushions.

"Show off," Lily murmured under her breath, but an amused grin found its way to her face. She moved her bag over and dropped it on the floor before plopping down on the couch beside him.

"You've been showing off all night with your fancy Potions tricks. It's only fair that I get to show off in my subject, too." Lily laughed and settled further into the pillows.

"I suppose you're right. And you definitely outshine me in Transfiguration. I've never made furniture this comfortable." James smiled at the praise and opened his book to the chapter on Strengthening Solutions. "You may have made this too comfy, actually. I might fall asleep!"

They settled into their homework, the only sound coming from the flipping of pages and the bubbling cauldron.

James tried to focus on his book but was finding himself distracted. Every time Lily would yawn or shift a little in her seat, he was tempted to start talking to her again or to look over at her. He was hyper-aware of how close they were to each other. Though they'd obviously sat next to each other before, something felt different, more intimate because they were alone in the dimly lit dungeon.

"_Snap out of it!"_ he commanded himself. _"It's just Lily. We're doing homework for crying out loud!"_ And though it was a weak argument, he knew that he did need to work. He and Lily both, along with all the other 7th years, had piles upon piles of homework to finish. So, with a sigh he forced himself to focus on the words staring up at him from _Advanced Potion Making._

…there are numerous herbs that can be used to add strength. The herb one uses depends on the muscle one desires to enhance. For strength of mind one can use  
the spines of a blowfish. For strength of character, one should add a sprinkle of ground centaur hoof.

James shuddered at the idea of retrieving a bit of centaur hoof to grind. He'd had a few too many run-ins with the centaurs in the Forbidden Forest as a stag, the most recent time ending with the centaurs declaring it open hunting season on animagi.

…for full body strength, the most common herb is cellofin seeds, but one can also use sphinx hair, jemmaweed, or the root tips of cefelopad plants though these are  
either extremely rare and therefore difficult to acquire or they produce weaker potions than those that use the cellofin seeds. The Strengthening Solution is most  
commonly made by mincing the seeds creating pockets of power to supply the strength.

James reread that last sentence a few times.

"Hey, what does this mean? 'Pockets of power'?" he asked without looking up, his eyes still searching the page for some kind of definition. "Lily?" he asked again, looking over at her when she didn't answer.

She was fast asleep. Her book lay open to the same page as his in her lap, but her hand lay over it, obscuring most of the words. Her head was leaning back and to the side, her mouth slightly open. He could hear her inhaling deeply, her breathing steady. She was in an uncomfortable position and looked as though she were about to fall over on him at any moment. He knew that she would be upset if she missed two hours of study time, but he couldn't bring himself to wake her up.

He also couldn't help fantasizing for a moment. He put his left arm on the back of the love seat and just barely let his finger brush the hair off of her cheek.

As if unconsciously feeling his touch, she made a quiet, peaceful noise and moved toward him. He stayed completely still, afraid that she would wake and be angry with him for the small touch. Instead she remained fast asleep but snuggled into the crook under his arm, resting her head on his shoulder. Her breathing remained steady. James wasn't entirely sure that he should leave her there knowing that if she were to wake up she would either be livid or intensely embarrassed (or both).

But then again, he wasn't sure he would ever have a chance to be this close to her again. He knew it was giving into his selfish desires, but in the end he decided that it was worth risking her fury in order to be able to smell the delicate floral scent of her hair and to feel the gentle rise and fall of her chest, if only for a moment.

"_This will make it more difficult to concentrate,"_ he thought as she sighed again.

He did decide against putting his arm around her as she slept, tempting as it was, and left it on the back of the love seat instead.

He went back to reading about the importance of having the "pockets of power" evenly distributed, becoming more and more bored with the subject as he read. Just as he was considering summoning his _Quidditch Through the Ages_, Lily did something that captured his attention once again.

"James?" she murmured quietly. He froze thinking she had woken up. He considered feigning sleep that way she would think it was all purely accidental but realized she would notice if he suddenly went from his current rigid state to a relaxed form.

He looked down at her, preparing himself for the angry green eyes he was about to meet. Instead he saw that her eyes were still closed and a small smile was on her face.

And then she said it again. "James…" more quietly but with her grin still intact and she snuggled a little closer to him, turning her face a little further into his chest.

She was dreaming of him.

He didn't even try to conceal the wide smile that broke across his face now or the frantic butterflies that took flight in the pit of his stomach. Elation that was like nothing he had ever felt before flooded his body. He felt a flush creep up onto his cheeks and he still couldn't manage to force his smile back.

"_It doesn't mean anything,"_ a cynical voice told him. And he knew that. But try as he might to fully believe it and release the hope that was sure to come back and bite him later, he couldn't smother the feeling of ecstasy that overwhelmed him now. He glanced at his watch to see how much time was left before he had to go back to his potion (and reality) and was saddened to find that only twenty minutes remained.

"_Well, if I'm going to give in, I may as well do it right," _he thought and instead of summoning his book, he simply watched her sleep, enjoying the way she would occasionally smile or frown and the times she would take a deep breath or adjust her head to fit better on his chest.

He cursed his watch for making the last twenty minutes end so quickly.

He reluctantly shifted underneath her, being careful not to jostle or shake her. He held her body up while simultaneously getting to his feet and then laid her gently on the spot he'd just vacated in an attempt to keep from waking her, but to no avail.

As soon as his arms released her, she shifted slightly and opened her eyes. They were unfocused for a moment and she looked completely disoriented before her eyes found his. A light blush reached her cheeks and she grinned sheepishly at him.

"Hey," she murmured, her voice gravelly from sleep.

"Hi…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. You can go back to sleep, I'll just finish this up on my own."

"Don't be ridiculous," she said, stifling a yawn. She sat up slowly and stretched her arms out over her head for a moment. "I'm already awake and the next tricks are the best ones." She tried to sound enthusiastic but couldn't shake the sleep from her voice. James rolled his eyes at her but stepped over to his cauldron and uncovered it, a cloud of steam billowing up around them.

Lily yawned again but turned her attention to her book. "Now the herb that makes this work is the cellofin seeds. The book says to just mince it but the key is that you get bursts of power. Because the potion itself is so thick, it's difficult to dissolve completely so if you grate the seeds then it dissolves better and spreads out more."

"Grate?"

"Yeah, like cheese." He still didn't look convinced. "Here," she said, exasperatedly holding out her hand for him to pour a few of the seeds into. She picked up a cheese grater-like instrument and began running the seed along to side as a demonstration. She raised her eyebrows at him and shoved the seeds back at and indicated for him to begin grating.

"Are you sure?" He still didn't look like he was ready to take this advice.

"Yes, just trust me," Lily demanded. He shrugged and began grating the seeds which was more difficult than it had looked when she was doing it because the seeds were so small. She rested her chin on her fist and her eyes were beginning to droop again.

"What were you dreaming about, Lily?" he prodded after a few minutes of silence.

"Hmm?" she murmured though her eyes remained closed.

"When you were asleep just now…what were you dreaming about?" Her eyes suddenly snapped open, looking horrified, and James had to duck his head to keep her from seeing he smile.

"What makes you think I was dreaming?" she asked, her voice quaking. She cursed herself silently for not being able to sound as innocent as she was trying to seem.

"You were mumbling," he answered, turning to watch her reaction after he had regained control of his laughter.

"Mmm…I don't really remember. What did I say?" Her heart sped up as the possibilities of the things she could have said crossed her mind. Surely he hadn't heard anything too bad or else he wouldn't have waited this long to bring it up.

"Most of it wasn't really coherent. I couldn't really understand you," James lied, though the instant relief on her face almost broke his mask of resolute indifference.

"Oh…sorry. I didn't bother you, did I?"

"Not at all," he proclaimed as he grandly picked up the now grated cellofin seeds and dumped them into the thick, bubbling potion.

The sopophorous bean juice must have done its job because the potion was so thick that the seeds did not sink into the liquid but sat right on top.

"Excellent," Lily commented quietly as she saw this. "And now for my final trick," James smirked at her, "the folding technique…also something I learned from cooking." She picked the spoon back up and dipped it carefully into the teal liquid. "You want to fold it in instead of mixing it. It retains its stiff texture if you just fold the bottom over the top rather than mixing it up," she explained as she demonstrated. He took the spoon from her and replicated her movements. "Very good," she commented. "Wonderful form."

James laughed as he finished up the folding. "Now we just have to let it sit for half an hour, right?"

"Yup," Lily answered as she practically dragged herself back over to the couch and lay down on top of it. "I'm just going to relax here. Wake me up when you're ready to go back up to the Common Room, okay?" She closed her eyes and almost instantly fell back into her previous sleep.

James smiled to himself and began cleaning up their area. He washed all of the tools and packed up the rest of the unused ingredients. Then he packed away their books and quills and waited for the potion to finish simmering. Her breathing slowed and was his background as he bottled up a sample of his perfectly colored Strengthening Solution. He placed it on Slughorn's desk and then cleared the remaining potion out of his cauldron.

He slung his and Lily's bags over his shoulder and then walked over to where she slept.

"Lily," he whispered as he gently nudged her arm. She gave a quiet moan and rolled over a bit but did not wake up. "Lily," he whispered again, though not really willing to wake her up.

When she still didn't seem likely to wake up soon he slid his arm under her knees and the other behind her back and lifted her up, cradling her in his arms and trying to keep thoughts about how good it felt to hold her at bay. He flicked his wand once and the couch vanished and flicked it again, extinguishing the lanterns before walking out of the dungeon and carrying Lily back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed it! I certainly enjoyed writing their developing friendship. The next chapter is "The First Time She Was Attracted to Him" so get excited for that one.


	3. The First Time She Was Attracted to Him

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of this. That's right, I don't own the characters or the plot.

**A/N**-I hope you enjoy this. I enjoyed writing it!

**Chapter Three: The First Time She Was Attracted to Him**

It was absolutely freezing, unseasonably cold. Usually at this time of year the temperatures were just starting to cool down a bit, but for some reason the bitterly cold winds of winter had come early. Lily was wearing two sweaters underneath her heavy cloak, her Gryffindor scarf was wrapped tightly around her neck and her hands were stuffed into her wool gloves and still her teeth were chattering. The wind was whipping through the Quidditch pitch at an almost violent speed causing her long, red hair to fan out around her head. And yet with all of this, she barely noticed the cold.

Her eyes were trained on James, who was weaving expertly through the Slytherin Chasers, passing the Quaffle back and forth between Sirius and a 5th year named Bill Baker. Mary Macdonald was circling high overhead, searching for the Snitch, her eyes squinted in concentration.

Gryffindor clearly had the more talented Chasers. James was, despite the fact that Lily had been so reluctant to admit it the previous six years, an excellent flyer. It was impossible to guess where he was going to go next as he could easily fake out anyone flying toward him. He flew with such ease that it looked effortless, almost impossible, when he did some of his moves. Bill and Sirius were very good as well, though no where near James's level. That combined with his exceptional ability to read what the other team was going to do and react quickly to it made them a very efficient and dangerous trio.

And yet the game was extremely close. Gryffindor was only leading by twenty points. As superior as Gryffindor was when it came to their Chasers, Slytherin was vastly superior when it came to their Beaters. Crabbe and Goyle were not the quickest on their brooms but made up for that with brute strength and deadly accuracy. And they had been targeting Gryffindor's best Chaser. The second that the Quaffle found its way into James's capable hands both Bludgers were being beaten as hard as was possible toward him. It was lucky that James was such an excellent flyer because he managed to get out of the way of most of the more dangerous hits (or at least managed to keep them from nailing him in the skull).

The Chasers would have been able to overcome this easily enough if it weren't for the blatant cheating of the Slytherin Chasers. Every time they came in to strip the Quaffle they were throwing punches at their opponents or grabbing their brooms. The only reason Gryffindor had the lead at all was because of all of the penalty shots they were being aloud to take. It had been a rare occasion during this game for either of the three Chasers to make it down toward the Slytherin goal posts before being fouled so viciously that they were forced to take a penalty shot.

Remus was on Lily's left and Jenna was on her right. Both were staring avidly at the game before them. Jenna seemed to be enjoying the game to some degree while Remus and Lily watched with grave expressions. Her hands were clasped tightly in her lap and every time James had the Quaffle her grip would become painfully tight and she would begin to fidget anxiously in her seat.

"Gryffindor has the Quaffle again," came the magically magnified voice of the announcer, Jacob Andrews. "Let's see if they can manage to actually pull off a play with those no good, cheating…"

"Mr. Andrews, this is supposed to be an _unbiased_ commentary. If you can't keep your personal opinions to yourself then you are going to find yourself out of a job and _I _will do the commentary," Professor McGonagall's harsh voice interrupted him, ringing around the stadium.

"Well no one wants that," Jacob Andrews muttered causing a collective chuckle throughout the stadium. Lily could imagine the severe look McGonagall was giving him now, her lips probably pursed in a straight line, perhaps a pink flush appearing on her cheeks. It would have been something that normally would have greatly amused her but today she didn't dare rip her eyes away from the scarlet blur that was her fellow Head student. "Sorry, professor. Anyway, Black passes to Potter who dodges a Bludger that comes zooming toward his head. Potter passes behind his back to Baker who loops McNair and passes back to Potter. He zooms away from the other two Chasers heading toward the goals. He only has to beat Avery, which should be no problem for him. Potter fakes right and zooms left…" and then Jacob groaned along with all of the Gryffindor fans.

Avery, instead of trying to block James flew right into him, knocking the Quaffle out with the end of his broomstick and punching James as hard as he could in the stomach. Lily screamed and covered her eyes with her hands. She felt Remus stand up next to her and scream.

"FOUL! FOUL!" he yelled furiously. Many other Gryffindors were yelling angrily around them but Lily just watched between her fingers.

Professor Johnson, who was officiating the game, did not see the punch and failed to call the foul. James who had lost his balance a bit and had hung precariously from his broom for a few seconds had regained his composure and was streaking down to the other end where the Slytherin Chasers were tossing the Quaffle back and forth between each other. Suddenly a Bludger flew out from no where and knocked him in the back with a sickening thud. Lily screamed again as the force of the blow knocked him forward into his broomstick and caused him to lose his grip.

The sharp whistle of Professor Johnson sounded through the stadium over the indignant cries of the Gryffindors and the loud swearing of Jacob Andrews. James signaled for a timeout and flew to the ground. Lily could see what looked like a stream of curses coming out of his mouth as he rubbed the spot on his back where he'd just been slammed with the Bludger.

She couldn't help but remember what had happened between them earlier that morning as he glanced quickly over into the crowd where she was sitting with Remus, Jenna and Peter.

-&-&-&-

Lily sat in the common room in the armchair across from the fire. Her face was set in grim determination and her arms were crossed across her chest. The weather was only adding to her foul mood as the wind blew loudly against the windows and dark grey clouds rolled in. She was still reeling from the conversation she'd just had with Professor McGonagall at breakfast. She had attempted to calm herself down and subconsciously knew that if she talked to James in her current state of mind she would regret it later, but something in her wanted very badly to yell at him.

The common room was silent and empty so she heard the door open and close and the footsteps that made their way down the boys' staircase. She glared as James walked into the common room, completely oblivious of her presence. His dark hair was messier than usual and his face was pale white. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked as though he hadn't slept at all the night before.

Without sparing a thought for how he must be feeling she stood up and marched over to him determinedly.

"Can I speak to you for a moment?" Lily questioned with false sweetness oozing from her voice, though her eyes flashed dangerously. Had James been a little less distracted by the impending game, perhaps he would have noticed and been more careful with the things he said. But as it was, he didn't.

"Um…not right now, okay? I'm kind of busy." He barely made eye contact as he said it, looking over at the portrait hole and continuing to move slowly towards it.

"It will only take a minute," she replied, her voice icier now. He still failed to notice the angry tone in her voice.

"I can't now. I'm supposed to meet the team in the Great Hall. I'm already late actually. Can we talk about this after the game?" He glanced at the portrait hole again and took a tentative step towards it.

"Well, it's not the first thing you've been late on this week is it?" He finally looked over at her, confusion playing out clearly on his features but with a hint of underlying irritation at her delay. "Do you want to explain to me why Professor McGonagall asked me this morning why she didn't receive the finalized plans for the Halloween party last night like she was supposed to?" James's eyes were suddenly round, all traces of irritation erased and replaced with trepidation. This didn't help Lily's mood at all. "I was under the impression that you were taking charge of that, Potter. Did you forget? Or did you just decide that it wasn't worth your precious time to finish?" She stared at him coolly, tapping her foot angrily on the carpeted floor.

Suddenly the irritation returned to his hazel eyes and they flashed dangerously at her.

"Don't assume things like that," James snapped, attempting to keep his voice calm but failing to keep a slight shake out of it. "I told Professor Slughorn last night and he promised to pass along the message to McGonagall. It's not my fault that he didn't and she got angry with you." He was glaring at her, his jaw taut with the effort of restraining his temper.

"_Or_ you could have done your work like you were supposed to and I wouldn't have been yelled at at all!" Lily persisted, her voice getting louder and louder.

"I've been busy…" James started, his voice raising in decibels as well.

"Don't give me that, James, I've been busy too and I managed to get all of my work done," Lily shouted, gesturing wildly at him in her frustration.

"I've had Quidditch practice," he argued, patched of red appearing on his cheeks.

"You're the captain! You called them!" she screamed, poking him hard in the chest. He took a menacing step forward his hands at his sides, clenching and unclenching in his frustration.

"The thing about sports, Lily, is that if you want to win, you have to practice," he said sarcastically.

"Still…if you were going to decide that Quidditch is more important than your Head duties, the least you could have done was warn me!" He didn't say anything, just took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. Lily took advantage of his silence to vent more of her frustrations. "UGH! I can't believe how _stupid_ I've been! Why on earth would I ever even start to think that you were capable of being responsible enough for this? I knew at the beginning of this year that I was going to end up doing all of the work for the both of us. I've already had to take care of your half of the reports…"

"You offered to do those!" James yelled furiously. "I thought you were being nice. If I'd had any idea that you were going to throw that back in my face I would have done it myself." Lily glared at him, her green eyes becoming narrow slits.

"Unlikely," she retorted coldly. "My life would be so much easier if you weren't around, if they had just decided that there didn't need to be a Head Boy. I'd still be doing all the work but at least I wouldn't have to wait until the deadline had passed to get started on it." James didn't say anything in reply for a moment. As he gazed at her, his hazel eyes seemed to darken and his body stiffened. Lily, who had felt momentarily satisfied with her side of the argument, was beginning to feel uneasy.

"Well…if that's how you really feel…"

"It is!" Lily interrupted, but he ignored her and continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"Maybe you will get your wish today," he said quietly, though his eyes still flashed dangerously.

"What?" Lily spat, his cryptic words not having any effect on her fury.

"Apparently the Slytherins have decided that they weren't done the other night when you stopped them from attacking me. They've decided that today is the perfect time to finish the job. So…maybe you'll get what you want after all. Maybe after today's game I won't be around to make life so much more difficult for you." And with that he turned and walked out of the portrait hole and down to the Great Hall, leaving Lily with his final words ringing in her ears.

-&-&-&-

Lily had wondered whether or not he was being serious at the time but was too angry to really care. Even as she walked out to the pitch with Remus, Peter and Jenna she had hoped that maybe he would get knocked around a bit. She'd thought that he deserved a few knocks in the head. But it became painfully obvious within the first five minutes of the match that he had not been lying and her anger had quickly ebbed away.

She watched as James winced when he landed on the hard earth, his hand instinctively grabbing his side. Lily saw his jaw tighten in determination as he marched to where the rest of the Gryffindor team stood, watching him warily.

"James, are you okay?" Mary asked as he hobbled over to them. He waved a hand dismissively, not wanting to waste precious time talking about his injuries.

"I'm fine…Is everyone else okay? I can't believe how much I underestimated how good Crabbe and Goyle are. Did anyone else get hit?" James asked looking around at the six pairs of eyes that were staring at him. He was relieved to find that none of them seemed to be nursing injuries.

"Prongs, mate, you're the only one getting Bludgers coming at him like they're magnetized," Sirius said, giving James a significant look, though his dark eyes were lined with concern. James on the other hand, looked as though a light bulb had suddenly flicked on in his head.

"I have a plan!" he said suddenly, a calculating grimace forming on his lips. The team gathered around him as he whispered the plans for the rest of the game to them.

Lily watched on from the stands, wringing her hands even more with the suspended play. Her eyes never left the huddle of Gryffindor players. James was talking very fast. Mary seemed to be protesting his words but he silenced her with a lifted hand and a brief explanation. Sirius and Bill exchanged bleak looks but when James questioned them they both gave him nods of agreement. They all clapped their hands and jumped back onto their broomsticks while Professor Johnson gave James the Quaffle and he prepared for his penalty shot.

Lily couldn't explain why, but the exchange she had just witnessed made her more nervous than anything else had since the match started. James had a grimly determined look on his face as he sped toward the Slytherin goal post and put the Quaffle through one of the rings easily.

Lily began chewing on her fingernails as Professor Johnson threw the Quaffle up in the middle of the pitch and Sirius expertly gained possession and shot off toward the Slytherin end of the pitch.

"Black quickly regains possession of the Quaffle, quite easily actually, just proving once again Gryffindor's superiority when it comes to their Chasers," Jacob Andrews said earning him a chorus of boos from the sea of green and silver. "He loops Avery easily and then passes to Potter who tucks it firmly into his chest and begins weaving through the Slytherin Chasers…not really sure what he's doing as Black and Baker are wide open." Lily was watching him with narrowed eyes and Remus had a horrified look on his face as he watched his friend fly past them. "Ooooh, Potter narrowly avoids a Bludger to the neck with a nice move but he's still holding onto that Quaffle…"

"What is he doing?" Lily asked, furiously, her heart racing in her chest as she watched him go into a steep dive for a few seconds to avoid another Bludger before pulling his broomstick up and getting back on the course he was on before.

"He's making a diversion…or rather, _being_ the diversion," Remus explained, his tone wrought with worry. As that horrible reality set in and the possible outcomes (mostly involving James ending up lying unconscious after falling from his broom) flooded her mind, she realized she should have known this already. James had always loved to play the hero. "A Bludger hasn't come near Mary at all since he had the Quaffle," Remus continued to explain though it was unnecessary at this point.

Lily screamed again as another Bludger zoomed toward James and he was unable to get out of the way. This one hit him in the arm, dislodging the Quaffle and Shipley, a Slytherin Chaser, grabbed it and flew down the pitch, James, Sirius and Bill closely behind.

"Shipley passes to Avery, bad pass actually, and AVERY CAN'T HANDLE IT! Black intercepts it and makes a wide arc to turn and head back down the pitch. He passes to Potter again who…" Jacob sighed loudly, clearly not understanding James's strategy. "...who once again, tucks the Quaffle into his chest a flies down the pitch. I'm not saying he's not an extraordinary flier, but this seems more like a forfeit to me than anything else…"

As James flew by them, Lily stood up and yelled, "PASS THE QUAFFLE, JAMES! STOP BEING SO BLOODY NOBLE!" She knew he couldn't hear her, not over the noise the entire school was making though she doubted that in his concentration he would be able to hear her anyway. She sat back down and immediately started fidgeting again as he did another spectacular move to avoid getting hit by a speeding Bludger. She saw Jenna give her a furtive glance out of the corner of her eye and felt Remus put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Potter dodges another one but now Shipley, Avery and Carter are all closing in on him. Black and Baker are still wide open," Jacob Andrews called through the roaring crowd as though hoping James would hear him and pass the Quaffle off.

Lily watched as he ducked down at the last second, avoiding both a Bludger that was about to crush his skull and the three Slytherin Chasers. He flew underneath them and passed the Quaffle to Sirius who scored quickly and easily while James was pelted with both Bludgers, one hitting him in the left elbow and the other hitting him in the right side. He looked as though the wind had been knocked out of him but he ignored it and zoomed back toward the band of Slytherin Chasers who now had possession of the Quaffle.

"Carter passes to Avery who dodges Baker and speeds toward Becca Martinez, the Gryffindor Keeper. Potter is flying toward him…YOU DIRTY ROTTEN CHEATERS!" Andrews yelled as Avery waited until James was close enough to try and grab the Quaffle and elbowed him in the nose. Sirius had taken advantage of Avery's distraction and grabbed the Quaffle though Avery looked as though it was a trade off he was fine with. Lily cringed as blood began flowing freely from James's nose as he flew back down toward the Slytherin goal posts, impatiently wiping at his nose with the sleeve of his robes. He signaled to Sirius and he passed it, though he looked as though he did it reluctantly. Immediately, Bludgers were being aimed at his head again.

Lily didn't know how much more of this she could take. Her stomach was in knots and every time James had possession of the Quaffle she had to watch through her fingers. She could barely hear the noise around her as her focus remained intensely on the bleeding Head Boy. She just wanted this game to end.

As if responding to her thoughts, Jenna suddenly shot up out of her seat and pointed up into the sky. "MARY'S SEEN THE SNITCH!" she yelled. For the first time since the game started, Lily ripped her eyes from James and stared as her best friend spiraled gracefully toward the ground where the golden Snitch was fluttering harmlessly thirty feet off the ground. She was going to get it easily as Slytherin's Seeker had only just noticed a diving Mary. She, along with all of the Gryffindors around her erupted with noise, shouting Mary on. Her hand gripped tightly around the now struggling ball and she raised her arms up in victory. She turned on her broom and sped toward the rest of her team who were shouting happily and smiling.

The stands erupted. Remus and Peter were jumping up and down and Jenna was hugging a girl sitting next to her that Lily had never met before. People around her were singing and shouting. Remus and Peter grabbed Jenna and ran down the stairs and onto the field along with a majority of the Gryffindor house and made their way toward the team to congratulate them.

Lily did not however. She let out a long sigh and sat back down in her seat, her arms and legs shaking. She put her head in her hands and tried to regain control of her body. "_The game is over_," she reminded herself. "_He's not dead or even injured _too_ badly_." She sighed again and stood up and walked to the railing to look down onto the field. There were still a few people sitting and chatting happily in their seats behind her, waiting until the stadium cleared out a bit more to head back to the castle.

Mary was caught in a hug between Emmett Carson (one of the Beaters) and Jenna who were still jumping up and down. James was surrounded by Sirius, Remus and Peter, along with a throng of admirers, mostly awestruck first years who had never seen him fly before. Some of his usual admirers (the 4th and 5th year girls who couldn't control their hormones) were also among the circle of people around him. He was really only paying attention to his three friends though. Remus had pulled out his wand and tapped his glasses. Lily assumed that they had been broken when Avery elbowed him in the face. Then Peter pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to James who took it thankfully and held it up to his still bleeding nose. None of this could wipe the huge grin off of his face.

Lily had always loved watching James right after matches. His grin was ridiculously infectious and full of childish glee. He would always pour praise on his teammates and talk about the amazing things that they had done to help the team win. It wasn't until later, when they had reached the common room, that his head would inflate and she wouldn't be able to stand being around him.

She had been wondering all week if this would change at all. James had not become an altogether different person this year. He was still James Potter, just with noticeable differences. He was still confident and funny and didn't put too much stock in the rules. However his confidence didn't turn into arrogance. His humor was no longer mean, rude, or at the expense of other people. And though he didn't follow the rules to the letter, he didn't use it as a way to make himself look cool as he had in the past.

Also (and most importantly, she felt) he had stopped asking her out constantly, something she appreciated very much. She figured that this was probably due to the fact that since they were friends now, he had gotten to know her and realized that she wasn't the perfect girl he'd always imagined her to be.

This part of him hadn't been tested yet though. "Quidditch James" had not had a chance to show up yet this year. She wondered if it will have changed too or if she would still need to avoid the common room after games.

These thoughts were quickly erased from her thoughts though as James looked up into the stands and his hazel eyes locked on hers. She wanted to wave and smile at him, but his eyes held no hint of forgiveness from their argument earlier. He looked at her coldly for a few seconds, his smile from before absent from his features now. Lily shivered involuntarily and broke eye contact. When she looked back at him, his smile was back in place, though it looked slightly more forced. He was picking up his broomstick and gesturing toward the changing rooms.

Lily needed to talk to him. She needed to at least attempt to clear up the tension between them now, just in case "Quidditch James" returned and her anger flared up again. She took a deep breath and turned to head down the stairs and onto the field. The rest of the team was in the changing rooms now too as she walked through the crowd of people that still remained on the pitch, chatting happily about the game.

She paced back and forth in front of the door to the changing rooms waiting for James to emerge. As she stood there, she consciously felt the bitter chill of the air for the first time but she did not let it weaken her resolve. She could hear the dull roar from the pitch lessen and lessen as time went on and people headed back up to the castle to celebrate. Bill Baker and Mary left together, Mary giving Lily a small wave with an inquisitive look but continued walking as she pulled her cloak tighter around her body. Becca Martinez also came out of the changing rooms and met her Ravenclaw boyfriend before heading up to the castle as well.

No one else came out for another five minutes and Lily began to wonder if maybe James had just dropped off his broomstick and headed up to the Hospital Wing to get some broken bones healed. She was just about to give up and head to the castle to search the common room when Sirius came out, his dark brown eyes glinting happily as he whistled tunelessly. He waved at her as he noticed her standing a few feet away and moved to walk to her. His dark hair was wet and slicked back away from his eyes and he seemed completely oblivious to the cold.

"Hey Lily, what're you doing over here?" he asked jovially.

"I need to talk to James, is he in there?" Lily tried to sound light-hearted but doubted that it had come across that way. She was biting her lip and bobbing up and down on the balls of her feet in an attempt to keep her teeth from chattering too loudly.

Sirius grinned wickedly at her. "Wanted to talk to him alone, did you?" She noted his suggestive tone and glared at him with as much intensity as she could muster. It had no effect on him whatsoever as he just chuckled good-naturedly at her. "Fine, I'll get him." He walked back to the door of the changing room and stuck his head in, yelling, "PRONGS! GET OUT HERE!" He turned and looked back at her, flashing her a grin and turned and trotted toward the castle.

"What's up?" James asked, a light note of irritation in his voice as he walked out. He looked around, searching for Sirius before his eyes fell on the red head standing a few feet from him. His hazel eyes immediately hardened as they fell on her and he crossed his arms across his chest. "What do _you_ want?" His voice was cold, the irritation much greater now that it had been only moments before.

Lily started to talk but her voice caught in her throat as she took in the sight before her. James was wearing his jeans but no shirt. His messy hair was damp and looked as though he'd just run a towel through it as it was standing up in different directions even more than usual. Despite the venomous look he was giving her, she couldn't seem to make her eyes look away from his chest. His muscles were very well defined; lean and toned. His chest expanded and contracted as he breathed and his biceps bulged ever so slightly as he folded his arms up. She must have gotten some image of the scrawny James Potter she had become so used to stuck in her mind and failed to notice the way he had filled out over the last year. When she got over the initial shock of how…well, _nice_…his body was, she noticed the light purple bruises that were beginning to show up on his sides and shoulder.

When she looked up at his face (which now looked as though he were trying a little harder than before to keep his cold mask in place) she noticed that a black eye was also blossoming up and that he had cuts under his eye and on his forehead.

"James, I…uh…" her eyes kept drifting down to his chest and she felt a deep blush rising up on her cheeks as he shifted under her gaze. She took a deep breath and then said, "Do you think that maybe you could put a shirt on?" she suggested, her cheeks burning as she said it. She couldn't make eye contact with him until after the words had left her mouth. When he didn't laugh or even smile, she knew that he must still be furious with her because under normal circumstances he would have laughed unmercifully at her embarrassment.

Instead, he just stared at her, his eyes still cold. "Sure Lily, whatever you need. But do you mind if we talk later, I'm having meeting with Carson and Rivers that I need to finish up?" Lily was about to say that that was fine but he continued before she could speak up. "Oh, but you know what? I have to finish those Halloween plans after that so maybe once I'm done with that. Mmm, but I'm probably just going to blow that off because I'm irresponsible and not dependable at all…so _you'll_ actually be busy later because you have to clean up all of my messes. So why don't we talk after you finish my work? How's that?" His tone was sarcastic and he was once again glowering at her.

"Okay, okay…point taken," Lily said, trying to end his rant while simultaneously trying to keep her feelings of shame and anger at bay. "Look, I didn't come down here to fight some more. I want to apologize."

"Why? Because you feel guilty?"

"No, because I was wrong." The look he gave her showed clearly the disbelief he felt at her words. "I _do_ feel guilty but all that did was make me stop being angry…well, that and make me really nervous during the game. But I know I was wrong." He was giving her a calculating look, trying to decide if she was being sincere or not. "I was just frustrated and I think that you and I both know that sometimes my temper gets the better of me…" James snorted and she raised an eyebrow at him, glad to see that his face, though still not smiling was a bit warmer than it had been. "I just…assumed the worst and I shouldn't have done that…and I'm sorry."

James sighed and relaxed his pose, thrusting his hands into his pockets, revealing even more of his chest and Lily felt both her cheeks and somewhere deep in the pit of her stomach get considerably warmer. She was thankful that he was looking at her feet and not at her face.

He sighed and looked up at her. "It's okay. I just…you need to stop assuming that I haven't changed at all. I'm not taking these responsibilities lightly…I'm trying as hard as I can, I just had a bit _too_ much to do this week."

She gave him a small smile. "I know. Sometimes when I'm upset, it's just easier to yell at you for the way you used to be than it is to admit that you might be right." He laughed this time and she forced her eyes to stay on his face when he lifted a hand and ran it through his hair. "Just do me a favor and tell me next time so that I don't find out midway through one of Professor McGonagall's rants."

"You got it." He smiled at her again and they locked eyes for a moment. The wind whipped around the trees, causing Lily's hair to fly around her face and causing James to shiver suddenly. "Maybe I should go put that shirt on now," he said, turning and heading toward the changing room. Lily blushed again but ignored it as she turned back to the castle.

"Should I tell everyone that their Quidditch hero is on his way up once he's done with a meeting?" Lily said, grinning and turning back to him.

He reciprocated her grin. "I don't really have a meeting, I just told you that to make a point." She scowled playfully at him and shook her head.

"Do you want me to wait for you then?"

"No, I need to go to the Hospital Wing. I think I broke another rib," he said, gesturing to one of the bruises she had noticed earlier on his side. "See you later," and he disappeared into the changing room. Lily stared momentarily at the door he had disappeared into before turning, a small smile on her lips, and headed back up to the castle.

**A/N-**Well, I hope you enjoyed it. I really enjoyed imagining Lily's embarassment. The next chapter should also be a fun one to write. It's the first time she's jealous. :)

Okay, so I promised myself that I would not beg or bribe you guys for reviews. So this is me politely requesting reviews. If you enjoy this story or if you hate it, just drop me a review letting me know your feelings. Pretty please :)

Okay, well, I hope you enjoyed this! I'll try and have the next chapter up soon!


	4. The First Time She Was Jealous

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything in the Harry Potter universe.**

**Chapter 4: The First Time She Was Jealous**

"Blue or red?" Mary asked holding up two different tops in front of her body. She was looking at her reflection in the mirror, trying to decide which top matched her skirt better.

It was Friday night and the girls were up in their dormitory trying to help Mary get ready for her date with Bill Baker. Lily and Jenna weren't proving to be very helpful however. Jenna was seated on the floor flipping through a fashion magazine while Lily was laying on her bed upside down with her feet propped up on the wall.

"Blue," Lily said at the same time Jenna said, "Red, definitely the red."

"Some help you are," Mary muttered before dropping the blue top and pulling the red one off of its hanger. Lily huffed and Mary looked over at her apologetically. "Sorry, but when it comes to clothes I'm going to go with the fashionista's advice." Jenna flashed Lily a brilliant grin before turning her attention back to her magazine. Lily shrugged and turned her attention back to the scarlet cover over her bed.

"I still can't believe you're going out with _Bill Baker_," Lily said, sounding mortified. "He's a _5__th__ year_, Mary!" Lily saw Jenna bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"He's only one and a half years younger than me!" Mary protested, shooting her two friends a glare that could kill if she didn't know that her friends were only teasing her. "Besides, he's very nice," she said turning her attention back to the mirror.

"Most boys are nice_ before_ they go through puberty though…just wait until those hormones start kicking in." Jenna couldn't bite back the laugh now and snorted loudly, earning her a glare after Mary had thrown the discarded hanger at Lily. "I never picked you to be the cradle robber type."

"You know what the real scandal is though?" Jenna asked, turning her attention to Lily. "She's just using Bill to make Emmett jealous." Lily mocked a shocked look and both girls rolled with fits of giggles again.

"No, I'm not!" Mary called, though the faint pink tinge that appeared on her cheeks suggested otherwise.

"Don't worry, Mary, we won't tell," Lily said, not needing to look to know that Mary was rolling her eyes.

It had been a long week. Professors were piling on the homework more and more until Lily felt like she could start now and not eat, sleep or bathe and she still wouldn't finish everything by Christmas let alone next Tuesday. Added to that were her Head duties. Thankfully there hadn't been any more attacks so patrolling wasn't as stressful anymore. James had more than taken care of his portion of finalizing Halloween party plans which Lily was grateful for. He had offered to take care of her portion too, but Lily knew that he had even less time than she did with all of his Quidditch practice.

"Ooh, who wants to hear some juicy gossip?" Jenna asked, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement as she tossed the magazine half-heartedly across the floor toward her bed. Lily rolled her eyes but turned her head toward her friend anyway unable to resist. "Sirius Black and Rosalyn Sanchez are back together," she whispered conspiratorially.

Mary's eyes became large and round and she turned on the spot to stare at Jenna who was smiling wickedly. "No way!" Jenna nodded knowingly, probably more excited by her friend's reaction than the actual news.

"How is that gossip?" Lily asked, a confused expression on her face. Jenna turned to face her, a scandalized look on her features.

"Did you hear what I just said?" she asked, indignation clear in her voice. "They've already gone out _three _times, once already this year!" When Lily continued to stare blankly at her she continued, "And every time they get together, it ends in a huge shout fest. How is that _not_ juicy gossip?"

"I didn't mean it wasn't 'juicy'," Lily clarified, though she was slightly amused at the defensive position Jenna had taken when it had come to this bit of gossip. "I just meant that it's not gossip. _We_ already knew he was dating Rosalyn again." She glanced over at Mary who now wore a confused expression that was identical to Jenna's.

"You already knew?" Jenna asked slowly, her eyes narrowing as Lily nodded. "And you didn't tell us?!" she accused.

Lily shrugged. "Jen, you were there when Sirius told me!"

"No, I wasn't! I found out from Ellie during Divination this morning!"

"No, we were downstairs in the common room on…Wednesday, I think, and Sirius ran into the back of…oh. Oops." Lily grinned sheepishly and rolled over onto her stomach and looked at her friends. "I guess I was with James."

Mary rolled her eyes and turned back to the mirror and started curling her long blonde hair. "Of course you were!" she said before grinning suggestively and wiggling her eyebrows at her red-headed friend.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Lily asked though she already knew and was not looking forward to hearing it again.

"You're _always _with James now," Mary explained.

"No I'm not!" Lily protested.

"I don't mean it as a bad thing," she reassured, though Lily was still looking slightly abashed. "I'm personally thrilled that you two are friends."

"Yeah! You and James getting along is much more fun than him being in love with you and you being annoyed out of your mind by him," Jenna chimed in as she got up and sprawled out on the bed next to Lily. "But you do spend a lot of time together…we all do now."

Lily sat up and crossed her arms across her chest defiantly. "I still maintain that I don't spend _that_ much time with him," Lily protested stubbornly. Mary just rolled her eyes and began spinning another strand of hair around her wand, content to let her friend live blissfully in her ignorance. Jenna on the other hand had no intention of letting Lily off so easily.

"Oh yeah? Where were you before you came up here?" Jenna asked lifting an eyebrow inquisitively.

"I was in the common room playing Exploding Snap," Lily said, still defiant.

"With who?" Jenna pressed.

"Peter and Remus."

"Who was on the floor next to you?" Jenna prodded.

Lily narrowed her eyes threateningly but conceded. "James."

"Mmhmm, and what were you doing last night?"

"Patrolling with James," Lily grumbled.

"And before that?"

"Doing _homework_ with you and Mary…" Jenna sent a knowing glare her way. "Okay, okay, and James and Remus. But that hardly counts. We were doing homework together, big deal."

"Sure sure…how about Tuesday night?" Jenna's grin was growing wider revealing her brilliantly white teeth. She always started to look smug when she knew she was about to win an argument.

Lily paused for a moment, contemplating how best to answer this question without incriminating herself. "I was…doing homework…" she lied.

"No you weren't! Don't you dare lie to me, Lily Evans!" Jenna ordered, poking Lily in the chest. "I know you too well for that BS to work on me." Mary smiled to herself, thoroughly enjoying the exchange.

"I was too! I took my Transfiguration book with me!"

"Did you open it?"

Lily glared daggers at her friend (_"Former friend if she keeps this up"_ Lily thought angrily) "All right, no, I didn't. Are you happy now?"

"Almost," Jenna replied while plastering an angelic grin on her face. "You still haven't said what _exactly_ you were doing Tuesday night."

"I was at the Quidditch pitch with Mary…and James…watching the Hufflepuff team practice so that he could come up with his 'plan of attack' for practices this week," Lily said through gritted teeth though her glare never wavered. Jenna looked pleased with herself and Mary chuckled quickly.

"I rest my case," Jenna said smugly.

"Okay, so I spend a lot of time with him, big deal. Most of it is Head business or homework!" Lily ranted defensively, desperate to justify her actions.

"Most, but no all," Jenna goaded.

"Still! We're friends! Friends spend time together, Jenna. It doesn't mean anything!" Lily proclaimed, raising her voice so that both girls looked at her incredulously. Angry patches of red were starting to sprout up on Lily's cheeks and both girls, though highly amused, recognized this as a warning sign that Lily was taking their teasing the wrong way.

"Relax, Lily. No one is accusing you of anything. We know you don't regard James as anything more than a friend…" Mary said calmly.

"Which you should, by the way," Jenna interjected with a superior look on her face. "He's perfect for you...good looking, smart, funny and he has a short fuse, just like you do." Lily sighed angrily and Mary threw Jenna an exasperated look.

"…we're just merely pointing out that you spend more time with him than you realize. There's nothing wrong with that." She looked over at Jenna thoughtfully for a moment. "Actually, we like spending time with the boys. They add…I don't know, spice to our lives. A level of unpredictability."

"That's for sure," Jenna agreed. "For example, Sirius just added some 'spice' to our lives by getting back with that two-timing tramp this week," Jenna said viciously, excited to get back to discussing their previous topic of conversation . Lily wasn't much into gossiping (well, not as much as Jenna anyway) but she was up for any topic that drove the conversation away from her budding friendship with James.

"Rosalyn isn't a tramp," Mary said shooting Jenna a disapproving glare. "You should be careful, she sleeps in here and you know the temper she has. It would serve you right if she overheard you and you woke up tomorrow with all of your clothes shredded and your hair chopped off." Jenna shuddered at the possibility and Lily laughed at her horrified expression.

"Fine, she's not a tramp," Jenna conceded loudly earning another chuckle from Lily, "but she is a two-timer," she said in lowering her voice. "That's why they broke up earlier this year, you know. She cheated on him with that ugly 5th year, Marcus Fletcher."

"Ew, the Ravenclaw?" Lily squealed, unable to stop herself as she pictured the buck toothed, pimply and greasy haired 5th year who not only was hard to look at but had rancid breath and an annoying habit of breathing through his mouth while standing too closely to you.

"The very one. I don't think Sirius minded so much that she cheated but was more offended in her taste than anything else," Jenna speculated looking very superior. This comment made Lily giggle but just because she now knew that it was probably true. "I just don't understand why he keeps going back to her. He could probably have any girl in this school…"

"Except me," Mary chimed in as she applied mascara to her eyelashes.

"Or me," Lily agreed.

Jenna ignored them both and continued. "…and yet he continues to go back to her. And it never works out. They argue and bicker the entire time they're together until one of them does something the other deems unforgivable and then they have a huge yelling match and break up…and _then_ they declare war on each other. That would be the entertaining part if we didn't live in the same dormitory with her and had to listen to her rant on and on about what a prat he is every single night for three months"

"Sometimes I think the arguing is just an outlet for all the pent up passion they have for each other," Lily speculated, not noticing this smirk as it formed on Jenna's face.

"You would know about that, wouldn't you?" Mary muttered under her breath as a similar smirk appeared on her face. Lily glared and her instantly, not missing the comment.

"Can we not go there now?" she asked of her friends, irritation coming clearly through in her voice. Mary shrugged and went back to work but continued to smirk.

"Sure sure…pent up passion or not, it's almost masochistic for them to go out _again_. I don't even understand her appeal to him in the first place so why he keeps going back to her is beyond me."

"She's very pretty," Mary suggested.

Jenna wrinkled her nose, earning her a reproving look from Mary which she ignored. "I guess. I mean, she's not hideous. But if all he wants is good looks, there are plenty of pretty girls here who would go out with him in a heartbeat and wouldn't yell at him until he was half deaf," she justified. Lily shrugged disinterestedly. "Haven't you ever thought it was kind of suspicious that someone as good looking and funny as Sirius has only had two girlfriends the whole time he's been at school?"

"Why do you care?" Lily asked pulling at a loose string on her comforter.

"I don't really, I just like to theorize," she grinned sweetly at Lily who just chuckled and looked down happily at her friend. "So, what could it be? Theory number one," she said ticking off her first finger. "He's been having secret affairs with a ton of girls and we just don't know about it. Theory number two: He's actually already dated all of the girls either before he got here or during the summer and we haven't heard about it. Theory number three: He's honestly not interested in dating right now…boring." Mary and Lily laughed. "Anything else?" She looked very contemplative for a moment and then a wicked grin flashed across her face. "Yes! Theory number four: Sirius is not interested in girls at all." She giggled wildly and hugged her stomach.

"Are you mad? You think that Sirius Black is gay? Have you_ met_ him?" Lily asked an incredulous look on her face as she fought back giggles.

"He does spend all of his time with those three friends of his. He and James are practically married as it is. It's definitely a possibility," Jenna pushed, though her mad giggling was making it difficult to take her seriously.

"It's not a possibility, trust me," Mary said, determined to be the voice of reason before Jenna got completely out of control.

"How do you know?" Jenna asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You forget that I'm on the Quidditch team with him. I hear him talking when he forgets there are girls around…or when he decides to talk even when girls are around. He is only interested in women. Trust me." She raised her eyebrows significantly at Jenna.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to second that. You only need to spend about ten minutes around him to know that. He would kill you, by the way, if he knew you had even suggested this," Lily pointed out.

"Oh I know, but it was still funny," she added with a mischievous look over at Lily. "I just wanted to see your reaction." Mary shook her head and Lily grabbed one of her pillows and threw it playfully at Jenna who grabbed it and used it to prop her head up.

"You are ridiculous," Lily laughed.

"I know," Jenna replied with a smile. "But seriously, why Rosalyn?"

"You mean besides as a way to hide the fact that he's secretly pining after Peter?" Mary asked sarcastically.

"Of course."

"I have a theory," Lily said with a lowered voice. Both girls glanced at her curiously, grinning. "What's the one thing we know about Sirius?"

"He looks good with his shirt off," Mary said straight-faced and without hesitation, though she giggled as soon as she saw the reaction she had elicited from Jenna and Lily both. "Changing rooms," she explained. Jenna laughed, but Mary's comment only managed to bring back images of another shirtless boy in front of the changing rooms, though it was not Sirius that Lily thought of, but James. She immediately felt her cheeks burn red as she tried to drive the images out of her head.

"No, something else," she said hoping her friends wouldn't notice the slightly higher pitch her voice had taken on.

"He would gladly resort to murder if it meant ridding the world of a particular Slytherin," Jenna said nonchalantly. Lily winced at the memory of the time Sirius had gone too far in trying to teach Snape a lesson. Mary shot Jenna a warning glance. "What?" she asked defiantly. "He's a slimy git. Lily's better off without him buzzing around her," she defended unapologetically.

Lily chose to ignore her comments rather than relive arguments that had died away at the end of their 5th year. "Anyway," she began, giving Jenna a pointed look, "I meant how easily he gets bored."

"So?" Jenna asked, losing interest and playing idly with the fringe on Lily's pillow.

"_So_…most of the girls at this school would probably bore him." Jenna still looked disinterested but Mary had turned to face Lily, looking thoughtful. "Sure, he could get any girl he wants, but what would those girls be like? They'd be clingy, needy, and obsessed with him. They'd annoy the hell out of Sirius wanting him to take them out all the time and come sit with their friends and come study with them. He'd get bored. And he probably realized that when he dated Sasha or Sofa or whatever her name was during 5th year." Jenna was now looking contemplative as she rolled Lily's theory over in her mind.

"Sirius needs someone who's his equal of sorts…someone who is funny and smart and can contribute to the conversation rather than just ogle him all the time. And for that matter he probably needs someone who doesn't care about breaking rules at all…and she can't be infatuated with him. There aren't too many girls at Hogwarts like that, are there?"

Jenna grinned wickedly. "Sounds like Sirius should date Mary." Her blue eyes flicked over to Mary who was putting her shoes on.

"Ew, gross. Never!" she said automatically and Jenna laughed again.

"See, she'd be perfect for him!"

"That's the other thing. Even if such a perfect girl exists for him here, it would take a lot of effort on his part. Effort he's probably not willing to expend trying to get a girlfriend when he could be doing other things."

"You make too much sense for your own good. My theory was much more fun," Jenna complained.

"Why Rosalyn though?" Mary asked as she plopped down next to Lily, finally satisfied with her appearance.

"She presents a challenge, I think," Lily said after a few moments of contemplative silence. "She's close to the ideal woman for him…close but not quite there…she's funny and smart enough and definitely rash enough to keep him interested, but she's too infatuated with him, I think."

"Or too crazy for him…" Jenna muttered causing all of the girls to burst into a fit of giggles again.

"Are you girls talking about Sirius and Rosalyn?" came the high falsetto voice of Claire Andrews from across the room. Lily jumped in surprise as she had not noticed Claire come into the room.

"How did you find out?" Jenna demanded, sitting up and glaring across the room at Claire.

"From Ellie," Claire stated matter-of-factly as she waltzed over to the three girls. Jenna furrowed her brow, clearly put out by this bit of information.

"What's wrong with you?" Mary asked, nudging Jenna in the ribs.

"I wanted to tell everyone!" she whined. "Lily ruined my telling you two and now it looks like Ellie's going to tell everyone else." She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. Mary rolled her eyes and Lily gazed at her friend incredulously.

"You know, sometimes I wonder why we are friends…" she said shaking her head, a smirk forming on her face.

"Shut up!" Jenna laughed and picked the pillow she'd previously been using up off the bed and hit Lily squarely in the face, knocking her into Mary.

"Hey! Watch the hair!" Mary squealed, shoving Lily back into Jenna.

Claire still stood by the bed watching the other three, a stoic smile plastered on her face. When she got tired of being ignored she chimed in. "I just hope people don't gossip about us the way they do about Sirius and Rosalyn."

"Who is 'us' in this scenario?" Jenna asked though her focus was still on her attempt to shove Lily off of the bed.

"Me and James," Claire said as though it were the most obvious fact in the world. Mary rolled her eyes again but Lily snapped her head over to Claire, her shock distracting her from Jenna's previously futile attempts and thus fell to the floor with a loud thud. Jenna and Mary rolled with laughter but Lily stood up, rubbing her elbow but her gaze intent on Claire who seemed pleased by this reaction.

"What?" she asked, shock still clear on her face.

"I said I hope people don't gossip about James and me the way they gossip about Sirius and Rosalyn." Claire was emitting a completely confident air, maybe even a tiny bit smug as she surveyed Lily's incredulous expression.

"I don't think you need to worry about that," Jenna said to Claire, but her curious eyes were trained on Lily and her sudden interest in Claire's love life.

Claire's smile faltered a moment and disappointment flooded her voice as she said, "Why not?"

"Because Sirius and Rosalyn are _actually_ dating, whereas you are clearly delusional," Mary said coolly.

"I'm not delusional," Claire said, her cheery tone and smile back in place though her brown eyes surveyed Mary with great dislike. "James and I are going to Hogsmeade together tomorrow."

"I find that hard to believe," Lily stated a bit more harshly than she'd intended to. "You said the same thing last time."

Claire smiled smugly again. "Oh that, James and I talked about that. He said that there was 'a misunderstanding' last time and he said that he liked me and cared about me and that he was looking forward to tomorrow."

"He's going to be with me at the Three Broomsticks helping finalize plans for the Halloween party with Madam Rosmerta," Lily snapped defensively, no hint of a smile on her face. Jenna and Mary exchanged interested looks while Lily felt a combination of anger and disappointment grow in her stomach.

"Oh, I know about that," Claire stated with a dismissive wave of her hand. "He told me that we could hang out once he was done."

"Oh…" was all Lily could say. She didn't really understand why she was getting so upset. She didn't care if James dated Claire. She had always like Claire, up until this moment that is. "…well, have fun then."

Giving Lily a satisfied smile, she flounced back over to her bed and began writing in her diary.

Lily was feeling considerably less cheerful than she had been as the three girls headed to the Great Hall for dinner. Mary and Jenna chatted about something Lily didn't hear, both shooting her knowing grins without her realizing it. They said goodbye to Mary who met Bill in front of the Great Hall.

"I'll make sure and tell Emmett that you're out with Bill!" Jenna called down the corridor after her. Mary turned and made a very rude hand gesture behind Bill's back but Jenna just smiled and waved sweetly before turning and laughing, thinking that Lily would be laughing with her. When she saw that Lily was not even smiling but still had a deep crease on her forehead, she just shook her head and walked into the Great Hall and headed toward the Gryffindor table.

Peter nudged James who looked up at Lily and smiled. He waved and Jenna waved back and headed to where they were sitting. James patted the bench next to him and Jenna was about to sit down, but then Lily piped up.

"Actually, we're going to sit down there," she said, pointing down do an empty part of the table.

"We are?" Jenna asked frowning.

"Yeah, we have some_..._girl stuff to talk about," Lily lied, knowing that that would draw Jenna away from the boys without too much of an objection. Jenna still looked confused but didn't argue and headed on down the table.

James shrugged and murmured, "See you later," before turning back to Sirius and continuing a conversation that they were having before the girls interrupted.

Lily and Jenna moved quite a bit further down the table and sat opposite each other, spooning large portions of Shepherd's Pie onto their plates. Jenna immediately dug into her food, shoveling piles of food into her mouth and barely bothering to chew. Lily looked at her disgustedly and poked disinterestedly at her food with her fork.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Jenna asked after she had swallowed some of her food. She was looking at Lily curiously.

"Mary," Lily stated simply as she sniffed a forkful of her dinner and put some in her mouth. Jenna's eyes sparkled instantly.

"Excellent!" she exclaimed before words immediately began spilling out of her mouth. "Can you believe that she's actually going out with Bill? She can't honestly believe that she's not doing this to make Emmett jealous. I mean, _come on_, she's barely ever spoken to the boy about anything besides Quidditch but now all of a sudden she finds him interesting? I don't believe it for a second," Jenna ranted. Lily listened absentmindedly, not really paying attention to what Jenna was saying but nodding her head and murmuring a "yeah" and an "uh huh" every once in a while so that Jenna thought she was still listening. Jenna tended to be a fairly perceptive person but Lily figured that she really wanted to talk about the latest development in Mary's love life and either wouldn't notice that that she had mentally checked out or wouldn't care enough to say anything about it.

"He's obviously been drooling over her forever so I'm not quite as surprised at that he's going out with her but surely he knows that she's not interested in him. How could he not?" Jenna chatted.

"Exactly," Lily muttered but her attention had suddenly been completely diverted by the appearance of Claire who had sauntered over to where James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were sitting. She tapped James lightly on the shoulder who looked up and smiled at her. Lily tried not to stare but couldn't manage to rip her eyes from the scene before her. She narrowed them suspiciously as James motioned for her to sit down next to him and handed her the pitcher of water and then flashed her another brilliant smile.

"Lily, are you listening to me at all?" Jenna asked, her voice clearly frustrated as she pointed her fork at her friend in an accusatory fashion. Lily snapped her head back toward Jenna whose blue eyes were glinting dangerously at her.

"Of course I am," Lily lied though not even convincingly enough to fool herself. Jenna raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow in disbelief.

"What did I say then?"

Lily bit her lower lip, trying to recall what Jenna had said only moments before but just came up blank. She gave her a confident smile and replied, "You said, 'hey, are you listening to me?'" Jenna rolled her eyes and dropped her fork next to her plate.

"First of all, that's not even what I really asked you. And second of all, I asked what it was that you were looking at." As if on cue, Lily's eyes flickered back to where Claire was now laughing loudly and throwing her head back. James was smiling politely but Remus looked warily at her while Sirius and Peter exchanged looks of annoyance. Lily cursed herself for looking over and hoped that Jenna hadn't noticed. But she always did and without hesitation she turned her head to stare down the table at the group. Lily winced as Jenna turned back to her with a maddening smirk on her face. She raised her eyebrow again and crossed her arms across her chest and Lily knew that she was waiting for her to speak.

After a few moments of silence where Jenna waited patiently for Lily to speak and Lily merely squirmed in her seat and cursed the fact that she had come down for dinner at all, she finally broke the silence. "Do you think she's really going to Hogsmeade with him tomorrow?" she demanded, her words coming out quickly and running together. For whatever reason, these words seemed to have confirmed whatever it was that Jenna was thinking. She smiled knowingly and leaned forward, folding her arms across the table top.

"Lily Evans, are you _jealous_?" she whispered and then carefully judged Lily's expression.

"Absolutely not!" Lily exclaimed and then silently contemplated reaching across the table and smacking her friend across the face for having the nerve to smile even wider at her outburst. "I'm not!" she squealed. "I just want to know if she was lying or not and if I need to get mad at James for not telling me. We're friends for crying out loud, isn't this the type of thing that _friends_ tell each other?"

"Sure sure," Jenna muttered. "So either you two are more than friends and that's why he didn't tell you," she paused for effect here and Lily simply glared at her, "or she was lying and he didn't tell you because there was nothing to tell," she finished diplomatically, picking her fork back up but still smiling like someone who knew a secret no one else knows. Lily accepted this silently, knowing it had to be the second option, and was feeling slightly better until she heard Claire's shrill laugh once more and looked over (involuntarily) to see all four boys laughing too.

"Well, if nothing is going on why is he flirting with her?" Lily hissed. Jenna looked over at the group and once again a confused crease formed on her forehead as she surveyed them.

"Do you need your eyes checked? He's not flirting with her."

"You don't know him as well as I do. He's definitely flirting…and it's irritating me," Lily muttered viciously as she stabbed her food multiple times with her fork.

Jenna shrugged and murmured, "If you say so," but smiled once again only making Lily all the more furious.

"I'm not hungry anymore. See you in the common room." And without a backwards glance she stood up from the table and stalked out of the Great Hall ignoring the chuckle from her friend.

Once in the common room, she slumped moodily into an armchair across from the fire, trying to sort out why she was suddenly behaving like…well, like she was jealous, though that certainly couldn't be the real reason so she dismissed it quickly. She supposed it was because she was worried he would blow her off tomorrow and leave her to do all of the work herself, though she tried not to think of that given what had transpired the last time she'd worried about something like that. It had to be because she wished she'd found out from him rather than Claire. She certainly would have told him if she'd had a date. Why couldn't he bestow the same courtesy to her?

She was thinking so hard about this that she barely noticed the rising noise level in the common room as the rest of Gryffindor house joined her including the Marauders and Jenna who were lounging on the couches around her and talking lightly. She didn't join in on any of their conversations, completely engrossed in her thoughts.

"Oi, Evans?" James boomed as he chucked a folded up playing card at her head to get her attention. She blinked and turned toward him. He looked mildly frustrated with her apparent lack of attention to whatever he'd been saying earlier. "Geez, I've only been talking to you for ten minutes." She tried to look apologetic as he rolled his eyes at her. "You up for a game of chess?" he asked, tossing a pawn up into the air and catching it again.

"That depends," she began, giving him a cheeky grin. "Are you ready to lose?" She stood up and followed him to the small table next to their group. He grabbed his chest and pretended to be wounded.

"You're really bad for my ego, you know," he said sitting down opposite her and setting up the pieces.

"Thank goodness for that," she said with another grin.

He said something back to her that she didn't hear. Another pair of eyes met hers across the room from over James's shoulder. Claire was watching them with a superior smirk on her face, one that was quite different from the usual disgruntled and jealous looks she normally threw towards the two of them. The previous feeling of melancholy that had momentarily disappeared returned instantly. She barely comprehended what James was saying and only offered up anything herself if the silences between them became awkward.

Finally James ordered his queen to take out one of Lily's bishops in a very disgruntled manner before throwing his hands up and piercing her with his hazel eyes.

"What is with you tonight?" he demanded, a frustrated edge in his tone. Claire's eyes flickered over to the pair and another smug grin formed on her lips as she noted James's irritation. Lily ripped her eyes from Claire and forced herself to focus on James who was waiting for her reply impatiently.

"What do you mean?" she asked, feigning innocence. His eyes pierced her again telling her quite clearly that he didn't buy her act.

"I _mean_ you're acting weird. You didn't sit with us at dinner, you've barely spoken to me since we got back and most suspiciously, I am actually winning this game," he said as he gestured to the board between them where her only remaining pieces were her king, a castle and a handful of pawns while she had managed to only take three of his pawns and a knight.

"Sorry," she murmured giving him a small smile. "I guess I've just been a little out of it tonight."

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked innocently.

"NO!" she yelped immediately earning her a wide eyed look and a raised eyebrow. "I mean…I'm not sure why I've been so crazy tonight so, there's not a lot to talk about." It was partially true. She knew that her mood was due to the fact that James and Claire were going to Hogsmeade together, but she didn't want to tell him that. She knew that she should just say something to him if only just to clear the air, but she saw how quickly Jenna and Mary had jumped to conclusions and didn't want James to jump to the same ones.

She looked up from her hands to meet his eyes again and tried to inject a playful tone into her voice. "Would you like a rematch, then? That way I can beat you and we can go back to…" but her words were cut off by the image of Claire walking up behind James. She put her hand lightly on his shoulder and leaned her head down so that her lips were dangerously close to his ear.

"James, could I please speak to you for a moment?" she asked in a low voice. He jumped slightly at her touch and turned in his chair so that he was facing her. He put forth an extremely large amount of effort (that went unnoticed by Lily) to keep his face pleasant and tried not to be too obvious as he leaned away from her, uncomfortable with her proximity. Lily noticed Claire's eyes linger a moment too long on his lips before she looked over and noticed Lily staring. "Alone?"

"Um…sure," he agreed, pushing his chair out and standing up. Before walking away to where Claire was now standing, he turned back to Lily and said, "You don't mind, do you? I'd still like that rematch."

"Of course not. I'll just set the board back up," she said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible and plastering a fake smile on her face as she grabbed her pieces and began lining them up again.

James and Claire only moved a few feet away but still far enough away that Lily couldn't hear what they were saying. She tried not to stare too openly, but didn't succeed. She watched as James continued to smile serenely at whatever Claire was saying, occasionally saying something that she would laugh wildly at (and quite annoyingly, Lily felt), throwing her head back and flipping her hair. And once she reached out and touched his arm tenderly.

Lily felt the strangle of fury take hold of her again. She narrowed her eyes and watched as Claire gave him a small wave as she walked away. Lily was practically crushing the tiny pawn in her hand as James moved back towards her, shaking his head slightly.

"That was strange," he said before looking up at her and seeing her furious green eyes piercing him with a look that would have frightened the bravest man. "What's wrong?"

Not wanting to have an outburst in the middle of the common room and have to deal with all of the gossip that inevitably followed all of James and Lily's arguments she stood up forcefully and knocked into the table scattering the pieces across the table and onto the floor, many of them screaming mutinously at her. "Can _we_ talk now? Outside?" she asked harshly. Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed him roughly by the arm and dragged him out of the portrait hole behind her.

As the marched out she heard Peter mutter, "What's that all about?" and heard Jenna reply nonchalantly, "I think Lily is upset that James and Claire will both be in Hogsmeade tomorrow."

She released James once the portrait hole closed behind them. He yanked away from her rubbing his arm where she'd had a pincer like grip and she could see mounting annoyance with her in his eyes.

"Do you have something you'd like to tell me?" she asked without preamble, crossing her arms across her chest and staring at him with penetrating green eyes. He stared defiantly back, his annoyance giving way to confusion. He rubbed the back of his neck, apparently trying very hard to figure out what she could be talking about and why it would make her act so crazy.

"Nothing comes to mind," he replied after a few moments of pensive silence.

"Really? Nothing about your trip to _Hogsmeade_ tomorrow that you'd like to share?" She watched as a look of understanding broke across his features, her heart sinking. She'd desperately hoped that it had been some misunderstanding and that James was about to set her straight. She could handle the mild embarrassment that would come with that.

"How did you…" he began but then stopped himself. "Okay, yes, I was going to pick up a dozen dungbombs but I swear I wasn't going to use them in the common room…or the Prefect's bathroom," he finished quickly, holding his hands up defensively.

"What? No…I didn't mean…" she sighed and had to work very hard to keep from giggling at his confession. "I wasn't talking about that." Again she had to fight the urge to laugh at the wave of relief he displayed. He had visibly relaxed, leaning against the wall opposite her and stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I meant about Claire Andrews."

"What about her?" James asked lightly.

"Are you really taking her to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Lily questioned anxiously and she instantly began fidgeting with the hem of her shirt and had to remind herself to breathe as she awaited his answer.

"Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Because she told me that you were and because you've been flirting with her all night."

He gave her a bewildered look. "No I haven't!"

"Yes, you have! I've been watching you all evening and you were definitely flirting with her!" Lily argued defensively. James narrowed his eyes at her and surveyed her for a moment as though seeing her for the first time and then a wicked smile flickered across his face.

"You sound jealous…are you jealous?" he drawled smirking at her with an amused glint in his eyes.

"NO!" Lily practically shouted but it only made him grin more widely. "Why would I be jealous of her because of that?" she snapped, though she felt that cursed blush creeping up onto her cheeks again. James had stopped smiling now and nudged the ground with his toe and stared determinedly at a mark on the floor.

"Since when do you listen to Claire anyway? You know she lies about stuff like this all the time," he insisted.

"She made a very convincing argument," Lily said. James gave her a disbelieving look. "She did! She said that she had talked to you and that you told her that the last time there was a misunderstanding and that you liked her and that you were looking forward to this weekend. Normally I would have thought that she was making it up but she said that she knew about us working at the Three Broomsticks and that you said that you would see her after we were done." Lily realized that she must sound ridiculous. Even coming out of her own mouth she couldn't help but wonder why she had believed it at all, although it was easier to reject the idea when James was standing across from her looking like he was hearing all of this for the first time.

He shook his head and chuckled slightly under his breath. "That girl…she can twist words a hundred different ways," he said almost to himself. "I was sure I had been much clearer with my intentions this time. She did ask me about the last Hogsmeade weekend and I told her that there had been a misunderstanding on her part and that while I did like her, I didn't like her as anything more than a friend. And then she asked me yesterday if I wanted to go with her this weekend and I said, 'I can't because I'm working at the Three Broomsticks with Lily, but maybe I'll see you around after we're done.' Apparently, I need to stop trying to be so polite and just spell it out for the poor girl." He shook his head again.

Lily couldn't stop the slightly embarrassed grin from forming on her face. She felt as though a tight grip on her stomach had been loosened as he explained Claire's words to her.

"Oh…sorry," she apologized.

He just rolled his eyes at her. "You're kind of ridiculous sometimes, you know that?"

"Well…yes, but it's not like you were acting in a way that would make me think otherwise. You _were_ flirting with her."

"No, I wasn't!" James argued. "When?"

"At dinner. And just now in the common room."

"That wasn't flirting," James insisted. "At dinner she came and sat next to us…which she wouldn't have been able to do if you would have sat there like you usually do. I should be mad at you because I had to endure an entire dinner of her bad jokes. And then she laughed at _everything_ we said whether we were being funny or not. And then just now she asked me what my favorite Quidditch team was. Apparently 'the Tornadoes' is a funny answer…I don't know. I was just trying to be polite." When Lily didn't look convinced he continued. "Besides, it's ridiculous to accuse me of flirting with anyone, especially this year," he ranted, his irritation mounting. "I've never flirted as much as you used to accuse me of, but I haven't done any flirting this year because the only person I have any feelings for at all is _you_."

It got silent instantly and the grin that had been in place on Lily's face was instantly wiped away and replaced by a look of shock. Her eyebrows rose high on her forehead as James stood frozen with a look of horror on his face. His cheeks turned bright red. Lily couldn't seem to make herself look away from his searching hazel eyes. She wasn't sure what to say and he was afraid to say anything else so they just stood there for a few moments in awkward and uncomfortable silence, his last words ringing in their ears.

Lily swallowed audibly and finally seemed to be able to force herself to look away from him. She was about to say something, though she wasn't sure what when he piped up.

"Actually, I…um…just remembered this thing that I need to take care of…" he stuttered looking anywhere but at her. "It's actually in the…um…library so…yeah, I'll see you later." And with that he took off walking quickly until he turned the corner and then Lily heard his footsteps break into a run, leaving her in the silent corridor in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, trying to sort out a million conflicting emotions that were coursing through her body.

After a few minutes, the Fat Lady cleared her throat loudly breaking Lily from her reverie. She muttered the password and walked back into the common room completely unaware of everything around her. She made her way back to the spot where her friends were sitting and sank numbly into the armchair she'd occupied an hour before. Remus looked up from his game of chess with Jenna and surveyed Lily carefully, a crease forming between his eyes.

"Where's James?" he asked her.

"He said he had something to take care of at the library," she said monotonously. Remus exchanged a look with Sirius who responded with a small shrug.

"Did something happen?" he asked again, cautiously observing her blank stare and distant eyes.

"No."

"Are you okay?" Jenna asked now a concerned look crossing her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lily stated.

She said nothing else the rest of the evening because no one else addressed her directly. She didn't move until Mary came back from her date and Jenna said goodnight because she wanted to hear all about it. Lily followed them upstairs and changed into her pajamas and listened without really hearing about Mary's date.

She lay down on her bed after the other girls had gone to sleep, an intense fear beginning to grip her insides as she imagined the inevitable shift that was about to take place in her relationship with James. She began to worry about whether or not he was about to begin asking her out all the time again or worse if he would start avoiding her. She didn't want things to change between them. They'd finally reached a comfortable point in their friendship and she enjoyed him. She liked spending time with him and talking to him. She didn't want things to change but they would if she didn't do anything about it.

With a sense of resolve and without hesitation she jumped up from her bed and pulled on her dressing gown and stalked out of the dormitory and down into the common room. It was completely deserted except for Sirius, Remus and Peter who were headed toward the boys' staircase.

"Hey!" she called out to them before they could head up the stairs. They stopped and looked at her quizzically. "Has James come back yet?" she asked as she ran across to where they stood. Sirius shook his head and so she bid them goodnight and sat down on a couch where she was determined to wait for James to come back.

As the minutes passed she began to plan what she would say when he emerged. As it got closer and closer to midnight she didn't feel an ounce of the exhaustion she typically felt on a Friday night. What she did feel was anxiety. She wanted him to come back quickly so that they could get this conversation over with but she also didn't want him to come back because she was afraid of what might happen as a result of the conversation.

Finally, she heard the portrait hole open and James walked through, his black hair looking as though it had been tossed about by the howling winds outside. Everything she'd planned on saying went out of her head at the sight of him. He didn't see her immediately and looked completely broken. All of his usual confidence was gone and he looked completely vulnerable. She felt an array of emotions from guilt to heartbreak to a sudden urge to throw her arms around him and comfort him. He sighed and looked up, his hazel eyes falling on her immediately as she stood up and gave him a small smile that he did not reciprocate.

"Oh…hey," he muttered as he lifted a hand to his hair and rumpled it out of habit. "What are you doing up? I thought you'd be asleep by now…in fact, I was kind of hoping you would be." She was surprised by his honesty but was glad that he wasn't going to try and lie to make things easier.

"Sorry to disappoint," she responded, wincing at the double meaning that that statement held. "We really need to talk about what…what you said…earlier." He nodded and stuffed his hands into his pockets before making his way over to where she was standing. Neither of them sat down. James was determinedly not meeting her eyes and she was wringing her hands unconsciously.

"Okay…well, I guess it's out in the open now," he said, closing his eyes and sighing deeply before looking down at her with a fierce determination. "I still have feelings for you. That's been pretty obvious for a while now. So, I guess the question now is…do you have feelings for me?" She tried to ignore the hope that she saw hidden in the depths of his eyes and the sudden squirming of her stomach. He was looking at her with an intense gaze that made her feel like there was a slow building fire in the pit of her stomach. She wasn't sure that she was going to be able to find her voice at all if she kept looking into his eyes so she ripped her gaze away from his and stared at her hands.

She shook her head slightly. "I'm sorry, James." She chanced a glance back up at him and he was looking down at the ground and was clearly trying to disguise the pain on his face. Lily tried to swallow the lump in her throat and took a step forward to put a comforting hand on his arm. "If I could change the way I feel, I swear I would." He gave her a disbelieving look. "I mean it...You're so wonderful…funny, smart, sweet…I just don't feel _that_ way about you. And I really am sorry."

He had been able to form a semi-convincing mask and shrugged lightly. "It's okay. You can't help the way you feel…I should know." He gave her a feeble smile which she returned, dropping her hand from his arm. He sighed again and rumpled his hair. She smiled at it this time, finding his unconscious habit to be endearing. There were a few moments of silence when neither of them really knew what to say.

"So…are you going to be really awkward around me now?" Lily teased.

"Oh, yeah. That's okay, right?" he said back, smiling gratefully at her.

"I guess so." Her eyes searched his face again. His eyes looked sad but he was smiling bravely at her. "Can I ask you something? You need to be completely honest with me." He looked at her curiously but nodded his consent. "Would it be easier for you…I mean, would it be easier for you to get over me, if we didn't spend as much time together?" She really didn't want to ask it because she was afraid that his answer would be 'yes' and she selfishly didn't want to stop spending time with him.

He looked shocked at the question. "What?"

"Well, Jenna and Mary made it very clear to me earlier today that we spend a lot of time together," she said reluctantly. "And I was just thinking that it can't be easy for you to…have feelings for me and be around me all the time. If you need me to back off a little bit…I wouldn't like it, but I'd be willing to only see you when strictly necessary...like for Head business and whatnot. We can go back to the way things used to be if it would make life easier for you. Well, like before we were friends but without all of the fighting, obviously."

He looked at her for a long moment an unknown emotion in his eyes. Admiration? Respect? She wasn't really sure. Then he smiled softly at her. "It probably would be easier to be completely honest." Lily felt her heart sink and some of the disappointment she felt must have been apparent on her face because he chuckled and then grinned genuinely at her. "But don't worry, I'm way too selfish to give you up like that. Besides, I'd much rather be friends with you and just have to deal with this than not be friends at all." She smiled warmly at him.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded and grinned at her again.

"Good," she breathed. "Well, if you change your mind…or if you think of something else I can do to help, let me know," she teased.

"You could stop being so wonderful," he murmured under his breath. Lily felt a blush rise on her cheeks but didn't respond. He looked at the ground for a moment and then looked back up at her. "I guess we should go to bed, then," he said sadly.

"Yeah," Lily agreed. "Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight." He was about to turn to go up his staircase, but before she could stop herself, Lily walked swiftly into his arms and wrapped hers tightly around his waist. He seemed taken aback by this but quickly recovered and put his arms around her shoulders and rested his head on top of hers. She felt his chest expand and then felt her hair ruffle as he expelled a deep sigh. She knew she was holding on longer than she should but couldn't deny that she was thoroughly enjoying the hug. She liked the feeling of his strong arms engulfing her. She felt warm and content as she breathed in his musky scent. She closed her eyes only for a second but felt completely peaceful for that moment.

Finally she pulled away, a blush creeping up onto her cheeks again as she avoided eye contact. "Well, goodnight," she murmured again and then turned and headed up the stairs and back to her dorm.

**A/N: **Can I just say that you guys are awesome! Politely requesting reviews is definitely the way to go. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I appreciate them more than you understand. I plan, read, rewrite and reread these chapters so many times that by the time I upload them I have a hard time understanding how anyone could enjoy them at all. So your reviews are definitely some much needed encouragement. And because it worked so wonderfully last week, I am going to politely request that you drop a review, short or long, again.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I had a ton of fun writing Jenna. She's pretty much the anti-me so, I really enjoyed her. And then obviously this was a pretty crucial moment in the James/Lily relationship. Next chapter is the first time Lily _wanted_ to kiss him so, get ready for that! Thanks for reading everyone!


	5. The First Time She Wanted to Kiss Him

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to JK Rowling.**

**Chapter Five: The First Time She Wanted to Kiss Him**

If Lily had ever considered that being Head Girl was nothing more than being head Prefect, she was wrong. Dead wrong. She and James were heading to their third meeting this week and it was only Thursday. They'd had to meet (for four hours) Sunday night after his Quidditch practice to go over the menu for the Halloween party and to try and figure out a way to convince Gladrags to supply costumes. Tuesday night had been their weekly Prefects' meeting but it too had gone long because of the discussion about the latest Muggle attack by Voldemort and the feeling of panic that had gripped the castle because of it.

That's what had led to her meeting with James tonight. One of the Prefects had suggested that the feeling of unease had come about because students, especially younger students, felt helpless. Remus had then offered up the idea that Lily and James should hold a "defense demonstration" showing students some of the more helpful defensive spells so that they would at least feel like they would have a chance of defending themselves in case they ever needed it.

So now Lily and James were headed to the empty Transfiguration classroom that Professor McGonagall had graciously agreed to let them use to practice.

"Have you seen how many people have signed up?" James asked as held the door open for her and then followed her into the room and lit the candles with a lazy wave of his wand. "Practically all of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff and most of the younger Slytherins too," he informed her. He paused for a moment and then continued. "Though that last group's probably just trying to figure out a way to defend themselves from Mulciber when he decides to practice his Dark Arts on them." James scowled as he waltzed over to McGonagall's desk, pushed some of her papers aside and jumped up on top of it.

Lily surveyed him for a moment with a raised eyebrow. "She would probably expel you for that," Lily pointed out, gesturing to what he was using as a chair. "She'd call it 'blatant disrespect' or "insubordination.'"

James pretended to consider her words for a moment and then shrugged before flashing her a mischievous grin. "I don't care. What's life without a little risk anyway?" He then proceeded to push more papers aside and patted the now cleared spot with his right hand. "Come on, Lily. You know you want to."

"No I don't!" Lily responded laughingly. "I'm not crazy! Detention may be your favorite after school activity, but I'd prefer not to spend my Friday evening cleaning bedpans in the Hospital Wing, thanks." He shrugged again but didn't move. Instead he reached around and grabbed a stack of McGonagall's mail and began thumbing through the sheets of parchment with nonchalance.

"Come on," he said after a moment, setting the mail back down, "You can't even imagine the sense of power I feel up here. It's…indescribable," he teased.

Lily chuckled and then reached down into her book bag and pulled out a quill and parchment. She titled a scrap piece "Spells to Teach" and then looked up to find James off of McGonagall's desk and around by her chair pulling at one of the drawers. "James!" she hissed, standing up and moving towards him. "What are you doing?"

"Relax," he said giving her a wink and returning to his snooping. "I just wanted to see if she had our essays from last week graded yet." He rummaged around a bit more until he came across a large stack of papers bound with a rubber band. "Bingo," he murmured and began flipping the tops of the pieces of parchment, searching for his name. "Never mind, these are the Ravenclaws'." Lily rolled her eyes again but then he let out a bark of laughter. "Look at this!" he laughed. "Demetrius Fletcher got a 'D'."

"James!" Lily scolded before grabbing the papers from him and shoving them back into the drawer. She slapped his hands away and snapped it shut.

"What?" She glared at him a moment, letting him know with a single look that she did not approve of his actions. "Aw, come on. It's funny! He wouldn't stop bragging last week about how he'd written an extra foot for this essay and then he went and got himself a D! How can you not think that's funny?" James defended, still trying to fight back peals of laughter.

"I've never quite found the misfortune of others to be as amusing as you do," she snapped coldly.

"Oh, lighten up," James said, rolling off her insult. "I only think it's funny because he was being such a little prat all last week. I had to work with him in Herbology and he wouldn't shut up about it." Lily gave him a look but let it go. "Can I at least keep looking for my essay?" he questioned innocently, looking as though he were asking his mother for another cookie. She shook her head firmly but a grin crept up onto her lips. He shrugged, giving up and walked back around the desk and jumped up onto his former spot. "Join me?" he asked again, this time giving her a faux seductive look and wiggling his eyebrows. She rolled her eyes but moved over by him and scooted up onto the desk next to him. "See? Nice, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah…definitely powerful," she joked sarcastically. He chuckled and she summoned her parchment and quill. "Now, let's get back to work. I'd like to get finished with this so that we can start patrolling on time."

"Oh yeah, I forgot we had patrolling to do too," James grumbled, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. "Can we just blow it off?"

"I wish," Lily mumbled as she dipped her quill into a bottle of McGonagall's ink next to her. "Now, what should we teach everyone?"

"Let's just stick with the basics. Those first years aren't going to be able to do anything anyway so trying to teach them anything too complicated would be a disaster," he stated while fiddling with a figurine of some sort that he had picked up from next to McGonagall's mail pile.

"Okay, so we can teach things like the Shield Charm, _Impedimenta_, full body bind…"

"Ooh, write down jelly-legs," James interjected enthusiastically. "That one was easy for me when I was a first year. Not to mention it's fun to use." Another mischievous grin broke out across his face, though he tried to hide it from Lily.

"Hmm…" Lily mumbled as she surveyed him out of the corner of her eye but added his suggestion to the list. "What else?"

"How about teaching them to Stun? That would be the most useful in defending yourself. You could use it and get away without being chased. I bet people would like the idea of that," James said, excitement coursing through him. Lily nodded encouragingly as he spoke and added it to the list as well.

"You've been thinking about this a lot, haven't you?" she asked, feeling impressed with him. She studied him momentarily as he nodded. He had an eager grin on his face and there was an excited light in his eyes as he twirled his wand absentmindedly through his fingers. A small smile crept onto Lily's lips. "Why are you so excited about this?" she questioned, genuinely interested.

"I dunno, but I was really glad Moony suggested it actually, even though it's taking up a ton of our time." He paused a moment and Lily nodded but sensed that he wasn't finished so she waited for him to raise his eyes to hers again and continue. "I think that with everything going on right now…well people need to know how to defend themselves...at least on the most basic level. We are all safe here at Hogwarts and I think it detaches us from the reality that the moment we leave the grounds we are in danger. Not everyone is meant to aggressively fight back, but everyone should know how to keep themselves and the people they love safe."

Lily smiled warmly at him. She so often only saw the light-hearted, joking, and playful James that she sometimes forgot that he could be serious. It was good to see this side of him. And she found a strange sense of peace and security in the knowledge that his view on the state their world was currently in aligned so well with hers.

"I agree," Lily stated simply after a moment. He smiled at her and the air between them felt charged. Lily swallowed and broke eye contact by looking back down at her list. "So, let's get started." She leapt lightly from the desk and waved her wand to push the remaining desks against the walls. "So, what do you think? You and I will demonstrate how to perform the spells and then the Prefects will go around and help people when they try?"

"Sounds good to me. So, Shield Charm first? I'll do the shield and you hex me," James ordered, gripping his wand firmly and getting ready for her advance.

"Why do I have to curse you?" Lily asked, not particularly fond of the idea.

"Well, you have more experience hexing me than I do you," James explained with a smirk. She narrowed her eyes at him, but he ignored it. "Besides, I don't hex girls unless absolutely necessary."

"You've hexed me before," Lily argued.

"Yeah, but I thought you were going to levitate Padfoot off the Astronomy Tower. I was merely attempting to keep you from committing murder." He chuckled at the memory. "_And_ I only used the Tickling Charm on you. That's not even really a hex," James defended, flashing her another confident grin. "Now come on, just hex me. I'm going to deflect it anyway."

Warily, Lily lifted her wand and she heard James mumble, "_Protego!_" Feeling as though she were doing this against her better judgment, she slashed her wand and thought, "_Levicorpus!_" As expected, James was not yanked upside down. In fact, he didn't move at all as the jet of light from her wand ricocheted away from him.

"Okay, try a verbal spell," James instructed, still holding his wand high. Lily sent another flash of light his direction as she attempted to use the Tickling Charm against him but he was once again unaffected. "Good! One down," James said happily as he lowered his wand. They went through the Jelly-Legs Jinx and the Full Body Bind without incident though each time James had to talk Lily back into cursing him and convince her that it wasn't a terrible idea.

"Okay, the best one. Stunning!" James said enthusiastically clapping his hands together.

"You are the only person in the world who would be excited at the idea of getting stunned," Lily muttered darkly. She really didn't want to do this one. The last time she had stunned someone it had been Avery when he'd been trying to attack Mary. Lily had been scared and therefore a little too enthusiastic. Avery had flown back against the wall with such force that he actually cracked the stone before crumpling into a sickening puddle on the floor. She still remembered the pale color his skin had taken on. He'd looked so much like a corpse that Lily had been afraid that she had actually killed him. And although she hadn't been too bothered by it when it had been Avery, the idea of doing that same thing to James really frightened her. Even just picturing his skin paling and looking lifeless made her want to be sick.

"Okay Lily, stun me!" He stood with his feet planted firmly on the ground and looked up at her expectantly.

She looked into his eager eyes apprehensively and brought her wand up in preparation to cast the spell, but could not muster enough resolve to actually utter the words that would cause him to fall lifelessly backwards. She sighed deeply and then dropped her hand back to her side. "No," she stated resolutely.

James looked shocked for a moment before rolling his eyes and crossing his arms across his chest. "Why not?"

"Well, I was just thinking that maybe this isn't the best idea," Lily suggested quietly and avoided eye contact as she anticipated his response to her sudden resistance to this idea.

"Why not?" His was keeping his voice carefully calm as he questioned her, but she could see the frustration in his stance. His jaw was tight as though he were grinding his teeth together and he was tapping his foot on the stone floor.

"Well…" she started slowly, desperately searching her brain for a legitimate reason to change their plans. "Do you really think it's a good idea to team up people who haven't had any experience with defensive spells and have them attack each other? I mean, it's a disaster waiting to happen. It will be total chaos." She knew that she was grasping at straws and he knew it too. He pierced her with an irritated look.

"We're not going to pair them up with their enemies. That should keep them from intentionally trying to hurt each other. And as far as accidentally hurting each other, we can, with the help of the Prefects, at least try and keep that under control," he explained carefully though his voice was a little louder than befores.

"I'm not saying that this dueling club thing is a bad idea," Lily quickly corrected, not wanting him to be angry with her, but her words only seemed to make him more upset as he began clenching and unclenching his left hand at his side. He let out a long sigh as she finished quietly, "I just don't think that a demonstration is the best way to go about it."

"Stop being ridiculous," James snapped, the frustration in his voice mounting at her continued disagreement with him. "How're we supposed to teach first years how to stun if they don't know what it looks like?" Lily's temper flared at the suddenly hostile tone his voice had taken on. She shrugged in response to his question, knowing that it would only irritate him more. "Just stun me already!" James demanded loudly.

"Fine!" She pointed her wand directly at his chest, slashed her wand and muttered "_Stupefy!"_ without any real feeling at all. A feeble flash of pale pink light shot from the end of her wand and when it reached James it only managed to cause a light breeze to ruffle his hair. He looked around shaking his head and threw his hands up in frustration.

"What was that?" James asked, pointing disbelieving at her wand. "Don't do that!"

"Do what?" she snapped.

"Don't do it wrong. I saw you in Defense Against the Dark Arts last year, you stunned Wormtail about twenty times before Professor Dormatt made you stop. Now just _DO IT!_" James roared.

Lily slashed her wand, again incorrectly, and muttered the incantation. Because of her fury more than anything else the spell at least managed to push him back a few steps, though he was still standing tall and fuming visibly.

"I guess I forgot," Lily lied unconvincingly as James rolled his eyes and began walking towards her.

"Look, if you're afraid of hurting me, you don't need to worry," he said as he got closer to her. He was apparently attempting to keep his voice calm but was still obviously frustrated with her. "I've been hurt a lot worse than you could ever do with a Stunner."

"I'm not afraid of hurting you," Lily protested. "In fact, I'd like nothing more than to hit you upside the head as hard as I can right now."

"At least that would accomplish _something_," James muttered under his breath as he put his right hand over her wand and started demonstrating the correct wand movement. "You're doing it all wrong, see," he said more loudly.

Lily felt like her cheeks were on fire. His left hand was resting lightly on her back and the fingers on his right hand curled around hers gently. He was flicking the wand and saying something, but she wasn't paying attention anymore. His breath was warm on her neck and she felt suddenly light headed.

"What're you doing?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly. She swallowed and tried to quickly get a hold of herself.

"You said you forgot…I'm trying to jog your memory," he explained roughly, not noticing the change in her tone of voice.

"Well, get away. I don't like you standing so close to me," she sputtered and pushed him away from her. She moved her wand into her left hand and was unconsciously shaking her right at her side. It was now that James noticed her flaming cheeks which instantly calmed his former irritation with her. A small crease formed in between his eyes as he observed her strange behavior.

"Why not?" he questioned slowly, though an amused air was creeping into his tone. "Do I smell bad?"

"No, you smell quite good actually," Lily answered automatically without thinking. Her cheeks instantly turned an even darker red and her eyes got wide as she heard her own words. James couldn't keep from laughing out loud at her statement this time. She tried to recover. "It just…it just makes me…you know, uncomfortable," she stammered. She resisted the urge to punch him because he was now gazing at her with that familiar mischievous glint in his eyes.

He took a step toward her. "Is this too close? Am I making you uncomfortable?" he teased. She glared at him but he just continued to laugh.

"No…shut up!" Lily demanded, though he just ignored her request and took another step forward.

"How about this? Too close?" She rolled her eyes and sighed angrily at him. He smirked at her for a second and took a final step in so that they were practically toe-to-toe. "Am I too far into your personal space now?" He was leaning down so that he was at eye level with her and grinned wickedly. He straightened up and chuckled softly and she had to look up to meet his eyes. She had never realized just how tall he'd become over the past few years.

"YES! Way too close! Now, get away!" She made to push him away but couldn't get enough force behind her and ended up merely pushing feebly against his chest. She gave up her pushing but for a reason that was inexplicable to her, she left her hands there, resting on his broad chest.

He grinned down at her smugly but she barely noticed. The mood was changing quickly. The laughter was leaving his eyes just as the grin was leaving his lips being replaced with an intense gaze that she had never experienced before. There was something alight in his eyes that made her simultaneously want to pull away and move closer. She was afraid of what it was and curious at the same time. She could feel the muscles (that she still vividly remembered) under his shirt with her fingers. His scent washed over her, intoxicating her, as she suddenly realized just how close they really were. They were close enough to hug…close enough to _kiss_. And as if on cue, her eyes immediately found his lips. They looked soft and full and she wondered idly how they would feel against her own.

She wrenched her eyes back to his only to find that they, like hers had been momentarily before, were gazing at her lips. Lily felt a small thrill in the pit of her stomach with the knowledge that he was thinking of kissing her. She wondered how his hair would feel threaded through her fingers and how his body would feel pressed against hers. She was sure that she blushed again at the mental images that these thoughts brought forth but she felt so much warmer anyway being this close to him that she didn't feel the heat rise to her cheeks. Neither one moved for a moment as they gazed at each other.

Then James inclined his head ever so slightly toward hers. Lily felt as though an eruption was taking place in the pit of her stomach as she realized that he was going to do it. James was going to kiss her. And the fear and anger that she expected to feel never appeared. Instead she only felt excitement…excitement and impatience. His eyes were fixed on her lips.

He'd barely moved his head an inch though before he stopped, another crease of concentration forming between his eyes. He seemed to be thinking something over. Lily was trying to keep her breathing steady though it was proving to be difficult as her heart was beating erratically in her chest. Then he seemed to decide on something and moved away from her.

"Sorry," he mumbled hoarsely, his gravelly voice sending a wave of desire over Lily's body that she had to use quite a bit of effort to fight back. "I'll try and keep my distance from now on."

"_NO!"_ Lily screamed in her head and he stepped back and then turned, heading to his spot across the room from her. She didn't want him to move away. She wanted him to come back, but the logical part of her mind knew that it was for the best that he hadn't kissed her. After all, she had only told him about a week ago that she didn't have feelings for him. What kind of mixed signals would she be sending the poor guy if she kissed him now. She tried not to let the disappointment that she felt play out onto her face as he turned back to face her, an unreadable expression on his.

"I can ask Moony to Stun me if you want. I'm sure he would jump at a chance like that," James said in an attempt at a joke, though the flat voice he said it with kept her from chuckling as she normally would have.

"That's okay, I can do it," she murmured. She waved her wand to first lay out a pile of cushions behind him before slashing her wand correctly and yelling, "_Stupefy!_" He fell onto the cushions with a quiet "fwump."

Lily took advantage of his momentarily unconscious state and staggered backwards onto a desk, sitting down and raising a shaky hand to her face. She needed to pull herself together. Her heart was still pounding uncomfortably in her chest. She couldn't seem to shake the feeling that his close proximity had given her and she desperately needed to in order to be able to function the rest of the evening. She still had a good three hours ahead with him and they would not be able to finish their work if all she could think about was pushing him against a wall and kissing him.

"Pull yourself together, woman!" Lily ordered herself under her breath. She sighed deeply and pulled herself up off of the desk and slowly made her way over to where James was laying on the cushions, looking (thankfully) like he had only fallen asleep and not as though he had died. She pointed her wand at his chest once more and muttered, "_Ennervate!_" He blinked up at her and his cheeks turned a slight shade of pink. She offered him her hand and pulled him up before releasing it quickly. He mumbled a "thank you" and then quickly brushed himself off.

"Anything else?" he asked keeping his eyes on his shirt looking for more dirt to dust off.

"I think that should be plenty to keep everyone occupied for the first meeting," she recited robotically. "You want to go ahead and start patrolling?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." He extinguished the candles and Lily bolted for the door, thinking that being in a dark and empty classroom with him would not help her state of mind at all. She waited for him in the corridor outside.

The next three hours passed slowly. Both were still reeling about what had almost transpired between them and were either too engrossed in their own thoughts or felt too awkward to say anything. The only words spoken at all were when Lily had turned left to head toward the Owlery and James turned right to head to the Astronomy Tower and they had accidentally brushed hands. Lily had felt like her skin was on fire where his had touched hers as they decided on the Astronomy Tower with a few grunts and a pointing finger from James. She couldn't be exactly sure what he was thinking but found a small bit of comfort in the fact that he quickly shoved both hands into his pants pockets and left them there for the rest of the evening.

When they returned to the common room, it was nearly deserted. Only a small group of seventh years remained in front of the fire which was now more glowing embers than an actual fire. They got to the foot of the stairs to the girls' dormitory and turned to face each other. It was silent for a moment while Lily considered saying something about what had happened, afraid that things would become uncomfortable for the two of them now. But James was looking at her with a small smile, and though his eyes were still dark and still held the same intensity from earlier, she felt reassured that things would be fine between them.

"Good night, James," she said, smiling slightly before turning and heading up the stairs.

"Night, Lily," he muttered as he watched her go. She heard him sigh once she was out of sight. She stopped at the top of the stairs and watched him cross over to the boys' staircase shaking his head and running a hand unconsciously through his messy hair.

She dressed for bed quickly and then lay silently in her bed with her curtains drawn. Though her body was exhausted and the sounds of her roommates' even breathing usually lulled her to sleep, she could not seem to be able to quiet her mind down enough to slip into unconsciousness. She rolled onto her back and stared at the cover over her bed and let her mind wander to what she knew was keeping her awake.

James.

Well, James and his lips.

She was sure that she didn't have feelings for him. How could she? After everything they'd been through…after everything he'd put her through, there was no possible way that she could ever have feelings for him. It was impossible. Sure he was different in some aspects…or at least he was allowing her to see the parts of him that he had kept hidden before. He was sweet and thoughtful and so funny. He made her laugh more than anyone else had ever been able to. But he was still James. And she had detested him for so long. It was a miracle in itself that they were able to be friends; she couldn't possibly feel anything more. Could she?

The fact that she'd spent the whole evening keeping herself from kissing him certainly seemed to be evidence in favor of the idea that her feelings for him were _more_ than just platonic.

But being physically attracted to someone and wanting to be in a relationship with someone were two completely different things, she reminded herself. She wasn't denying that she was attracted to James (though she would never admit it out loud). She'd known that before she'd seen him shirtless. Maybe this was just another manifestation of that attraction. Just because she wanted to kiss him didn't mean that she wanted to be his girlfriend.

Not to mention, it's only natural to be curious. Not only was he good looking, but he had a reputation as a good kisser. The few girlfriends he'd had over the years just raved about him. At the time Lily had been completely revolted by the idea of kissing James Potter, but surely that information had sunk in and now that they were friends it made sense to wonder about such things.

"_That has to be it_," Lily comforted herself as she rolled over and closed her eyes. "_It's nothing more than physical attraction and curiosity. It doesn't mean anything more than that._" And with one last sigh, she drifted into a light sleep.

**A/N: **Thanks for reading everyone! I really appreciated the reviews last week. Again, I politely request reviews. You can't believe how good they make me feel and how encouraging they are.

Just to clarify a few things, I've had a few reviews telling me that James was a Seeker. I know that in the first movie the trophy has "James Potter: Seeker" on it but I read in an interview with JK Rowling that she said James was a Chaser. He liked to play with the Snitch because it was easy to show off with. But to make sure I wasn't crazy I googled it and the HP Encyclopedia which gets all of their info from the books/JKR interviews agrees that James was a Chaser. I just want you guys to know that I'm not just making stuff up. If you want to check it out it was hp-encyclopedia .com

I hope you enjoyed this! The next chapter is the first time she needs him. Have a great week everyone!


	6. The First Time She Needed Him

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did this story would be much better than it is.**

**A/N:** Hey everyone! Sorry it's taken me so long to update. There are a couple of reasons for that. The main reason is that I had finals and couldn't justify working on this when I needed to pass geography. The other reason was that I truly hate this chapter. I'm not a fan of the subject matter unless it's done right and I'm not sure that I achieved it. But I've been trying to write it for three weeks now and this is all that I've managed to do with it, though it is a lot better than it was when I first wrote it. Anyway, I hope you don't hate it as much as I do.

Again, I will politely request reviews! Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing and for all the favorites and alerts! It really makes my day to get those! Enjoy everyone!

**Chapter Six: The First Time She Needed Him  
**

Lily was trying to concentrate on her Charms book, but trying to remember exactly what it was that Professor Flitwick had said Monday about Calming Charms was proving to be rather difficult. She scratched her chin with the end of her quill and flipped angrily through her book searching for anything that she could add to her four inches too short essay.

She was sitting on the floor leaning her back against the couch in front of the fireplace on Wednesday evening allowing the warmth from the fire to lick her toes. Jenna and Remus were sitting behind her with their heads together working on their Ancient Runes essay. Every once in a while she would hear one of them whisper something and scratch out a sentence with their quill. Mary was sitting in an armchair with her Potions book open but her eyes were closed and her head was resting against the back of the chair. Sirius was sitting in another armchair with Rosalyn perched on his lap. Lily tried not to look at them too much as it made her nauseous. They were completely consumed in what they were doing as well but unlike the rest of the group, they were not doing homework.

Lily had to look up though whenever she heard a loud slurping sound. She felt disgusted but couldn't hide her giggle whenever Peter made a gagging noise. Remus quickly threw a pillow at them, effectively breaking up their kiss.

"Padfoot, I know you have a hard time understanding this, but we don't all want to watch the two of you making out. Now either cut it out or go somewhere else," he said, genuine irritation clear in his voice.

"Someone's moody…" Sirius grumbled as he shifted in the chair, rearranging Rosalyn on his lap.

"I'm just tired of seeing it, is all," Remus retorted under his breath.

"Yeah, we've already walked in on the two of you three times this week," Peter added in support of Remus.

"We're just very affectionate," Rosalyn said in a syrupy voice as she stroked Sirius' face with a long finger and kissed him lightly on the neck. "We can't help it."

"Yeah, well, go be affectionate somewhere else," Peter mumbled loud enough for her to hear it. "Some of us want to keep our dinner down." Lily smiled but tried to conceal it behind her hand while Jenna snorted audibly. Rosalyn spun around and pierced Peter with a vicious stare.

"Are you going to let him talk to me like that?" she asked as she rounded on Sirius who merely shrugged.

"Yes," he said matter-of-factly. The group watched them apprehensively as Rosalyn began fuming. Their fighting had not been as bad as usual, mostly because anytime they were together they were too busy with other matters to fight, but they'd been together for a few weeks now and Lily thought it looked like Sirius was beginning to get bored already. She desperately searched her mind for a change of subject whenever a distraction presented itself.

"Is that an owl?" she asked, pointing to a fluttering brown animal that was tapping its talon against the window pane. Jenna shot up out of her seat and opened it to let the brown barn owl in. It soared into the common room and right to Lily where it dropped off a letter and then zoomed right back out of the room. The group eyed her curiously as she opened the letter.

"Were you expecting any mail, Lily?" Mary asked groggily, though she was sitting up straighter in her chair.

Lily shook her head but a sense of dread sunk into her stomach as she recognized the cramped handwriting as that of her sister. "It's from Petunia," she muttered. She unfolded the letter and began reading to herself.

"_Lily,_

_There's no easy way to say this, but this morning Mum and Dad died. Some freaky man showed up at our door this morning from your Ministry and told me that they were driving on a bridge in London and it was attacked by something and it collapsed. He called it a "mass Muggle attack," whatever that means. The memorial service is being held on Saturday but don't you dare come home. It's your fault that our lives are tangled up in this mess so just stay away._

_The man told me to tell you that you'll receive a letter from "the Ministry" soon._

_Petunia"_

Lily wasn't sure how much time had passed as she stared at the words. She was vaguely aware of the fact that everyone was staring at her. Her heart was pounding in her chest so loudly that she couldn't hear any of the surrounding noise in the common room. She reread the letter three times with the words "died," "attack," and "your fault" sticking out.

"Lily…" Jenna began hesitantly, reaching out with her hand to gently squeeze Lily's shoulder, "is everything all right?" Lily looked up to the faces of her friends and saw that they were all looking at her apprehensively. She wasn't sure what emotions where flashing across her face at the moment though the look in her eyes must have been horrified enough that it alerted Jenna and Mary that things definitely were not all right. The two of them exchanged a quick, scared look and then turned back to Lily.

"Lily, what is it?" Mary demanded, her voice much harder than Jenna's. Lily was suddenly aware that not only were the eyes of her friends on her but also the eyes of most of the people in the common room. She noticed the people in the groups near them straining their ears to hear her answer. She began feeling claustrophobic, blood pounding loudly in her ears. She had to take deep breaths in order to keep the room from spinning and the heat from the fire was no longer a pleasant warmth but a sweltering heat. She had to get out of the room. She had to get away from the fire, away from her friends and away from everyone else's probing eyes.

Without warning she stood up, clutching the letter tightly in her hand as her books, essay and ink bottle toppled out of her lap and onto the floor. She didn't attempt to clean any of it up but turned on her heel without another word and walked as quickly as she could toward the portrait hole. She didn't run. She didn't want Mary or Jenna to come after her and if she ran they would follow in an instant.

She was almost free; almost away from the confining common room, almost away from the gazes that she could feel burning into her back. She could see the canvas of the back of the portrait. It was only a few steps away and she was just preparing to reach for it and push when someone else on the other side opened it. But she didn't slow down. She couldn't. And so, she ran right into James, knocking something heavy out of his hands. He laughed…_laughed_…and Lily vaguely wondered how anyone could laugh at a time like this.

"Watch where you're going, Evans," James teased as he grabbed her shoulders to steady her as she teetered dangerously on the spot. He was still smiling when his eyes locked with hers. It was a smile that she knew well. The skin crinkled just the tiniest bit at the corner of his eyes and a faint dimple appeared at the right corner of his mouth. She had seen the light dance in his hazel eyes a million times before but the reaction that it normally elicited from her, a smile in return and a familiar warmth that started in her stomach and spread to the tips of her fingers and toes, did not surface. Instead she felt angry. Angry that anyone would dare be happy enough to smile at her like that.

The smile didn't last long though. She again wondered what expression was on her face as she watched the smile disappear from his only to be replaced by an expression of concern and fear.

"What's wro-," he began to ask but Lily cut him off.

"Get out of my way!" She ordered and then pushed away from him as hard as she could and hurried out of the open portrait hole. She felt immediately better and worse. The cool air of the corridor filled her lungs and she gulped at it, letting it clear her head. She felt free from the gaze of the others, but with that freedom came freedom from distraction and the reality of the reason she had come out here in the first place hit her with a new force. She felt as though someone had hit her square in the chest, knocking all of the wind out of her. Her head filled with the words of the letter. She heard Petunia's harsh voice saying them, telling her that it was her fault. The cold air no longer felt like a rescue but like freezing water that she was drowning in. Goosebumps burst up on her flesh and a chill ran down her spine.

In hindsight, she knew she should have expected James to follow her out. He'd never been one to follow social rules like leaving someone alone when they wanted solitude. He'd also never been capable of staying away from her whenever he thought she was hurting.

But at the moment, she didn't expect it. If Mary and Jenna weren't going to follow her, how on earth could _James Potter_ think it would be okay for him to do so. The sound of his voice softly saying her name startled her and she jumped and turned only to see him looking back at her with that same slightly frightened and concerned look in his eyes. He reached out his hand and gently stroked her arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently. He meant it to be soothing, something to let her know that it was okay for her to open up to him. Instead, his words - his touch - made anger flare up in her stomach. She wanted nothing more than to smack that stupid sympathetic look off of his face.

"NO, I'M NOT OKAY!" Lily erupted, her voice echoing around the empty corridor. James and the Fat Lady both jumped, the latter muttering something under her breath. James remained rooted to his spot though, his momentary shock turning back into worry. "WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT?" As anger coursed through her veins she wondered why he wasn't leaving. Why wouldn't he leave her alone?

And then it occurred to her. Maybe he had done this. Sure, he hadn't pulled any stupid pranks in a while, but maybe it had all bottled up and he had just pulled the worst one of all. Relief washed through her as she became more and more confident that that is what had happened. Stupid James had returned and along with his stupid friends they had pulled this terrible prank on her. He was probably close to breaking his rib again trying to hold in the laughter. She had never hated him more than she did at this moment. She would never speak to him again…that is if she didn't kill him right now. Sirius, Remus and Peter were probably on the other side of the portrait laughing at this very moment.

As she began to shake with fury, a tiny part of her brain knew that it was a ridiculous proposition. She knew that James would never do anything that cruel…anything that foolish to anyone, but especially to her. But she ignored that part of her brain. It was easier to admit that she had been wrong about James than it was to admit that her parents were dead.

"Did you do this?" she asked in a dangerously low voice, gesturing wildly to the crumpled up bit of notebook paper in her hand. The faint line that had been present between his eyebrows deepened as he gazed at the paper.

"Do what?" he questioned, his voice carefully curious.

"You know exactly what." Her voice was shaking along with her body and she took a menacing step forward but James stood his ground. She threw the letter at him. He carefully smoothed it out while holding her gaze before he looked down and began reading. "This is the most horrible…the most idiotic…the absolute worst prank you have ever pulled!" But as she watched him read the letter, his eyes getting bigger and bigger as he read, she knew he hadn't written it. His hazel eyes held no hint of amusement as he returned his gaze to her. He looked sad, concerned, worried, scared, but not amused.

"Lily…I didn't…" he shook his head and looked back down at the piece of paper. "…I would never." He was watching her carefully. Her heart sank.

"YES, YOU DID!" she screamed though her words were more a wish than a declaration. She lunged at him and pushed him. She wanted him to admit that it had been him. Yes, it would be a horrible trick but it was better than the alternative. "ADMIT IT, JAMES!"

She was losing control. Her voice was shaking and furious tears were beginning to form in her eyes, blurring her vision. She couldn't see James' face, but she didn't have to work too hard to imagine the saddened expression as he moved toward her. She didn't pull back as he wrapped his arms around her but she didn't relax either. She blinked back the tears and tried to pull herself together so that she could convince him to leave her be.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured into her hair and for whatever reason that sparked her fury again. She pushed against him again, though with his arms constricted around her, he didn't move too far away.

"DON'T SAY THAT!" she yelled as she pushed him again. "DON'T!"

He kept his hands on her shoulders and peered into her eyes as tears began spilling out. "I'm sorry…I was just trying to be comforting," he whispered.

"I DON'T NEED TO BE COMFORTED!" she yelled again as she tried to pull away. "I DON'T!" she insisted when he didn't let her go, but she was losing resolve. She was losing confidence. She fell still for a moment and he tried to pull her close again. "STOP IT, JAMES!" she said and began hitting him as hard as she could on any spot she could lay her hands on, but he never slackened his hold on her. "I don't need to be comforted because…because they're not dead. They can't be." Her voice was becoming weaker, her hits more feeble. Tears were streaming freely down her face. But as she denied it, she knew that it was true. James hadn't pranked her. Petunia would never do anything like that, even as much as she hated Lily. And even if she would, she would never know to use words like "Muggle attack" or that the man who had contacted her was from the Ministry.

The reality hit her once again. Her parents were dead. Her constant source of support and love was gone in an instant.

She began to sob uncontrollably. James' arms contracted around her instinctively, holding her tightly. She felt like she was sinking, as though the stones that her feet were planted on were cracking and falling and pulling her down with them. So she snaked her arms under his and clutched onto his shoulders to hold herself up, letting his strength become hers. She didn't try to hold anything in…even if she wanted to she would have been unsuccessful. Her tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn't seem bothered by it. Her body convulsed uncomfortably as she gasped for air. He just held her and let her cry, murmuring a quiet "shh" in her ear from time to time and running his hands comfortingly up and down her back. She was beyond being capable of being consoled. Nothing he did really made her feel any better but she was glad he was there.

She wasn't sure how long they stood like that in front of the portrait hole, but it must have been quite a while as she sobbed and cried until she didn't think there were any tears left in her body. He continued to hold her even when her sobs subsided, letting her cling to him for a few minutes longer until her breathing returned to normal and until she was ready to let go.

When she was sure that she wouldn't collapse the second he dropped his embrace she let her hands slide down his back and to her sides and then stepped away, hastily wiping her nose and cheeks with the back of her hand. He let her step away from him but kept a hand on her arm.

She didn't say anything, afraid that opening her mouth would lead to a fresh wave of tears. She looked up at him, embarrassed and expecting to see an expression of pity but only found concern and sadness in his returned stare. He gave her arm a gentle squeeze and then sighed.

"Come on," he said quietly, "Mary and Jenna are worried about you." She nodded and followed as he turned and led her toward the portrait hole. His hand stayed on her back, a warm and surprising comfort as she prepared to head into a sea of curious stares which she was sure would be followed by speculative whispers. "Do you want me to tell everyone to clear out?" he asked as though reading her thoughts. He looked down at her for a moment before she shook her head and stared at the floor. He nodded and gave the Fat Lady the password and then led her into the suddenly silent common room. Jenna and Mary were at her side almost instantly and in a blur of color and sound she had somehow been transferred from the gentle pressure of James's hand to Mary and Jenna with both of their arms wrapped completely around her. They were leading her up to the dormitory.

James watched as she was led up the staircase, Jenna and Mary murmuring in her ear. When she had disappeared completely he headed over to where his friends were sitting, each of them with their eyes trained on him. James quirked up one of the corners of his mouth and plopped down on the couch in the spot that Jenna had just vacated. He let out a long sigh and ran his hand over his face and through his hair.

Remus was the first to break the silence. "Is she okay?" he whispered. James was aware of the fact that the head of every student in their immediate vicinity was suddenly quite still and apparently listening intently for his answer.

"She will be…eventually," James replied.

"What happened?" Sirius asked.

"I…um…am not sure that she would want me to tell," he stuttered but gave Sirius a pointed look and then glanced at all of the nosy people who were eavesdropping on them. Sirius nodded and turned his attention back to Rosalyn.

The group was silent for a moment, pondering how much to talk about what had just happened and how much to ignore. Remus had just started jotting words down on his essay again when Peter piped up. "Why's your shirt all wet, Prongs?"

"I fell in the lake," James answered automatically. Sirius and Remus grinned instantly, though Remus did shake his head and roll his eyes.

Peter looked extremely confused and asked, "What were you doing by the lake?" James snorted and Sirius gave Peter an incredulous look.

"You're so gullible, it's almost not any fun," James muttered. "Almost…"

Peter shrugged and went back to his homework. James tried to work on his Transfiguration paper but couldn't focus, his mind continually drifting to Lily (even more than usual). So instead of waiting for Jenna or Mary to come back down to the common room, he bid goodnight to his friends and went to bed early.

-&-&-&-

She made her way down to breakfast the next morning by herself. She was late and thought that she would only have about three minutes to eat before it was time to go to Arithmancy, but then again, she didn't have much of an appetite anyway. Jenna had shaken her awake ten minutes earlier as she and Mary left for the Great Hall. Lily had considered for a moment staying in bed. She figured that if there were ever a legitimate reason for skipping a day of classes, this certainly was it. But in the end she decided that she couldn't stand being alone with her thoughts all day and that at least class would provide some kind of distraction for her.

She was aware of the whispers and sidelong glances that followed her as she made her way down the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. She knew that everyone was taking in her appearance: her slightly dirty hair pulled messily away from her face, the lack of makeup, the red puffy eyes. Lily kept her eyes trained firmly on the ground and tried to ignore the whispers. When she looked up, she saw Mary and Jenna looking at her. Jenna gave her a half smile and patted a seat next to her where there was a plate full of food already sitting in front of it.

She saw James a few seats down from them talking seriously to his friends who were gathered around a copy of the Daily Prophet. She suddenly felt grateful toward him again. Grateful that he wasn't staring at her waiting to see her reaction this morning.

She acknowledged Jenna and Mary but walked past them and straight up to James.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked in a small, hoarse voice.

"Sure," he replied and gestured to the seat next to him. She looked around quickly and noticed that not only were Sirius, Remus and Peter looking at the two of them interestedly, but so were all of the people around them.

"Alone?" she asked again. He nodded and stood up from his seat and followed as she briskly walked out of the Great Hall. She turned and led him down another corridor away from the doors as people were beginning to trickle out of the Great Hall to head up to the classrooms. He followed silently, his hands shoved into his pockets.

She finally stopped when she felt that they were safely away from prying eyes and ears. She turned and faced him. Their eyes met momentarily before she glanced away and let them drop to the stone beneath her feet. "I just wanted to say thanks...I guess...for, you know...what you did last night. Yeah, so thanks," Lily finished, feeling intensely embarrassed.

James leaned down a little bit so that he was looking into her eyes. "It's not a big deal," he replied, his voice soft and comforting. Lily looked up at him, giving him a look that told him she obviously disagreed and that she felt is certainly was a big deal. "Honestly, Lily, you handled this much better than I would have. When my cat died…my _cat_…I destroyed our dormitory. I'm not kidding! Ask Padfoot, I demolished his trunk. I think he's still missing some underpants, actually."

She gave him a small, appreciative smile, recognizing his attempt to lighten her mood. "Did you get any sleep at all?" he questioned.

She shook her head. "No, I went upstairs and Jenna and Mary tried to comfort me. Jenna just held me and Mary made me talk about my feelings. I eventually convinced them that I would sleep better if they slept in their own beds, but I couldn't fall asleep. I just cried…all night. I may have drifted off about an hour ago, but then I woke up to come down here so…and that explains why I look like this," she finished, gesturing to herself.

James attempted to suppress a tiny smile. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"I look terrible. You can tell I didn't sleep." Lily instinctively pulled at the bags under her eyes as if to emphasize her point.

"You're being ridiculous. You always look beautiful." Lily rolled her eyes at him but he looked as though he were being genuine. Normally, Lily would have felt uncomfortable at his proclamation but all she could feel was numbness at the moment. There was no room for embarrassment or flattery or any other emotion that normally would have been associated with his comment.

"You clearly have very low standards," Lily murmured. James just shrugged his disagreement and continued gazing at her. "Did you know that Mary and Jenna aren't too happy with you?" Lily asked, changing the subject.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Whatever you said to them last night before you came after me really upset them. She told me what it was, but I didn't really hear her," Lily explained sheepishly.

"I told them to stay in the common room and that I would 'take care of it.' Jenna didn't look too happy with me when I said it."

Lily gave him a knowing half-smile. "Jenna was pretty much over it, but…well, you know how Mary is. If you make her angry, she'll just seethe until it gets out of control and I think that's what happened." James nodded and Lily felt a small sense of relief at getting the focus off of herself, even if it was only for a moment. She was also glad that James was so easy to talk to. It made it much easier on her when she didn't have to search for things to talk about while simultaneously trying to keep herself from sinking into a suffocating silence.

"Did you tell her that you used me as a human punching bag?" James teased. "That should make her feel better. It could have been her if I hadn't been the one to follow you." He widened his eyes in mock horror but Lily just winced.

"Yeah…" she drawled, "Sorry about that. I tend to get a bit…well, _violent _whenever I get upset."

James waved a hand dismissively. "No need for apologies."

"I didn't hurt you did I?" Lily asked timidly, running her eyes over him quickly in search of any obvious damage.

"Nah, but you did leave some pretty nasty bruises." James was grinning and sounded as though he were bragging about them. Lily would have normally found this reaction extremely amusing. "Do you want to see them?"

Lily was shaking her head but he hadn't waited for her answer before he untucked his shirt and pulled it part of the way up his torso revealing a large, fist-shaped blue and purple bruise. There were also some lighter green and smaller bruises smattered around it. James smiled proudly, but Lily only gazed in horror. She was tempted to lift her hand and touch it, but decided against it and left her hands limply at her sides.

"Oh James…I'm so sorry. Does it hurt?"

"Not at all," he lied as he tucked his shirt back in and grinned at her. She glanced at him apologetically but didn't say anything else about it.

James looked at her closely. She hadn't been lying. It was obvious that she hadn't slept at all the night before. She had dark circles underneath her drooping eyelids and she looked so fragile that if Peeves flew by blowing raspberries, he might blow her over. Of course he hadn't been lying either. He did think she always looked beautiful but the sadness in the green eyes that he adored so much nearly killed him. She was trying to hide it…behind small talk and false smiles, but he knew her too well to fall for it. He could see just how much pain she was in and how hard it was for her to keep herself together. He would do anything if it meant easing her pain even the smallest bit. She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the next.

"Come on," James said, nodding his head in the direction of the Great Hall. "Let's get back in there before people start talking."

"Oh…that reminds me," Lily interjected, reaching out and grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving. "If you wouldn't mind…don't tell anyone…about last night, I mean." She was wringing her hands together and looking up at him with pleading eyes. "I don't really like people knowing my business in general, but I just don't think that I'm…emotionally stable enough to handle people who don't know me and don't really care about me asking questions about what happened."

"Sure…of course," he replied immediately. She felt relieved even though she'd never really thought that James would be spreading that particular bit of news anyway. It was still good to hear it confirmed. "I just…is it okay if I tell Sirius, Remus and Peter? They're really worried about you."

"You didn't tell them already?" Lily inquired.

"No. I wasn't sure if you would want me to or not. But they were asking about you after you went upstairs." Lily felt touched by this bit of information. The four boys had been a big part of her life this year, but it impacted her more than she expected to know that they truly cared about her. She nodded her approval. "Oh, and just so you know, the post arrived just before you came into the Great Hall and the attack was on the front page." Lily felt as though a fist had tightened over her heart at the word 'attack' but hoped that it hadn't been displayed on her face. "I didn't have enough time to see if it listed names or not, but people might be putting two and two together."

Lily nodded again. "Thanks for the warning." She was about to start heading back to the Great Hall when James interrupted her.

"One more thing," he muttered and began fishing in his pockets for something. "Here," he said as he pulled out the crumpled piece of notebook paper with Petunia's cramped handwriting on it. "I wasn't sure what to do with it so I thought I'd give it back to you," James said quietly as he held it out to her. She reached out a shaking hand and took it gently from him.

As she looked intently at her sister's tiny scrawl, she was overcome with emotion. It was amazing how this tiny bit of paper had completely changed her life. In the few seconds it had taken her to read, her life had gone from happy, somewhat easy (despite the constant homework), and relatively uncomplicated to completely destroyed. She felt like she was drowning but she didn't know which way was up in order to reach the surface.

"Thanks," she sighed, her voice wavering, as she tucked the bit of paper into her pocket. She looked up at James who was gazing at her sympathetically, his hazel eyes conveying a number of emotions, each of which broke through the careful mask she'd been hiding behind since leaving him the previous night.

She tried to hold it back but couldn't stop as a tear streaked down her cheek. It captured James's attention and before she could impatiently wipe it away, he lifted a hand and cupped her face, wiping away the tear gently with his thumb. The tenderness of his touch and the caring in his gaze only made more tears leak from her eyes. "Come here," he whispered and gently pulled her toward him. She didn't resist and walked willingly into his embrace. He wrapped one arm around her waist and the other remained on the back of her head, holding her to his chest. She clutched at his back and let a few more tears leak out but never let herself reach the point of meltdown as she had the night before. It was difficult though because she knew that James was trying to ease the weight of her burden. There were no underlying motives to this hug. He was simply comforting her.

She sniffed and patted him on the back before stepping away. "I'm okay," she assured him, wiping quickly at her eyes and smoothing her shirt over her stomach. He looked unconvinced but didn't argue.

"Are you sure you want to go to class today?" he asked her as they made their way toward the Great Hall. Breakfast was clearly over as the noise in the Entrance Hall was several decibels louder than it had been a few minutes earlier and a sea of people were streaming from the tall doors. "I'm sure that even McGonagall would let you out of your essay for this."

Lily nodded her head as they made their way over to the Gryffindor table and she waited while he picked up his book bag. "I can't be alone right now," she answered honestly. "I mean, I can't be alone with my thoughts, you know? It's easier to try and be normal if I've got some distractions." James nodded with her as he considered her answer.

"Well, I don't want to brag, but the Marauders are the kings of distraction." He smirked at her playfully and winked.

"I know. You'd better watch out or else you'll be spending even more time with me than you already do."

James laughed quietly, amused that she meant that as a threat when he would gladly spend all of his time with her. "I think we'll be able to deal with it." She smiled gratefully at him and they exited the Great Hall, alone with the exception of a few stragglers. "And in all seriousness, you know that we're here for you. I mean, I know it sounds cheesy and fake, but we're here if you need anything at all."

Lily gave him a small but genuine smile. "I know."


	7. The First Time He Saved Her

**Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to JK Rowling. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N-**I'm back! Just for a recap (since it's been like 4 months since I updated), Lily's parents just died. Enjoy!

**Chapter Seven: The First Time He Saved Her**

Three weeks passed and Lily fell into a routine that suited her. She got up every morning and headed to breakfast in the Great Hall where she sat with James, Peter, Sirius, Remus, Mary and Jenna. She didn't talk very much during these times, but lost herself in the easy chatter of her friends and the pointless subjects they discussed. She then followed them to whichever class they had that day where she immersed herself in taking notes and practicing the spells they were learning. After dinner she focused completely on her work whether that be the many essays she needed to write or finishing her Head duties with James. She would stay up much later than Mary or Jenna, sitting with the boys until she became so tired that she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. A few times James had had to carry her to bed after she had fallen asleep on a couch or in an armchair.

The weekends were harder. She would sleep as late as she could and then would engross herself with homework until it was completed, stopping only for food. She usually finished up around mid-afternoon on Saturday. It was then that she had to get creative in ways to occupy her time.

James, true to his word, was always up for distracting her. She'd helped them pull a prank on their fellow 7th year, Brady Wilkins. Her part, small but very important, was distracting him while they hid his wand, robes, homework, money bag, scarf, and shoes in various areas of the common room. What she appreciated most from James though, was that he didn't try to force anything out of her. He let her go about her business and treated her the same way he always had. Every once in a while he would ask how she was doing but if she seemed at all reluctant to answer he let it drop.

As he had assumed, most people figured out that the "Andrew and Samantha Evans" who had been referenced in the _Daily Prophet _article about the Muggle attack were her parents. The whispers that followed her in the corridors haunted her at night. Sometimes she wanted to cry, sometimes she wanted to scream and tell everyone to mind their own business and once she had even been tempted to slug a girl who had tried to hug her outside of the Charms classroom. Most people had the decency to keep their voices down or to only stare when she wasn't looking, but the lack of tact that some people showed was surprising.

The numbness that had settled in the day after she had received the news suited the lifestyle she had now. Very rarely did she have to venture out of her comfort zone and access real feelings. There was very little joy or happiness, but there was also less pain, and she felt that for the time being it was a fair trade off.

"So how," she wondered, "did I end up here?" She was standing in the middle of a corridor staring at a large dungeon door. Inside was where Professor Slughorn's party was being held that evening. It was shut but she could hear the muffled sound of the band in the background. She groaned and looked down at the invitation in her hand.

She really didn't want to be at that party. It generally took all of the willpower she possessed to stomach them anyway and the mood she was currently in certainly didn't suit the evening's festivities.

It was James's fault that she was here. She scowled as she thought about it. She really wanted to run as fast as she was capable of to get to her dorm and just curl up under her covers in her bed, which she imagined was probably quite warm right about now. But instead of running, James's words echoed around in her head.

-&-&-&-

"Hey," James said quietly, nudging her in the arm the previous evening. The common room was nearly empty. Sirius and Remus had just gone upstairs while Peter, Jenna and Mary had all gone to bed much earlier. It was a Friday night and while normally that meant that they all kicked back, relaxed, and stayed up late letting Sirius entertain them all, the previous week had been so busy with NEWTs practice exams that they were all exhausted.

"Hey," she replied. She could feel his eyes on her without looking and bent the corner of the page she was reading. She looked over at him, a gentle smile upon her face. He held her gaze for a minute before a wide yawn overtook him. "You don't have to stay down here with me," she insisted, "I'll be okay with my book."

James shook his head. "You've been pretty quiet tonight," he observed. She instantly dropped her eyes from his face in anticipation of the question that she knew was coming. "You alright?"

"Yup," she answered quickly.

Too quickly.

James was piercing her with a speculative look, one that clearly told her that he didn't believe her. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, waiting for the questions that she was constantly being pelted with from her fellow students and professors. But they never came. James remained silent, his hazel eyes questioning and concerned but his mouth closed. Lily was overcome once again with gratitude to her friend, thankful that he, for some reason, understood her need to not be pushed and that she would talk whenever she was ready.

She gave him a small but genuine smile. "Weekends are just hard, you know?" she said, a slight shake in her voice. He remained silent and watchful as she nervously fingered the edge of her book. "It's harder to be…I dunno…distracted enough." She looked into his eyes and met with understanding.

"Well, you know that we have the perfect distraction tomorrow, right?" His eyes were twinkling as he grinned and quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Oh yeah? And what exactly would that be?"

James dug around in his pocket for a moment and pulled out a slip of parchment. He smoothed out the folds and placed it on top of her book. She groaned as she recognized the curly green writing on the invitation to the Halloween Slug Club Party.

"You're joking," Lily stated in disbelief while James chuckled at the disgusted look on her face. "You never go to these!"

"How do you know?" James asked through his laughter.

"I was always really relieved when you didn't show up," Lily said quietly, a pink tinge on her cheeks.

James just shrugged it off however. "That was the _only_ thing that could ever keep me from you." A small smile formed on Lily's face as she noticed the immediate blush begin to creep up James's cheeks. "I mean, the last few years," he quickly clarified, clearing his throat. "Anyway…the two hours I spend in that dungeon with Sluggy is enough for me without having to pretend to be interested in a bunch of crotchety old warlocks who only want to talk about trade taxes and cauldron life spans."

"So _why_ all of a sudden do you want to go to the party?"

"To protect you, of course," James stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh really?" Lily smirked at him as he nodded. "From what?"

"From Sluggy. He's got it bad for you, Evans." Lily couldn't keep a straight face any more and was torn between laughing out loud and scrunching up her face in disgust. "Think about it. I can deflect his affections when he zeroes in on you by bringing up…I dunno…the fact that my third cousin twice removed worked in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement before he was fired for putting a permanent sticking charm on his desk mate's chair."

Lily snorted loudly, earning them both annoyed looks from the sixth years across the room which they ignored. After her laughter had died down again she added, "Well, as entertaining as that would prove to be…I think I'm going to pass on the party this time."

James let out an agitated sigh and ran a hand quickly through his hair. Lily stared on quizzically. She had not anticipated his sudden shift from light hearted to frustrated. "What?" she questioned. When he looked over at her, she recognized a fierce determination in his eyes.

"I just think that you're making a mistake, is all." He dropped his gaze again and began focusing very intently on a bit of fuzz stuck to the arm of his chair. He picked at it and resisted the urge to look back at her face because he didn't need to be looking at her to know that the previous crease between her eyes was smoothing out into a determinedly calm look. He knew it well as he had seen it many times before as she prepared to deal with him, knowing full well that a fight was more than likely going to follow.

"A mistake?" James cringed as he recognized the forced even tone in her voice. He knew that she was beginning to feel defensive from only those two words. Normally that would be a warning sign to him. A tone that made him back off, but he knew that what he was going to say needed to be said. He also knew that she wouldn't like it one bit and he flinched inwardly knowing full well that she probably wouldn't speak to him for at least a week.

"Yeah…" he paused and summoned the courage to continue. "I think that if you skip Slughorn's party, you'll be making a big mistake."

Lily narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. "And why _exactly_ would you think that." She was trying desperately to stay calm. She didn't want to start crying again and a fight with James would certainly cause that. She also didn't want to fight with the person who had been the best to her since her parents' deaths. But the look on his face told her very plainly that he had no intention of backing down.

"Now, hear me out," James began, holding up his hands. "You've really gotten settled into a routine…and that's fine, for the time being, but I'm just afraid that if you get _too_ comfortable with it then you're going to use it as a way to keep people out, you know? You're just going to hide behind what you do every day and never vary from that and use it as a crutch. And if you do that…then you'll never be able to fully heal."

"'Never fully heal'? James, it's been _three_ _weeks_. Three! Are you suggesting that I should be 'fully healed' already?" She was trying to keep her voice down but her eyes flashed dangerously.

"No, of course not!" he interjected quickly. "I just think that you need to do something different than you're used to. Get out of your comfort zone." He noticed that her knuckles were white where she was gripping the edge of her book and quickly finished speaking before she could explode. "I think it's time for you to start trying to move on…you know, keep living. At least a little bit, or else it's only going to get harder."

"How would you know? Have your parents died?" she bit out at him through clenched teeth.

He flinched and looked down at his hands. He shook his head solemnly. "No…no, they haven't."

"Then stop pretending like you understand what I'm going through, because you don't." Her voice was so low that it was almost a whisper. "You haven't got a clue how terrible I feel every second of every day. Living my routine is the _only_ way I can keep myself together enough to make it through each day. So don't tell me that it's time for me to _move on_."

"You're right…I don't know how you feel. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through," he paused momentarily and waited until she met his eyes. "But I see what it's doing to you. You think you're fooling us all into thinking that you're okay, but you're not. Half the time it's like you're not even here…you're like a shell of your former self. And I get that it's a process, I understand that. I know that you can't just snap your fingers and be okay. But…can you try? Can you put forth some effort to be…_you_ again? Because we miss you…_I _miss you."

She stared at him for a long moment. His hazel eyes were alight with compassion and he was leaning toward her as if his mere proximity would help her understand what he meant and where he was coming from.

She took a very deep breath and looked away from him, before standing up. She chewed the corner of her lip for a brief moment and watched as the rare look of defeat swept over her friend. "I know that you mean well…but I just don't know if I'm ready yet." Then she turned and walked up to her dormitory where she fell onto her bed and listened to the sound of the other girls sleeping for another two hours.

-&-&-&-

James had not said another word about their discussion that day. He smiled (though less brightly) at her whenever she took her seat next to him at breakfast and accompanied her to the library that afternoon when she needed a book for her Charms essay.

She had sat in the common room for a good hour after he had left for the party debating about whether or not to go. She knew that the easy thing to do would be to bury her nose in another book or try to memorize all of the Potions ingredients like she had been doing earlier. But James's words seemed to be bouncing around inside her skull and knocking into any other thought she had so that she heard, "Two pounds of sopophorous beans, one shredded lacewing fly, and 'I miss you.'"

It was very disconcerting.

That's how she had ended up here. The muffled sound of a base guitar greeted her and beckoned her closer. She took a deep breath, shook her head and pushed open the heavy dungeon doors.

She felt as though she had been pushed back a step as the wall of previously muffled sound hit her with full force. Bright lights and various colors danced in front of her as she stared at the chattering students and various adults inside. No one noticed her as she stood in the doorway. She looked around, searching for a friendly face or a familiar smile but was only met with the fleeting eyes of strangers. The butterflies that had been resting in her stomach were now flying frantically about, urging her to turn back while she still could.

But then she heard his laugh. The butterflies froze, along with the rest of her body, reacting involuntarily to the distinctive sound that she knew so well. The hair on her arms and neck were standing on end and her ears strained for the sound again so that she would know which direction to walk.

She heard it again. Professor Slughorn's booming laugh was definitely coming from the left side of the room. Instinctively, Lily turned on her heel and marched determinedly toward the right edge of the dungeon. She weaved through the sea of her peers, a few of the younger ones giving her furtive smiles. But Lily stopped only when her path was impeded by a long table piled with food. Most of it was pricey, high end food (that didn't even taste that great in Lily's opinion) that was only out to impress the fancy and powerful guests and intimidate those who were not as well off.

Thankfully, after six years of attending these horrid parties, Lily knew that somewhere on the table would be some Pumpkin Pasties, but she also knew there would be some ghost "food" somewhere else and she wanted to stay away from that end.

She noticed some of the translucent Hogwarts ghosts at the right end of the table and quickly made her way in the opposite direction.

That's when she heard another laugh, though this one caused a much different physical reaction in her. James's deep chuckle reached her ears and her eyes began instantly searching the area around her for the glint of his glasses or a tuft of messy black hair while the butterflies erupted once again in her stomach and her heart began pounding a tattoo on the inside of her chest.

He wasn't difficult to spot. He had gotten so tall that he was standing at least a head taller than those around him. He was only fifteen feet further down the table from her and just the knowledge that he was near calmed her instantly. He seemed to be telling a story to the girl next to him as he was talking very animatedly and gesturing wildly.

For the first time since their argument the previous evening, a smile flashed across her face.

It didn't last long though as the girl he was telling the story to started laughing loudly and leaned forward and touched his arm gently. She almost scowled but then stopped herself as James (still laughing) looked up. His hazel eyes immediately met hers and a wide grin spread across his face.

"Lily!" he called and waved. The blonde girl (who Lily now noticed was also very pretty) turned and looked at her, smiling as well. Lily gave a small wave and forced the corners of her mouth to turn upward in what she hoped looked like a smile. "You came!" James said, unable to disguise the happiness in his voice. He threw his arms around her and gave her a quick hug and before she could react he had released her and was standing next to the blonde girl again. "Lexi, you know Lily right?"

"She's Head Girl, of course I know her," the blonde girl said, flashing Lily another congenial smile, revealing her perfect teeth.

"And Lily, do you remember Lexi?"

Lily quickly scanned her face, the gentle waves of golden hair and pale brown eyes seemed somewhat familiar. "Lexi…from Transfiguration right?"

"Yeah! Good memory!"

"I don't think I've seen you at one of these before," Lily began, gesturing to the party that was raging on around them. "Do you usually skip them or…"

"Oh no, I don't get invited. I'm afraid I'm pretty awful at Potions and my parents are 'mere' shopkeepers which is definitely not glamorous enough to garner an invite on my own." She glanced over at James who rolled his eyes. "No, I came with James."

Lily tried to look politely disinterested and keep her face blank as James was suddenly studying her face as if trying to detect something hidden beneath her careful façade.

"You didn't want to bring one of the Marauders?" Lily asked in what she hoped sounded like a throwaway question to which she really didn't care what the answer was.

"Don't think I didn't try! All three of them told me that I couldn't pay them enough to come. Moony – er, Remus, that is," he quickly explained to Lexi, "tried to reason that it would be rude of them to come if they weren't invited but he was just trying to be diplomatic," James answered jovially.

"Why don't they get invited?" Lexi questioned.

"Well, Sirius probably should as he's rich, a pureblood and his family certainly has enough people in high status jobs…but then again, they are Blacks and I guess Sluggy knows that their reputation is less than perfect. Remus doesn't have enough money and Peter…well, Pete's not exactly the brightest gnome in the garden, if you catch my drift."

Lexi gave James a speculative look and asked, "Are you saying Peter is a dull gnome?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying! Wow, you are so smart. No wonder the hat put you in Ravenclaw," James said sarcastically (and a little flirtatiously too, Lily felt).

"Ha, ha," Lexi sneered and gave him a playful poke in the stomach. "I'm going to go see if I can find anything edible on that table. Would either of you like anything?"

"No thanks," James replied and Lily shook her head. James turned and looked at Lily for a long moment. "I'm really glad you came," he finally said, an unapologetic smile on his face.

"Yeah well…I suppose you were right. I don't want to get stuck in a rut."

"A rut! That's what I was trying to say last night…it just kept getting all messed up." Lily gave him a small smile and looked around at the party around her, her eyes falling once again on Lexi as she warily chatted with a leering old warlock.

"She seems nice," Lily said, unable to stop herself. She didn't want to sound jealous, not after what happened the last time she'd thought that James had been on a date.

"She is. I couldn't stand the idea of coming to the awful party by myself and I ran into her on the way down here and asked if she'd like to come with me," he explained, making Lily feel slightly better though not wholly so. An awkward silence passed over them for a moment as the party raged on around them.

"So…" Lily began, a playful grin breaking out across her lips, "How's your first Slug Club experience?" James rolled his eyes and shook his head. He took a look around at all of the people in the room who were mingling and rubbing elbows with one another.

"It's as horrible as I'd always imagined. I'm definitely not sorry that this is my first time," James drawled before taking a long swig of the butterbeer in his mug. "I can't believe you go to all of these things. How do you stomach it?"

"A _lot_ of butterbeer," Lily joked causing James to let out a bark of laughter. "…maybe a shot of firewhiskey." She grinned sheepishly and continued. "No, normally I'd try and get a date…or at least force Mary to come with me so that I wouldn't be _completely_ bored the whole time. I'd bring Jenna because she would actually be fun at a thing like this but she always wanted me to pay her or something."

"Speaking of that – you owe me…big!" James announced while wiggling his eyebrows at her. "Now don't worry, that doesn't necessarily mean money. I typically would charge pretty high for an event like this, but I'd be perfectly satisfied if you'd like to do my Charms essays for a week," James suggested, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Oh, how very kind of you."

"I'm nothing if not chivalrous," James grinned.

"Why should I pay you? You're not my _date_," Lily teased though she failed to notice the brief flicker in the smile on James's face. "You are here of your own free will. I owe you nothing." Lily flashed James a cheeky grin.

"Oh, okay. So…you won't mind if I go then," James said and made to set his drink down and leave.

"NO!" Lily yelled laughingly, causing people in their immediate vicinity to turn and give them an irritated look. Lily reached out and grabbed James's hand to keep him from moving further away. "I'll do your Charms homework for a month, but don't leave me here."

James smiled genuinely at her and squeezed her fingers before letting go and dropping his hand to his side. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." They both remained silent for a moment and gazed at one another, allowing the double meaning of his words to sink in. Lily tried not to let it show on her face how much the words affected her. She knew he didn't mean it in a profound way, but the words still gave her extreme comfort.

She gave him a small smile and said quietly, "Thank you."

They were both shaken out of the moment when Lexi suddenly ran up and grabbed James's arm. "James! You've _got_ to see this!" she proclaimed, glee pronounced very clearly on her face. "Ernie Frakkenflin is taking a bite of the ghost food for every three knuts someone pays him!" She was giggling quietly and James immediately joined her.

"That's disgusting," Lily said looking over at the group of people that were convening near the right end of the table. "He's going to be in the Hospital Wing all night."

"I know!" Lexi giggled. "Do you have a sickle I can borrow?" she asked, turning her attention to James who was craning his neck to try and get a better view.

"Yeah…here," he replied as he dug in his pocket and produced a silver coin for her. "Let's go watch." James placed his hand on her back and pushed her slightly forward and then followed her. "Lily, you coming?" he called over his shoulder.

"That's all right…I'd rather keep my dinner down, thanks." He grinned and then turned his attention back to Lexi.

"I would never do that," he muttered.

"I know, it's disgusting," Lexi replied, though she still looked excited.

"I mean, I would charge at least a galleon a bite," James teased.

Lexi turned to look him in the face, her own torn between a laugh and a look of disgust. "That's disgusting, James Potter." She paused for a moment. "I'll give you a galleon tomorrow at breakfast if you take a bite."

Lily watched as he threw his head back and laughed at her comment and then they moved out of ear shot. She tried to force her eyes away from the two of them as they made their way to the growing crowd of people around Ernie Frakkenflin but didn't look away until they were blocked from her view by another couple of wizards looking on with interest.

She sighed deeply and turned toward the table of food searching for something that looked appetizing but found that she was no longer hungry. She couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that had settled in her stomach at the sight of James with Lexi. Lily sighed again and attributed this new development as a side effect of her crazed emotions and lack of sleep over the past three weeks.

Because to be honest, she should be really happy with the situation. The fact that James had brought another girl to this party meant that he was finally beginning to move on and get over her. She could stop wondering about whether or not she was leading him on or if she should back off and spend less time with him. They would both be able to sit back and relax and just enjoy being friends without worrying about underlying emotions. She should be relieved.

And James couldn't have found a better girl. She didn't know Lexi very well, but she had talked to her a few times in Transfiguration the previous year. She was not only a beautiful girl, but she was very funny and smart. And if her memory was correct, Lexi was a diehard Quidditch fan. She wouldn't speak to Lily or any of the rest of the Gryffindors after Ravenclaw lost to them in the Quidditch final.

"_She's perfect for him," _Lily thought and even though she knew that the thought should be comforting, it only made her feel worse.

She didn't have any more time to think about it though, because without warning, Professor Slughorn's booming laugh was coming from directly behind her. She froze instantly, but it was too late. He called out to her and she turned, resignedly, to see his wide eyes (which were slightly unfocused) peering at her. A wide grin spread across his features and he began to waddle toward her, dragging an irritated looking wizard with him. Lily hoped that the horror she felt at being discovered didn't show up on her face.

"Lily, m'dear!" he boomed a little too loudly before clapping her on the back a little too roughly, causing her to take a few steps forward. "So glad you could make it."

"Me too," Lily lied as she plastered what must have been an extremely forced looking smile on her face. "How are you professor?"

"Excellent! Excellent, m'dear, thank you for asking! I'd like to introduce you to someone," he slurred and then gestured to the wizard next to him. He was tall and stringy and looked as though he hadn't been out in the sun for years. "Fletch, you remember when I told you about my protégé?" He looked over at Lily and winked who returned his gesture with a cheesy grin and a thumbs up. "This is her. The most talented witch I've ever had the fortune of teaching. Lily Evans, this is Fletcher Pins…" but before he could finish, James had reappeared and cut him off.

"Lily!" he called and before Lily knew what was happening, James had grabbed her arm, spun her around and pulled her into a tight, albeit brief, hug. "I've been looking for you everywhere!" he said while giving her a wide grin. Lily stared at him in confusion while he looked extremely amused. He gave her the smallest wink before turning her back around. "I'm sorry professor, but I desperately need to speak to Lily. We have very important matters to discuss."

"Oh well…I suppose that's all right," he slurred. He looked severely put out, but Lily could tell that he was already scoping out the room in search of another person he could impress with his powerful connections.

James draped an arm around her shoulders and began pulling her in the opposite direction. "It was nice to meet you," she called quickly, but then allowed herself to be dragged away, a grin touching her lips.

"Now you really owe me," James muttered under his breath while dropping his arm to his side. He was smirking at her but she only grinned back.

"James, I will do _all_ of your homework for the rest of the _year_ for that!" James gazed at her, laughter glinting in his hazel eyes. "You are my hero…and I am eternally grateful. Though you should realize that now that I know how helpful you are at these things, you're going to have to come with me to the rest of them," Lily informed him as they moved toward the now dispersing crowd at the end of the refreshments table.

"That's certainly one idea," James drawled, though the look on his face made it very clear that he'd like nothing more than to never set foot in another Slug Club party ever again. "Here's a better one though," he said as they approached Lexi, "How about next time you just stay in the common room with me. And if you really want a party, Padfoot and I can throw a good one for you."

"I'm sure you can…" Lily began but stopped talking as Lexi walked up to them.

"Where'd you go?" she asked in her sing-song voice. "I looked up to say something to you and you had disappeared." She didn't seem upset at all but was smiling and looking up at James.

"I had to save Evans from a fate worse than death," he explained, patting Lily on the back. "Sluggy was about to make his move." Lexi looked confused and Lily started giggling quietly.

"I don't…" Lexi began, her brow furrowed as she focused on Lily.

"I wouldn't worry about it, if I were you," Lily said quietly.

James rumpled his hair and looked around the party before sighing deeply. "What do you say ladies? Ready to get out of here?"

"Yes!" Lily answered so quickly that James couldn't keep from chuckling.

Lexi looked around and seemed a little more reluctant to leave so early but eventually looked up at James with a smile. "Yeah, I'm ready. Once Ernie started puking, this party became a lot less interesting." Lily crinkled up her nose at the mental image that those words had created. They made their way through the room quickly, James leading the way, and were careful to avoid their slightly drunk professor.

When they reached the corridor, Lily began to feel a little awkward. If James and Lexi were on a date then she didn't want to be the third wheel. But then again, she didn't want to leave them alone together. The mere thought of the two of them together made her stomach squirm uncomfortably.

Deciding that it would be better to leave them alone than to purposely be rude, she said quietly, "I guess I'll just see you in the common room." Then she turned a little so that she was facing Lexi. "And it was good to see you again."

"You too," Lexi called as Lily began walking away from them, but before she could get more than two steps away, James had grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her back to them.

"Uh-uh, I don't think so." Lily gave him an indignant glare but he didn't budge. "Nobody walks the corridors alone…that was your rule."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean me," she argued and pulled her arm out of his grasp. "I can take care of myself."

"_Lily_, it is after ten o'clock. Now is not the time to go all 'independent woman.'" She continued to glare at him stubbornly, but he wasn't backing down. "You can stand here and argue with me before eventually giving in or you can just go ahead and admit defeat because this is one argument you're not going to win." Lily crossed her arms over her chest and jutted her chin out, but after a moment rolled her eyes and nodded. "Thank you," he said genuinely. They both turned to walk toward the Ravenclaw common room. Lexi was watching them apprehensively and looking extremely uncomfortable.

Lily followed behind them but remained silent. She had no intention of speaking to either of them while they headed away from the party and no intention of speaking to James on the way back to the Gryffindor common room. In fact, she was considering giving him the silent treatment for the rest of the week.

But as James and Lexi chatted easily, Lexi making James laugh just as easily as he was making her giggle, Lily felt her irritation ebb away and instead the all too familiar feeling of jealousy began to rear its ugly head.

"Well, I had a good time. Thanks for inviting me!" Lexi said as she flashed James another brilliant smile.

"Any time," he replied politely. "Thanks for saying 'yes.' You definitely saved me from an evening full of boredom."

"Night, Lily," Lexi said as she turned her attention to the flustered red head. Lily tried to smile and gave a small wave before Lexi turned around and headed to her common room. James waited until she had disappeared completely before he turned to Lily. She didn't say anything, trying to remain true to her earlier decision, though she wasn't the slightest bit angry anymore.

They walked in silence for a few moments, Lily determined to be upset and James content to let it blow over. Finally, Lily couldn't take it any longer. She knew that something was going to burst out of her mouth sooner or later and she wanted to make sure that it was not an obviously jealous comment about James' date.

"I could have walked to the common room alone, you know," she bit out at him. A small smile formed on his face and he rolled his eyes.

"Look at it this way. You owed me for saving you from Slughorn…now we're even. You don't even have to do any of my homework." When she still looked irritated, he continued more seriously. "There have been too many threats against Muggle-borns lately and I just…" he sighed deeply and ran his fingers through his hair again, "I don't doubt your ability, okay? And I know that you can take care of yourself. I _also_ know that had you gone off by yourself I would have been thinking about it all the way to the common room. It just makes _me_ feel better to know for sure that you are okay." He was gazing intently at her, trying to show just how seriously he felt about this. He knew exactly how easily distracted she was and how oblivious she was of her surroundings as of late.

She stared back at him, trying not to let it show on her face just how much it meant to her that he would care so much. She finally looked away and a small smile formed on her lips. "It was my rule after all…" she muttered, conceding and continuing on toward the portrait hole.

He nodded and then gave the password to the Fat Lady. The portrait hole swung open with a loud creak and James stepped aside to let Lily in first. The common room still had a large number of occupants including the remaining Marauders, Jenna and Mary. They waved but Lily felt exhausted and made her way to the girls' staircase. James followed her after letting everyone else know that he'd be right back.

"Hey," he called as she began to climb the stairs. "I'm glad you came tonight."

She turned to face him and replied, "Me too." She studied him for a moment, the corner of her mouth quirking up in a half smile. "I'm glad you were there too. I don't think I could have survived without you."

"You know me…I live to serve and protect," he quipped.

"I know," she said softly, no hint of jest in her voice.

What she did next she did quickly, before she had time to talk herself out of it. She stepped down and closed the space between them, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly. She took one deep breath and closed her eyes allowing his warmth to overtake her for a split second. Then she pulled back slightly and lifted herself up onto her tiptoes, whispered, "Thank you," in his ear and then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before pushing away from him and rushing up the stairs.

He watched her go, equal parts confused and thrilled. He stared at the top step where she had disappeared long after she'd gone, his cheek feeling much warmer in the spot where her lips had met his skin.

**A/N-Okay, so I know that this took **_**forever**_**! Y'all must hate me. I always hate whenever authors try to explain away these long absences, because there really is no good excuse for a 4 month delay. I can't promise that updates will be weekly like they were earlier, but I promise to try and write at least a little bit every day or so. I honest to goodness have a ton of school work and once I finally finish I am too exhausted to do anything else, but I am going to try. And I am super, super excited about the next chapter. This is one of the first moments that I imagined whenever I started writing this story!**

**So, yeah…please leave a review. I can assure you that whenever I was taking my super long break from this story that the reviews I got made me feel good and guilty about waiting so long and is part of the reason that I didn't just wait until the summer to revive this story.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I absolutely **_**hated**_** writing it…for real. I could not write it to save my life. Sometimes I would open it up, read the whole thing and then I wouldn't be able to think of a single thing to write down. I don't think that's going to happen next chapter though! (I really am excited to write the next chapter). Check my profile for updates on this story. Sorry again! Y'all are awesome for sticking with me.**


	8. The First Dance

**Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to JK Rowling. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N-**So, I can't believe I posted that last chapter in its current state. I tried to reread it and it is terrible. One of these days I am definitely going to make some changes to it so that it's not as horrible. But, on the plus side, I am now posting this rather than laboring fruitlessly on the piece of crap that is chapter seven.

**Chapter Eight: The First Dance**

"So," James began as he avoided her eyes and spent much more time than was necessary fumbling with a strip of spellotape that he was pulling out of the dispenser. Lily grinned to herself as she witnessed something seen by very few people: a nervous James Potter.

They were working after dinner on Tuesday night, putting up flyers around the castle for the Halloween costume party that weekend. They'd been working countless hours all term, planning the party and getting things in order and Lily could hardly believe that it was finally time for the party to happen. And their work was nowhere near done. They had finalizations to turn in, confirmations with the band, with Madam Rosmerta, Filch, Professor McGonagall, and the House Elves (who James referred to as 'the caterers').

At the moment they were on the 4th floor taping up what felt like the millionth flyer. Each time Lily stuck one to the wall, she performed a tricky charm that kept the paper from being able to be taken down or altered by anyone but her.

"So…" Lily repeated when James failed to continue his thought. He looked up and gave her an apologetic smile, though his cheeks were bright red.

"Sorry," he muttered. Lily smiled again as she stepped down from the chair. She levitated it and moved it over about fifteen feet before letting it drop loudly and carelessly. "How about one at eye level?" he suggested in a poor attempt to change the subject.

"Good idea," Lily replied and held out her hand for another strip of spellotape. She waited a few more moments before prodding him further. "You seem nervous about something."

"Yeah…I, well…I had something I wanted to ask you," he said, his voice trailing off at the end. As she turned her gaze to him, his cheeks flamed red again.

"Go ahead," she prompted with a warm smile before turning to the flyer and waving her wand at it.

"Okay…" he began, kicking the ground with his foot, "I was wondering if you wanted to go to the party on Saturday…with me." His face was bright red, as were his ears and his neck. When she didn't say anything, he immediately began babbling. "I mean…as friends of course. But I was just thinking that, you know…you don't have a boyfriend and I don't have a girlfriend and we're probably going to be around each other the whole time anyway…and I know that I'd have more fun with you than I would with anyone else so…yeah, what do you think?"

"James," Lily said in a soft voice. She was wringing her hands together and took a step closer to him. Her apologetic tone of voice let him know what her answer was going to be before she even said anything. He sighed and looked up at her, resigning himself to the "I'm sorry" that he was sure was coming. "I wish that I could…honestly, I do. But Brady asked me this morning after Potions and I figured I'd better say 'yes' in case no one else asked," she explained.

"Oh, okay, that's fine," James mumbled, trying to sound as though he didn't care too terribly much, but failing miserably.

"If I had known that you were going to ask, I would have said 'no,'" she continued. James looked up at her and tried to conceal the shock he felt at her honesty. "I'd much rather go with you," she said genuinely, a pink tinge creeping up her cheeks. "As friends, obviously," she clarified quickly, her blush deepening.

"Obviously," James repeated quietly. He was torn between excitement that she would have said yes, self-loathing for waiting too long to ask, and that emotion that he couldn't quite describe. It was the one that made him feel like his chest was slowly and painfully being crushed. The one he experienced every time Lily reminded him that she still only thought of him as a friend. Sometimes he was so sure that she felt it too. He could swear that when she looked up at him he saw something different in the depths of her eyes. But then nothing would happen and he would realize that it was all just wishful thinking on his part and that what he _thought_ he saw was really just misplaced hope that would continue to hurt him more and more the longer he allowed himself to hang onto it.

Lily moved the chair again, scooting it loudly across the stone floor, and stood upon it. James pulled off the piece of tape and handed it to her, watching as she delicately placed it in the center of the paper and reached as high as she could to stick it on the wall. As she did this, the hem of her t-shirt came up ever so slightly above the waistband of her jeans and revealed a small bit of skin. He blushed again and looked away, trying to force himself to think of something other than Lily's bare skin.

He cleared his throat loudly and started talking. "Anyway, it's not a big deal. I was just asking because I figured it would be more fun to go with you than to go alone," James said. He was looking at the floor but had to look back at her when she started laughing.

"Who are you?"

"What?" he asked, confusion clouding his face.

"I mean what happened to arrogant, cocky, 'I can get any girl I want' James Potter?" she asked in a horrible imitation of him.

"I've changed, remember?"

"Oh right!" Lily replied as though this were a sudden revelation. "Well, one thing hasn't changed." James cocked an eyebrow at her as she stepped down from the chair. "You could still get any girl you wanted…especially to go to our _amazing_ party."

"Except for the girls who already have dates," he clarified.

"Well yes…we will have the misfortune of going with lesser men." She paused momentarily. "Though, I'm sure there are plenty of girls _with _dates who would still go with you if you asked." She smiled teasingly at him and he rolled his eyes.

"Come on…those girls are…well, let's just say that it gets old fast being with a girl who worships the ground you walk on."

"You speak from experience?" she asked curiously.

"Unfortunately." Lily giggled quietly to herself. "To be completely honest, there aren't too many girls at this school that I'd want to spend an entire evening with. Going with you would be better than going alone, but going alone would be better than going with most of the girls at Hogwarts."

Lily was quiet for a moment, internally debating about whether or not to suggest the name that had just popped into her head. There was _one_ girl that she could think of that she was fairly certain James would have a good time with. Saying it meant that she'd probably have to endure the entire evening watching them laughing and having fun, but keeping it to herself meant that she'd rather see her friend miserable than with another girl.

"What about Lexi?" she sputtered. She watched him carefully, involuntarily taking notice of how he reacted to her suggestion. "She's nice…and funny. I bet you two would have a good time together." His brows pulled together momentarily and then he inhaled deeply and looked up at her with his insincere half smile and nodded.

"Yeah…I'll think about it."

James was quiet for most of the evening after that. He would answer if Lily asked a question, but otherwise kept to himself and as Lily herself was caught up in a flurry of conflicting feelings as well, neither talked too much the rest of the evening.

As the week went on, it became apparent that the 7th years were not the only ones occupied with finding dates to the party. It was what _everyone_ was talking about. You couldn't walk through the corridors of the castle without hearing a group of giggling girls talking about who they hoped would ask them or a group of guys debating amongst themselves about which girls were better looking.

When lunchtime came on Thursday, Lily was happy to be able to sit with her friends and talk about anything other than the latest gossip surrounding Halloween party couplings.

Unfortunately for her, one of her best friends was Jenna and Halloween couples were _all _she wanted to talk about.

"Okay! Let's talk dates!" she squealed excitedly as she set down her plate and plopped down next to Lily. A collective groan circled the group. "Oh _come on_! We have to at least talk about who _we're_ going with. We need to know whose company we'll be in. I mean, if we are going to have to spend the entire night with a trashy bimbo we should at least have advance warning," she reasoned, while throwing a sidelong glance at Rosalyn that did not go unnoticed by Mary or Lily.

"Well, Sirius and I are going together…obviously!" Rosalyn said in her syrupy voice while scooting closer to Sirius and giving him a kiss (that was much too noisy) on the cheek.

Jenna threw her hands down on the table and let her jaw drop. "No way! I _never_ would have guessed that," she said sarcastically before turning to the rest of the group and ignoring the death glare that Rosalyn was piercing her with. "Mary, who are you going with?"

Mary's cheeks turned bright red as the rest of the group faced her. "Um…I'm going with Emmett," she murmured in a voice barely above a whisper. Lily instantly started snickering while Jenna gave Mary an "I knew it" look. Remus and James exchanged a shrug while Sirius went back to his tater tots.

"What happened to Bill?" Lily asked sweetly, feigning ignorance.

Mary glared at her for a moment before answering, "We…decided not to see each other anymore."

"You heartbreaker," Jenna said with an evil smile and shook her head in mock disapproval. "Do you always use and manipulate people to get your way or do you only do that with men?" Mary glared at her but said nothing more. Jenna snorted once again but then continued on with her original mission. "And Lily…you are being escorted by Brady Wilkins," she stated while crinkling her nose in distaste but choosing not to say anything else. The three girls had already had a lengthy discussion about Lily's decision which ended with Mary saying that Lily did the noble and honest thing while Jenna told her to screw being noble and tell him that she had changed her mind so that she could go with James.

"I'm not going with anyone," Peter piped up before Jenna could ask. "I have a good reason and you will all see why I decided to go alone on Saturday night."

"Ooookay," Jenna replied. "Um…Remus and I are going together…"

"Really!" Rosalyn squeaked, a smirk quickly appearing on her face. "Is there something that you two need to tell us?"

Jenna surveyed Rosalyn with a look that was dripping with all the dislike that she held for her before she answered. "Yeah…um, I didn't want to have to try and find someone who wouldn't bore me all night and Remus didn't want to be rude and say no to everyone who asked without a better reason than 'I don't like you,' so we decided to go together." Her voice held no hint of amusement and there was almost a challenge in her words. Lily and Mary watched their friend cautiously, looking out for the warning signs of the rare but dangerous "Jenna explosion." Luckily, Rosalyn said nothing else and Jenna decided not to push anything.

After a few more moments of tense silence, Jenna spoke up again, her voice a little harder than before but at least it was no longer dripping with hatred. "James, who are you going with?"

"I'm going stag," he said with a straight face. Immediately, Sirius and Peter started laughing and Remus choked on his pudding. James started grinning like a madman and hitting Remus on the back so that he would start breathing again. He looked over at Sirius who seemed to be trying extremely hard to suppress his laughter, but was failing horribly.

Lily looked back and forth between the four boys, confusion etched on her face. "I don't get it…what's funny?"

James looked up at her, mischievous grin still in place. "Inside joke," he answered quickly which really only seemed to make the other three boys laugh even harder.

"Boys are weird," Mary muttered before taking a bite of her own pudding.

-&-&-&-

The rest of the week passed too quickly with Lily feeling like there was still too much to do and not nearly enough time to finish it in. But somehow, by some miraculous act, they made it to Saturday and Lily found herself up in the girls' dorm with nothing to do but put her costume on and get ready for the party. Rosalyn had long since finished and she and Sirius had snuck into Hogsmeade early to do whatever it was that Sirius and Rosalyn did when they were alone (Lily didn't really like trying to picture it).

Jenna had finished next but waited until Mary was ready before she headed down. Lily wasn't sure what Jenna was supposed to be because she wouldn't explain it, but she assured them that it was much funnier with Remus there. Mary and Emmett were going as Romeo and Juliet and she looked beautiful when she had finished dressing. She wore an intricate, old English dress and had more hairpins than Lily had ever seen before holding her mountains of curls in place. Lily had wanted to go down with them but Brady had insisted on not being early, claiming that a punctual entrance was the cool way to do it these days. Lily didn't much feel like arguing so she just went with it.

She would admit that once everyone else had cleared out, it had been really nice being able to use all of the counter space and having full and uninterrupted use of the mirror. She had spent the better part of two hours applying her make-up and creating and intricate mix of pinned up hair and loose curls hanging down around her face.

Once she had finished, she took one final look at her reflection in the mirror before heading downstairs. She surveyed her handiwork proudly. She had never put quite this much effort into her Halloween costume before. Typically she would dress normally and tell people that she was a witch or find a pair of mouse ears and draw whiskers on her cheeks. Tonight though, she wore a knee length gold dress. The bottom layer was form-fitting, accenting her curves in all the right places. But the top layer was a flowing material that glittered gently as she moved. She had rubbed a fair amount of gold body glitter on her shoulders and chest and had drawn gold swirls at the corners of her eyes with face paint.

All in all, she thought she looked pretty good.

She smiled at herself in the mirror and smoothed the material of her dress over her hips and re-curled a lock of red hair that had fallen out of place.

She wasn't sure why she was suddenly so concerned with her appearance. She'd never put too much stock into what others thought of her appearance. But now she felt the familiar flutter of butterflies in her stomach as she prepared to descend into the common room.

She added the final piece of her costume: a pair of small golden wings that fitted seamlessly onto the back of her dress (thanks to a tricky charm she'd asked Professor Flitwick about). With a deep sigh, she turned and headed for the door. As she moved down the stairs, the echo of her heels loud in the deserted stairway, she hoped that Brady was ready to go. The sooner they left, the less time she would have to stand around and feel self-conscious.

When she walked out into the common room, she immediately began searching for Brady's blonde locks. She groaned inwardly when her eyes came up empty.

But then someone else caught her eye. He was standing next to the fire, gazing intently into it. He was dressed in an impeccable tuxedo with coattails and a bowtie. A fake gold crown was perched crookedly on his hair that he'd obviously attempted to gel down, though a small tuft of it still stuck up messily in the back. She couldn't deny that he looked good. In fact, he looked _very_ good. She tried to ignore the voice in her head that was still wishing that she had said "no" to Brady so that she could have gone with James.

"Is Brady still upstairs?" she asked, startling him.

"Yeah, he was still…" he started as he turned, but he stopped talking midsentence as his eyes fell upon her. His mouth practically fell open in awe as his eyes drank in her appearance. That familiar gaze (that Lily often pretended didn't mean what she knew it did) came into his eyes. The corners of his mouth began to quirk up in a slow smile. "Wow…Lily…you look…unbelievable." She ducked her head in the hopes of hiding the huge grin and blush that was now present on her face.

"Thanks," she said quietly. She immediately felt that the afternoon she'd spent primping had been completely worth it.

"I mean it, Lily. You look beautiful…well, better than that actually. I just can't think of a word good enough to describe how amazing you look." His eyes were still sweeping over her, still looking completely awestruck.

"You don't look too shabby yourself," Lily replied, trying to get the focus off of her. She was afraid that if he kept going on about her looks that she would blush so red that her face wouldn't return to a normal color for the rest of the night.

James shrugged and began to run his hand through his hair before stopping and smoothing it down again. "Nah, my hair looks weird."

"It looks neat."

"A feat not easily accomplished," he informed.

"You know…after all those years that I gave you so much crap about how messy your hair is, I have to admit that I like it better messy." She smiled widely at him and he laughed, though still nervously smoothing his hair down. "So…can you guess what I am? Of all the people at this school, you should be the one able to figure it out."

He surveyed her with mock-seriousness, stroking his chin and narrowing his eyes as he looked at her. "An angel?" he guessed. She shook her head, a satisfied smile on her face. "A fairy?"

"Nope."

"A pixie?" He gave her a confused look when she shook her head again. "I'm running out of options…I'm going to have to start guessing anything with wings now." A wicked glint appeared in the depths of his hazel eyes. "A hippogriff?"

"What?!" Lily gasped.

"No? How about a gargoyle?"

"James!" Lily scolded while feigning indignation before smacking him playfully on the arm.

"Oh, I'm only joking and you know it." Lily merely answered with a scowl which he laughed at. "I give up. What are you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" She smiled sweetly at him. "I'm a Snitch."

Once again, James's eyes became round as he surveyed her again. "Awesome!" he proclaimed, smiling widely at her. "Seriously…and I'm not just saying this…best costume EVER!" Lily laughed, delighted at his reaction.

"I thought it was pretty clever. Brady had already decided that he was going as a Quidditch player and told me that I needed to come up with something that would go with his costume. I considered going as a Bludger so that I could run around and hit people, but decided that a Snitch would be prettier."

James chuckled. "I dunno, I bet you could make a Bludger look pretty amazing," he muttered and Lily cursed herself as she felt her cheeks burn red again.

An awkward moment passed between them when neither person said anything or looked at each other. Lily cleared her throat and then looked up at James. "Who are you supposed to be anyway?" she questioned.

A mischievous smile crept onto his face. "Guess."

"A…muggle king?" James shook his head. "A hippogriff?" Lily smirked as he playfully glared at her.

"Prince Charming…obviously," James informed.

"Ah yes! Why didn't I see that before?" Lily teased good-naturedly.

"I wanted to do something more creative, but Lexi already had the Cinderella costume picked out and I didn't want to make her buy something new. But, you know, I look good so…no complaints here." He winked at her and missed the look of shock that briefly passed over her face before she managed to reel her emotions back in.

"Oh, so, you decided to go with Lexi?" she asked in a voice that was higher and squeakier than normal.

"Yeah…did I not tell you that?" Lily shook her head and tried to look as though she were pleased with the news rather than bothered like she really was. "Yeah, I ran into her last night and she said that she wasn't going with anyone and I remembered what you were saying the other night…and you were right. I'll have more fun with her than I would by myself," he explained, though if he were being truthful he knew it was because he wanted someone who would be able to distract him from the fact that Lily was someone else's date.

"Well…that's good then," Lily choked out.

They were saved from any further awkward conversation by the slamming of a door and running footsteps down the boys' staircase. Brady burst forth into the common room dressed head to toe in scarlet Gryffindor Quidditch gear. His blonde hair was sculpted to look as though he'd been flying around and he carried his Cleansweep 4 over his shoulder. He gave James a chilly smile and then walked up to Lily.

"You ready to go?" he asked brusquely.

Lily smiled up at him and nodded her head. "You look nice," she said politely.

"Oh, yeah, you too," he said giving her a quick once over. James rolled his eyes and shook his head behind Brady's back. "Let's go," he prodded.

"Okay…James, you coming?" she asked, turning to him as Brady walked on ahead of her.

"Yeah, I need to go pick up Lexi anyway."

But as the three exited the common room, they were met by none other than Lexi. She looked incredible. Her golden hair was swept up into a pile atop her head and adorning it was a sparkling tiara. She was wearing a strapless, floor length pale blue dress that seemed more like liquid than material which she paired with glass (or at least very shiny, clear plastic) shoes. She also wore an amused smirk which Lily felt only made her look more perfect than she already did.

"Speak of the devil!" James exclaimed brightly, walking past Lily and Brady and over to where Lexi stood. He swooped down and kissed her cheek. "You look beautiful…truly stunning."

"Thank you. That _almost_ makes up for how late you are," she stated, piercing him with another pointed look, her blue eyes sparkling.

"Am I late?" he asked shocked and then looked at the watch on his left wrist. Immediately his face contorted into an apologetic smile. "Oh…sorry."

"All is forgiven," she replied quickly, pushing herself off of the wall. "Now, let's go before we miss the whole party all together."

So, the four of them began to make their way through the corridors of the castle and out to the vast Hogwarts lawn through the Entrance Hall.

"Hey…I want to see if you can figure this out. Guess what Lily is," James said to Lexi. She looked over at Lily who smiled awkwardly.

Lexi was silent for a moment and glanced over at Brady (who was making sure that his chest guard was on straight) and then announced, "She's a Snitch." Lily grinned and looked over at James, whose jaw had dropped open in amazement.

"How did you know that?" he demanded.

"It's not that difficult to figure out. Her date is a Quidditch player and she's wearing all gold with fluttering wings on her back. Anyone with half a brain could figure it out," she rationalized. James sniffed and Lily snorted into her fist, trying to hide her laughter. "Lily, you look incredible, by the way," Lexi added.

For some reason this display of kindness caught Lily off guard. She'd become so wrapped up in this pretend competition for James's attention that didn't even exist that she'd forgotten that she and Lexi had no real reason to dislike one another.

"She does, doesn't she?" James stated with a warm smile.

"Thanks," Lily murmured, an embarrassed smile creeping up her lips while Lexi examined James with a raised eyebrow. "You look pretty gorgeous yourself."

"Thank you…and I know," she joked, making James laugh. "I had this whole thing about being Cinderella showing up at the ball solo, searching for her Prince Charming worked out…and then this guy had to come along and ruin it," she said, swatting James in the stomach.

"Look, I'm sorry if I ruined all of your fun…but you offered me a chance to walk around all night wearing a crown and carrying a sword, albeit a fake rubber one, but a sword nonetheless. I'd be a fool to pass up an opportunity like this."

"Not to mention, you're giving everyone an opportunity to see what you would look like with normal hair," she laughed. James scrunched up his nose and self-consciously smoothed down his hair.

"Do you like it better neat?" Lily asked.

"Yes," she answered immediately. "It makes him look more grown up."

As they headed down the lawn toward Hogsmeade, the wind picked up. Lexi began shivering and her teeth were chattering loudly. It didn't take James very long to notice and he immediately pulled off his jacket and draped it around Lexi's shoulders. She smiled up at him and pulled the jacket closer. James looked over at Brady with widened eyes and jerked his head in Lily's direction as he noticed the goosebumps that had sprouted up all over her bare arms.

"What? I can't take off the robes without taking off all of the gear too…then I'd look like a moron," Brady justified defensively.

James gave him an incredulous look, as if gauging whether or not he was kidding. When he came to the conclusion that, indeed, Brady was being serious, he said, "Yeah, instead you look like a jackass."

"Excuse me?" Brady snapped, stepping closer to James threateningly which only seemed to squish Lily in between them. "Last I checked it wasn't up to you what I do with _my_ date."

Lily reached up and put a calming hand on James's shoulder and a restraining grip on Brady's arm. "Honestly, it's not a big deal," she interjected loudly. "I'm not that cold and we're almost there." James continued to glare daggers at Brady and Brady shrugged out of Lily's grasp.

Things continued to be tense between the two guys the rest of the walk, but even they had to stop and stare in awe as the foursome entered the Three Broomsticks. It looked incredible. There were cobwebs strewn around the whole room and some even had large spiders crawling around on them. The huge jack-o-lanterns that James and Sirius had spent an eternity carving were glowing evilly in the corners. The lights were dimmed enough that it created a perfect Halloween mood but were not so dark that you couldn't see. And Lily's favorite part, there was fog drifting eerily over the dance floor, swirling slightly as people walked across it.

"Wow," Lexi breathed, saying out loud what all four of them were thinking.

James and Lily looked at one another, identical satisfied smiles on their faces. James held up a hand and Lily, without hesitation, gave him a proud high five.

As Brady witnessed this, he grabbed Lily's hand and began dragging her across the room, in the opposite direction of the table that James had spotted where all of their friends were currently seated.

"Wait! You're not sitting with us?" James questioned, watching helplessly as Lily was being dragged in a different direction.

Lily turned to smile at him and Brady stood by, impatiently tapping his foot. "Yeah, I told Brady that we could sit with his friends." She was less than thrilled with the situation but had conceded knowing that she had a choice between two very awkward situations. The first being the one she chose: sitting with Brady and his friends who she didn't know very well because most of them were younger than her. The other choice was forcing Brady to sit with her knowing full well that he did not get along very well with James, Sirius or Peter. She had opted for self-sacrifice. Not to mention, Emmett and Brady were really good friends so Lily had been able to talk Mary into sitting with them as well.

She waved goodbye sadly and then followed Brady over to where Mary, Emmett and Bill Baker were waiting for them.

James watched her go momentarily and then turned to Lexi, a smile plastered onto his face though its warmth didn't reach his eyes. He led her over to the table where Sirius, Rosalyn, Jenna, Remus, and Peter were waiting for them. James pulled out a chair for her and then sat down next to Sirius.

"Everyone remembers Lexi Henderson, right?" Amiable mumblings came from around the group with a few smiles. Lexi gave a small wave as she surveyed the people around her.

"Who is everyone supposed to be?" she questioned, looking at all of the costumes.

"We're Adam and Eve," Rosalyn announced, "The most famous couple in the history of the world."

"Yeah…I actually figured that one out, believe it or not," Lexi admitted a bit sarcastically. Sirius was wearing a pair of boxer shorts with tree leaves attached while Rosalyn wore what looked like a nude colored bikini with leaves attached to the areas that would traditionally need to be covered. Her long brown hair was down and wavy around her shoulders and she had strategically woven in thin sticks and leaves. "Weren't you freezing on the way down here?"

"Oh, we found a way to stay warm," Sirius remarked suggestively, a pleased smirk on his face. Jenna, who was sitting next to Rosalyn (and watching her with an unpleasant look on her face), scrunched up her nose.

"That was way more information that we ever needed to know," she said under her breath but loudly enough that Rosalyn turned slowly to glare at her.

"I'm just answering the lady's question," Sirius informed, sensing the tension and wanted to break it up so that Rosalyn wasn't in a bad mood the entire evening.

Remus also seemed to notice it and piped up to continue to answer Lexi's original question. "Have you heard that Muggle rhyme, _Hey Diddle Diddle_?" Lexi shook her head, a crease forming on her forehead. "Well, it goes, 'Hey Diddle Diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such a sport and the dish ran away with the spoon.'"

"Ooookay…"

"We're the dish and the spoon!" Jenna announced excitedly. She and Remus stood up simultaneously. Jenna was dressed in a pure white dress and had a white scoop behind her head. Remus was dressed in a plain white suit. He pulled out his wand and tapped it on his stomach twice and instantly two white semi-circles popped out from behind his back so that he looked like a dish. Everyone started laughing and he and Jenna bowed. She sat back down while Remus tapped both semi-circles so that they folded back into themselves and then he sat as well.

"That's _very_ good!" Lexi laughed. Then she turned to Peter who was dressed in an impeccable black tuxedo. "And who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Bond, James Bond," he said, attempting to give her a seductive look. James and Sirius glanced at each other and then quickly looked away so as not to burst out laughing. "That's why I don't have a date," Peter explained. "James Bond is never tied down to just one girl. All the girls want him, but he's the ultimate ladies' man."

"So, why exactly did _you_ of all people decide to come as him?" Rosalyn sneered, looking him over. "You didn't _choose_ to not have a date…no girl wanted to come with you. And I can't say that I blame them either. I mean, no offense but, you're not exactly the cream of the crop, am I right?" She looked to Jenna for support, a superior smirk on her face while Peter's face fell. Jenna looked as though she were on the verge of reaching out and smacking Rosalyn across the face as hard as she could.

Sirius started in on her first however. "What is wrong with you?" he demanded loudly, anger flashing dangerously across his eyes.

"What?" she asked defensively. "I said 'no offense.'"

"How can you say something like that in an _in_offensive way? For that matter, how can you say anything like that at all?"

"Are you taking his side?" she barked angrily.

"Of course I am!" Sirius exploded, flinging his arms up in the air. "He's not the one insulting my friends!"

"Actually," Lexi interjected loudly, looking nervously from Rosalyn to Sirius, "I'm going to have to say that I disagree with Rosalyn. I think Peter looks very handsome…debonair even. In fact…and I'm sorry about this," she said, addressing James, "the only reason I agreed to come with you at all was so that I would have the chance to dance with James Bond."

Sirius and Rosalyn were still fuming but the rest were grinning. "Well, who am I to deny any woman's desires?" Peter said as he stood up, his cheeks still tinged pink. He took Lexi's hand and pulled her out to the dance floor where the band was playing a quick dance beat. She turned back and winked at James quickly before starting to dance.

"She's nice, Prongs," Remus called across the table. James nodded in agreement and Jenna nudged Remus in the ribs, giving him a significant look but he just raised an eyebrow at her. "What? I didn't say she was nicer than Lily, I just said she was nice…which she is."

As if on cue, James turned in his seat to look over at the table where Lily was sitting. Brady seemed to be engrossed in a conversation with Bill and though Lily would occasionally open her mouth to say something, she looked as though she were not really a part of the conversation.

His attention was brought back to his immediate vicinity when he heard raised voices coming from Sirius and Rosalyn to his right.

"I don't appreciate you singling me out like that, Sirius," Rosalyn screeched.

"Well don't say crap like that and I won't single you out!" he argued back.

"I don't really see why you're so upset…"

"Let me help you out with that one, Rosie," Jenna interjecting, turning in her chair so that she was facing Rosalyn head on. She was talking in a falsely sweet voice and it was clear to everyone at the table that whatever she was about to say would clearly be meant only to antagonize her. "Typically, people with some amount of class don't say things that they know are going to hurt someone else's feelings even if it's how they genuinely feel. For example, I think you look like a whore right now, but I wouldn't say something like that to your face." She smiled cheekily at her and then turned back to her food.

Her words caused a number of things to occur simultaneously. Remus's jaw dropped to the table leaving his mouth hanging wide open. James choked on the butterbeer he was drinking and started coughing loudly. Rosalyn pushed backwards out of her seat and stood up to her full height, causing her chair to go toppling to the ground.

"IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME, WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT, JENNA! THAT WAY, AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE TO SIT AROUND AND LISTEN TO ALL YOUR SNIDE LITTLE COMMENTS THAT YOU THINK ARE SO CUTE!" Rosalyn roared, her eyes flaming with anger.

Jenna stood up calmly, one of her eyebrows raised. "Oh, I'd love to say what I think of you," she began softly. "For starters, I think you're a…"

But she was cut off by Sirius who had stood up and held a hand up to Jenna so that she would stop talking. His other hand gripped Rosalyn's arm. "Don't talk to her like that," he ordered, turning Rosalyn to look at him.

Her head snapped to look at him, whipping her hair around behind her. "Why are you taking _her_ side? In case you've forgotten, _I_ am your girlfriend. You're supposed to be on my side!" she exploded, stamping her foot.

"Well, maybe if you weren't horrible to my friends, I would be on your side!" Sirius retorted, his anger more understated than hers but still evident in the way that he was gritting his teeth and flexing his fingers at his side. "But you should know by now that if it comes to a choice between you or my friends, my friends are going to win out." She blinked as if she'd been slapped across the cheek, but within a split second her jaw was set again and she stormed past him, bumping into him as hard as she could and stomping her feet on the way out of the pub.

Sirius slumped back down into his chair and moodily scooted it forward, not even taking a second glance back at the way Rosalyn had left.

In all of the hubbub, Lexi and Peter had returned to their seats. "What did I miss?" she whispered to James who was still looking wide-eyed at his best friend.

"Come on…I'll explain in a minute," he murmured, standing up and nodding his head toward the dance floor.

She looked up at him in disbelief. "Are you serious? I just finished dancing! I want some food!" she complained.

"If you'd rather have food than information, then be my guest, continue sitting," he said with a raised eyebrow. She looked at him calculatingly for a moment, before rolling her eyes and taking his outstretched hand. He flashed her his superior half grin and led her to the floor.

She clasped her hands behind his neck and he placed his on either side of her waist. They began swaying slowly to the beat as other couples joined them on the dance floor. James relived everything that had transpired between Sirius, Rosalyn and Jenna in her absence. She was a very good listener, her eyes growing wide at the exciting parts and even gasping whenever he told her that Sirius had essentially explained that Rosalyn was second in his life to all of his friends.

"Man, you try and do one good deed," she muttered sarcastically once he had finished, "and you miss all of the good gossip." James laughed and nodded. "Where is she now?" she asked, looking around for a girl dressed in leaves.

But James didn't answer. That familiar shock of red hair had caught his eye. She was resting her chin on her fist but her body was contorted so that she was turned toward the dance floor. It took James a moment, but he realized that she was watching them…maybe not intentionally as her normally bright green eyes looked a little glazed over, but her gaze was fixed on James and Lexi.

She quickly realized that James had spotted her. They locked eyes and she sat up straight as a board, shocked at being caught in her stare. Her cheeks flushed momentarily but she didn't look away. Instead she gave him a grin and a small wave. He smiled back at her and tried to ignore the familiar feeling that someone was squeezing his heart with a vice grip.

"Hey!" Lexi said loudly, tapping him on the shoulder. "Did you hear what I said?"

"What?" James stammered, pulling his eyes away from the corner that Lily was sitting in and forcing his gaze to the blonde in his arms.

"I asked if you knew where Rosalyn went…but you clearly weren't paying attention."

"Oh…sorry," he muttered. "Um…yeah, I don't know where she went." He tried not to, but he couldn't help himself. Involuntarily, his eyes flickered back up over Lexi's head to where Lily was sitting, but she was no longer looking at them. Instead she was turned toward Brady, looking intensely bored.

Unfortunately, Lexi noticed the direction his eyes went and she looked over her shoulder too. Her gaze lingered momentarily before she turned back to James who was looking at her warily. She had a very smug expression on her face as she looked up into his hazel eyes.

"MmmHmm," she hummed, and raised an eyebrow at him again.

"What?" he asked, using his very best innocent look, but she saw through it. She shrugged, but continued to look at him as though she knew a deep dark secret (which…she kind of did, James reminded himself).

"Who were you looking at over there?" she asked sweetly.

"No one," James answered quickly.

"Sure…no one." She nodded her head as though in agreement. "She sure looked bored though, didn't she?"

"I don't know who you're talking about…but yes, I'm sure she's pretty bored."

Lexi laughed, and looked down at their feet for a moment. When she looked back up, she had a serious look on her face. "You can go talk to her, if you want. I don't mind."

"Who is this 'her' you speak of?" James teased.

"James…you know who I mean." He sighed deeply and nodded. "I know you like her…it's okay."

"No, I don't," he interrupted automatically. She gave him a look that told him very clearly that she didn't believe him.

"I'm in Ravenclaw, remember? That means I'm smart." He laughed again but didn't say anything. "Also, I'm not blind. I can see that you like her." Still he remained silent, unwilling to incriminate himself in any way. "So…if you want to go talk to her, I'll understand. I'm a big girl, I can handle being alone for a few minutes."

He smiled at her and marveled at just how amazing she really was. He couldn't think of too many other girls who would give him permission to go spend time with another girl at a party they came to together. "Well, I appreciate the offer, but you are still my date and regardless of any feelings I may or may not have for Lily Evans, I am not going to ditch you so that I can go spend time with her." And with that, the song ended and he led her back to their table.

Rosalyn had returned and the atmosphere felt just as tense as it had before she left. She was sitting with her arms folded over her chest and her legs crossed. Her foot was jiggling in an irritated fashion and she kept throwing sideways glances at Sirius. Jenna was chewing on her bottom lip and staring determinedly forward and pretending to pay attention to whatever it was that Peter was talking about.

"Why don't you guys go dance?" James suggested as he sat down. "The band is really good…I should know. Lily and I must have spent five straight nights listening to audition after audition. Most of them were really terrible too so when we heard these guys we signed…"

"I'm not really in a dancing mood…well, it's more like I don't really feel like dancing with my _partner _so…" Sirius interrupted harshly. Rosalyn didn't say anything, but narrowed her eyes at his words. Remus and Peter exchanged uninterested looks.

"Wow…you're a terrible date," James said in tones of mock seriousness.

"Shut up, Prongs," Sirius said through gritted teeth but James just smiled back at him. Sirius rolled his eyes but looked a little less grumpy than he had been earlier.

-&-&-&-

The next few hours went by well enough. Sirius cheered up eventually and in so doing, informally made up with Rosalyn, at least enough that they weren't at each other's throats any more. Rosalyn and Jenna were just choosing to ignore each other rather than attempt any kind of conversation that both knew would eventually fail.

Lexi turned out to be an exceptional date. She was not intimidated at all by the "big bad Marauders" as she had referred to them at one point in the evening causing raucous laughter from the four boys. She joked around and contributed to the conversation just as well as the rest of the group. Even Jenna warmed up to her as the evening went on. James was glad that he had decided to ask her rather than be alone. At least this way he only looked over at Lily across the room a few times rather than staring at her the whole evening which is probably what he would have been doing otherwise.

At one point, Lexi leaned over after noticing one of his glances across the room. She whispered, "Go ask the poor girl to dance. She looks bored out of her mind." He was prepared to tell her no, but when he looked up at her she was nodding encouragingly at him. Not to mention, Lily really did look bored. She was slumped over in her chair and shredding her napkin into confetti.

"Okay…but I'll be right back," he assured as he stood up.

"No need to hurry," she replied smiling. He grinned at her and then turned and headed toward Lily's table. It seemed to take a very long time to get across the pub, but she didn't see him coming at all as she was completely engrossed in her napkin shredding.

"Excuse me, Madame," he said tapping her on the shoulder, "Would you care to dance?" he asked, deepening his voice. "That is, if it's all right with your escort." He looked over at Brady who was eyeing him suspiciously, but then he shrugged and went back to talking to Bill. Lily rolled her eyes as James pulled out her chair for her.

"Thank you," she said as she smoothed out her dress and followed James to the center of the pub where other couples were dancing.

"Of course, my dear. I am honored that someone of your exceeding beauty would agree…"

"Why are you talking like that?" Lily interrupted loudly, though she was suppressing giggles.

"I'm Prince Charming…that's how I'm supposed to sound," James answered, causing her to lose her restraint and burst out laughing.

"Well please, turn back into James Potter or I'm going to sit back down."

"Deal," James said. As they reached the dance floor, the band began to play a slow song. James and Lily looked at each other awkwardly for a moment before James gave her a small smile and took a step closer to her. He slipped his right hand underneath her arm and onto the small of her back while cradling her right hand against his chest. They began to sway in time to the music, Lily's heart beating a bit faster than it had been moments earlier.

"Lexi doesn't mind you dancing with me?" she asked, needing to remind herself that he was taken.

"She's actually the one who suggested it," James informed her. "She said that you looked bored…and I can't say that I disagree." Lily rolled her eyes again and James grinned.

"I had no idea that it was possible for anyone to talk about Quidditch as much as Brady and Bill do. He hasn't said anything about anything else since we sat down." She shook her head and sighed, frustration obvious in her body language. "I mean, remember when I used to yell at you and Sirius for talking Quidditch too much?"

James scrunched up his face in a look of deep concentration. "Not clearly…you yelled at us so much though that it kind of blurs together. Well…that and we tended to tune you out." Lily smirked at him and hit him playfully on the shoulder.

"Well, you guys had nothing on these two. At least I could contribute to the conversation when they were talking about Gryffindor's chances of winning the Cup, but when the discussion switched to Quidditch _theory_, I got lost."

"And what is your opinion on Gryffindor's chances?" James asked in mock seriousness, though amusement glinted in his eyes.

"Well…our Seeker is pretty good…"

"MmmHmm…that she is," James agreed.

"Our Beaters are strong and accurate," Lily said knowingly while James nodded. "Our Keeper is…eh, not so great."

James snorted. "That's an understatement…"

"_And_ we have probably the best Chaser to come through Hogwarts in at least a century and by far the smartest captain of the four houses."

"Stop…you'll make me blush," James teased, though he was grinning from ear to ear at her praise. "Anyway…speaking of bad Keepers…does Brady know that he was supposed to turn his uniform back in?"

Again, Lily's eyes rolled. "You want to know why he doesn't like you? It's because you kicked him off the team. I think he's having trouble letting go."

"It's not my fault he was a terrible Keeper. He couldn't keep me from scoring with my eyes closed…the guy could barely stay on his broom. We have a hard enough time with Becca as our Keeper and at least she can stop a _few_ of the other teams' scoring attempts. I mean…" but Lily clapped her hand over his mouth to silence him.

"Please stop talking about Quidditch. This might be the only four minutes of the entire evening that I have a decent conversation and I don't want it to be about Keeper ability," she pleaded.

He grinned and nodded so that she would move her hand. "You started it, you know." She tilted her head and glared at him which only made him chuckle.

The band began singing the last chorus and Lily groaned loudly. "Don't make me go back," she begged, causing him to chuckle again, though it was obvious that he wasn't ready for the dance to end either. "Seriously, I've had more fun with you these few minutes than I have the whole time I've been here." James tried to conceal the pleasure he felt at hearing her words.

"Me too," he murmured conspiratorially. Lily looked up at him, disbelief clear on her face. "Don't tell, though."

"Come on," she said, peering up at him with narrowed eyes. "You've got Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Jenna…and Lexi," she added as an afterthought, though she wasn't sure that she managed to say the name entirely without bitterness.

James shrugged. "Yeah, but I've gotten used to you being around." Lily grinned involuntarily and James gazed at her in that way that only he could, making her feel like he could see through her…see the real her…and he still liked her anyway. Breaking eye contact and looking down at their hands, his large one gently covering hers, he said, "Besides, you've still got Mary, right?"

Lily sighed deeply. "Not really. She and Emmett just got back together so my choice of conversation includes Quidditch strategy or a disgustingly gooey love fest. Ugh!" she groaned as the song came to a close. She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on his chest. "Why couldn't you have asked me to this thing a day earlier?" she mumbled in his chest.

James couldn't stop the smile as it slowly crept up his face. She dug her chin into his chest and looked up at him, a pout on her lips. "I'll never forgive you for this," she teased, her green eyes sparkling.

"Well, how about one more dance then?" James suggested as he rubbed her back gently. "That should at least begin making up for it."

Lily grinned at him and then pulled slightly back so that they could begin swaying as the band struck up another song. "It couldn't hurt," she said serenely.

"You know, I think that the party is a hit," James reflected after a second as he looked around the pub. "Everyone seems to be having a pretty good time…present company excluded."

"Ha ha," Lily muttered dryly. "Thank goodness. I was so stressed out about this. I thought we would never get finished planning it."

"I was telling everyone about how long it took us to find the band…"

Lily started laughing. "I swear, I thought we were actually going to have to book that Celtic vampire band." James started laughing at the memory. "That was probably the scariest fifteen minutes of my life. I mean, I know they can control themselves, but I was still sure that they were seconds from leaping off of that stage and killing us."

"Yeah, I could tell that you were pretty tense."

"No, you couldn't," she laughed.

"Yeah, I definitely could. You were sitting up completely straight and as far back in your chair as possible and I thought you were going to break off parts of the seat because you were gripping it so hard."

"What? That's how I sit!" she insisted.

"No, it's not…you are so full of it!" James teased.

"Ahem," came the gruff voice of someone to their right. They both stopped dancing and looked over to see a very surly looking Brady standing next to them. He was holding out his hand to Lily though his cold eyes never left James. "Can I cut in? She is _my_ date after all," he asked, though his tone made it clear that it wasn't really a question.

"Uh…yeah, sure," James conceded, letting go of Lily's hand and dropping his from her back. He stepped away from her reluctantly.

Her eyes never left him and when he looked up at her, she gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks for the dance," she called to him. "Dance and a half, really," she added with a wink. He chuckled and then waved before heading back to his table.

Brady wasted no time in pulling her close to him…too close actually. They were practically cheek to cheek and Lily couldn't help but feel disappointed. In the place of James's strong arms, she was now being held by the flimsy (yet bulky thanks to all of the Quidditch gear) arms of a person that she was regretting saying "yes," to more and more by the minute. As Brady revolved them (a little too quickly) her eyes found James, who was now sitting despondently at his table. He wasn't looking her way and so she didn't feel guilty letting her eyes linger on him a bit longer.

He did look _very_ handsome tonight, she noticed. His lean frame was accented by the perfect cut of his suit and the way his crown sat on his head only added to his boyish charm. There was something else though. She wasn't sure exactly what it was…but there was something intangible about him that added to how great he looked tonight.

She shook her head and closed her eyes to try and clear her thoughts, but when she opened them again, there he was. He was picking at the lace tablecloth with his fingers. Sirius was saying something to him and it looked to Lily as if whatever he was saying was meant to be cheering him up. Remus and Jenna both gave each other superior and knowing looks before she shook her head.

Lexi was sitting with her body turned toward him. She was grinning sweetly at him and running her hand up and down his back in a comforting manner. She leaned in close and said something to him that made him look up at her and smile. Then he sighed and sat up, clearly over whatever it was that had caused his depression and seemed to slip back into his normal persona.

Lily swallowed and turned her face back forward, though the view wasn't any better as she was so close to Brady that all she could see was his Adam's apple.

"So, what's up with you and Potter?" Brady asked. "Are you guys, like, a couple or something?"

Lily was so shocked to hear him say something about anything other than Quidditch that she hardly minded the intrusiveness of the question. "No, we're just friends," she answered automatically. Then after a brief pause, she added, "Don't you think that if we were a couple, I would have come with him instead of you?"

Brady shrugged. "Yeah, but sometimes people do weird things. And he talks about you a lot…like _a lot_." Lily blushed and was thankful for the first time that he didn't look at her when speaking to her so that he wouldn't see the bright red color she was sure her cheeks were.

"Well, we're friends…so that's probably why. And we're Head students so we have to spend a ton of time together. It makes sense that he would talk about me. Especially lately, because we've had so much to do to get ready for this party. I mean, I talk about him a lot too but that doesn't mean anything…" Lily babbled.

"Okay, okay…geez, it was just a question. I'm not accusing you of anything," he interrupted.

The rest of the dance went on in silence, and as they spun too quickly Lily focused her eyes on the walls rather than letting them roam free because she was certain of where they would end up if she let them. She wasn't sure if Brady just didn't know what to talk about next or if he was upset with her, but at this point, she knew that she preferred silence to whatever they would have to talk about.

When the song ended, Brady asked, "Want to dance again?"

"No thanks," Lily piped up quickly, "I'm feeling a little motion sick. Can we sit back down?" Brady shrugged his answer and then led her back to the table.

-&-&-&-

Another two hours passed and it was clear that the party was beginning to wind down. The remaining people were mostly 6th and 7th years, though most of the girls were sitting at their tables, teetering on the edge between being alert and asleep.

Mary and Emmett had long since left to return to the castle. Mary had said that they were just going back to have a quiet place to talk, but Lily wasn't entirely convinced that _talking_ is what they truly had in mind. Brady was still talking to Bill about Quaffle prices or the advantages of having a light Beater or different games throughout history that had involved referee fraud…honestly, Lily had stopped listening a while ago.

Though Brady had turned out to be a less than perfect date, she didn't really mind too terribly much. After all, she'd survived the last few weeks tuning people out. The only thing that really bothered her was the constant reminder of the evening she _could_ have had if she'd been James's date. He and Lexi danced most of the night, though both danced with the other people in their group quite a bit as well. Lily couldn't help but watch as they laughed easily together, James throwing his head back every so often whenever something she said really made him laugh.

He seemed to be having a very good time and Lily couldn't help but think that he was probably happy that Lily had said no. If she hadn't, then he wouldn't have been able to bring Lexi.

As that thought reverberated around her head, she felt a slight tugging in her chest. She did not like the idea of him being happier with Lexi than he would have been with her. And even as she thought it, she knew that it was a terrible thing to want. He was her friend, and she should want what was best for him, even if it was the beautiful girl that he was currently twirling around the floor.

"We should dance!" Sirius proclaimed without preamble as he plopped down in the seat next to her and slung and arm around her shoulders, shocking her out of her reverie.

"We should?" she retorted teasingly.

"Yes! As the best looking guy here, it's only right that I should get at least one dance with the best looking girl." Sirius winked at her and she couldn't help but giggle.

"You didn't spike the punch, did you?" she joked. He looked at her, a shocked expression plastered onto his face.

"I would never even consider it," he stated, placing his right hand over his heart. "I'm hurt that you would even suggest something so vile." She laughed again and he stood up and offered her his hand. "Come on, I know you want to. I saw you eyeing me all night." She shook her head in denial, but grinned and took his hand.

"Yeah, me and every other girl in here," she laughed as he rested his hands on her hips and began swaying in time to the music. "You're practically naked."

"I'm just giving the people what they want, Lil."

"Well, you look very good, for the record. Mary wasn't kidding."

"What d'you mean?" Sirius asked, a quizzical expression on his face.

Lily blushed and couldn't believe that she was about to utter this out loud. Mary would kill her if she ever found out. "I don't even remember how it came up," Lily lied, "but Mary said that you looked good with your shirt off. And I have to say, I completely agree."

"Well…I'm not…I don't even know what to say to that," Sirius stuttered, grinning. "You've never said _anything_ like that to me before. I'm not sure how to respond."

"It would probably help if you try once all the Firewhiskey gets out of your system."

"I didn't spike the punch…I'm just naturally this jolly," Sirius insisted. Lily chuckled, but then a silence fell between them.

"Did you make up with Rosalyn?" she asked after a few moments. Sirius's previously pleasant smile was immediately erased and replaced by a stony grimace. "I'm not trying to be nosy," she added quickly in case he was angry with her for prying, "It was purely a question with one goal in mind: to figure out if I need to sleep in the common room or if it's safe to go into the dormitory tonight."

Sirius smiled half-heartedly. "We didn't _make up_," he answered slowly. "I'm pretty sure she's still angry with me…but it's not like it was earlier."

"Can I make a suggestion?" Sirius answered with a raised eyebrow, but she took his silence as consent. "I think you should apologize." He looked enraged and again Lily began to speak quickly as a means of keeping him from an outburst. "Not for defending your friend. That was honorable. But it was obvious that she felt bad all night. She doesn't like fighting with you and you should apologize for the way you went about defending Peter. Tell her you'll try and keep your temper in check next time."

It was obvious that he didn't really agree with her reasoning, but instead of pointing this out he just sighed and nodded. "I'll think about it."

"May I cut in?" a voice asked from their left. Lily looked over to see Lexi looking pointedly at Sirius, a secretive smile on her face.

"Sure," Sirius answered. "That is, if it's okay with you," he asked, addressing Lily. She nodded and looked up at James who was blushing slightly.

Sirius stepped in between Lexi and James and rested his hands on her hips and then began to dance, twirling away from where they had been previously, leaving James and Lily standing in the middle of the floor staring at each other.

"It's almost like they planned that," James muttered. Lily smiled back at him, though she wasn't entirely sure what he meant. "Shall we?" he asked and held out his arms to her. She smiled and nodded again before stepping closer to him.

The sensation was immediate. His scent swept over her, surrounding her in a pleasant cloud of muskiness and a smell that could only be associated with James. His right arm held her securely and again he cradled her other hand against his chest. She wasn't sure that they were standing far enough away from each other for it to look completely platonic, but being this close to him was intoxicating and she didn't care enough to step further away.

"It's good to see you up and about for the second time this evening," James teased. She grinned up at him, prepared with a quip to answer him with, but found that as she gazed into his face, the words left her.

His eyes were penetrating her, searching for something unseen. The result was an intense warming of her body that started in the pit of her stomach and spread out to the tips of her fingers and toes. She felt slightly dizzy even though they were hardly moving at all. She was suddenly hyper aware of every place their bodies were touching: the light pressure of his hand on her back, the gentle brush of his thigh past hers and they turned a miniscule amount, the soft circles his thumb was drawing on the back of her hand.

"Can I say something?" she asked, in a voice that was slightly shaky.

"Of course," he answered, confusion and amusement mingling in the eyes that were still gazing into hers.

"Well…I was thinking earlier…about us," she began, but she had to break eye contact. She couldn't keep staring at him like that, she was getting lost and she couldn't keep her train of thought going.

"Us?" James repeated, his voice breaking ever so slightly on the word. He swallowed hard as she nodded and stared at their hands.

"Yeah…well, I was just thinking about how far we've come, you know? I mean, at the beginning of this year I was mortified at the thought of having to work with you. I thought it was some cruel joke that Dumbledore was playing on me." James smiled slightly and tried to keep listening, though it was hard to hear her when his heart was beating so loudly in his chest. "But now I can't imagine being partners with anyone else."

James cleared his throat and tried not to look disappointed. "Yeah, we make a pretty good team," he muttered, hoping that he sounded light-hearted.

"No…I mean, yes, we do…but it's more than that, James," she protested. "It started out as a partnership, but now we're _friends_…and that's just incredible. A year ago I didn't think that was possible."

They were silent for a few moments, their dancing becoming merely a gentle shift from side to side. Lily was trying to collect her thoughts. This wasn't really coming out like she had intended it to.

She sighed and looked back up at him, risking her train of thought in order to be able to portray the intensity of her statement. "But it's more than that too. We're not just friends anymore," she said quietly.

James was silent. Everything in his body had stilled. His previously racing heart seemed to be on standby, waiting for her next words and he was subconsciously holding his breath. He quit dancing all together and just stared down at her, willing her to continue.

"Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?" she asked, her voice catching in her throat. "You're my…well, truthfully…you're my best friend. I mean, I still love Mary and Jenna, and they're still the closest girlfriends I have, but…it's you, James. You're the person I trust the most, the person I like being around the most…the person that I can't imagine this year without."

James wasn't sure what to say. Part of him felt completely broken, as though he had laid himself on the line _again _and she had denied him…_again_. Those had not been the words he had hoped to hear. They weren't the ones he'd been longing to hear for far longer than he really cared to admit.

But then another part of him felt incredible. For years he considered it a small victory if she smiled at him or if she walked past him without cringing or making a gagging motion. And now she was telling him that he was her best friend. He would have done anything for that a year ago. And yet, now that it seemed as though he were closer to what he really wanted than he ever had been before, being her closest friend didn't seem to be enough anymore.

She was searching him – reading his body language and watching his eyes, trying to see the reaction he was having to her words. She was inexplicably nervous and when he didn't say anything in return, she began rambling.

"I mean…I know that I'm not _your_ best friend. And that's totally okay. I know that you and Sirius are like brothers. I wasn't just saying it so that you would say it back, I just thought that you should know how important you are to me and…"

James grinned at her but raised a hand to her mouth and placed his fingertips over her moving lips to stop her talking.

"You're my best friend, too," he said quietly. "Sirius is like my brother, you're right, and he'll always be my best friend…but so are you…just in a different way. It's hard to explain…but I feel the same way." Her eyes lit up and he felt her lips curve into a smile beneath his fingers. He sighed again and took her hand and began swaying slowly once more. He supposed that "best friends" would have to be enough for now.

But as they moved in silence, Lily gazing contentedly up at him, his patience left him. "The hell with this," he thought with silent determination. He was going to tell her, right here and right now. He was going to say it out loud: how he really felt about her…everything. He knew there was something else there. There _had_ to be. And she was so close and so warm and who knew when a perfect opportunity like this would come around again?

"Actually, Lily, there's something…I need to tell you too," he said. His hands were getting clammy and he felt the sudden urge to run his hand through his hair (though he quickly remembered that he couldn't because it was glued into place). His heart started beating fifty times faster than it had been mere seconds earlier.

"Go ahead," she prompted when he didn't say anything for a few long moments.

"Okay." He sighed one last time and then looked down at her, finally ready to put himself out there in the hope that her feelings for him had changed over the last few months. "I really care about you too…more than I think you know…but the thing is…"

But he wasn't able to finish.

Just then the music stopped, but the lead vocalist had stepped up to the magical mic and was addressing the people who remained in the pub.

"That's all for us tonight. Thanks everyone!" He squinted into the crowd. "James…Lily, did you have some announcements you wanted to make?"

"Oh! Yeah!" Lily called out and started racing for the stage. She grabbed James's hand and pulled him with her.

"No, Lily…this is kind of important!" he protested as she wove them through other couples who had stopped moving and were staring at them.

"Can it wait for later?" she questioned without turning back to look at him. They reached the stage and she climbed up.

"I guess it'll have to," he muttered moodily. Lily was shaking hands with all of the band members and thanking them. He walked up to the mic and sighed as he looked over at her. "Let's give it up one more time for the Screeching Mandrakes!" James said unenthusiastically, his voice booming magically around the room. Lily started clapping and smiling. She looked over at him and picked up his disgruntled mood and raised both of her eyebrows, telling him very clearly that he had better get over it fast.

"We just have one announcement to make," he continued. "Curfew for everyone who is not on the cleanup crew or the date of a cleanup crew member is fifteen minutes from now. And remember, no one roams the corridors alone. Cleanup crew, our curfew is in thirty minutes."

James stepped away from the mic and began shaking hands with the lead vocalist when Lily swooped down toward the microphone. "Thanks for coming everyone!" There was a mild smattering of applause and then the dull roar of everyone grabbing their things, waking up dates and heading for the doors drowned it out.

"I'm going to go ahead and go back up to the castle," Brady announced to Lily as he headed up to the stage.

"No, you're not," James replied in a hard voice before Lily had a chance to reply. Brady stared up at him defiantly. "Did you not hear what I just said? No one roams the corridors alone…"

"I'm going up with Bill and Andrea," Brady protested.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm not really concerned for your safety, but you do have a date on the cleanup crew, do you not?" Brady didn't answer, but merely glared in reply. "You'll wait for her and then make sure that she gets back to her dormitory safely," James ordered.

"And what if I don't?"

"I'll take fifty points from Gryffindor…yes, from my own house." Brady stared at him, his mouth hanging open in shock. "So, I suggest that you go find a place to sit and park it until Lily's done."

Brady turned slowly, cursing under his breath, but headed to a bar stool and then sat down, brooding.

"Was that really necessary?" Lily queried under her breath as she climbed down from the stage.

"Hey, he kept going on about you being his date tonight…he can't shirk off the responsibilities just because he doesn't want to wait another five minutes for you." Lily rolled her eyes but headed over to a corner of the pub and pulled out her wand to begin vanishing the various plates of food and tankards of butterbeer from the tables.

The work went quickly enough. Remus and Jenna both stayed behind to help clean as did a number of 7th year Hufflepuffs. James had, after a bit of practicing, managed to master a type of vacuum charm that allowed him to clean up spills and the mounds of confetti that had collected on the floor.

But when he reached his table, about three quarters of the way through the room, he saw Lexi with her head down on the table, fast asleep. He smiled as he looked at her. Her hair was falling out of her up-do and had fanned out around her head.

He tucked his wand inside his jacket pocket and then rubbed her back to wake her up.

"Hey," she mumbled, sleep making her voice hoarse. She winced into the light but still managed to smile at him.

"Hey," he replied. "Come on, let's get you to the castle." And with that he wrapped an arm around her shoulders while she wrapped both arms around his middle to hold herself up. She rested her head on his shoulder and then he led her out of the pub. He came back down to finish cleaning, but by the time he got there, most of the work was finished and nearly everyone else had left except for Remus and Jenna.

Brady and Lily walked back in silence, Brady still smoldering from being ordered around by James. Lily didn't mind. She didn't really feel like talking to him anyway.

She had planned on waiting in the common room for James so that he could say whatever he'd been stopped from saying earlier, but the image of him and Lexi walking out of the pub was making her feel nauseas so she just went up to her dormitory and changed into her pajamas.

"Lily!" Jenna yelled as she ran into the dormitory and threw her arms around her friend. "The party was a huge success! It was amazing…no, magnificent! I had so much fun and so did everyone else!" She stopped blabbering for a moment and pierced Lily with a scrutinizing look. "Why aren't you rejoicing? You're through planning and it was a blast, you should be ecstatic."

Lily merely shrugged. "I don't feel very good," Lily explained.

"What's wrong?" Mary inquired, looking at Lily with clear concern.

"My stomach hurts."

"Did you eat some bad shrimp?" Jenna asked. Lily grinned at the completely serious tone of Jenna's voice.

"No…I think I'm just tired. I'm going to go to bed." Her friends looked truly concerned but she gave them a reassuring smile and closed the hangings around her.

She was exhausted, she wasn't lying about that. She fully expected to fall asleep quickly and hoped that when she woke up she would be feeling normal…or as normal as she ever felt lately.

But instead of a peaceful slumber, she tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable and unable to quiet her mind long enough to drift off. When she closed her eyes she was bombarded with images from the night, most of them of James and Lexi. She could hear the rest of the girls in the dorm chatting quietly and puttering around getting ready for bed and talking about the party.

After a while, it became quiet but Lily still couldn't sleep.

"Psst…Jenna," Lily heard Mary whisper. She heard the sound of the rings clinking against metal as Jenna pulled her curtains back.

"What's up?" Jenna called back in a tired voice. Lily tried to be as quiet as she could, feeling only slightly guilty for eavesdropping on her friends. She heard the squeak of Mary's bed as she rolled over and then the gentle padding of her feet as she made her way across the room and sat down on Jenna's bed.

"What did you think of Lexi?" Mary asked quietly. Lily's breath hitched in her chest and she had to force herself to begin breathing again.

"She was…wonderful," Jenna sighed. "I kept hoping she would screw up but she's perfect. She's funny and nice and cute…"

"Do you really think James likes her?"

"I don't know. There's nothing not to like, but I don't think he's over Lily yet," Jenna answered. "Maybe he's just given up, you know."

"I never thought I'd see the day that happened," Mary reflected with a quiet giggle.

"Me either, but you know…for so long he could keep hoping that he would somehow prove himself to her. He thought that all she had to do was get to know him and she'd fall for him. But she knows him now…she really _knows _him. And she still doesn't like him."

"Or doesn't realize she likes him," Mary interjected.

"Yeah…and if she hasn't figured out that they would be perfect for each other by now, maybe she never will," Jenna said in a defeated voice. "And I think James realizes that."

"Do you think Lexi is just a rebound or someone he's using to get Lily off of his mind?"

"I haven't got a clue," Jenna answered after a reflective moment. "That might be the intention but if he's not careful they'll end up together because they're great together…oh don't get me wrong, I don't think they'd be better than James and Lily, but they were cute tonight."

"Well, I hope Lily wakes up soon…before it's too late," Mary remarked and then Lily heard her feet on the floor again. "Night, Jenna!" she called in hushed tones from her side of the room.

"Night," Jenna replied and then Lily heard two sets of curtain rings slide across the rods and the room became silent again.

Their words echoed around in her head. James was trying to move on. She should be ecstatic…she _should_ be relieved. All year she'd been worried that his lingering crush was going to ruin their friendship and now he was finally starting to get over her.

And then it dawned on her…what he'd been trying to tell her during the final dance. He was trying to tell her that he was going to start dating Lexi. It made perfect sense. She'd just told him that he was her closest friend, but only a friend and he was going to tell her that he was moving on. But instead of the happiness and relief she expected to feel, she felt as though there was a strong fist constricting around her heart.

She rolled over, confused by her reaction. "Maybe I just need time to get used to the idea of James with a girlfriend," she thought as she closed her eyes.

But closing her eyes did nothing to help her attempt to sleep. All she saw was James and Lexi. She saw them dancing, saw the laughter they shared throughout the evening, saw the joy on his face when they had walked out of the portrait hole and Lexi was standing there waiting for them. The most prominent image was the way they left: his arm around her shoulders and her head resting peacefully on him. They looked like the perfect couple.

"UGH!" Lily thought angrily. "What is _wrong_ with me?" She was feeling hot and uncomfortable so she kicked off her covers, though it did nothing to make her feel better. "It's just _James_. He's wonderful and smart and hilarious and gorgeous…him finding a girlfriend was bound to happen eventually!" She didn't want to think about this right now. Jenna was right, the party had been a huge success and after all of the hard work she and James had put into it, she should be feeling liberated. Sleep should have come easily as all of the stress was finally gone.

But instead, here she was, wide awake, staring at the coverings of her bed.

She decided that she would think about James and Lexi tomorrow. She needed sleep in order to process her revelation. So she closed her eyes and tried to think of the best part of her night.

Immediately, James materialized in her mind. She smiled into her pillow as she felt his hand gently pressing into her back and as she imagined the way his hand fit perfect around hers. She could smell his cologne and felt his warmth as she lay in the dark. She could even see the way he was looking at her as though there was no one else in the room except for her. She could hear the soft timbre of his voice as he talked to her and feel the way his chest shook whenever he would laugh.

She enjoyed being there again, reliving the moments that had felt so brief at the time though looking into his eyes made her feel as if she could gaze into their hazel depths forever. Just imagining being that close to him made her heart begin beating faster.

When she opened her eyes again, she was disappointed to find that it was just a memory. She wanted to be there again. She wanted to be in his arms and not be forced out by a bad date or the band concluding their set.

A feeling of sadness swept over her as she realized that it could be a long time before she was there again…at least until the next party. Maybe never again if he started dating Lexi.

And with this realization, a feeling stronger than sadness took her. She felt empty. She was surprised to feel the sting of tears in the corner of her eyes. She realized why she hadn't liked Lexi being on the scene.

She was worried that she was going to lose James.

She knew that he would always care about her and that they would always be friends. But now he would be spending all of his extra time with her. He would always be telling _her_ how beautiful she looks and wanting to spend free nights with _her_ and taking her on dates to Hogsmeade.

And that's when it occurred to her. If Remus or Peter got girlfriends, she wouldn't react this way…she certainly hadn't with Sirius. The reason that she cared about whether or not James dated Lexi was because she felt differently about him than she did any of the other men in her life.

"Oh my gosh," Lily thought as she rolled over onto her back and stared flabbergasted at the top of her canopy. "I like James Potter."

**A/N-**Yay! Writing this chapter has brought me great joy! I hope you like reading it as much as I loved writing it!

I shall politely request that you leave me a review. Let me know what you think about this chapter, what you want to see next, what you think will happen next, etc. And thanks to everyone who has been reviewing and adding this story to their alerts and their favorites. It totally makes my day whenever I see a "Fanfiction" e-mail in my inbox.

The next chapter will be a big one too, though perhaps not quite as big as this one, though I'm not sure that things will progress in the exact manner that you expect them too.


	9. The First Step

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N-**So yeah…sorry this took so long everyone. Last semester was _unbelievably_ hard on me and once summer started I just needed a long break. But Lily and James have my heart and I can't just let their story go untold.

And, just so you all know, I felt _really_ guilty making Lily as miserable as she is in this chapter.

**Chapter Nine: The First Step**

Avoidance had been the name of the game since Halloween.

When she woke up the next morning (after managing only about two hours of sleep) she had tried to convince herself that her revelation the night before was just a combination of her terrible date, the fact that James had obviously been wonderful to Lexi, exhaustion and residual effects of the emotional roller coaster she had been on since her parents' deaths. However, that theory had been quickly quashed the second she walked into the common room. He was standing by the fire with Sirius, laughing at something, and Lily immediately felt butterflies (that honestly felt more like flying saucers) erupt in the pit of her stomach. Then, when Lexi had come to sit with them at breakfast, jealousy like Lily had never experienced before reared its ugly head. She could barely look at the two of them sitting next to each other and laughing at _everything_ without feeling torn between leaping over the table and wrestling her to the ground or bursting into tears.

It was very confusing.

Instead, she hardly said a word, didn't laugh at anything, and stabbed violently at every bite of omelet on her plate. She was aware of the sidelong glances she was getting from both Jenna and Mary (not to mention Sirius, Remus and Peter) every time the metal of her fork crashed against the ceramic plate but chose to ignore them.

Fortunately, the gang decided to hang out in the common room all day relaxing and playing an Exploding Snap tournament. Unfortunately, when they decided to pair up into teams, James and Lily won causing James to jump up and down in excitement and then proceed to pick Lily up and spin her around sending an array of crazy emotions and physical reactions through her body.

She didn't get any sleep that night either.

It was around four AM that Lily came to the conclusion that she would just have to avoid James until whatever feelings she had for him had subsided and she could just act normal around him again.

This proved to be a much more difficult task than she had expected. On the one hand, they were the heads of the school so they had to spend six hours a week patrolling together, not to mention running the prefect meetings. There was less to do now that the party was over, but they still had their weekly meetings with Professor McGonagall as well. Lily had managed to convince James that they should patrol separately for a few weeks as the threats against Muggle-borns had resurfaced. He didn't seem particularly keen on that idea but had given in after ten minutes of Lily's insistence.

What had made avoiding him particularly difficult was that she didn't like not spending time with him. She hadn't been kidding when she had told him that he was her best friend. There had been times when he was the only bright spot in her day. There were moments when she would be sitting in class and think of something hilarious that she wanted to tell him but chose to hold her tongue instead. There were times when she would begin to feel bored or depressed and all she wanted to do was sit next to him and let him cheer her up. Even more than that, she wanted to know what was going on with him. Sometimes their pointless talks meant more to her than their deepest conversations. And she missed him. But instead, every night she went straight up to her dormitory after dinner or made up excuses to go to the library when everyone else had finished their homework.

In a weak moment, she'd even agreed to go on a date with a sixth year Hufflepuff, Kevin Hildebrand. She was sitting in the library, bored out of her mind and wishing that she were in the common room doing _anything _else when Kevin had approached her and asked her to the Three Broomsticks that weekend. She said yes for two reasons. The first was that James and Sirius had already started planning out their weekend and she desperately needed a legitimate excuse to avoid spending the whole afternoon with James. The second was that she was really beginning to miss him and she was clinging to the hope that there would be some kind of connection with Kevin so that she could go back to being friends with James instead of constantly being on the edge and making sure that absolutely no parts of their bodies touched each other.

But of course, she would have no such luck.

The date had been nice, pleasant even. Kevin was well-mannered and sweet. He'd talked to her about her interests and had even made her laugh a few times. The problem wasn't him. It was the fact that no matter what he did, good or bad, she found herself comparing him to James. When he'd told her that she looked pretty, she'd remembered James telling her the same thing before the party. When he'd ordered strawberry shortcakes for dessert, she had to tell him that she was allergic, something that James already knew.

So that's where she was at this point. Three weeks had passed since her world-shattering realization and she was no closer to getting back to normal than she was that night. In fact, she felt she was even further because now, not only was she unable to be around him without getting butterflies in her stomach, blushing furiously, and feeling hot and flustered, but she knew that she could not even spend a few hours with another guy and _not_ think about him.

She was relieved to find an empty common room late on Wednesday night after she returned from another extended stay at the library. She hadn't really decided on an excuse she could use to get up to her dormitory again yet and she could tell that her friends were getting tired of her avoidance routine.

She hadn't been sitting for more than ten minutes though before someone had jumped over the back of the couch and landed roughly on the seat next to her causing her to bounce up and drop her quill. She turned her head in shock but was not surprised (or upset) to see James sitting next to her, a wide-eyed grin in place.

"Hey!" he said cheerfully. "It's been forever since I've seen you."

"You saw me at lunch, you dope," she teased with a grin, hoping that this would distract him and keep the conversation away from where she knew it was heading. But he recognized her feeble attempt and pierced her with a scrutinizing look.

"You know what I mean." He turned on the couch so that he was facing her, brushing his leg against hers in the process. She tried to ignore the shock it sent up her spine and hoped that he didn't notice her shiver. "Where have you been?"

Lily rolled her eyes and tried to turn her focus back to her History of Magic essay, though it was considerably more difficult with James sitting next to her. "Nowhere. I've been here, I've just been busy." She tried to avoid his gaze which only confirmed his suspicion that something else was going on.

"Too busy for your best friend?" James asked, pushing out his bottom lip dramatically.

Lily laughed. "You really like calling yourself that, don't you?"

"Absolutely! I mean, I was your nemesis for six years. This whole 'best friend' thing is uncharted territory for me. I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can. I don't take things like this for granted…not when it comes to you."

"Well, to be fair, I didn't hate you until our second year. And then the level of hate lowered considerably at the end of last year," Lily clarified. "So, really you were only my nemesis for about four years."

She grinned smugly at him, to which he just shrugged and said, "Tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to." She held his gaze a moment longer than she should have and quickly looked away as she felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. From the corner of her eye she saw him look away as well and run his hand through his hair, rumpling it slightly. He cleared his throat and she felt his hand rest lightly on her shoulder. "Hey, really though…are you okay?" Lily turned and looked at him, the genuine concern obvious in his eyes. "It's just that you're shutting yourself off again…like you did a few months ago."

Lily looked down at her essay momentarily; guilty because she knew how he had worried about her after her parents' deaths. "I'm okay," she replied quietly, looking up again to meet his gaze. "Honest." He didn't seem entirely satisfied with her answer, so she begrudgingly added more. "I just have a…_problem_…that I need to take care of, that's all. But I'm fine."

"Anything I can help with?" Lily cursed herself for thinking about how adorable he looked with a worried crease between his eyebrows.

"No!" she answered a little too loudly. He jumped back and then raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "I mean, there's nothing that can really be done. It just has to work itself out."

"Okay," he drawled. "Well, do you want to talk about it? As your best friend, I can offer a variety of helpful skills."

"Oh really? And what would those be?" Lily said, her eyes glittering.

"I can listen with a nonjudgmental ear. I can offer up some advice." He ticked these things off on his fingers as he spoke. "Oh, if someone is bothering you, I can knock them out."

Lily grinned gratefully, but as he began to make jabbing motions in the air, she placed her hands over his and watched as they slowly lowered back down. "Thanks for the offer, but there really isn't anything that you can do." She couldn't help but grin wryly as she thought that there certainly was something he _could_ do. He could stop being himself. If he could do that, if he could go back to being the jerk he had been prior to this year, her "problem" would go away.

"Well, I am here if you need me," he offered up and then proceeded to stretch out on the couch. She grinned and then turned her attention back to her paper. But no sooner had he stopped moving than he suddenly jerked in his seat and was standing up in front of her. "Um…except for right now. I gotta go!"

Lily watched as he practically sprinted around the couch and toward the portrait hole.

"Where are you going?" she called after him.

"I have to go meet Lexi. She can't do the Transfiguration homework and I offered to help her out." Lily tried to keep her jealousy from showing up on her face as James looked away from her and at his watch. His eyes grew wide and he moved even quicker to the portrait hole. "If I don't leave now, I'll be late."

"And we wouldn't want that!" Lily muttered sarcastically under her breath.

"What?" he asked, turning quickly to look at her.

She flashed him a fake smile and yelled out, "Nothing. Have fun!" before turning and plopping back down on the couch cushion and violently pulling her books onto her lap. She stared angrily at her essay and felt a sudden wave of sympathy for the woman (Iris the Imaginative, made famous after her creative but gruesome murder of her husband and his lover).

She tried to write more but finally gave up after it became painfully obvious that the only thing her mind was capable of focusing on was imagining the different scenes that could be taking place in the library between James and Lexi. She knew that girls in their year faked being horrible at Transfiguration constantly to try and get alone time with James. Most of the time he would just make up some prior responsibility to get out of it, but apparently Lexi's troubles were more important to him. She slammed her book shut and rubbed her eyes, trying desperately to get images of James and Lexi out of her head before giving up and dropping her head back and heaving a great sigh.

"This isn't fair," Lily thought miserably. "Epic love stories are not supposed to happen like this!"

Before she could think any longer though, she heard a door slam and then loud, stomping footsteps coming down the girls' staircase. Before too long, Jenna appeared, her cheeks red with anger and her hair flying out behind her. It didn't take long for her eyes to find Lily and she immediately stormed over and sat down. She crossed her arms and legs simultaneously and jiggled her foot in irritation.

When she didn't say anything, Lily quietly prodded, "Are you okay?"

"I hate her, Lily! I _hate_ her!" Jenna snarled, throwing a death glare toward the girls' tower as if daring this "her" to follow her down.

"Who?"

Jenna snapped her head in Lily's direction and fixed her with an incredulous look. "Rosalyn," she said, spitting the name as if it left a bad taste in her mouth. "Who else?"

"What did she do this time?" Lily was almost afraid to ask, seeing the mood Jenna was in at the moment, but felt that in the long run it was better for Jenna to let her anger out down here than later when confronted with Rosalyn again.

"She thinks I'm jealous of her. Not just me…_everyone_. She thinks that everyone is jealous of her. Just because she's got lots of money and because she _technically_ has good looks and because she has a popular boyfriend…" Jenna ranted while gesturing angrily. "Well, I'll tell you what. I'd rather be poor, ugly and single for the rest of my life than be _anything_ like her. In fact, if I ever acquire any of her personality traits, just take me out back and Avada Kedavra me, because I'd rather be dead than be anything like that vile, stupid, self-absorbed…UGH! I can't even think of a word awful enough to describe what she is!"

Lily looked on in amazement. She had never seen Jenna this worked up before. After the party, Jenna had recounted the story about what Rosalyn had said to Peter and the fight that had ensued. All three girls had decided that it was probably best if Jenna and Rosalyn steered clear of each other and it had been working relatively well, until now.

"Wow," Lily murmured as she looked at her friend and began stroking her hair in an attempt to calm her down a little. "How did this all start?"

Jenna sighed deeply as she turned her furious blue eyes on Lily. "She was just talking to Claire about something Ellie said to her in Divination. She said that it sounded like Ellie and her friends were jealous but that she couldn't blame them. I was trying…really, Lily, I was trying to ignore her. But then she said, 'I've been feeling that it isn't just Ellie that's jealous though. I mean, who honestly isn't just a little bit jealous of me?' And then I couldn't help myself. I told her that I wasn't jealous of her and then…_and then_ _she started debating me_. She told me that I _was_ jealous and that she knew it no matter how much I tried to deny it. She asked me what I was doing this weekend and when I said I'd probably be catching up on my Potions homework she said that she and Sirius were doubling with James and Lexi. And then she acted like she had won the argument because she was going on a date and I wasn't! And I'm not jealous! Why would that make me jealous?"

Jenna was fuming again and angry tears were starting to build up in the corners of her eyes. Lily somehow managed to push aside the bit about James and Lexi's date (something she would give herself a pat on the back for later that night) and focus on Jenna's problem. "It wouldn't make you jealous. You don't hate her because she's dating Sirius. You hate her for a bunch of other reasons. She's wrong." Lily stated it matter-of-factly and Jenna gave her a look of pure gratitude before letting out a long sigh and trying to get a grip on her emotions.

"Thank you," Jenna murmured through a sniffle. "Why didn't I say that? I don't know why I let her get to me like that." She swiped at a few tears. "I don't like being like this, you know. I'm not an angry person. I'm supposed to be the calm friend. You and Mary are the girls who yell and hold grudges. I'm the one who tells you how unreasonable you're being."

Lily chuckled and then pulled Jenna into a hug. "It doesn't matter if she thinks you're jealous. You know you're not. Why does it matter what she thinks?"

"I don't know!" Jenna cried pulling away from Lily. "That's what's so frustrating about the whole thing. When other people say idiotic things I can just ignore it. But when she says them…I dunno, I just feel compelled to bring her down a peg. She's too full of herself."

--&--&--&--

The rest of the week went by quietly. In an attempt to keep Jenna and Rosalyn away from each other, the three girls decided to sit separately from the boys and Rosalyn during meal times and in the common room. Lily couldn't deny that this situation suited her very well. At least now she felt that she didn't have to escape to the library or the dormitory to avoid James, though she would often find herself stealing glances across the room at him when she was supposed to be writing Charms essays. Most of the time she would catch herself and refocus on her homework but there were occasions when he would be looking back at her too. When their eyes would meet and he would flash a quick grin, she could feel the blood immediately rushing to her face and would look away, refusing to glance back in the boys' direction for at least another hour.

At night, she would be kept awake for hours after the rest of the 7th year girls had drifted to sleep, thinking about how James and Lexi's relationship seemed to be progressing. And Friday night, the night before the double date that Rosalyn would not stop talking about, Lily lay wide-eyed long after her roommates had slipped into unconsciousness. She tossed and turned for what felt like hours listening to the deep breathing (and occasional snore) from the other beds. She tried desperately to think of anything else, but as it always does when you're trying not to think of something, the scenes and thoughts only grew more vivid. She didn't dare close her eyes because that only brought unwelcome visuals of James and Lexi together.

When she did finally manage to fall asleep, all that greeted her were dreams involving the couple.

When she woke up on Saturday morning, it was clearly much later than she normally woke. The sun was shining brilliantly through the window next to her bed and the dormitory was completely quiet.

"Finally! You're awake!" Mary exclaimed as she rolled over on her bed and looked at Lily. She was fully dressed and was lying on her already made bed with a stack of parchment next to her. "I've been throwing Bertie Bott's beans at you for half an hour!"

Lily rubbed dazedly at her barely open eyes. "Why didn't you just shake me awake? Or let me sleep?" she asked, her voice raspy and thick.

"Well, the last time I shook you awake you nearly blasted my ear off," Mary informed while Lily chuckled quietly at the memory of their second year that still clearly frightened her friend. "And it's almost one in the afternoon, so I didn't think you'd mind me waking you up."

"It's almost one?" Lily asked, shocked, as she pushed herself up on the bed.

"Yeah, I was actually a little worried. You're usually up with the sun on weekends."

"I didn't sleep very well last night, I guess," Lily explained, stifling a yawn. She looked around the bright and deserted dormitory. "Where is everyone?"

"Well, Jenna strategically placed herself in the library before Rosalyn woke up. Probably a good idea, if you ask me. Claire was buzzing around helping Rosalyn get ready, but I think she's out on the grounds now. And well, I'll give you one guess were Rosie is," Mary said with an eye roll.

Lily unconsciously clenched her fists and pulled at her sheets. "On her date with Sirius…and James…and _Lexi_." She tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice but it was impossible as tired as she was. "I guess it was a lunch date then?"

Mary raised an eyebrow at her but answered, "Yeah well, most decent places in Hogsmeade close pretty early these days."

"Hogsmeade? It's not a Hogsmeade weekend, is it?"

"No, but come on. It's James and Sirius. You think those two haven't figured out a way to sneak into Hogsmeade after six years? Of course they have!" Mary giggled but all Lily could think of was James and Lexi running through some dark corridor together.

"He shouldn't be doing that," Lily blurted out indignantly before she could stop herself. "He's Head Boy."

"It's not like James has ever been the model rule follower…even this year. And why do you care anyway?" Mary was watching her closely, scrutinizing her reactions.

"I don't!" Lily replied defensively which only made Mary grin. "He can break all the rules he wants. What he shouldn't be doing is dragging down another student with him."

"So, what you're saying is that you don't care what he does as long as he doesn't do it with Lexi?"

Lily narrowed her eyes at Mary and decided to shut up. "Never mind. Forget I brought it up." She flopped back down on her bed and tried to ignore the knowing grin on Mary's face. Resigning herself to silence, she picked a spot on the ceiling and stared at it determinedly. It didn't last long however as all she could think about was James. Sighing loudly, she questioned, "What do you think they're doing anyway?" Mary didn't say anything, but pierced Lily with a polite smile. "Are they just having lunch or are they going to do something else?"

"I thought you didn't care." Mary's look of superiority was gone but she was watching Lily carefully.

"I don't," Lily replied quickly. "I was just…wondering," she finished weakly.

Mary furrowed her eyebrows at Lily who was still avoiding her friend's gaze. Finally, she said, "Lily, what's wrong with you? You've been avoiding us all like the plague since the party and now you're…I dunno, you're just acting weird."

"I haven't been avoiding _you_," Lily murmured slowly as she came to the decision to tell her friend the truth. "I've been avoiding James."

"Why?"

Lily sighed and dramatically threw her arm over her eyes. "Because I like him," she mumbled almost inaudibly.

Mary's face broke into a huge grin and her eyes grew to the size of galleons. "You mean…"

Lily's pouting face peaked out from beneath her arm. "Yes. I have _feelings _for James Potter."

"Oh my gosh! It is about _time_! Lily Evans, do you realize how long Jenna and I have been waiting to hear you say that?" Mary was practically bouncing on her bed and doing everything she could to keep from squealing with excitement. "Why do you look so miserable?"

"Because," Lily grumbled as she pushed herself back up and swung her legs off the side of the bed so that she was facing Mary. "He's with Lexi now."

"Oh, Lily, don't be ridiculous," Mary responded with a dismissive wave of her hand. "The only reason he spends any time with her at all is because you're never around anymore. You think he'd give her a second look if you'd come down from the dormitory sometimes?" Lily shook her head and looked down at her hands. "He is crazy about you! He has been for years. You think just because some girl he barely knows comes along that he's just going to forget about you?"

"He's not crazy about me," Lily began but shot Mary a glare when she snorted with disbelief. "He's not. We're just friends. We even talked about it earlier this year and I basically told him that there was no chance and that he should move on. What am I supposed to do now? Tell him I was wrong now that he's finally found someone else he genuinely likes? What kind of a person does that?"

"Don't be stupid. Even if he really likes this girl, which I'm not convinced he does, could it really hurt just to tell him how you feel?" Mary nearly burst out laughing at the look of horror that flickered across Lily's face. "Even if you tell him and he wants to stay with Lexi, your friendship has survived far worse."

Lily nodded. Mary was right. They had managed to avoid too much awkwardness after James' confession earlier this year. And if they could still be friends after all of the fighting that had taken place prior to this year they could certainly survive Lily admitting her feelings. But there was something else about the scenario that still frightened her. "And what if he does feel the same?"

Mary scrunched up her forehead in thought. "Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"Think about it. What do you think would happen if James and I got together?"

"You would fall madly in love, get married, have lots of babies and live happily ever after," Mary stated simply with a shrug of her shoulders.

Lily gave Mary a sarcastic smile. "_Or_ we'd get together and it would be a huge disaster. We'd fall too hard and then fight and argue until we drove each other crazy and broke up. And our friendship wouldn't survive that." Mary was silent as Lily stared despondently at her intertwined fingers. "And I just don't think I could handle not having him in my life," she whispered.

Mary was quiet for a moment as she took in Lily's words. "But don't you think that the chance that he's your - your soul mate - is worth the risk?"

"Soul mate?" Lily asked, a skeptical edge in her voice. "I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself now."

"Regardless, I think you two could be really happy together," Mary defended dreamily.

"Yeah, well, I'm not as easily convinced, I guess." She sighed and stood up, stretching her arms over her head. "I'm going to take a shower and then see if I can find something to eat. I'll catch up with you later."

Lily freshened up and then meandered down to the kitchens to get a sandwich. The house elves always cheered her up and did not fail this time either. She found their devotion and loyalty refreshing and her spirits were lifted as she made her way back to the Gryffindor common room. She settled into a comfortable armchair in the corner of the room and started working on her Herbology essay.

But every time the portrait hole opened, she would look up expectantly, waiting for Sirius, Rosalyn and James to appear. When it wasn't them, she would sigh and look back down at her essay and find it a little bit more difficult to concentrate than before. By the time five o'clock rolled around, Lily couldn't focus at all on the words she was reading in her book. She was bouncing her leg up and down and every time she lowered her quill to the parchment the closest thing she got to a word was a large, black ink dot.

After another false alarm, Lily had finally had enough. She slammed her book shut (causing the 1st years on the couch next to her to jump) and stuffed it into her bag with her parchment before rushing out and heading for the library.

She met Jenna and Mary in there and while they were good company and Lily was no longer distracted by the people coming and going, she still couldn't focus on her essay. Her mind kept drifting to whatever it was that James and Lexi could be doing that was taking over five hours…and each conclusion she came to she liked less and less.

When the three girls made their way back to Gryffindor tower, Lily was no further along on her essay than she had been when she entered the library and she was in far gloomier spirits. Mary kept shooting furtive glances her way but didn't say anything. She clearly hadn't said anything to Jenna (Lily knew that the second Jenna found out she wouldn't be able to keep from bombarding her with questions and advice) which was something Lily was very grateful for. Jenna was one of her closest friends, but Lily was not ready for the full on inquisition she knew she would inevitably have to face.

Even though Sirius and James were absent from the common room, Rosalyn was upstairs and already in her pajamas; a fact that brought a smile to Lily's face.

It was quickly removed however once she heard what Rosalyn was saying. She was reliving the date for Claire Andrews. "It was _so_ romantic! The lights were dim and it was so cozy. And James and Lexi are so cute! They are like, the most adorable couple ever…well, besides me and Sirius, obviously. Although, their presence is probably the only thing that kept me from being all over Sirius the whole day," she practically squealed, her words burning into Lily's memory.

Not wanting to hear any more, she jumped onto her bed, shut the curtains and cast a silencing charm. She didn't care that her behavior would seem crazy and erratic or that she was now going to have to sleep in her jeans and sweater. She didn't want to hear anything else about how adorable or perfect James and Lexi were.

She kicked off her trainers and unbuttoned her jeans before slipping under the covers. She curled her body up into a ball under her comforter as if she would be able to keep all of the hurt and pain that she was feeling suppressed inside her. She squeezed her eyes shut and begged her mind to think of _anything_ other than her fellow Head student.

But it didn't work.

And as her mind flooded with the reality that she had discovered her feelings for James too late and that as a consequence she was now going to have to watch him fall in love with someone else, tears began to trickle down her cheeks and fall noiselessly onto her pillow. She didn't try to stifle them. No one could hear her and so she let the sobs come, finally giving in.

--&--&--&--

When she awoke the next morning (feeling extremely uncomfortable) she felt different. She was not excited about the prospect of watching on the sidelines while her best friend fell for someone else. But through the night she had come to the conclusion that losing him as a potential boyfriend was no reason to lose him as a friend.

So she stood up, changed sweaters, made sure that there weren't mascara streaks running down her face and went to the Great Hall where she sat down with the Marauders for the first time in three weeks.

James didn't say anything, but looked over and gave Lily a warm smile. She couldn't ignore the way that her heart began pounding with that one small gesture, but accepted it and smiled back.

"Toast?" he asked, picking up a plate and handing it to her.

"Thanks," she replied as she grabbed the top piece and began spreading jam over it. "You all look tired," she observed as she looked around at the four boys. Sirius and Peter were practically asleep in their bowls of oatmeal and James had deep, dark circles under his eyes. Remus looked the worst. He was pale and looked as though he'd lost at least five pounds since she had last seen him on Thursday.

"We had…_things_…to take care of last night. So we didn't get too much sleep," Peter mumbled without opening his eyes.

"Things?" Jenna asked, clearly suspicious of the four boys. But before she could say anything else Rosalyn showed up and pushed Jenna over in order to squeeze between her and Sirius.

"Good morning, baby," she cooed before planting a noisy kiss on Sirius's cheek. Jenna's jaw was clenched tightly and she was stabbing her eggs violently with her fork, but Rosalyn either didn't notice or completely ignored her.

Another distraction presented itself quickly though in the form of Lexi walking over from the Ravenclaw table.

"Hey James," she said and Lily didn't miss the comfortable way that she placed her hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "I forgot to give this back to you before you left yesterday," she said as she handed him a jacket. "Thanks again for letting me use it. I thought I was going to get frostbite in that restaurant."

"No problem," James answered with a smile after he swallowed a bite of toast. "It _was_ freezing in there. Sorry about that…it wasn't my choice," he said with a slight inclination of his head toward where Rosalyn was sitting. Lexi smiled knowingly. "Do you want to sit down?" he asked, moving closer to Lily to make room for her between him and Remus.

Lily wasn't sure what bothered her more: the fact that James was so close to her that his cologne was all she could smell or the fact that he was inviting Lexi to stay.

Luckily, Lexi answered with, "No thanks, Ellie's complaining that I haven't eaten with her in a while so I better go. But I'll see you around."

"Yeah, see you!" And with a final smile and wave she was gone. Lily did notice that Lexi looked to be very well rested, which at least relieved some of the concern that she was the "things" that the boys had to take care of last night.

Rosalyn, who was now piercing James with what could only be described as a motherly grin of pride (which he was ignoring), piped up. "Oh…my…gosh! You two are absolutely the most adorable thing I've ever seen!"

"Yeah, thanks," James replied disinterestedly and without looking up from his plate. She continued to ramble on about how perfect they were for each other while Jenna dramatically plugged her ears and rolled her eyes as Rosalyn's voice grew higher in pitch.

After breakfast, the boys all went upstairs to get some much needed sleep, leaving the girls in the common room to try and make a dent in the homework that they had either been putting off or hadn't gotten to yet that weekend.

The next time any of the boys emerged from the dormitory was when James appeared at eight to inform Lily that they were on patrol duty. Lily groaned loudly and complained that she was not even close to finishing her Herbology essay. But James grabbed her hand and pulled her up and toward the portrait hole, calmly explaining that he hadn't finished his either and that they could work on it after their patrol was over.

"So, I guess I'll see you in three hours," Lily muttered glumly and prepared to walk away from him.

"No…I don't think so," James blurted authoritatively before grabbing her hand and pulling her back toward himself. "You are _not_ going off by yourself. It's too dangerous."

"Oh, I'm fine," Lily argued while trying to pull her hand free from the warmth of his.

"Lily, you do know that you're a Muggle-born, right?"

"Of course I do! I don't see why…"

"Then please, just trust me, it's too dangerous," he interrupted. He started walking down the corridor, pulling her along with him even though she was still trying to yank her hand away from his.

"I'm sorry…refresh my memory. Who was it that ended up in the hospital wing the last time there were serious threats? Wasn't it a pureblood? Huh, that's interesting," Lily questioned sarcastically.

James turned and pierced her with a playful glare. "It would just make me feel better if I knew you were okay." She held his gaze for a moment and then rolled her eyes. "Good. Now, are you going to make me drag you the whole time or can I let go?"

"You can let go," Lily answered. He loosened his grasp and she was both pleased and sorry but tried not to let it show on her face as she fell into step next to him. They were quiet for a few moments as they made their way up a staircase and listened for anything out of the ordinary.

"So," James began, turning his gaze onto Lily. "You've been busy with an unanswerable problem that you don't want to talk about…but what else have you been up to?"

Lily couldn't help but grin at his reference to their conversation from earlier in the week. "Nothing much, really," she shrugged. But then her eyes widened at the memory of something interesting that had happened. "Oh…I went on a date!"

The smile instantly vanished from James's face and he looked away from her and suddenly became much more interested in the stone floor. He rumpled his hair quickly before catching himself and crossed both arms across his chest. "Yeah, I uh…I actually heard about that," he stammered.

"You did?"

"Yeah, Moony said you went out with Kevin Hildebrand. How was that?" He didn't particularly sound like he wanted to know the answer to the question but had only asked it because it was the polite thing to do.

"It was…nice. He was very sweet and we had plenty to talk about," Lily explained. James was watching her very closely but Lily couldn't tell if he was pleased or upset with her answer.

"It was nice?" he asked. She nodded thoughtfully. "So, are you going to go out with him again?" He blushed slightly as he asked the question but didn't look away.

"Oh no, definitely not," Lily responded quickly. James seemed pleasantly shocked by the fervor of her answer. "No, he was nice but there was no…"

"Chemistry," James supplied and she nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Lily wasn't sure what he meant by his last statement but couldn't keep herself from telling him what had happened next. "And, oh my gosh, James, the _most_ embarrassing thing happened later." He looked over at her, his hazel eyes twinkling. "He tried to kiss me."

And as suddenly as the smile had left his face earlier, this time the color drained from his cheeks. He gulped loudly and pierced her with a shocked expression. "'Tried,' as in attempted and _failed_, right?"

Lily laughed at this response and nodded. "Yes, he did not succeed in his attempt. But it was so embarrassing because it's never happened to me before."

"You've never been kissed?"

"No, I've been kissed. It's just that no one has ever tried to kiss me without me wanting them to…well, except for you, but that doesn't really count." James laughed and Lily rolled her eyes. "It was awful. I didn't even realize what was happening. We were saying goodnight outside the portrait hole and I was telling him that I'd had a nice time and he just kept walking closer to me. And then, finally, when he was only three inches from me and puckering up I realized what he was going for. But instead of telling him not to or pushing him back like a _normal_ person would, I yelped and ducked." James burst into laughter and doubled over. "It's not funny, it was horrible," Lily asserted, though she was giggling too.

"That poor guy," James said once he finally stopped laughing. "No wonder he's been blushing every time he's seen you this week."

"He has?" Lily asked, feeling a stab of guilt. James nodded solemnly though he was still suppressing laughter. "I should say something to him…try to make him feel better." They walked for a few more feet, James still chuckling quietly while Lily summoned the courage to ask her next question. "So, now that I've told you about my disaster of a date, how was yours?"

"My what?" James asked as he checked inside an empty classroom.

"Your date," Lily clarified.

"What date?" James was looking at Lily with an incredulous look on his face.

"The one you went on yesterday." Lily was getting frustrated. It was hard enough asking about it without having to spell it out for him as well.

"You mean the lunch thing?"

"Yes…the 'lunch thing,'" Lily repeated using air quotes.

"That wasn't a date," James explained.

"Well what was it then?" Lily asked, clearly irritated.

James sighed as if he'd had to explain this too many times already and didn't want to have to repeat it again. "Padfoot is really trying to make things work with Rosalyn so he asked her out on a date. But she's been driving him crazy so he asked me to come too so at least there would be one other sane person there."

"Then why did you take Lexi?" Lily hoped that her question had come across as aloof and as though it were a minor detail that she didn't really care about, but it was really only James's irritation that kept him from noticing the resentful tone of her voice.

"Because it would be awkward to go by myself with the two of them and because she was sitting with me in the library when Padfoot suggested it." Lily tried not to let the immense relief she was feeling shine through, but she was barely managing to suppress a grin from breaking out across her face. "Thank goodness she came though. She made the lunch thing _almost_ bearable." He looked over at her with a scrutinizing stare. "How'd you hear about it anyway?"

"It's all Rosalyn has been talking about the last few days," Lily explained.

"Oh, so we've regressed back to the stage where you believe what other people tell you about me instead of asking me yourself…good to know," James grumbled angrily. Lily stopped walking and pierced him with a look clearly questioning his sudden change of mood.

"Whoa…no need to get moody. It's not the most farfetched thing in the world to assume that you would go on a date with Lexi. You _have_ been spending a lot of time with her lately. And besides that, I'm asking you _now_. I just haven't had a chance to ask before now."

"That's not my fault," he proclaimed defensively.

"I'm not saying that it is," Lily stated quickly, holding her hands up.

He was quiet for a moment and looked determinedly at the ground.

"Sorry," he mumbled after a few moments. "I shouldn't have gotten so upset…I'm just tired of having to justify how much time I'm spending with her. You're about the thirtieth person to ask me something about Lexi this week. It's driving me crazy!"

Lily nodded and gave him a reassuring grin as she began walking again. "It's okay. And I'll try to remember not to assume things about you two in the future."

He was pensive for another few moments and Lily didn't mind the time to process everything that she had just heard. Even with the explanation that James had given her of their "lunch thing", she felt even more unsure about the kind of relationship that he and Lexi shared.

"I've missed you, Evans," James proclaimed as they turned a corner somewhere on the third floor.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He gave her a small grin and ran a hand through his hair again before continuing. "I thought maybe I had done something wrong…something that made you mad at me after Halloween. I kept replaying the night of the party trying to figure out what I had done wrong, but I couldn't figure it out. The only thing I could think of was that you had figured out what I was going to tell you and it had freaked you out or something, but I don't think that that would make you ignore me for three weeks. A few days? Sure. But three weeks?" He sighed heavily and shook his head. "It drove me crazy. You can ask any of the guys because I drove _them_ crazy trying to figure it out. I kept asking them if they knew anything or if they remembered any stupid thing I had said or done. But I kept coming up empty." He shrugged and tried to play it off like it hadn't bothered him as much as it did.

"I'm sorry," Lily murmured. It wasn't much, but she could think of nothing else to say. "You didn't do anything wrong. I was just being stupid."

"It's okay. I get that you had something you had to deal with. But can you promise me something?" She nodded quickly, thinking that she would promise almost anything to him right now if it kept her from ever having to hear him sound so despondent ever again. "Don't just stop being my friend again. If you need some time, just say something, but don't just disappear. Please."

She smiled apologetically at him and murmured, "Okay, I promise." He held her gaze for a moment and then she watched as he quickly switched his persona from serious to his usual playfulness.

"This is what happens when you have a girl as your best friend, I guess," he announced as he slung an arm across her shoulders. "You start talking about your feelings. I feel like I need to do something manly now. How do you feel about making a detour to the lake so I can wrestle the giant squid?" Lily laughed and for the first time since Halloween, she just enjoyed being with James.

The three hours went by quickly and when they returned to the common room it was deserted.

"Let me go get my Herbology stuff and I'll be right back down," James said before heading up the boys' staircase, taking them two at a time.

Lily settled down on the floor in front of the dwindling fire, her back against the couch. Her Herbology work was still where she had left it when they had left three hours earlier. She pulled her unfinished essay into her lap and opened her book in front of her and tried to ignore the way her eyelids drooped sleepily.

James was back quickly and sat down on the floor next to her. He had yet to even start his essay and pulled a blank roll of parchment out of his bag and wrote in the title. They worked side by side for the better part of two hours. Occasionally one of them would ask a question or make some comment about what they had read. When Lily finished her essay she didn't go to bed but remained in the common room, pretending to proofread what she had written. It had been a good evening for them and she wasn't ready for it to end quite yet despite the fact that she could barely keep her eyes open.

"Here, what do you think of this?" James asked through a yawn as he shoved his essay into her hands.

Lily looked at it closely and tried to focus on the writing, but she was so tired that all of his words looked blurry. She pushed the parchment back toward him, "I can't read it. You're handwriting is too bad and I'm too exhausted. Read it to me and I'll tell you what I think."

He rolled his eyes but began reading anyway. She moved closer so that she could still attempt to read along but after a few sentences found herself resting her head on his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" he asked, turning his head slightly so that he could see her.

"I'm listening…I'm just going to rest my eyes. Keep reading," she instructed as she closed her eyes. But the heat from the dying fire and the timbre of James' voice as he read lulled her into a light doze. She wasn't sure if she ever fully fell asleep but she certainly was not listening to a word he was saying.

Before too long he was gently moving his shoulder and whispering her name.

"What?" she asked fighting back a yawn and lifting her head off of his shoulder.

"Sorry, I would have let you keep sleeping but I think you were about to start drooling. I like you, Evans, but I don't want your drool all over my clothes."

She giggled quietly and rubbed at her eyes. "I suppose that's understandable."

"You've got a giant red spot on your cheek by the way," he informed her, grinning.

"I do?" she asked as she lifted a hand to her cheek. Then she giggled. "Your sweater left my face this weird texture. Here, feel it," she said lifting one of his hands to her cheek.

He smiled as his thumb gently moved over the red spot on her cheek. But instead of dropping his hand and saying goodnight the way he knew he should, he left it there, his thumb moving tenderly back and forth.

It was only then that Lily realized how close they were to one another. His face was maybe six inches from hers and she wasn't sure if it was the fire or the way that he was looking so deeply into her eyes that was making her feel suddenly warmer. She was holding her breath, waiting for what was going to come next. His eyes were moving over her face slowly and finally settled on her lips and she felt a sudden thrill in the pit of her stomach as he slowly moved his head closer to hers.

But then just as he had the last time, he stopped as though thinking better of his intentions. But Lily knew for sure this time that she didn't want him to kiss her because she was merely curious about what it would be like and she wasn't going to sit back and let _another_ opportunity get away from her. So before he could move away, she moved toward him. That tiny gesture was all the encouragement he needed.

He closed the space between them quickly and as his lips met hers Lily couldn't help but think about how…_right…_it felt. His lips moved against hers tenderly and at the same time passionately. He lifted his other hand to her face and gently threaded his fingers through the loose strands of her hair.

Her body responded without hesitation. She felt as though fireworks were going off in the pit of her stomach and as though her brain had completely shut down. All of the thoughts of emotions and conflict that had been chasing each other around in her mind were quieted so that all she could focus on was James – the way his lips felt against hers, the way he tasted, the way he curled a strand of her hair around his finger. She felt as though electricity was shooting through her body, originating at every place the two of them were touching.

She couldn't get over how perfect this felt…how wonderful it was. She had never been kissed like this before. With James, it was like she could _feel_ how much he cared for her, like he was communicating it to her in a far more effective way than he ever could with words.

In her experience, especially with first kisses, there was always the awkward uncertainty and typically involved a few nose bumps. But not with James. This felt more like two puzzle pieces that had finally come together and that fit perfectly.

She allowed the wave of ecstatic bliss to overtake her and it left her with a clarity and confidence in two things. The first was that she never wanted this feeling to end. The second was that she needed to get closer to him.

She leaned in towards him and ran her hands up his chest, her fingers clutching his sweater, trying to pull herself closer. He read her cue perfectly and wrapped his strong arms around her waist to pull her body up and as close to his as was possible. She snaked an arm around his neck and could feel his heart beating quickly and erratically against her chest.

The kiss changed then from slow and tender to passionate and hungry. It was as if both realized at the same time that something this _phenomenal_ was too good to last and that they needed to make the most of it while they could.

A log from the fire fell onto the grate with a loud "clang" causing Lily to jump back and break their kiss. James didn't move his hands from where they were on her back and her fingers remained woven in his soft (and now extremely) unruly hair. They were both breathing heavily, their chests rising and falling rapidly, and staring into one another's eyes. A million questions were begging to be answered in the depths of his hazel eyes.

"Now what?" Lily thought.

**A/N-**Well, I certainly hope that you think this was worth the wait. I've had that end scene in my head forever! It's nice that it's finally out!

Please review! They make my day and really do make me want to write faster. I hope it doesn't take me as long to get up the next chapter, but believe me, it will certainly not be smooth sailing for our two favorite star-crossed lovers now.


	10. The First DTR

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Harry Potter**_** or any of the characters associated with it. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N: **Yes, yes…I am terrible. I know! I'm so sorry! All I have to offer as an apology is this chapter. I hope that it is enough!

**Chapter Ten: The First DTR**

_Recap: __James didn't move his hands from where they were on her back and her fingers remained woven in his soft (and now extremely) unruly hair. They were both breathing heavily, their chests rising and falling rapidly, and staring into one another's eyes. A million questions were begging to be answered in the depths of his hazel eyes._

"_Now what?" Lily thought._

Lily's heart was pounding wildly in her chest, thumping painfully against her ribcage. They were still extremely close. Close enough that every time James inhaled, his chest pushed against hers causing waves of electricity to surge through her body. She couldn't force her eyes away from the stormy, hazel depths of his and the desire that she saw there was undeniable and powerful.

She smiled slightly, feeling as though things in her life were finally beginning to fall into place. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, wanting to kiss him again, her body trembling with anticipation. But before she could move all the way back into his embrace, his hands moved from their warm place on her back and up to her shoulders, gently pushing her back.

Lily opened her eyes in surprise and saw that confusion was now mingling with the desire in his eyes. He looked down quickly as though staring into her eyes caused him pain.

"It's late," he said hoarsely. The gravel in his deep voice only strengthening her desire for him. "Too late for this, in fact."

Blood rushed to Lily's cheeks as she grasped what James was saying. She was too late. He had moved on and she had missed her chance with him. Embarrassed, she quickly untangled her fingers from his hair and moved away from him and quickly up to her feet. She clumsily grabbed for her essay and books, avoiding James' eyes even though she could feel him watching her.

"Lily…I'm sorry," he whispered, handing her an ink well she had forgotten. She fumbled with it, trying to grasp it without touching his skin.

"_What have I done?"_ flew through her mind as Lily practically ran across the common room and up the stairs, leaving James sitting in his same spot, shoulders slumped and looking dejectedly into the dying embers of the fire. She didn't know that he didn't move from that spot for another hour or that he replayed their kiss over and over again in his mind so that he would never forget even the tiniest detail. She didn't know that when he finally made it to his own bed that he just stared at the canopy above, the taste of her lips still on his tongue and the feel of her in his arms still fresh in his mind.

Instead, she crept into her own dormitory, tears streaming down her face. She pulled her curtains around her bed, muttered a quick silencing charm and then broke down into soul-wrenching sobs. Her entire body shook as she sank down into her mattress and curled her knees up into her chest.

A feeling of loss overwhelmed her. She had known it was too late for them. _She knew_. She'd been telling herself that for the last three weeks. But something about hearing it said aloud, hearing it from James, made it worse; made it real.

Her body stilled and her tears quieted for a moment as she was struck with a bleak reality: she had lost him without ever really having him.

She tried desperately to block out the memory of his touch. She didn't want to be able to recall the tenderness and passion in his kiss or the way he had held her tightly against himself as though afraid of letting her slip away. She wanted to forget the way his hair felt in between her fingers. But most of all, she wanted to forget the sense of rightness, of perfection, she had felt with him. For that is what made it so unbearable. The kiss itself was phenomenal, but the feeling that she belonged in his arms, that in those few precious moments she had been at home, _that_ is what was now torturing her.

She cried herself to sleep, praying that in the morning she would forget and that the hollow and empty feeling that was threatening to overtake her would be gone.

-&-&-&-

She woke up when rays of sunlight spilled over the window pane and into the girls' dormitory. She kept her eyes tightly closed; wanting to remain asleep where her mind could drift aimlessly to places that held none of the problems she faced in reality. But she would have no such luck. As she got ready for a day of classes, she was bombarded with memories from the night before. She blushed deep red as she grabbed her Herbology essay and shoved it disdainfully into her bag.

She walked with Mary and Jenna to the Great Hall, dread growing within her with every step that carried her closer to James. She didn't know what was going to happen whenever they saw each other. She didn't have any idea what her reaction to him would be or what his to her would be.

She stared at the ground as the three girls approached the Gryffindor table, knowing that they had reached their destination only because both pairs of legs she was following had stopped. She sat down and started spooning eggs onto her plate without looking up or making eye contact with anyone.

When she finally did glance up from her plate in search of the jam for her toast, her eyes momentarily locked with James'. Both blushed furiously and immediately looked away. Her pulse quickening, she decided to eat jamless toast. Her hands trembled as she picked up her fork.

"Lily, are you alright?" Mary asked from next to her. "You're shaking."

Lily didn't dare look up for she could feel James' eyes on her. "Um…I'm fine," she stammered quietly so that only Mary could hear. "I'm just cold."

She finished eating quickly, shoveling large forkfuls of eggs into her mouth, and then got up from the table and rushed off to Charms. Once in the quiet and deserted corridors, she slowed her pace and breathed a sigh of relief from being out of his presence, mingled with distress at the prospect of being in it again soon. If things kept up like this, she was going to miserable for the rest of the year.

She muttered a falsely cheerful, "hello," to Professor Flitwick as she entered the Charms classroom. Then she sat quietly in her normal chair trying to figure out a way to handle her predicament as her fellow 7th years began to filter into the classroom. She stared blankly forward as Mary and Jenna entered and sat at their usual desk behind her. Then Sirius, Remus and Peter entered. Sirius took his spot next to Rosalyn while Remus and Peter sat in the desk they normally sat in next to them. It wasn't until James (the last to enter) walked in that she realized the only vacant seat was the one next to her.

James hesitated momentarily in the doorway as the same realization struck him. His eyes, full of desperation, swept the classroom in search of another seat before he slowly and resignedly made his way to his usual spot next to Lily.

Lily cringed and moved as far to her left as she could. She rested her head in her hand and attempted to block James out of her periphery.

She knew her behavior probably seemed odd, but at this point, she would rather have people think she was acting strange than chance brushing hands with James. Not to mention, his cologne was pervading her senses and clouding her mind. If she wanted to have any chance of concentrating on Flitwick's lecture she needed to get as far away from his intoxicating scent as she could.

James watched, crestfallen, as Lily scooted her chair to the opposite edge of their desk and turned her head away from him. He felt the courage to talk to her that he'd spent the entire walk to this class building up slip quickly away from him.

She wouldn't talk to him. She wouldn't look at him. In her eyes, he didn't even exist. The only conclusion he could reach was that she was furious with him.

Why did he have to act so rashly on his emotions? James mentally berated himself; hating himself for putting them in this situation. He knew she only wanted to be friends and he had just ignored that fact and forced himself on her. And now she hated him.

_"Smooth,"_ James thought to himself.

Things kept up that way for another few days. Lily was more careful about making sure that she had someone to sit with in all of their classes, though Slughorn had forced her to help him in Potions. James went straight to his dormitory after dinner every night and Lily spent all of her free periods in the library.

Even when they patrolled, James didn't petition her when she stammered, "I'll just…you know…go that way," as she pointed toward a corridor opposite of the direction he was heading.

Meanwhile, Mary sat in a cushy armchair in the common room silently contemplating the exchange she had just witnessed between James and Lily.

He had walked up to where the two of them had been lounging whilst pretending to work on homework but really discussing how wonderful Emmett was for giving Mary flowers before he had walked her to dinner that night. As James strolled up to their spot, Lily instantly snapped her mouth shut and Mary could feel her body tense up. James too seemed inexplicably jittery and ran his hand nervously through his hair.

He cleared his throat to announce his presence and muttered, "We should…go," while watching Lily with sad and pleading eyes. Not that she noticed because she was stubbornly looking at a loose string in the fabric of a cushion rather than up at him.

"Yup," she had agreed and then stood up and walked straight for the portrait hole. James followed her and Mary observed him heave a great sigh before stepping out into the corridor.

She knew something had happened between them, but she just wasn't sure exactly what it was. Lily anxiously changed the subject every time Mary brought James up in any conversation. She had watched them both avoid each other all week, Lily becoming jumpier and more nervous while James seemed to look more and more depressed the longer it went on.

She spotted Sirius sitting by himself across the room and decided to find out if he knew anything more. Leaving her untouched essay on her chair, she stood up and made her way over to him.

"Hey," she said cheerfully, plopping down on the couch next to him. "Where's your posse?"

Sirius grinned and put down the book he was reading. "They wanted to go do something reckless and irresponsible and I said, 'No! Schoolwork is always priority one.'" Mary giggled and rolled her eyes. "Honestly though…I think Wormtail is in the library and Moony was still feeling bad so he already went upstairs. And Prongs…well, you know where he is. Carrying out his duties as responsible and rule following Head Boy."

Mary hesitated momentarily, not really sure that Sirius was the kind of person who talked about and analyzed other people's actions and relationships, but then decided that there wasn't anyone else available. "Yeah…speaking of that, have you noticed that he and Lily have been acting a little strange lately?" she asked slowly.

"You mean stranger than two people who are clearly in love with one another but won't make a move normally would?" he asked sarcastically. "Yeah, I've noticed."

Mary smiled and leaned in conspiratorially. "What happened?" she whispered pleadingly. "I mean, things have been weird between them for a while but not like this."

"Honestly, I don't know," Sirius answered with a shrug. "He doesn't talk about it. Normally they just kind of work it out in their own quirky and dysfunctional way, but he seems pretty content to leave things the way they are. I've never seen him so…_passive_ when it comes to her."

Mary was about to say something else, confirming Lily's more unusual behavior as of late, but stopped when a long shadow fell across their couch. She looked up to see Rosalyn standing before her, hands on hips and a furious glint in her stormy eyes. She had her chin jutted out and she was shifting her murderous gaze back and forth between Mary and Sirius.

"What's going on here?" she asked loudly causing a few of the students around them to look over. The younger ones looked excited at the prospect of an argument while their older peers looked annoyed and irritated by the interruption.

Mary cocked an eyebrow and Sirius just looked up at Rosalyn innocently. "We're having a conversation."

"A pretty cozy one from the looks of it," she accused, her gaze falling onto Mary. Mary just gazed serenely back at her, having had enough of Rosalyn's ridiculous exploits to last her a lifetime. Sirius rolled his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face. "You told me you had homework to do and that's why you couldn't spend time with me. And then I come down here and you're having a 'conversation' with possibly the most boring person in our year." She paused and turned a mock apologetic look on Mary. "No offense."

"Oh, none taken," Mary replied sardonically, a false sweetness in her voice.

"As I recall," Sirius interjected, his voice rising dangerously in his anger, "I told you that I needed to do homework and that you were more than welcome to sit down here with me. And then you said that you had 'more important things to do.' What did you do up there, sweetie? Paint your nails?" Sirius asked, clear mockery in his voice. Rosalyn flushed pink in her anger but didn't back down.

"Why can you stop your homework to talk to _her_ but not me?"

Sirius pretended to contemplate her question for a moment before answering. "Probably because I can actually have an _interesting_ conversation with her, while _we_ would have spent the evening discussing something idiotic like why pink is your favorite color or why Kevin Hildebrand is the cutest player on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team." He was on his feet now, face to face with his fuming girlfriend. While Sirius normally was an imposing figure with his height and strength, something that his anger tended to make seem even larger than normal, Rosalyn didn't seem fazed by it at all. If anything, it seemed to spur her on.

She narrowed her eyes. "Or maybe we would have talked about how Kevin Hildebrand isn't just the hottest guy on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, but the hottest Quidditch player in this school!" Her voice was growing louder with each word and more and more people were turning to watch.

"Ouch, Rosie, that really hurts. You got me! I'm so jealous that you think Kevin Hildebrand is better looking than me. Now I'm really upset!" he replied, his words dripping with sarcasm.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME LEAVE YOU? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?" Rosalyn exploded, causing Mary and several others to jump in their seats.

"Oh, baby," Sirius said in an infuriatingly calm voice, "I don't need to give you an excuse. You've done a fine job finding guys who don't mind sloppy seconds or the fact that you're a two-faced cheater the other times we dated."

Those words were enough to finally make Rosalyn snap. She slapped him hard across the face, the noise from it echoing around the room. Then she turned on her heal and marched back up the staircase and into the girls' dormitory. Everyone in the common room was silent and they heard a door slam loudly from up above.

Mary tried to avoid his eyes as he sat back down, his hand rubbing the cheek Rosalyn had hit. She noticed that everyone else was avoiding his gaze as well.

"Are you okay?" Mary asked quietly as she finally looked over at him.

"Yeah," Sirius muttered, still rubbing the red handprint on his face. "My cheek feels like it's on fire, but besides that…"

Mary grinned sympathetically. "You deserved it, you know."

"Yeah, I know," he said wincing. "I'm going to get back to this," he said as he pointed at his abandoned book. She grinned and nodded and then headed back to her spot.

The common room emptied slowly over the next three hours. Mary was exhausted but remained in her spot, knowing from experience that three hours was not enough time for Rosalyn to calm down from a fight with Sirius.

When Lily entered the common room she headed immediately for the staircase.

"I wouldn't go up there if I were you," Mary called, watching her carefully. Lily turned and gave her a quizzical glance. "Rosalyn and Sirius got into a big fight." Understanding flickered across Lily's features and she took a step toward Mary but halted when James entered the common room. Her gaze flicked over to him and then she turned and immediately made her way up the stairs.

James' already defeated stance deflated even more at her sudden departure and he strolled over to where Sirius sat.

"You going to bed?" Sirius asked, closing his book. James nodded solemnly and Sirius stood up and followed him to the boys' staircase. "Night, Mary!" he called and then fell into step next to James.

"So, you had a fight with Rosalyn?" James asked, though his tone was empty and his eyes remained focused on the steps beneath his feet. Sirius rolled his eyes and thought fleetingly about how pathetic his best friend could be sometimes.

"Yeah…nothing really out of the ordinary," he answered as the boys headed into their room. Remus was the only one in there and he was sound asleep. "She got jealous because I said something to another girl," he continued in hushed tones, "and then I called her stupid and she slapped me. Just another day for us." Sirius shrugged as he threw himself onto his bed.

James smirked and shook his head as he pulled his shirt off and reached for his pajamas. "So is that it then? Are you guys done?"

"I dunno," Sirius said pensively, lounging back against his headboard. "She's a really good distraction when she's not talking." Sirius smirked and then wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "If only I could convince her to shut up the rest of the time."

James laughed and sat down on the edge of his bed. "That is possibly the worst thing I've ever heard."

"Oh, I can go worse. Sometimes, when we're going hot and heavy, she makes this noise like…" Sirius began but was cut off when James accurately hit him in the face with his pillow.

"Yeah, I definitely don't want to hear that!" he exclaimed, hiding his grin with a feigned look of disgust.

Sirius tossed the pillow back to James and then was quiet for a moment. "I know that I should end it, because I don't _like_ her. I don't like being around her. But it would just be too much of a hassle to break up with her. It's less problematic if I just let things phase out."

"Can I offer some advice?" James asked, preparing to tell Sirius that regardless of the fact that Rosalyn would indeed make a big deal about it, he should break up with her if he really didn't like her anymore.

Sirius rolled over on his side and pierced James with a wary look. "No offense, mate, but you're not really the person I want to go to for relationship advice right now."

A crease formed on James' forehead. "Why not?" he asked defensively.

"Two words, Prongs: Lily Evans." James' face reddened but he remained silent. "Do you want some more words? You are acting like an idiot around her. You love her and you haven't spoken to her in three days," he said, pausing very briefly between the words.

"That's enough, you made your point," James said, no hint of amusement in his voice.

Sirius could tell that whatever had happened between them was really bothering him now. "What happened?"

"I don't really want to talk about it," James answered quickly and Sirius knew that he wasn't going to get any information out of him without a little work.

He sat up on his bed and flung his legs over the side so that he was facing James. He looked intently at him. "James, seriously mate, what happened? Things seemed to at least be back to normal between you guys for a few hours and suddenly it's ten times worse."

James slumped, his elbows resting on his knees and his face buried in his hands. He rubbed his eyes and sighed deeply. He looked up at Sirius and resigned himself to explaining what was going on. "I kissed her," he mumbled miserably.

Sirius' face broke out into a huge grin. Whatever he had been expecting, it had not been that. "How was it?" he asked, excitedly.

"Padfoot!" James scolded, giving his friend an incredulous look.

"Sorry, it was a kneejerk reaction. So, you kissed her! That's a good thing, isn't it?"

James rubbed his fingers in circles over his temples. "No, it's not." Sirius looked confused so James clarified. "She told me earlier this year that she doesn't see me as anything more than a friend. And instead of just accepting it and moving on, I forced myself on her and now she's pissed at me."

"Come on! She's not mad. Maybe embarrassed, but not mad. It's Evans! We know what she's like when she's mad. In the past three days she hasn't screamed unnecessarily at anyone, thrown anything at you, or given you and everyone you talk to detention. She's not mad."

"I dunno, Pads. Remember that huge fight we had 5th year? She was so mad at me she didn't even acknowledge my existence for two weeks. There was no yelling, no taunting…just stone cold silence. That's what this reminds me of. She only talks to me when she has to. And you saw her just now in the common room. She doesn't even want to be in the same room with me!" Agony was apparent on James's face as he sat up.

"You really think she's that upset because you kissed her when she didn't want you to?"

"Apparently…"

"What did you do? Pin her against a wall and force her to kiss you?" Sirius paused and before James could answer Sirius got a mad glint in his eye and an evil grin spread across his lips. "Prongs! You didn't imperius her into kissing you, did you?"

Even James had to laugh at this. "No, I didn't imperius her…that's an idea though." The boys chuckled for a moment while Remus grunted in his sleep and rolled over. "That is what's kind of confusing though. She kissed me back…I mean, she _really_ kissed me back. I thought that was it, you know. For a few incredible seconds I thought she felt the same way I do. But then it was gone and she was out of that room faster than Wormtail when one of those giant spiders shows up in the forest."

Sirius laughed again, but not long because James was quickly falling back into his depressed disposition. He sighed deeply and rumpled his hair. "I just don't know what to do."

"Go talk to her," Sirius suggested quietly. "This isn't the first time this year you two have had some awkward things you've had to deal with. And it certainly isn't the first time she's ever been angry with you."

"That's the problem though…I don't know what to say," James said with a desperate shrug. "Part of me misses her so much because we haven't been normal since Halloween. That part of me just wants to apologize and get back to the way things were. But the rest of me just wants to shake her and tell her to figure out what's going on in her own head. Because you don't kiss someone like that and you don't look at people the way she sometimes looks at me unless you feel _something._ And I'm just so tired of getting my hopes up only to have her crush them all over again."

Sirius was silent. He had never seen James look as hopeless as he looked now. He knew that whatever he said next needed to be something truly helpful. "James, I think that you need to sit down and figure out what you want from her. Do you want to be her friend? Or do you want to be her boyfriend?"

"I want whatever she wants. I don't want to ruin our friendship because…"

"Stop," Sirius interrupted. "Don't think about what she wants or what is easier or what has the least potential for disaster. What do you want more? Friendship or romance?" He paused for a moment, letting his words sink in. "Then, whatever your answer is, that's how you need to deal with this. Because this 'committed to a friendship as long as there's no chance for a romance' thing is not working out for you. You need to pick one and then pursue that completely."

James didn't say anything for a long time, mulling over Sirius' words. He knew that Sirius was right and nodded slowly, though he still wasn't sure what he was going to do. "Thanks, mate," he murmured and then lay down on his bed.

He heard Sirius slip into sleep soon after and he heard Peter, Brady and Emmett each come in at different times yet he remained awake, thoughts of Lily running through his mind. He didn't drift off himself until after he'd come to his answer and knew what he was going to do.

-&-&-&-

Lily woke up exhausted on Thursday morning. Mary hadn't been wrong in her warning not to come up to the dormitory when she did last night. Rosalyn was still raging. Breakables had been ripped from her trunk and flung across the room. She was screaming and Claire chased after her as she stormed around the room. She had flown into a fresh rage at the sight of Lily whom she called a "friend of that beastly toerag."

She didn't care though. Listening to Rosalyn yell took her mind off of what had been bothering her since Sunday. But the result of Rosalyn's yelling was that Lily didn't get to sleep any earlier (because honestly, who can sleep when there is high pitched screaming coming from a mere ten feet away).

She made her way sluggishly to breakfast, the now familiar anxiety flooding her body as she took her seat as far from James as possible.

"Lily, pass the muffins," Jenna called across the table. Lily complied, grabbing the basket and handing it to Jenna. Her eyes instinctively flickered over to where James was sitting and she was surprised to find that he was looking at her as well. Instead of looking away as he had been doing previously, he held her gaze and Lily noted that her glance seemed to trigger some sort of resolve within him. She looked away, her heart fluttering uncomfortably.

She felt instinctively that a shift was taking place in their silent but mutual agreement to avoid one another. And she was proven correct a few hours later.

As she walked out of Transfiguration, she heard hurried footsteps behind her.

"Lily!" she heard his voice call. She hated herself for thinking about how nice it was to hear his voice say her name again. She scrunched up her eyes and kept walking, though at a slightly slower pace. He caught up to her quickly and fell into step next to her. He gently grabbed her arm, stopped walking, and turned her toward him. "I need to talk to you."

She gazed at him, uneasy. "We really need to get to Potions." She tried to ignore the sensations that his firm grasp on her arm was sending through her body.

"After dinner then?" When she didn't look willing, he added, "It's really important."

"I really need to study. I haven't even started my Charms paper for tomorrow," she rambled. "I'll probably just be spending the whole night in the library. Can it wait?"

He gave her a stern look. "No, it can't. I'll come find you." He nodded and then took off in the direction of the dungeons.

She stared after him in confusion. What had caused the sudden shift in his behavior? What was so important that it couldn't wait? She shrugged and shook her head as she walked a little slower, allowing the distance between herself and James to grow as they headed to the same place.

One thing was for certain, however. She would not be anywhere near the library after dinner.

-&-&-&-

She grabbed her book bag and slung it over her shoulder, putting on a show so that James would be sure to look for her in the library, and then she headed out of the common room. As soon as the portrait closed behind her, she turned in the opposite direction of the library and headed instead for the Owlery. She had spent the better part of the afternoon trying to decide where the best place to hide out for the evening would be. She finally landed on the Owlery. After all, who did she have to write a letter to?

Smug and a little impressed with herself, she wound her way up the circular staircase into the giant room filled with owls who were beginning to rustle and awaken.

She made her way over to the window and stared out at the darkening grounds. Snow was slowly wafting down from the sky and blanketing the treetops of the Forbidden Forest. She breathed in the fresh scent and for the first time in nearly a week she felt at peace.

"Got a minute?"

James' voice rang out so loudly in the silence of the Owlery and so unexpectedly that Lily jumped at his words. When her feet came back down to the ground she slipped on the owl droppings and fell toward the boy standing by her. Grasping onto him to keep herself from falling, she found herself once again in his arms. Her arms were around his neck and her face was smashed against his shoulder. His hands were steadying on her waist. She blinked back the memories that his scent and touch triggered and allowed him to help her stand up straight again.

"Good thing I was here," he said, a small grin on his face. "Otherwise you'd be sitting in a pile of owl dung."

She narrowed her eyes at him, not finding his joke at all amusing. "If not for you, I wouldn't have slipped," she uttered coldly.

"Fair point," he said, undaunted by her less than kind tone. "Who are you writing to?"

"I'm…sending in an order…to…Quality Quidditch Supplies for Mary's Christmas present," she answered, thinking that although it was a lie, she really should go ahead and do that. "How did you know I was in here?" she asked suspiciously, figuring he had followed her.

He smirked and answered with, "Intuition."

"_Liar,"_ she thought, but tried to give him a simple grin.

He seemed like he had had enough of the small talk and was ready to get to the real reason he had cornered her. "I really need to talk to you," he said, piercing her with an intense look that made her shiver.

"What about?" she asked, though she feared what his answer would be.

"About our kiss," he answered matter-of-factly. She gulped and felt blood rush once again to her cheeks. "I know that you're mad at me and that I probably shouldn't have done it, but I'm not sorry. Given the chance again, I would…"

"Wait…wait a minute," Lily interjected, trying to take in all that he was saying. "You think I'm _mad_ at you?"

James, though he had momentarily looked slightly irritated with her for interrupting him, now gazed at her, a puzzled look on his face. "Aren't you?"

"No, of course not. Why would I be mad?"

"Because I…I _kissed_ you."

"Maybe you don't remember, but I initiated it. And I kissed you back," she said, blushing even darker than before. "I mean…it didn't mean anything, of course, but I'm not mad at you. How could I be for something that I was just as responsible for?"

Trying to ignore the fact that she had just flat out said that the kiss hadn't meant anything, James attempted to filter her words. "Then why have you been avoiding me all week?"

"Because I was embarrassed! You're my best friend and I just forced myself on you." James smiled in disbelief at her words; words he himself had muttered the night before. "Well…that and because you told me I was too late…" she trailed off.

She watched as James' face scrunched up, trying to remember when he had said that. She was shocked, almost to the point of anger when he laughed. "Lily, I meant that it was literally too late. It was, like, three in the morning. I felt it was almost like I was taking advantage of you because we were practically delirious when it happened." He laughed again. "I was talking about the time!"

"What?" Lily asked, a smile breaking over her mouth as relief washed over her. "Really?" He nodded and rubbed his hand over his eyes.

They stood that way for a few moments, relief and joy flowing through both of them. It had all just been a giant misunderstanding. If they hadn't been so embarrassed and just talked to each other earlier, this whole thing could have been avoided. James even considered leaving it at that. They would be able to just pretend it hadn't happened and move on.

But was that what he really wanted?

"Lily, the idea that _you_ could ever be 'too late' for _me_ is ludicrous," he said, voice low as he reached up and pushed a strand of loose hair out of her face and behind her ear. She closed her eyes momentarily as his fingertips brushed lightly across her cheek. He dropped his hand to his side. "Unless I was married…then you would be too late." He grinned weakly, but she didn't return the gesture.

Instead, she gazed up at him, piercing him with her deep green eyes. He couldn't read anything of what she was feeling in those depths. He was nervous and excited, butterflies present in his stomach. His pulse quickened and his heart beat painfully in his chest and he called on the courage that had propelled him to this point. Even now he wanted to turn back. Even with what he so desperately wanted seemingly within his grasp, fear at her rejection gripped his insides.

"The kiss was actually only one part of what I wanted to talk to you about," he began, his voice hoarse with emotion.

He needed to do something with his hands. His first instinct was to run them through his hair. He resisted that and considered shoving his hands deep into his pockets, but dismissed that as well. Instead, he reached for hers which were clasped in front of her. He took a step closer to her and rubbed his thumbs across the back of her hands.

"Lily, I didn't kiss you because it was late or because you leaned into me. I did it because even though you told me you only think of me as a friend, I still want more. I don't want to be friends...I want to be your boyfriend." He paused and took a deep breath, trying to gauge her reaction but saw no indicators on her face, so he continued. "I want to take you on dates and buy you flowers and hold your hand in the corridor. And…I know this seems like it's coming out of the blue, but I can't help it. I've tried to stop liking you, I really have. But, obviously, it's been a pretty useless effort." Her eyes were still fathomless, still impossible for him to read. But the way the corners of her mouth seemed to be turning up gave him hope.

Then, without warning, she rushed into his arms, turning her face into his chest and clutching at the back of his shirt. He didn't hesitate in circling his arms around her and resting his cheek against the top of her head. His deep exhale ruffled her hair and he tried to enjoy the feeling of her in his arms in case she released him and followed with, "I'm sorry, but…"

When she pulled back, she didn't move all the way out of his arms but just stepped back far enough so that she could look up and see his face. There was a huge smile on her lips and her eyes were full of adoration.

"Ask me," she commanded, her voice quiet.

"Ask you what?"

"You know what…ask me!"

He smiled. "Lily Evans, will you do my Charms homework for me?" he asked, straight faced.

She narrowed her eyes playfully at him. "No," she answered curtly, but kept looking up at him expectantly.

"Will you go out on a date with me?" James asked, his voice huskier than it had been a moment before.

Her eyes softened with her smile as she stared up at him. "Yes. How's Saturday? Lunch time? I'll meet you outside of the portrait hole."

"Sounds perfect." He cupped her face with one of his hands, rubbing his thumb across the soft skin of her cheek. "Does this mean I can kiss you again?" he asked, moving his head slightly forward.

A mischievous glint sparked in her eyes and she removed her arms from around him and used them to push him back. "James, I don't know what you've heard about me, but I'm not the kind of girl that kisses guys _before_ the first date."

He laughed heartily, but then stared at her incredulously as she moved away from him, picked up her bag and headed for the staircase. "Are you serious?" She nodded at him and then continued down the stairs. He followed, calling after her, "When?"

She stopped to wait for him on the stairs and looked up at him, amusement clear on her face. "Maybe after the date…but only if it's a _really_ good one."

**A/N-**Yay! :) This chapter made me extremely happy. Happier than I thought it would in fact. I thought it was going to be awful to write because I tend to just be horrible after big events happen. But once I started writing this it just flowed out of my fingertips. I hope you enjoyed it! I'm thinking the next chapter shouldn't take as long, but you've heard that before. I think I'm going to try and get the next chapter of _26 parts_ up before I get back to this though.

You guys rock! 25 reviews for that last chapter! I cannot tell you how much your reviews mean to me or how much they really pump me up and make me want to keep writing! Maybe that's why this chapter was so easy for me to write…hmmmm. Anyway, please drop a review and let me know what you think.

Also (sorry, I know this note is really long) this story is not close to being done. There is lots of "relationship" stuff with them coming and then I intend to have a few snapshot glimpses of their lives post-Hogwarts too. Just a fair warning. I think it will be good and I think you should stick around!


	11. The First Date

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N-**Okay, first things first. A number of you had questions about what a "DTR" is. A DTR is "Define the Relationship" so it's whenever two people sit down and lay out what exactly the nature of their relationship is. So are we just friends? Boyfriend/girlfriend? Casually dating? Things like that which is what Lily and James did at the end of the last chapter.

Also, a few have pointed out that James always seems to be the one chasing Lily in this story. I have to tell you, I realized that a few chapters ago as well. That's not really intentional, it's just the way I happened to write it. You'll just have to trust that it's kind of remedied later on. There are reasons for it though. The first is that I am pretty traditional myself and I feel like the guy really is the one that needs to take charge. Another is that Lily is written with some of my personality traits, one of those being that she is pretty shy when it comes to things like that. And then also, James has had 4 years to work out how he feels about Lily and he is sure of it. Lily has had 3 months and she's had a lot of emotion thrown at her.

**Chapter 11: The First Date**

Lily woke up early on Saturday morning feeling blissful. A big smile formed on her face as she remembered that in a matter of hours she would be on her date with James. She sighed happily, the bright sunshine that was pouring into her bedroom reflecting her mood perfectly. Friday had been like a dream. She and James hadn't had much opportunity to talk but every once in a while she would catch his eye and they would share a secretive smile.

As she pushed the curtains of her bed aside she felt the faint fluttering of nervous butterflies in the pit of her stomach, but nothing could rid her of the peace she had felt since James told her how he felt two days ago. She had gotten a full night's sleep for the first time since Halloween and was in much better spirits for it. Even Mary and Jenna had noticed a difference in her demeanor, though neither knew what had brought about the change.

The three girls made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast in their pajamas, a practice the 7th years from all four houses had been exercising on weekends as their workload increased. Mary left them and headed to where Emmett was sitting with Bill and Brady while she and Jenna sat down next to Sirius, Peter and Remus.

"Where's James?" Jenna asked as she drizzled a large amount of syrup over her waffles. She looked up and down the table to see if he was sitting somewhere else and (to Lily's annoyance) even looked over at the Ravenclaw table to see if he was sitting with Lexi.

Sirius shrugged, his mouth full of partly chewed pancake. "Weon't know weree 's," he mumbled spraying bits of food into the air as he tried to speak. Jenna looked confused and Remus looked over at him, a look of clear disgust evident on his face.

"What?" Sirius asked innocently after a huge swallow but he was grinning as Remus shook his head.

"We don't know where he is," Remus said, ignoring Sirius and answering Jenna's question. "He said he had 'things to take care of' when he woke up this morning and we haven't seen him since."

"He practically skipped out of the dormitory though," Peter added. Lily had to bite her lip and duck her head down in order to keep herself from grinning as she had a fairly good idea of what James was doing. She looked up and found Sirius watching her carefully, calculating her reaction. She swallowed hard and he just raised his eyebrows at her and then went back to attacking his pancakes.

Lily kept staring at him. Did he know? Sirius wasn't really known for his discretion and she felt that if he knew, everyone in the school would know.

But she was distracted from her thoughts when Rosalyn walked behind him and bumped her hip against his back violently as she passed causing him to spill the entire goblet of orange juice he'd been drinking all down his front.

Remus and Peter burst into fits of laughter, though Remus had the decency to look a little pitying. Lily had to cover her mouth to stifle her own laughter. Jenna, who had had some of Sirius' orange juice poured on her pants as well, stared after Rosalyn, an ugly and mutinous look on her face. Sirius, for his part, was muttering a continuous stream of curse words and expletives which only made Remus and Peter laugh harder, though a few 2nd year girls sitting near them flinched every time he said another one.

The group headed back to the common room after breakfast and spent the rest of the morning leisurely sitting around the fire. Sirius was in a bad mood the rest of the morning, even after he changed his clothes.

Lily didn't participate much in the conversation, her mind constantly drifting to the date that was coming ever closer. She thought endlessly about what she would wear. James had been very secretive about what he had planned for them that afternoon so she didn't know whether she should plan on being warm or cold, jeans or a skirt, short sleeves or long. She checked her watch constantly until finally it reached eleven and she stood up and walked toward the staircase.

"Where are you going?" Mary demanded, looking over at Lily with an expression bordering on exasperation.

Lily tried to look innocent, but Mary's and Jenna's faces clearly told her that they weren't buying her act. "I'm just going to get dressed. I'm tired of being in my pajamas," she replied, hoping she sounded disinterested rather than evasive.

"That's a good idea, we'll come too," Jenna said, hitting Mary lightly on the arm and then pushing herself off the floor and walking over to Lily who was trying to look like she thought this was a good idea too.

They made their way up the staircase, Jenna muttering about how she'd like to spill Bubotuber Puss all over Rosalyn's clothes while Mary looked on trying to make sure that she was only kidding. The other two girls pulled on sweatshirts and jeans and in a matter of minutes they were ready to return to the Common Room. Lily on the other hand was still standing in front of the mirror alternately holding up a form fitting dark purple sweater and a light blue top made of a flowy material against her body.

"What are you doing?" Jenna asked, shooting Lily an uncertain look.

"Which do you think I should wear?" Lily asked, not really answering Jenna's question.

"The purple," she answered automatically, giving Mary a significant look.

"Really?" Lily asked, holding the purple sweater up again and critiquing it in the mirror. "You don't think the blue one would be prettier?"

"Well, the blue one's prettier but it's freezing so unless you plan on sitting right next to the fire all day, I'd go with the sweater," Mary added practically.

"Good point!" Lily responded and then pulled off her pajama top and put the sweater on, examining the way she looked in it in the mirror.

Mary and Jenna continued to look on exasperated and confused as Lily spent ten minutes trying to decide whether her trainers or heels looked better with the jeans she had picked out (finally choosing the trainers for the same reason she chose the sweater), when she put more make up on than she typically did on normal school days, and when she spent an extra thirty minutes putting big, loose curls in her already wavy hair. When they questioned her about her reasons she answered, "Don't you ever have those days when you just feel like looking pretty?" Mary shook her head and said she had never felt that way while Jenna just continued to stare at Lily, a calculating look on her face.

They headed back down to the Common Room just in time to meet the boys to head down to the Great Hall for lunch, but Lily made Mary and Jenna stare at her again when she claimed that she wasn't hungry and was going to stay in the Common Room.

As Jenna climbed through the portrait hole, Lily heard her mumble, "That girl has to be the only person alive who would spend an hour getting 'pretty' only to stay up here where no one will see her."

Lily waited in the empty Common Room for another ten minutes until 12:15, the time she and James had decided they would meet in front of the Fat Lady. When she finally pushed herself through the portrait hole and into the corridor, her stomach squirmed excitedly and she couldn't keep a smile from breaking across her lips and her eyes flickered over to where James was already waiting for her, leaning casually against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

He looked up when he heard the portrait close. A smile matching Lily's snuck up his lips as his eyes met hers. Lily immediately felt her cheeks redden. This one silent exchange between the two of them made her happier than anything had all year.

"You look beautiful," he said, his eyes dazed.

She smiled cheekily. "Ah, you're already off to a good start, Potter." He laughed nervously and ran a hand through his unkempt hair. "And thank you," she added. "You look really nice too." She meant it as well. He was wearing jeans and his scarlet sweater, a favorite of hers, though she had never told him that before. It suddenly occurred to her that she no longer had to pretend that she didn't notice how great he looked and was allowed to tell him so. "I really like that sweater on you. It makes you look very…" but all of a sudden she couldn't find the right word. Simple words like "handsome" and "good" eluded her until she blurted out, "muscular." It was the truth, she thought, but then blushed. She inwardly rolled her eyes at herself because though her comment was honest and she knew it was okay to tell him that, she now felt stupid and thought it sounded forced and cheesy.

James gave her a funny look and though he was grinning, it was obvious that he was slightly embarrassed as well. He cleared his throat. "Okay," he drawled.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Lily covered her eyes with her hand and groaned, "I can't believe I just said that." Lily laughed at herself, breaking the tension. "I was just trying to pay you a compliment."

"Well, thanks," James said uncertainly and pointed down the corridor. "Maybe we should just get going." He ran a hand through his hair again, and perhaps if the butterflies in Lily's stomach were not being so distracting, she would have recognized this as a sign of his mutual nervousness. But, as it were, she did not.

"Right," Lily murmured and followed as James headed off. She fell into step next to him, quiet so that all that could be heard were their echoing footsteps off the walls. The silence was stifling and Lily felt sure that he could hear her heart pounding as loud as a drum. After they had walked through a few of the corridors, she couldn't stand it anymore. "Oh man!" she whined, causing James to look over at her in surprise. "Is this whole date going to be super awkward?" she asked, stopping in her tracks.

James stopped next to her and gazed at her, a contemplative look upon his face. "You think this is awkward?"

Lily pierced him with a disbelieving look. "You think our little exchange back there was _normal_? You think us walking in silence isn't awkward?"

James shifted uncomfortably, turning her question over in his mind, and then returned her gaze. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He gave her an apologetic look and scratched the back of his head. "You're just going to have to give me a little grace today though. I'm nervous! It'll be better next time, I promise."

She grinned at his mention of their next date, filled with happiness at the knowledge that he didn't even consider the possibility that their date would be a disaster and they wouldn't want to go out again an option. "I guess I could do that," she said quietly, taking a step forward even though she had no idea where they were headed. James grinned back at her and began walking as well. Lily sighed and then reached over and grabbed him by the hand, intertwining their fingers. "I find it interesting that you're so sure there will be a second date," she said sarcastically with a tone of mock seriousness.

Her voice was confident and playful, disguising the giddy thrill that had erupted in the pit of her stomach when she had fit her hand perfectly into James'. Her skin tingled and was pleasantly warm at every place it brushed against his. He bantered back at her, his thumb absentmindedly tracing circles on the back of her hand. The physical feeling of it was incredible but there was something _more_ than that. She loved the feeling of ease and perfection that she felt while holding his hand. There was a euphoria of newness about it, but also a sense of timelessness and ease, like they'd been doing it forever.

And as she giggled while he explained his belief that over the past six years he had earned _at least_ a second date, she thought to herself, "_If everything with James is this easy, falling for him is going to be simple._" It was a thought that simultaneously excited her and scared her to death. She knew how volatile and explosive they both could be at times and she had seen couples much more compatible than the two of them rip themselves apart.

Determined not to worry right now about a thought that haunted her more than she wanted to admit, she pushed it from her mind and leaned in a little closer to him, letting his gentle musk sweep over her.

She wasn't paying attention to where they were going and soon found herself standing in front of a painting of a large bowl of fruit; a painting she knew led to the kitchens.

James released her hand and turned to face her, walking slowly back toward the painting. He had an excited grin on his face, his eyes alight and twinkling as he watched her. "Now, our first stop is a place that not too many people know about. In fact," he added a bit haughtily, "I can only think of four students who know what's behind this painting." He smirked at her before turning and raising his arm to tickle the pear.

Lily, not wanting to burst his bubble because he was clearly very excited to show her this, kept her mouth shut and plastered a politely curious smile on her face.

After he pushed the door open, he extended his hand to her (which she accepted eagerly) and guided her through the doorway.

"Welcome to the Hogwarts kitchens," he announced in what he assumed was an awe-inspiring voice. What it really did was make it that much more difficult for Lily to keep herself from giggling at the show he was putting on for her.

"Wow," she whistled in a low voice. In all fairness, it was an incredible sight. The room was flooded with soft light from the bright, snowy day outside. As it was lunchtime, the kitchen was buzzing with movement, various loud sounds, and delicious smells. Tiny house-elves scurried around back and forth between the ovens and the giant tables that matched the house tables upstairs. Every once in a while, James and Lily would hear a loud crack as food was sent to the tables above.

"I thought you'd like to see this," James grinned, clearly pleased with himself. "Look familiar?"

"It looks like the Great Hall," Lily supplied, assuming that that's what James was trying to point out to her.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed. He pointed to the tables where one of the smallest house-elves, wearing his uniform tea towel stamped with the Hogwarts crest, was lifting a plate of chicken wings. "See, what they do here is put the food on these tables and then send them up to our tables during meal times."

"Oh! I always wondered how they did that!" Lily said, hardly believing that James was buying her poor acting job.

Just then, the house-elf that they'd been watching moments earlier looked over and waved. James lifted his hand and waved back. The elf disappeared briefly behind the ovens and then reappeared hauling a large picnic basket. He brought it over to them, a large smile on his face. He bowed to them both before he started speaking.

"Hello, Mr. James, sir," squeaked the little elf. When James took the basket from his hands, he said, "Thank you, sir." He looked ready to go back about his work whenever his eyes landed on Lily. The already tennis ball sized eyes grew even larger, as did his smile. "I did not know it would be Miss Lily you brought with you today, sir." The elf watched them expectantly.

James snapped his head around to look over at Lily, a look of confusion on his face. Lily was biting her lip in a vain attempt to suppress a guilty grin.

"Wait a minute! You've…" he narrowed his eyes at her and then looked back over at the house-elf who was no longer smiling but watching them both apprehensively. "She's been down here before?"

"Yes, sir," the elf squeaked as he uncomfortably squirmed from one foot to the next. "Miss Lily comes down here many times. I is seeing her two or three times a month. Her favorites is roast beef sandwiches and strawberry cheesecakes, sir."

"Thank you, Blinky," James muttered in dismissal. The house-elf bowed once again and then returned to his work while James turned and silently pulled Lily from the kitchen. Lily was trying desperately to keep herself from laughing but once the door closed behind them, she couldn't keep quiet anymore. She pulled her hand out of James' grasp and leaned against the wall to support her shaking body as she began giggling madly. James looked at her, shaking his head and trying to look more upset than he really was for she could see a hint of a smile threatening to turn up the corners of his mouth. "Why didn't you tell me you'd been to the kitchens before?"

Lily shrugged and tried to calm her giggles long enough to answer him. "You were so excited about showing me something about the castle I didn't know yet. I didn't want to ruin your fun," she explained, an apologetic smile on her face.

James rolled his eyes and started walking again, Lily fell into step next to him, still giggling every once in a while. "Well, now I just feel like a moron, so…"

"Not a moron!" Lily protested. "You were very cute."

James scoffed and looked down at her. "Great, so during the fifteen or so minutes we've been on this date, I've been 'awkward' and 'cute.' Those weren't really what I was going for."

"Don't forget muscular! You were muscular, too," Lily interjected, a teasing smile on her face.

"Ah, yes, of course! How could I forget that?" he asked sarcastically, but his grin was back in place. "How did you find out about the kitchens anyway?" he asked as they made their way through the deserted Entrance Hall.

"Jenna found it our second year," Lily explained. At James' still curious expression, she elaborated. "She missed dinner one night so she asked Nearly Headless Nick where she could get a snack and he told her."

"Wow…I don't know why we didn't think of that…" James muttered to himself, dumbfounded.

"Why? How did you find it?"

James blushed. "We – Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail and I – stayed awake one night and then hid in the common room until an elf came in and then we ambushed him. It was actually a pretty impressive plan," he said, swept up in his memory as he led her through the Entrance Hall. "We were prepared to interrogate him and then follow him to the kitchens. But all we had to do was ask and he told us…it was actually kind of anticlimactic now that I think about it."

Lily shook her head. "You four are ridiculous," she said, affectionately rolling her eyes.

"We might be ridiculous, yes. But we have fun," he defended as he pushed open the front doors.

"James…what are you doing?" she asked, a puzzled look on her face.

"Going outside," he answered simply, knowing full well that he wasn't really answering her question. She glared at him and he just smiled serenely back at her.

"_Why_ are you going outside?"

"We're having a picnic," he clarified as though it were the obvious answer to her question. "What did you think we were doing with a picnic basket?"

"Outside?" she exploded, disbelieving. "I thought we were going to have an indoor picnic or something." She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say that he was only joking. When he said nothing, she blurted out, "James! It's snowing!"

"I know that," he said with a shrug. "Don't you trust me?"

"I don't know," Lily whined, eyeing the snow warily as a cool breeze flew in and kissed her warm cheeks. She looked at James' waiting face and she felt her uncertainty melt away. She sighed and smiled warmly at him. "Okay, let's go." She followed him out of the door and across the lawn, her hands shoved deep into her jacket pockets. She kept her body close to his and blinked against the unfriendly winter wind.

When they reached the Quidditch Pitch, Lily looked over at him, an eyebrow raised. He chuckled, murmured, "Trust me," and then kept walking. He led her around to the other side of the Gryffindor locker rooms and she was greeted with a surprising sight.

A small table was set up, complete with a burgundy table cloth, plates, goblets, napkins, silverware, and floating candles. Also, a few feet away from the table was a roaring fire.

James watched her as she took in the picnic he had set up for them, her red curls blowing gently around her head. A slow smile crept up her face as she turned to look at him. He was glad that he could finally just watch her, unashamed, without having to look away or hide what he was feeling whenever she turned her eyes upon him. She blushed under his gaze, but didn't look away, the same feelings he had for her mirrored in her emerald eyes.

"I told you to trust me," he said, the hoarseness of his voice cancelling out the playfulness he had intended with his words.

"I'll never doubt again," she replied as he pulled the chair out for her and she willingly sat down. "Oh! The chair is warm!" Lily said in surprise as he sat down across from her.

"Yeah, I used a heating charm to keep the seats warm." She looked impressed so he continued. "The locker rooms block the wind and the fire is waterproof. That way we can stay warm and still get to enjoy this great view!" The view was lovely. They were at the top of a gentle hill and could see the snow covered grounds clearly. She could see part of the lake that had frozen over and the edge of the Forbidden Forest, its treetops blanketed with the falling snowflakes. "Remind me later on when it warms back up that there's somewhere I want to take you. There's this really nice, secluded clearing just on the other side of the lake. It has a creek running through it…it's really nice. I'll take you in the Spring. Not too many people know about it because it's borderline inside the Forest." He paused and considered her for a moment. "Although, I thought that about the kitchens too and I was wrong so…"

Lily laughed quietly, her heart light as she listened to him make plans for them months in advance. She tried to keep herself calm rather than giddy and girly. "Well, you're in luck. I've never been to this 'borderline Forbidden Forest clearing,' so _that_ one will be a surprise."

He smiled and leaned down to the basket to pull out some food. She hugged her arms into her chest and subtly leaned closer to the fire. Though they were indeed out of the wind, now that they were still and no longer walking, the cold had set deep into her bones. She could feel the heat from the fire but it did nothing to warm her up. She was freezing but James had worked so hard to set his up, she didn't want it to have all been for nothing. She tried to keep herself from noticeably shivering as he pulled out a loaf of bread and two bottles of butterbeer.

"I thought since we are outside we should have some hot food," he said. "How about some clam chowder?" He ladled a bowlful of the steaming soup for her. She leaned her face over it, allowing the steam to drift up and warm up her numb cheeks.

"Smells delicious," she said, only able to smell it because her hands were too cold to pull out of her sleeves. She noticed James shiver as he ladled himself some soup.

"It's still kind of cold out here, isn't it?" Lily nodded vehemently, not wanting to open her mouth in case her teeth started chattering. James watched her carefully, concern flickering across his face. "Are you okay? You look cold."

She nodded again. "I am cold, but I'll be okay," she said brightly, but her chattering teeth gave her away.

"Nope, come on, we're moving," he ordered as he stood up from his chair. He pulled out his wand, muttered, "_Pack!_" and watched as the food, plates and tablecloth expertly packed themselves into the picnic basket. Lily protested feebly by telling him she was fine, though she was already out of her seat, ready to move out of the cold. James pointed his wand at the fire, mumbled "_Finite!_" picked up the basket, put his hand lightly on Lily's back and led her into the locker rooms. "There's a fireplace in here," he said.

Lily felt immediate relief as she entered the tiny building just by getting out of the bitter cold. James pointed his wand at the grate and two fireballs shot into it and began crackling immediately. Lily moved to stand next to it and closed her eyes as the heat swept over her. As she relaxed, her body began shivering violently and her teeth chattered loudly.

"Geez, Lily, you're freezing," James said, horrified, as he moved next to her and wrapped his arms around her and began rubbing his hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her up. She smiled gratefully up at him, his concern for her evident on his face.

"If I d-d-didn't know any b-better, I'd say you p-planned this," she stuttered through her chattering teeth.

"Ha, ha," he replied sarcastically, his hands still rubbing vigorously. "You know I would never do this on purpose."

"I know…I'm j-just giving you a h-h-hard time." She felt better already, her shivers beginning subside as her body slowly warmed up. "Come on, let's eat. I'm starving." He looked at her apprehensively but then nodded and pulled the soup out of the basket and handed it to her as she sat down, her back against the wall. He tapped the bowl with his wand and she watched as steam began rising from the chowder again.

As he began eating his, he looked over at her, a grim smile on his face. "This is some date, huh? My big surprise wasn't a surprise at all, I tried to freeze you, and now we're eating on the floor of a locker room."

Lily giggled, allowing the heat from each spoonful to warm her from the inside out. She considered his statement for a moment. It was true, they were sitting on the floor of the Gryffindor locker room and there was no denying the distinct smell of stale sweat. But somehow, she was enjoying it more now. She figured part of that was due to the fact that she could finally feel her fingers again. But a bigger part was that she was snuggled up to James. She leaned her head briefly on his shoulder and without needing to look, she knew that he was smiling. "Yeah, but I think this is better," she muttered quietly.

To her surprise, he snorted. "Better? Yes, you've got a lovely view of mine and Bill's locker, your hands are still cold as ice, and it smells like…well, it smells like Quidditch, which doesn't really bother me, but I doubt you're enjoying to too much."

"Well, in spite of all that, I'm still having a good time." She lifted her head and smiled at him.

He looked at her skeptically. "If you say so," he muttered with a shrug.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, eating their soup quietly. Finally, James looked over at her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she replied, finishing off her chowder.

He looked pensive for a moment, as though trying to figure out how to correctly word his query. "How long did you like me before I asked you out?" he asked slowly, his cheeks reddening slightly though he didn't look away from her. "I mean, did you just realize it when I asked you or…"

Lily shook her head. "No, I figured it out on Halloween."

James' jaw dropped open. "Halloween?" he asked incredulously. "Really?" Lily nodded, amused by his reaction. "That's just so…_ironic_. I was going to tell you how I felt about you that night but then we got distracted and I didn't have another chance to…" A look of comprehension passed over his face as he relived the weeks since Halloween. "Is that why you started avoiding me?" She nodded, shame and regret swelling within her. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Lily shrugged and looked at him guiltily. "I didn't think you liked me anymore," she explained in a small voice.

James looked at her as though she were crazy. "What on earth could possibly make you think that?"

"I thought you had moved on," Lily answered truthfully. "I thought you were dating Lexi…" James rolled his eyes and shifted in an irritated fashion. Lily continued speaking louder so that he wouldn't interrupt her. "I know you hated that I assumed that, but I did. And you can't blame me for thinking it either. _Everyone_ thought you were dating. You _acted_ like you were dating. You took her to the Slug Club party and the Halloween party and then she sat with us during meals and you were always running off to meet her somewhere. I didn't want to be all, 'Okay, I like you now!' when it seemed like you had finally moved on." She was quiet for a moment, her hands fidgeting in her lap as she revealed her innermost feelings and deepest motives for her insane actions over the last month. "And I felt ridiculous. I mean, all that time you had openly pursued me and then I was finally interested in you and you had moved on…it seemed like punishment for my own stubbornness. I felt like I deserved that pain and you deserved happiness, so I just let things happen."

James was silent, unsure of what to say to her confession. She was avoiding his eyes, watching her hands with a careful determination. He wanted to tell her that it didn't matter, that they were here now and that's all that was important. Instead, he moved his hand over hers and watched as her delicate fingers intertwined with his. "Better late than never," he murmured warmly once she finally looked up at him.

She was astounded by the emotion she saw peering out at her from the depths of his hazel eyes. She didn't understand what it was that she had ever done to deserve being looked at like that, but she never wanted it to go away.

The intensity of her own feelings were quickly becoming too much for her to handle. The warmth from the fire and even more from his touch was quickly overtaking her. Most of the room around them was fading away so that all she could focus on was James: his scent, his touch, his lips. She knew that she needed to say something else to keep her head above water; to be able to have some control over herself and her actions at all.

Swallowing loudly and forcing her eyes away from his, she asked, "So…you never felt anything for Lexi?"

"Nope," James said matter-of-factly with a simple shake of his head. "I mean, she's great, I know that. But she's a friend and that's it. She's easy to talk to and I think a lot of people _wanted_ us to get together…but there wasn't any chemistry."

Lily grinned to herself, partly from hearing his proclamation and partly because she completely understood how he felt. Once she realized her feelings for him, it seemed like even the smallest spark with anyone else was impossible.

"I mean, I could spend the whole day talking to her and have a good time, but I never wanted to hold her hand," he continued, squeezing her hand. "I never wanted to brush a strand of hair out of her face or touch her cheek," he said as he pushed a lock of red hair behind her ear and let his fingertips slowly glance over her skin. "I never wanted to kiss her," he finished, his voice husky.

Lily looked up, her eyes wide and her heart speeding up considerably as she awaited his next action. He gave her a crooked smile and lifted their entwined hands and brushed his lips against the back of her hand. She grinned at him and let out a small sigh, trying to keep the miniscule amount of disappointment at bay that he had _only_ kissed her hand.

"No, at the end of the day, there's only one girl I ever wanted, and that's you." Lily blushed a deep red, knowing that it would probably take them a little getting used to before they would be able to openly say how they felt about one another without blushing. "Wow…I sound really cheesy, don't I?"

Lily gave a small giggle. "Just a little bit," she teased, looking up at him with sparkling eyes. "But a girl needs to hear a little mushy stuff every once in a while."

"I'll keep that in mind," James said dryly before leaning back over to the picnic basket. "And now…dessert!" He handed her a fork and a napkin before pulling out two slices of strawberry cheesecake.

Lily's eyes lit up and she smiled in surprise. "My favorite!" she squealed and took her slice from a beaming James. "Did Blinky tell you?"

"No, I already knew it was your favorite," he said proudly before biting into his own piece.

"I knew there was a reason I agreed to go on this date with you," Lily quipped, grinning at him cheekily.

"Anything for cheesecake, huh?"

"Absolutely!" Lily said thickly through a large bite.

"I'll keep that in mind, too."

Lily gave him a calculating look. "Well…maybe not _anything_," she clarified. "But most things."

"Can I get an example of something you _won't_ do for cheesecake?" James asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes that told her to proceed with caution.

"I won't kill anyone," she stated simply.

"Well," James began as he looked away from her, grinning like a madman, "murder wasn't exactly what I had in mind." He wiggled his eyebrows at her and then burst into laughter at the abashed look on her face. She clicked her tongue at him and then gave him a playful hit in the arm, shook her head and then went back to her cake.

"Well, I have another question for you," she said after a few moments of silence.

"Shoot," James replied, placing his clean plate back in the basket.

"You said I'm the only girl you want, right?"

"Yes…" he drawled, looking at her carefully.

"Well, my question for you is this." She paused for a moment, hoping that he was expecting another deep question. "What kind of a person kisses 'the only girl he wants' and then makes a reference to the time?" She grinned wickedly as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I mean, I'll be honest with you. I was there…I remember that kiss in excruciating detail and when we were finished, the time of day was probably the furthest thing from my mind."

James huffed and shook his head again. "I was _trying _to be a gentleman, okay?" She giggled, enjoying the fact that they were able to tease one another.

"You were trying to be a gentleman by not giving me what I wanted?" Lily continued skeptically.

"Yes. We were both exhausted and you were half asleep. Not three minutes earlier you'd been completely knocked out and drooling on my arm. For all I knew, you were still asleep! You could have been…I dunno, sleep-kissing!" he defended, though he couldn't keep a straight face as he uttered the last phrase.

"Sleep-kissing?" Lily giggled. "You're insane, you know that, right?"

James smiled and rolled his eyes before pushing himself up onto his feet. "Are you finished, yet?" he asked, holding out a hand to her to help her up.

Her face fell. "Oh no…is it over?" she asked, pouting, disappointment apparent on her face and in her voice. "I don't want it to be over yet," she murmured.

James tried to keep from grinning but couldn't manage it. He looked down at his hands for a brief second and bit the inside of his lip to keep from all out beaming. She grinned sweetly back at him, aware that her statement had been something of an answered prayer for him. He cleared his throat and looked back up. "Well, you're in luck then. Because there is still more date left." He held out his hand to her again and she took it happily.

"What about the dishes?" Lily asked as they walked toward the exit.

"I'll come back for them later," James answered, disinterested. As they approached the door, James suddenly halted and turned toward Lily. "Now, are you ready to get back out into the cold?" he asked in tones of mock seriousness. Lily nodded her head quickly and smile, but watched as James's demeanor changed from playful to serious. "Promise me you'll tell me if you get as cold as you were earlier." He pierced her with a protective and concerned look that normally would have irritated her independent streak and flared her temper, but under the circumstances (her extremely giddy emotions at his obvious display of affection) she just smiled and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

"I promise," she whispered before pulling all the way back away from him. Her lips tingled and her face was warm as she watched James's shocked face flush red.

He cleared his throat again, nodded his head, squeezed her hand gently, and pushed open the door and walked toward the lake and forest, pulling Lily along behind him. As the cold began sinking in again (though less bitterly than before because they were moving rather than sitting) Lily moved close to James. The sensation of being as close to him as she was did more for warming her up than their actual body heat.

James led them right up to the edge of the frozen part of the lake and stopped. He turned to grin at her. "Ever been ice skating before?"

Lily's eyes lit up and a huge smile formed on her face. "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Awesome!" Lily squealed, letting go of James's hand and pulling out her wand. She tapped it against her feet, expertly transfiguring her trainers into ice skates. Without waiting, she waddled through the snow and then began gliding atop the smooth, icy, lake surface. She closed her eyes and momentarily let the freeing sensation sweep over her. She'd always imagined when she was younger that this is what flying felt like as the wind whipped through her hair.

She opened her eyes and slowed to a stop in front of James who was still standing at the edge of the ice where she had left him. "Are you coming?"

"I dunno," James replied, a shy grin on his face. "I'm kind of enjoying the view."

Lily rolled her eyes but grinned in spite of herself as she skated a few steps backward. "My, we are cheesy today, aren't we?"

James shrugged but remained rooted in his spot. "Where'd you learn to skate?"

"There's a creek or stream or something that flows through the town I grew up in. There wasn't very much water in it though so it froze from October to March, sometimes April, and before I came to Hogwarts, Petunia and I would go ice skating every day after school and all day during Christmas break. I still go whenever I go home." He watched her glide effortlessly across the ice, her red hair fanning out behind her. "I practiced a lot which is why I am so good," she said with a wink. "Now come on! Get out here!" She skated up to him and pulled on his arm.

"Okay, but I'm warning you, I'm not very good at it," he said as he transfigured his shoes. He stepped out onto the ice shakily, his feet shifting dangerously beneath him. He reached out to keep his balance and Lily took the opportunity to slip her arm around his waist to steady him. He looked over to grin at her, but taking his eyes off of the ice was a bad idea. His skate hit a divot in the ice and he lost his footing. He tripped forward but then overcompensated and started falling backwards. Instinctively, he latched onto Lily to try and regain his balance while she tried to steady him. But nothing could stop the inevitable. James went crashing to the ice, his legs splayed out around him. Lily was inadvertently brought down as well, falling hard onto James's chest. His arms had constricted around her to keep her from rolling onto the ice. He was wincing as pain from the impact shot up his backside. Lily on the other hand, was laughing uncontrollably, tears beginning to leak out of the corners of her eyes.

"Are you okay?" she laughed as James released her and she pushed herself back up.

"Yeah, fine…just a little embarrassed," he admitted as he took the hand Lily offered and rose to his feet. He stayed stationary and rubbed the spots that were still stinging from the fall. Lily was still giggling as she slipped her hand into his and began propelling them forward at a very slow pace.

"You know," she began, turning so that she was facing him and skating backwards, "You surprise me, James. As much as you like showing off, I can't believe you chose something you're this bad at for our first date." She grinned slyly at him and giggled again as he rolled his eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I have never, in my life, shown off." He kept his face straight but his eyes were twinkling with humor.

"Ha!" Lily snorted, disbelief obvious as she looked incredulously at him.

"Now Lily, is it really showing off if I am just awesome at everything I do?" he asked smugly. "Except for at ice skating…clearly," he added quietly as an afterthought.

"Yes," she answered quickly.

James let out of bark of laughter and shrugged. "Well, in that case, I guess I am guilty of showing off quite a bit." As he said this, the blade of his skate got caught in the ice again and he stumbled forward. Lily was ready and as James grabbed her shoulders, she set her feet and put her hands on his waist, steadying him until he had regained his footing. Neither of them moved their hands, but looked into the other's eyes, their faces close together. James had an embarrassed, pink tinge on his cheeks and Lily smiled slightly as she felt an electric shock shoot down her spine from the intensity of the gaze he was piercing her with now. She cleared her throat and looked down at the ice. James was quiet for a moment, but finally spoke up, saying, "Then again, being bad at this does seem to have its perks." Lily looked back up at him, a mischievous glint in his eyes and a crooked, playful smile on his lips.

"So you planned this?" Lily said as though it were a realization that was just hitting her.

"I'm not saying yes…but I'm not saying no either," James said mysteriously as Lily moved back to his side, giggling.

They skated for another forty-five minutes, James falling a total of seven times, taking Lily down with him three of those seven. The third one was the reason they decided to stop. As Lily fell, she threw her hands out behind her to break her fall, but her left hand came down on a jagged shard of ice which sliced it open. Blood trickled down her wrist and onto the ice, leaving a trail behind them as they made their way back to the edge where their wands lay.

James healed it with ease, but both decided that it was time to call it quits: Lily because she was starting to get cold again and James because he was mortified that he'd made Lily bleed on their date.

He was silent as they made their way back up to the castle. Lily, who was quite giddy with joy from the whole first date experience couldn't understand why James' demeanor had shifted so suddenly.

When they were about to reach the doors, she stopped him.

"Hey…what's wrong?" she asked, concerned that she'd done or said something she shouldn't have.

"Nothing," James answered mechanically.

"James, I'm not stupid. Tell me what's wrong," she persisted. He studied her momentarily, taking in the determined crease that had formed between her eyes and the way she had crossed her arms across her chest.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. It's just…this date hasn't exactly turned out the way I'd planned," he explained reluctantly. Seeing the crease in her brow deepening, he elaborated. "I enjoyed myself, don't get me wrong. We could have just sat in the Common Room all afternoon and _I_ would have loved it, but I just wanted it to be something special for you."

"James," Lily whispered gently, grinning sheepishly and taking a step toward him, "I had a wonderful time!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure," James said sarcastically.

"I did!" Lily protested.

"Right! Which was your favorite part? When my big surprise just made me look stupid or when you nearly got frostbite because I made you sit outside? Or did you like eating on the floor of the Gryffindor changing room more? Or maybe when I cut you open, maybe _that_ was the highlight of the date for you."

"Well when you put it like _that_ it doesn't sound so hot, but I had a great time," she insisted, baffled by his stubborn disbelief.

"Look, you don't have to lie to make me feel better…"

"I'm not lying!" Lily interrupted, getting frustrated with him.

"Sure, sure…whatever you…" but he stopped talking because Lily had rolled her eyes, grabbed his sweater and pulled him down to her and caught his mouth with hers. He was caught momentarily off guard but didn't take long to recover. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her flush against his chest. Her hands moved slowly up, one arm snaking around his neck and the other resting lightly on his cheek.

Their kiss was slow, not frenzied like their first had been. He knew that this wasn't a onetime thing that may never happen again and so he took his time, memorizing the curve of her hip and the feeling of her erratic heartbeat against his chest. He wanted to remember always the way her fingers tangled themselves in his hair and the soft floral scent of hers. He moved his lips slowly against hers and each time she responded he felt as though fireworks were exploding in the pit of his stomach.

Though their last kiss had only been a week ago, Lily felt as though this were a completely new experience. This kiss, rather than a reaction to a dark, warm setting and pent up and suppressed emotions, was instead a way of making up for lost time and showing him that she felt the same things he was feeling. And…oh! How could she have forgotten in only six days how great a kisser James was? The feeling of his hands on her back and the way his lips tasted did more to warm her up than anything had since they'd left the castle earlier. She didn't want it to end, but when James pulled away, she knew that a chance to continue would present itself soon enough.

He leaned his forehead against hers and she let her hands drop from his neck and wrapped them around his waist. They were both breathing heavily, their chests rising and falling as they took deep breaths. They were silent for a moment, enjoying their embrace as their hearts slowed back down.

"Do you believe me now?" Lily asked quietly, a soft chuckle following her question. James nodded, his eyes full of emotion.

Lily swallowed and hesitated as she pulled away from him. She was dreading saying what she was planning on saying next. She'd been putting if off all day for fear that it would hurt James.

"Hey, can I talk to you about something?" she asked, avoiding his eyes.

"Yeah…" James drawled, picking up on the uncertainty in Lily's voice. His gaze was fixed on her intently and she wasn't sure if that made her feel better or worse.

"Well, I was thinking about this morning and how much fun I was having sneaking around…and I was thinking that maybe it's something we could keep doing." She was clearly nervous as she said this, her hands wringing anxiously in front of her. She peaked up to glance at his reaction.

"What do you mean?" James asked, feeling slightly puzzled. "Like…keeping us a secret?"

"Yeah!" Lily said brightly; too brightly.

"Why?"

"Well…think about it. We could sneak off, pretending to have Head business to take care of and then meeting up in empty classrooms or dark corridors instead," Lily described in her most persuasive voice. She felt ridiculous and embarrassed saying it out loud but watched as his face changed from skeptical to intrigued. "I think," Lily added quickly, "that it will help us with the transition from friends to more than friends."

"Well, I think we'd be fine in that aspect…but if you want to keep it a secret for now, I guess that's okay with me," he said, shrugging, after a few moments of contemplative silence. He didn't understand why she looked so relieved that he'd agreed, but he'd waited this long for her, and he was just happy that she _wanted_ to date him that he didn't mind waiting a few more weeks for everyone to find out. "Besides…I think we should give this empty classroom business a try. It sounds interesting," he added with raised eyebrows. Lily blushed and hit him playfully on the arm. "Oh…but I did already tell Padfoot. I hope that's okay."

"Can he keep a secret?"

James nodded and smiled to himself. "Well, I'm going to go clean up the changing room," he said, kissing her quickly on the lips before walking away from her. "I'll see you in the Common Room in a few minutes. And what do you say? Want to 'study' later?" he asked with a wink.

Lily laughed, her heart still beating quickly from his brief, but extremely familiar gesture. "We'll see," she replied playfully. And with a final wave she turned to head back into the castle, a wide smile on her face which she felt confident wouldn't be gone for a long time.

**A/N-**And that, my friends, was the first date! I had so much fun writing this chapter. Lily and James just came alive for me as I was writing it. I typically try to keep them from saying anything too cheesy, but there were a couple of instances in this chapter when I couldn't help myself.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also, I've really enjoyed your reviews. I try and reply to every review so if you didn't get a reply it means you either didn't sign in or you have blocked PMs.

Special thanks to kacauthemix. If you liked Lily giving James a hard time about saying "It's too late," you can thank her because she totally provided that! Thanks kacauthemix!


	12. The First Secret: Part I

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything . It all comes from the genius mind of JK Rowling.**

**A/N: **So…long time, no see. Sorry everyone. I honestly was so busy I didn't even have time to sleep or eat or see my friends or see my family. I mean, I was crazy busy. It shouldn't be that bad again for another year or so…so surely I will give you lots more updates between now and then.

**Chapter 12: The First Secret: Part I - Quidditch**

"Do you think they bought it?" James asked as he plopped down next to Lily, slinging his nearly empty bag onto the ground. They were in the library, tucked away in a small alcove toward the back and at least five rows from the nearest student. Lily had at least four different Potions books opened around her and six more in a stack on the table.

"Bought what?" she asked, though not stopping as she wrote something on her bit of parchment.

"The reason I gave for why we're not avoiding each other anymore!" James answered while tenderly tugging on a lock of her hair.

Lily thought back to that evening at dinner to remind herself of what James was talking about. She had walked down to dinner with Mary and Jenna and sat opposite of James. It didn't take long before she'd felt James' foot resting next to hers, occasionally bumping it affectionately.

It was spaghetti for dinner and Lily had piled a mountain of noodles onto her plate leaving no room for sides or salad.

"Pass the ranch," she called down the table.

"Ranch?" James asked, his nose crinkling in a look of disgust. "Lily…it's spaghetti."

"I know," she replied with an innocent shrug.

"That's gross," Sirius remarked as he handed the pitcher of ranch dressing to Lily and watched her pour it over her naked noodles, a look of revulsion on his face.

Without missing a beat, Remus added, "_Everything_ you eat is gross. Your favorite flavor of Bertie Bott's beans is sardine."

"Moony's got a point," James added as Sirius turned his gaze upon him and chewed a meatball with an open mouth. "But, I _am_ going to have to side with you on this one. _That_," he emphasized, pointing at Lily's ranch spaghetti, "looks disgusting." As she turned to look at him, he winked and bumped her foot.

Lily grinned but narrowed her eyes at him. "Good thing I don't care what you think about my eating habits then," she quipped, bumping his foot back.

Mary and Jenna watched this exchange carefully. "So, can I ask you guys what happened to make you start acting normal again?" Mary asked, trying to word her question delicately.

"What do you mean?" James asked as he shoveled a forkful of green beans into his mouth.

"She _means_ last week you two were avoiding each other like the plague and now you're all buddy-buddy again and you never stop smiling," Jenna blurted out bluntly. Mary rolled her eyes while Lily immediately shoved so much spaghetti into her mouth that she could barely chew, a not-so-subtle indication to James that she wanted him to answer.

"Well…" he began, scanning his brain for a legitimate excuse besides the real one. "We both obviously realized that things had been kind of weird between us. So we talked about it. Turns out it was all just a big misunderstanding. I thought she was mad at me for leaving cleanup duty early at the Halloween party and she thought I was mad at her for going to the dance with Brady because she knows what I think about him…and instead of talking about it like adults we just ignored each other…for a month." He shrugged and Lily watched Mary and Jenna intently, trying to gauge whether or not they accepted his answer as the truth.

Now, sitting in the library and hour later, Lily voiced the conclusion she'd come to then. "No," she stated simply and then went back to copying ingredients down again.

"Why not?" James asked, his arm falling onto the table with a loud "thunk."

She looked up at him, ignoring her work and contemplating his question. "Well…Mary already knows that I like you so she either thinks you were lying about what we were having our misunderstanding about _or_ she thinks I lied to you about what was really bothering me."

"Both of which are true," James interjected earning him a Look which he responded to with a winning smile.

Lily rolled her eyes but continued on with her answer. "And then Jenna…well, she doesn't know for sure that I like you, but she certainly suspects it." Lily paused for a moment, thinking over the truthfulness of that statement. "Actually, she thinks I act like I like you but I just don't know it yet."

"Why would you tell Mary how you feel about me and not Jenna?" James asked seriously.

Lily raised her eyebrows and shrugged. "I'm closer with Mary…always have been. And she was around when I was at my weakest. But mostly, it's because Jenna is a gossip. I love her to death, but she can't keep a secret to save her life. Especially a secret she deems 'juicy' and trust me, me having feelings for you would certainly be a juicy piece of gossip," she explained. "Why did you tell Sirius about our date but not Remus or Peter?"

"Because…I _had_ to tell someone. And I didn't want to go running my mouth and then have the date be a complete disaster and have to tell everyone that Lily Evans _finally_ agreed to go on a date with me only to have me blow it," James admitted a bit sheepishly.

"You didn't really think that, did you?"

"Yeah, I did. I barely slept Friday night because I kept dreaming about how badly I was going to screw up. After the third time I woke up I just stayed up."

"That's just…well, it's adorable is what it is," Lily remarked before leaning in and touching her lips briefly to his.

James smirked, his eyes twinkling a bit brighter than they had been moments before. "It's not really adorable. More pathetic really," James argued feebly.

"Well, I'd been wondering why you'd kept it a secret. I half expected the entire school to know by Friday morning," she said turning back to her work and pulling a book off the top of the stack and flipping through a few of the pages before discarding it and reaching for another.

"That was my first mistake." Lily looked over at him questioningly. "I should have told everyone right after you said 'yes' and then we wouldn't be doing this ridiculous secret relationship business," James explained, trying to keep his tone light rather than letting the bitterness he felt invade his words.

"Oh, are you not having fun meeting in secret around the castle?" she asked in a low voice, leaning toward James again. "_I_ was under the impression that you rather enjoyed our thirty minute 'investigation' of the Charms classroom Wednesday night while we should have been patrolling." She watched in amusement as the tips of James' ears pinked at the memory.

He swallowed audibly. "No, _that_ I quite liked actually," he assured, his voice cracking as he said it. "I just feel bad lying to everyone and I don't really think all the secrecy is necessary." He watched as Lily moved away from him and looked down at the table as she bit her lower lip. He watched her for a moment and then sighed quietly. "I mean…I know you like it and it's not _so_ bad. I'm fine going along with it for now. I was just wondering how long you think we'll keep it up?"

"It's only been a week, James," she said cooly, a defensive edge in her voice. "Not even a week. It will be one week tomorrow."

"I know! Lily…I know," he murmured soothingly, scooting closer to her and stroking her hair. He turned his body so that he was facing her fully. Taking her hand in both of his and pulling it into his lap, he continued, "I'm not trying to rush you. I've given up trying to do that. It was just a question."

She looked down at their hands, loving the feel of his thumbs rubbing gently on the back of her hand, loving the way her hand seemed to fit perfectly into his. She looked up into his eyes, eyes that gazed softly into hers and that she noticed were a little darker green than usual today. "Sorry," she whispered. "I don't know why I got so worked up. But I don't know how long," she answered truthfully. "Until we're both tired of it, I guess."

"Just not forever, right?" James clarified, a faint smile forming.

"Of course not forever," Lily assured.

"Good," James muttered huskily. He lifted a hand and pushed some of Lily's hair behind her ear and then cupped her cheek, the warmth of his hand spreading pleasantly across her face. He looked into her eyes a moment longer and then leaned in, kissing her deeply, passionately. The heady feeling she'd become well acquainted with swept over her instantly. She melted into him, her hands clinging desperately to the front of his robes. She could feel his heart racing and it only excited her more. Her skin was tingling, her body involuntarily begging for more.

Lily had been amazed at the ease with which their relationship had changed. With the exception of those first few moments of awkwardness at the beginning of their date, Lily and James's relationship had morphed seamlessly from friends to something much more. There were no awkward moments when she wondered if she should hold his hand or kiss him. As with their first date, everything felt as though they'd been doing it forever. She didn't know if it had to do with the fact that James had liked her for so long or if it was because they already knew each other so well or if it was because they were keeping it a secret and so they both knew that they had to make the most of the time they had alone. Whatever the reason, she was quite pleased with how natural being with James felt.

She also had to admit that in only a week, James had already become increasingly difficult to resist physically. Last Wednesday, when they'd been patrolling, Lily hadn't been able to make herself stop kissing him until she thought she'd heard someone in the halls. It had turned out to be Filch who looked at them suspiciously as he noticed Lily's tangled hair and James's rumpled and partially disheveled shirt. Filch's sudden appearance had made James even more sour toward him the rest of the week. Conversely, Lily had secretly been grateful because she wasn't sure the willpower would have come of its own volition without a little help.

But it was worse than that. She found herself daydreaming about his lips on hers or his hands on her hips. More than once, a professor had called on her when she'd been in such a trance that Jenna had to kick her under the table and Lily had to ask the professor to repeat the question. It happened twice in Transfiguration and the second time Professor McGonagall had threatened to give her detention. When she explained all this to James, he of course found it highly amusing. She felt ridiculous…and powerless. Wasn't the girl supposed to be the one in the relationship with the ability to stop? Shouldn't James be the one with out of control hormones who thought of nothing but seeing her naked? Shouldn't she be the one completely focused on the deeper part of the relationship and seeing the physical side as merely a perk?

And now, once again, she found herself getting lost in the movement of his lips against hers. The library and all of the people in it had already faded from her mind. Any sense of time at all had already escaped her and she found that the longer he kissed her, the less she cared if anyone walked up and saw them.

She _had_ to get a grip on herself. Resolve came up from somewhere inside her and forced her hands to flatten against his chest and push away, to the protest of James as much as her own body. She kept her eyes shut for a moment, knowing that the desire she would see in his would instantly weaken her resolve.

"James," she panted, pushing a little further away though his arms still encircled her waist. "I told you when you got here that I actually have to study tonight." She opened her eyes and had to keep from laughing because he did look very disgruntled.

"But it's Friday!" he whined. "Who studies on a Friday?"

"Girls who have boyfriends who keep coming to 'study' with them all week but then only find ways of distracting them instead, that's who."

"Why can't you study tomorrow?" he objected, pulling her back close to himself and kissing her lightly on the neck which sent a shiver of pleasure down her spine. "You'll have all day tomorrow to read all the boring Potions books you want."

"Because…" Lily stressed sliding again out of his embrace and pulling a book toward her, "tomorrow is Quidditch and even though Gryffindor isn't playing, you know as well as I do that nothing ever gets done on a Quidditch day."

James sighed and hung his head in defeat, releasing Lily. "That reminds me…you need to sit next to me at the game tomorrow." Lily looked at him quizzically. "I want to be able to hug you when Ravenclaw scores," he explained, flashing her a crooked grin.

"But you never sit with me at games," Lily reminded him, a small smirk on her face. "You always sit with your team so that you can discuss tactics or strategy or whatever it is that you discuss. I know because I always loved Quidditch games because it was the one place I always knew you wouldn't bug me at." Lily chuckled at the disgruntled look on James' face.

"That's real nice," James muttered under his breath, causing Lily to giggle again. "Well, that era of your life has ended because I vow to find a way to bug you at all Quidditch games from now on."

Lily laughed as she loaded her quill up with ink and flipped open yet another Potions book. "If you must," she sighed and winked at him.

James shook his head but remained silent in order to let Lily study. He _should_ be doing homework as well. Lily was right. Every spare moment they'd had this week they'd used the excuse of studying to sneak out of the common room to be together. Very little amounts of that time was actually spent studying. In fact, they'd only made it to the library once and that was because Remus decided last minute that he needed a book for Ancient Runes. He was just as behind on his homework as she was but he just couldn't bring himself to study on a Friday night…especially Potions. It was unnatural. Not to mention, Lily didn't need to be talking to him or kissing him in order to distract him. Her _existence_ was a distraction to him. Even sitting in the library, flipping haphazardly and disinterestedly through one of the books Lily had pulled down, he noticed every time she pushed her hair out of her face or chewed on the end of her quill. He noticed every time her face scrunched up in concentration when she didn't understand something.

After about ten minutes she looked over at James, her expression soft. "You don't have to stay here with me. I know you're not studying. I don't want you to be bored."

"I could never be bored when I'm with you," James said, and though he knew that for the most part his was true, he said it with a sarcastic edge.

"Yes, well, that's very sweet and a very good boyfriend thing to say, but you should go back to the common room." When he looked like he was about to protest, she held up a hand to silence him. "For real, James. You've spent all your free time with me this week. Go spend some time with your friends. You know how moody Sirius gets when he doesn't get enough time with you."

He considered arguing with her for a moment, but seeing the sincerity in her eyes he decided that she was right. He smiled as he stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. He leaned down so that his face was close to hers. "You're amazing. You know that right?" he murmured before kissing her quickly and straightening up.

She smiled at him, her eyes glittering. "Yeah, I know," she responded. "I'll see you in the common room in a few hours?" James nodded and waved before trotting toward the library exit, leaving Lily alone with her homework.

She left the library a few hours later when she had finished as much as she could. She had reached the proverbial study wall where she found it nothing short of impossible to focus on the words in front of her face. She read the same sentence seven times without comprehending a single word before she gave up, yawned and decided to head back to the common room. She felt spent and as though her brain had turned to mush. As she walked the empty corridors back to Gryffindor tower, she halfway hoped her friends had already gone to bed so that she could make her way up to the girls' dormitory guilt free.

But when the portrait hole opened up and she was slammed with a wall of sound, she knew she would have no such luck.

She saw her friends sitting in and around the couches in the far corner of the room and made her way toward them. Jenna and Mary looked as tired as she felt. Mary was sitting in an armchair, her head resting on her fist while Jenna was on the floor but leaning back against the couch. Her head was leaning against Peter's knee and her eyes were closed.

"Evans!" Sirius called with a wave as he spotted her approaching. She smiled back at him and then plopped down on a vacant cushion next to James. "Hey, isn't it true that first years have to be back in their towers by eight?" he asked eagerly.

"Yes," she replied, her eyes pulling together in confusion because she wasn't sure why he cared about this information. But at her answer, James flopped his head down onto the back of the couch and groaned while Sirius did a victorious fist pump.

"Ha! I told you!" he exclaimed, pointing triumphantly at James. "Pay up!" James groaned again and dug around in his pockets before producing three galleons and handing them unhappily to Sirius. Seeing Lily's puzzled look, Sirius explained. "We had a bet going. James said that everyone had a ten o'clock curfew."

Lily looked over at James incredulously. He was glaring at Sirius. "James! How could you think that?"

"What? I'm a seventh year! Why do I need to know something like that?"

Sirius, Remus and Peter started laughing while Lily's mouth dropped open. "Are you serious?" James nodded, his eyes twinkling. "Wow! You are the worst Head Boy in the history of this school." Lily shook her head in mock disappointment.

"I didn't ask to be Head Boy. Dumbledore, in his infinite wisdom, saw that I would be an incredible Head Boy in spite of the fact that he probably knew I wasn't going to waste my time memorizing a bunch of pointless rules."

"You shouldn't have to memorize them! Do you remember being a first year?" James nodded. "Well, why don't you just think back to then and what our curfew was?"

At this Sirius piped up before James had a chance to defend himself. "What you're forgetting Lily, is that James here was rarely back here by curfew back then. He didn't care to memorize that rule because he knew how often he'd be breaking it."

"You say it as though you weren't out breaking all the rules with him," Jenna giggled groggily without opening her eyes.

"True, but I _did_ know the first year curfew. Maybe _I_ should be Head Boy." Remus snorted loudly and Sirius threw one of the throw pillows by his arm at him, hitting him squarely between the eyes.

"Be my guest," James laughed. "You can go to ten extra meetings a week and waste your nights patrolling the corridors…"

"Yeah, we all know how much you hate having to spend all that extra time alone with Lily," Peter said sarcastically through a snigger. Lily's playful smile was suddenly fake and stuck on her face while James' cheeks were tinged pink. Mary suddenly looked much more awake while Remus attempted to surreptitiously elbow Peter in the ribs but Peter's loud coughing and squeak of pain made it all too obvious. Sirius looked on, more amused by everyone's reaction than anything else.

James cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. "Look, Celestina Warbeck could be Head Girl and I still wouldn't want to patrol the corridors three times a week."

Lily raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, playfulness creeping back into her voice. "Are you implying that you'd be happier to carry out your duties if Celestina Warbeck were Head Girl?" She pierced James with a critical gaze. He looked taken aback as he stammered, searching for words to answer her with. "Do you think she's prettier than me? Or is it because she's a better singer?" Sirius and Remus were chuckling as they watched James squirm while Peter was still rubbing his side where Remus had hit him.

"I…um…well, I've never heard you sing…" he stammered, making Sirius and Remus laugh even harder. "I was just trying to make a point…" he muttered, his voice barely audible.

"Nice save, Prongs," Sirius remarked sarcastically through a grin while clapping James on the back.

The group talked on into the night, everyone's eyes getting heavier and heavier as the common room slowly emptied. When Jenna's head fell forward onto her chest and she let out a loud snore, the girls decided to call it a night and headed upstairs.

Lily changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed, making sure that she left her watch on. She and James had decided earlier that week (after a day when they hadn't been able to find even a brief moment to be alone) that they needed to meet at midnight every night if only to say goodnight to one another. She listened as the rest of the girls drifted off into sleep. Her eyelids were drooping dangerously and she was tempted to lie down, but stayed up and read a book instead. At five to midnight, she crept out of bed and pulled on her dressing gown. She closed the door quietly behind her and tiptoed down the stairs, her socked feet muffling the sound on the stone steps.

As she walked into the common room, she saw James and Sirius sitting in the same spot they had been in when she'd left. She looked around the room, knowing she would need to be careful of what she said if anyone else were still downstairs, but no one was and so she relaxed as she began walking to where he sat.

Hearing the door shut behind her, James looked up. "Merlin! Is it midnight already?" he asked as he pushed up his sleeve and looked at his watch.

"Afraid so," she replied, bending down to kiss him quickly and then sitting down next to him on the couch. He smiled at her, still feeling that slight edge of disbelief that everything that was happening between them was real. He draped an arm across her shoulders and smiled again as she snuggled up next to him, pulling her feet up underneath her.

"Blimey, that's going to take a little getting used to," Sirius proclaimed, a look of shock on his face even though the corners of his lips were turned up in a happy smile.

"What are you guys still doing up?" Lily asked, stifling a yawn and wanting to change the subject.

"Oh, we were just discussing whether or not the fact that Padfoot hasn't broken up with Rosalyn yet qualifies him as clinically insane or not," James explained earning him a very dirty look from his friend. "My argument was that she tortures him in every way she possibly can and he'd be insane to stay with her." Lily nodded her head in understanding. "_His_ argument is that she's hot, so he'd be insane to dump her," James said flatly. Lily giggled at this statement.

"At least she sees the humor in the situation!" Sirius exclaimed. "You're only focusing on the negative. Sometimes the good outweighs the bad. It's all in what you choose to focus on." James rolled his eyes. "Plus, you know it only gets worse once the break up is official."

"So, what's your plan? To date until graduation, dump her at Kings' Cross and then hope you never run into her again?"

"Actually, I hadn't thought that far in advance, but it's not a bad idea. Thanks Prongs!"

James sighed, clearly disgruntled by his friend's stance. He turned and looked at Lily pleadingly. She instantly suppressed her giggles. "Can you _please_ talk some sense into him?"

"Well…" Lily began, "You do have to admit that this week hasn't been that bad. I mean, she only threw his picture across the dormitory one night, whereas last week it was every night."

"Not helping," James interjected teasingly.

She smirked at him but then turned her attention to Sirius. "Do you really care what I think about all this?"

Sirius shrugged. "Any input is helpful."

"Okay…well, first of all, it needs to be said that I am most definitely biased. I don't think it's any huge secret that Rosalyn isn't exactly my favorite person in the world." She paused for effect, James grinning at how much thought she was putting into her answer. "Honestly, Sirius, I don't think she's good enough for you. I mean, really, you deserve so much better. And I know that you're not really looking to get tied down or whatever but at the very least you should be with someone who makes you happy rather than miserable."

Sirius looked down at his hands for a second before meeting Lily's gaze. "Thanks, Lily," was all he said in reply but James could tell that her words had resonated with him. She'd given him something to consider. James squeezed her arm gently before launching into a detailed description of Peter's inability to eat spaghetti without making a huge mess.

Somewhere between Sirius's reenactment and the low timbre of James' chuckle, Lily drifted into a light doze.

She was being gently shaken awake, James whispering her name. She woke up groggy and disoriented. Sirius was already gone and the fire was all but out. She could hear the rustling wind outside the window. She didn't want to move. She was comfortable and warm with her head nestled into the crook of James's neck. She moaned when he continued moving his shoulder in an attempt to awaken her.

"Mmm…did I fall asleep?" Lily mumbled, lifting her head and stretching her arms out over her head. Her eyes were only halfway open and James was swimming in and out of focus.

He laughed gruffly at her question. "Yeah…and I'm not sure that you're not still asleep." He was scrutinizing her carefully, watching her with narrowed eyes. "Do you need me to carry you upstairs?"

Lily shook her head slowly. "No, I'm fine. It makes me nervous when you do that anyway." She yawned and stood up, James mirroring her movement. "Good night," she murmured as she walked into his arms. Exhaustion held her there momentarily and she felt James kiss her forehead softly.

"Good night," he whispered before releasing her and making his way to the door opposite the one she headed to.

-&-&-&-

The Great Hall was buzzing with excitement about the impending Ravenclaw versus Slytherin Quidditch match that morning. Three quarters of the school was decked out in blue to show their support of the more popular house and Gryffindor was no exception. Lily sat at the table with a blue sweater and scarf wrapped around her neck. James next to her had transfigured his black robes to a bright blue color. Peter said he looked like a traitor. Sirius said he looked like a blueberry.

"You know, if we were smart we'd want Slytherin to win because if we beat them and they beat Ravenclaw, then our way to the final is much easier."

"Why are you supporting Ravenclaw then?" Mary asked in between bites of toast.

"You couldn't pay me enough to cheer for that lot," James answered without a thought. "Just look at them," he continued as he turned in his seat to face the Slytherin table. "You can't look at those ugly mugs and not just feel the desire to see them fail. It's instinct…like a reflex." Sirius, Remus and Peter busted up laughing while Lily chuckled reluctantly.

"Why are you staring at Slytherin?" Lexi asked as she walked up behind them, her long curled hair billowing out perfectly behind her. Lily tried to conceal the wave of jealousy that reared up within her chest. "Are you preparing yourselves for how you're going to feel after we crush you in a few months?" She was smiling cheekily at James and then started pointing to the table indicating that she wanted to sit down. James scooted over on the bench to make a space for her but also pushed his body up against Lily's.

"Yeah right!" Sirius bantered. "We're going to cream you guys. Be serious, Lexi. Based on pure talent alone we'll win. Factor in strategy, experience and equipment and you don't stand a chance. We've got James for crying out loud!"

"So?" Lexi quipped, not looking the least bit deterred.

"So! Prongs could play for England right now if he wanted to!" Peter argued.

"Big deal! So you have one good player," she repeated, her voice slightly taunting, "Ravenclaw has seven. We could crush you in our sleep!"

"We'll see about that!" James stated calmly. He felt Lily's body tense next to him as Lexi reached across him for a muffin. He suppressed a smile and very subtly moved his hand under the table and laced his fingers through hers. He saw one of her eyebrows raise out of the corner of his eye and then felt her sigh and relax. She gave his hand a quick squeeze and then pulled her fingers out of his grasp.

"I'm going to grab my cloak. I left it upstairs. I'll meet you guys at the pitch," she announced as she stood up and headed toward the doors.

She took her time, not really excited about the idea of heading out into the frigidly cold weather. She loved Quidditch, but she really hoped that this game ended quickly.

As she made her way to the Quidditch pitch, she realized how much time had passed. The corridors were nearly deserted with the exception of a stray ghost and when she was outside she could hear the roar of the school already at the match. She made her way more quickly up the steps to the area of the stadium that she normally sat in. She pushed her way through the crowd, becoming more and more irritable each time someone accidentally shoved or bumped her.

"LILY!" she heard Jenna shouting. She halted immediately and looked around. A few rows up from where she was she saw Jenna and Mary bundled up in thick coats but waving wildly at her. Lily grinned and waved back and started climbing over people to get to them. "We saved you a seat!" Jenna declared and patted a very small area of the bench in between herself and Mary.

"Thanks," Lily replied as she sat down, happy that their spot in the stadium protected them from the harsh wind that whistled menacingly around them. She settled in and then looked over at James who was sitting a few people down from her and right in the middle of his team. He was watching her, a slightly disappointed look on his face. Lily shrugged in reply and then looked away. When she looked back at him, he was gesturing to the Ravenclaw Chasers who were taking warm up rides around the goal posts. He was talking animatedly with Sirius and Bill. She grinned and shook her head. She'd known that he wouldn't be able to resist the opportunity to sit and strategize with his team.

"What are you giggling about?" Jenna asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Am I giggling?"

"You certainly seem pretty happy about something."

"I am just excited about Quidditch I guess," Lily answered. "Do you really think Ravenclaw stands a chance? I mean, Slytherin almost beat us," Lily prompted in an attempt to change the subject and Jenna took the bait. Though it was difficult to hear well enough to carry on a conversation with the roar of the crowd, Jenna certainly tried jabbering on about their Keeper and how synchronized their Chasers had been the previous year.

As the two team captains shook hands, Lily saw James get up out of the corner of her eye. She looked up and watched, shocked as he got Mary and Emmett to scoot down so that he could sit next to her.

"So, I was thinking that before our match against Ravenclaw, we, as the Head students, should plan some kind of rally or pre-party or something just to get our house excited about the match. Especially if Ravenclaw wins today because we'll need to beat them," he proposed in his best professional voice. But then he quirked his eyebrows and winked at her.

"Yeah, because Gryffindors _never_ get excited about Quidditch," Lily replied sarcastically while giving him a playful nudge with her shoulder.

As the game started, James' attention was primarily taken by his team as he told them to notice the way only one of their Chasers went after a loose Quaffle while the other two were already moving into a formation which allowed for a quick score or how their Keeper tended to drift toward the left goal post as the game went on.

Despite the clearly superior skill of the Ravenclaw team, Slytherin's cheating kept the score relatively close. So when the two Seekers went into a dive simultaneously, Lily wasn't the only person holding her breath. Jenna was biting her nails. Mary, Emmett and Sirius were standing up and screaming , "GO!" at the top of their lungs. James was sitting on the edge of the bench, his hand clenching hers as he watched silently, his eyes as large as melons.

When Marcus Fletcher, Ravenclaw's fifth year Seeker came out of his dive with a hand clenched triumphantly around a struggling Snitch, the stadium exploded with sound. The joyous cheers drowned out the Slytherins' moans. James leapt up and lifted Lily off of her feet and twirled her around. He set her down feeling dazed and slightly dizzy before doing the same thing to Jenna and Mary and giving high fives to a bunch of third years he didn't know that were sitting behind him.

Lily laughed and whooped while watching him, amused by his behavior, thinking to herself that whatever happened between them, whether it ended in happily ever after or in complete disaster, it was certainly going to be fun while it lasted.

**A/N-So, I promise, promise, promise to get the next chapter up sooner. You have my permission to send my PM's berating me if it takes too long!**

**The end of this chapter was weird for me to write so I'm sorry if it's a weird read. There wasn't really a good way to end it so I hope it didn't seem too abrupt. The next chapter should be good…at least I think so! **

**I love you guys for sticking with me! Thanks to those of you who have been reading it and stuck with me even though the last few chapters have taken forever to get up. Again, I promise to try and reply to all reviews. So if there are any questions, I would love to answer them! I love your reviews! They just completely make my day! Love you guys!**


	13. The First Secret: Part II

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N: **Look! An update in less that 6 months! Yay! This chapter was actually kind of fun for me to write. It was one of the scenes that had been in my head since I first started planning this story. I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 13: The First Secret: Part II - The First Fight**

Thursday. Lunchtime. Double Herbology outside in the afternoon. It wasn't the prospect of spending the rest of the day freezing her extremities off one by one that had Lily in a snippy mood and it wasn't the fact that McGonagall had assigned her so much homework that any plans she had for the weekend would have to be cancelled. It wasn't that ever since Sirius broke up with Rosalyn the concept of sleep had become a mere memory because of her earsplitting wails at all hours of the night. No, each of these things were certainly a contributor, but not the main reason.

The real reason Lily was meticulously crushing her baked potato into a mashed potato was because she had not had a single moment alone with James since Sunday at midnight. They couldn't study alone together because all of the seventh years were so bogged down with work that the mere suggestion of running to the library had at least two others offering to go along as well. Their midnight meetings didn't happen either because all of the seventh year Gryffindors were up until _at least_ one each night trying to get their work finished. Even patrolling didn't give them any time alone. Alyson McKenzie, the fifth year Gryffindor prefect, got caught snogging a Hufflepuff prefect during their duty the previous week and had been sentenced to duty with James and Lily while she was on probation.

James was somehow handling it much better than she and looked on smirking as her mashed potato became the consistency of a paste.

He cleared his throat and leaned down closer to her. "You know, Evans, if you're done eating, I drew up some ideas for the pep rally. They're up in the tower if you want to come with me to get them."

Lily scowled at her destroyed potato and her barely touched vegetables. "I couldn't eat now even if I wanted to. I'm too stressed out," she grumbled before pushing away from the table and stalking toward the doors of the Great Hall. She didn't slow down at all even though she could hear James's scurrying footsteps as he attempted to catch up to her.

"You forgot your bag," James chuckled as he held it out for her though making sure to keep the appropriate amount of distance between them as there were still stragglers in the corridors. Some were still making their way to lunch and others were seventh years who were skipping lunch in lieu of finishing an essay or learning the latest complicated spell.

"Thank you," Lily muttered though there wasn't a hint of gratitude in her voice.

"You know, you're pretty funny when you're this upset." She flashed a glare his way which only made him grin wider. "Why so sour?"

"James, we haven't had a moment alone in four days!" Lily barked in hushed tones, exasperated. "Why _aren't_ you upset?"

James just chuckled at her outburst which only caused her to be more irritated. "We're alone _now_," he pointed out as he reached for her hand as they turned the corner and entered a less traveled corridor.

"Yeah, but we're also going to do work so it doesn't really count, does it?" she complained. He stopped suddenly, pulling her back toward him and then gently pushing her against the wall. He placed one arm on either side of her head and leaned down so that he was eye level with her. "What are you doing?" she asked, still trying to sound irritated even though the way he was looking at her now made her heart leap up and start pounding in her throat.

"I'm flattered that you have _so _overestimated my work ethic, but there are no plans in my dormitory."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, her eyebrows pulling together as she tried to duck under his arm. He brought one hand down and placed it on her waist, holding her in place.

"I lied about having pep rally plans so we could have some alone time," he explained, a satisfied smile on his face. "Do you understand now?"

She narrowed her eyes momentarily and then smiled in relief, her head falling forward to rest on his chest. "Thank goodness," she breathed her tense shoulders relaxing for the first time in days. "I was gearing up to yell at you for trying to put more work on my plate."

He chuckled as she looked up at him. "Yeah, even if there were plans, I know better than to try and talk to you when you're in a mood like that." She narrowed her eyes at him but he took a step toward her, filling the already miniscule space between them. "Now, aren't you glad I lied," he murmured, his lips brushing feather-like against hers.

She only had time to "mmhmm" before he was pressed against her, pushing her up against the cool stone wall. The kiss was slow and hesitant at first, his hand soft on her cheek, her hands resting motionless on his hips. It was sweet and tender and she felt the relief of just being able to be with James wash over her. The other concerns of her day were far removed so that all there was room for was the gentle way his lips slowly moved over hers and the way they dropped to deliver a line of kisses along her jaw line.

"Mmm…I've missed you," Lily murmured as he snaked an arm around her back, pulling her tightly against himself. He chuckled appreciatively but then returned his attention to her lips.

Suddenly she was feeling the absence of this for the past five days and needed him closer. She ran her hands up his chest and into his hair, grasping onto it and pulling him toward herself, arching her back into his body. James didn't miss a beat, his kisses becoming more frenzied along with hers. He was everywhere. His scent, his strength, his passion. She hated thinking that they only had minutes before it was time to go back to Herbology. The only thing she wanted right now was James and the idea of giving _this_ up to study about plants she didn't care about was pure agony.

But something else provided a distraction suddenly. She distinctly heard a portrait swing open in the corridor they had just come from.

With a wild gasp she pushed James roughly away from her. "Someone's coming," she whispered frantically and quickly began trying to smooth down her hair and straighten her shirt. She hoped they didn't look too suspicious just standing in the middle of a random corridor. Her mind began racing through excuses in case whoever it was questioned what they were doing.

Within a few seconds, none other than Sirius Black came strutting around the corner. Lily breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Sirius! You just about gave me a heart attack," she told him, leaning back against the wall behind her.

Sirius stopped at the sound of her voice, took one look at the two of them and then began smirking smugly. "You two have a lot of work to do on this secret business. All I need is one look at Lily's bruised lips and Prongs' face – you _look_ like you're getting denied something really nice right now – to know what you two were up to. You're lucky it's me and not anyone else at this school." He continued walking past them, noticing James' extremely disgruntled look and Lily's blushing cheeks. "Don't mind me…carry on."

Lily waited until Sirius was no longer in ear shot and then turned to James. "You heard what the man said. Carry on," she repeated, playfully tugging on his arm.

She was surprised when he yanked it out of her grasp.

"What are we doing?" he demanded quietly, his voice hard.

"Well…we _were_ kissing. Now we're just standing," Lily replied, a smile on her lips but her voice tight.

"Dammit Lily, I'm not kidding!" he roared causing her to jump and stare at him wide-eyed. "What are we sneaking around for? We have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. And yet, you pushed me away like we were doing something wrong when Sirius showed up."

"I wouldn't have pushed you away if I'd known it was Sirius," she said timidly, almost afraid to meet his eyes.

He sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "That's not the point! We shouldn't have to meet in secret so that we can be together." He paused and turned to face her, ducking his head so that she felt the full effect of the anger within those deep, hazel depths. "I've been trying to wrap my mind around why we're doing this," he said in a dangerously quiet voice, "and the only conclusion I could come to…the only reason that makes any sense at all is that…that you're embarrassed to be dating me."

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but the pain that replaced the anger in his eyes stole the breath right out of her chest. He stood motionless, waiting for her denial, begging with his mind for her to tell him he was wrong. But she didn't say anything. She didn't _do_ anything. She just stood there, staring at him with a dumbstruck look on her face. He clenched his jaw and muttered, "Whatever. If that's how you feel then fine. But I'm done." And before she could do anything to stop him, he'd gestured defeat with his arms, picked up his bag and was walking away from her.

"James!" she called, a plea in her voice, but he didn't stop. She watched his figure slinking away from her. He hit the wall violently with his fist as he turned the corner and then he was out of sight. She hated herself; hated that she had caused that pain and hurt in his eyes, hated that she hadn't been able to explain herself, hated that she couldn't just give him what he wanted.

She just stood there in the hallway, dejected and with no idea what to do next. She didn't move until Sirius walked back through the corridor.

"Where's Prongs?" he asked, snapping Lily back to reality. She picked up her bag and matched his stride though her eyes stayed focused on the floor beneath her feet.

"He already left for Herbology," she murmured. "What were you doing?" She wanted to turn the conversation away from James. Her stomach was already constricting into tight knots at the mere mention of him.

Sirius hesitated, sensing Lily's drastic mood shift, but decided not to push it. "In my hurry to get out of the tower before Rosalyn came downstairs this morning, I left my gloves in my trunk. I considered just skipping class but Moony said he wouldn't let me see his notes if I did that and Prongs doesn't take notes so…I decided to do the responsible thing."

"For once," Lily joked, though she didn't look at him and the corners of her mouth didn't even attempt to turn up in a smile.

They made their way down the front lawn to the greenhouses where the rest of the Gryffindors were already waiting, split up into groups of three. Sirius left her then to join James and Remus while Lily gravitated to the pot that Mary and Jenna were standing by. She attempted to focus her attention on the directions that Professor Sprout was giving them, but she was too distracted and her mind kept drifting.

"_He's not really mad at me,_" she thought desperately as she sneaked a look over to where he was working. "_He was just being a typical boy who was upset because the kissing was over,_" she reasoned. "_He'll be back to normal by this evening._" And yet, even as she tried to convince herself of this fact, she didn't really believe it. His mouth was set in a hard line and his jaw was clenched. He had not looked up at her with a warm smile or a wink since she'd walked into the greenhouse.

"OUCH! LILY!" Jenna shrieked as one of the sharp leaves Lily was supposed to be holding back jabbed at Jenna in the arm. "I don't know where your mind is right now, but can you _please_ focus for a few minutes. I'd like to get the job done _without_ this stupid tentacular plant thing groping me!"

"Sorry," Lily mumbled apologetically, chancing another glance in James's direction again. He had looked up (like most of the class) when Jenna had shouted but as his eyes met hers, they turned stone cold and he looked back to his plant. She swallowed the lump in her throat and turned her attention back to getting a firmer grip on the vine. Jenna turned her head away and got back to work, still clearly exasperated. Mary on the other hand was watching Lily with a look of concern.

"Hey," she said softly, nudging Lily with her shoulder as she struggled to hang onto her own vine. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Lily lied as the vine lurched away from her, pulling her a few inches along the paved floor.

"Does it have to do with you-know-who?" she asked quietly, signaling with her eyes precisely the you-know-who she meant. Jenna was watching now, listening carefully and paying less attention to the pods she was supposed to be pruning.

"No, of course not," Lily answered too quickly. Jenna was about to retort her disbelief when the subject of their conversation walked up.

"Jenna, can we use your clamp? Sirius broke ours," James asked, clearly addressing only Jenna and carefully keeping his eyes off of Lily. His voice was hard and strictly business. Lily could practically feel the hostility rolling off of him. Jenna handed him their clamp, wide-eyed. "Thanks," he muttered. He turned and walked back to his friends (who were also watching curiously) all the while careful not to bump into her in his anger.

Lily closed her eyes and tried to take a calming breath. When she opened them again, Mary was watching her with a raised eyebrow and Jenna was still staring, shocked by what she'd just seen.

"Okay…I lied. Maybe it does have _something_ to do with him," Lily conceded.

"What happened?" Jenna questioned eagerly, her eyes alight with the prospect of some good gossip. "Did he ask you out and you turned him down again? Oooh, did _you_ tell _him_ you love him and then he told you that you were too late and that he'd moved on?"

Lily tried to look disinterested and annoyed with her questions, though she was astounded by how very close she was to the truth.

"Lily, did he get you pregnant and now he's upset because you decided to keep it?" Jenna asked, her tone one of mock seriousness while she stepped forward and put her gloved hand on Lily's stomach as though she were feeling for a baby's kick.

"I'm not even dignifying that last one with an answer," Lily grumbled, swatting Jenna's hand away, though she was grateful for the lightened mood.

"So, what's really going on?" Mary asked, genuine concern in her voice.

Lily sighed. She wanted to tell the truth. She needed the help of her friends. She needed their advice. Of course, if she could tell them about her fight with James, they wouldn't have had the argument in the first place. "Well, you know that we went to the tower to look at his plans for the pep rally which I'm still not convinced isn't a stupid idea. Anyway, I already wasn't in the best mood and I - in way too many words – told him I thought his ideas were stupid."

"So, you wounded his pride. He's a big boy. He can handle it," Jenna remarked in an off-hand manner.

"Well, I didn't really go about telling him what I thought in the nicest way."

"He'll be fine. He's had a rough week too. It might take him a few hours but he'll be over it soon enough," Mary assured her.

"I hope you're right. I don't think you are, but I hope so."

As it turned out, Mary wasn't right. James was still mad after Herbology and walked far ahead of the girls with Sirius and Remus. When Jenna asked him what the rush was, he replied that they had to meet Peter after his Muggle Studies class.

"Is this the first time all year that they've realized Peter isn't in Herbology with us?" Jenna asked snidely under her breath. Lily felt gratitude toward her friend for so blindly taking her side even though she believed that their fight was a ridiculously small argument that James and Lily would forget about rather than resolve.

James continued to avoid her at dinner, sitting with Bill, Emmett and Mary further down the table claiming he needed to talk about a Quidditch scheduling conflict.

"I think this is the first time in six years he hasn't sat with us," Sirius observed, a look of shock evident on his handsome features. "Even when he had girlfriends, he expected them to come sit with us rather than the other way around."

"Try to hold back the tears," Jenna teased overdramatically. Sirius grimaced at her before turning back to his dinner.

"You must have really pissed him off, Evans," Peter chirped causing Mary to raise her eyebrows at him and making Sirius and Remus roll their eyes.

"Very tactful, Wormtail," Remus chided. "Besides, if that's the real reason he's not sitting with us then he is severely overreacting. Whatever you said about his plans couldn't have been that bad…or that far off the mark. I didn't even see him working on them so it's not like you insulted his best work." Lily knew that Remus was trying to be comforting, but his words only made her squirm guiltily. Sirius caught her gaze and with one brief look managed to make her feel even more ashamed of herself than she already was.

"Can we just change the subject?" she suggested warily. But even the light discussion of her friends about Peter's hatred of Muggle Studies couldn't distract her from the deafening silence from the other end of the table.

The rest of the group made their way back to the tower, mentally preparing themselves for another late night of studying. James however still sat at the table taking much more time than usual to finish his meal.

Lily settled down in the common room, her back against a sofa and her Charms books spread out around her. Mary was working on the same essay and so she sat next to her. Even Sirius, who managed to finish more of his work by doing nothing, had his nose buried in an Arithmancy book. No one except Lily even looked up when James entered the common room and headed straight to the stairs for his dormitory. Her stomach plummeted. It seemed he was still angry with her. But as he returned a few minutes later, her heart began thumping hopefully. He walked over to where everyone sat, careful to keep his eyes guarded and away from Lily.

He stood behind the chair that Peter lounged in. "I'm going to the library," he announced stoically.

"I'll go with you," Lily offered eagerly, pushing her books aside and preparing to stand up. "I need to get a Transfiguration book."

"NO!" James exclaimed, holding his hands up. For an instant that seemed to last an eternity, his eyes locked with hers. They were void of emotion, completely ambivalent to her. "It's just that I really need to study for Potions and I'm afraid that if you come with me we'll talk rather than do our work." He now seemed to be looking at a spot just beyond her rather than actually at her.

"Yeah, sure…I understand," Lily choked out settling back into her spot. "I need to do my Charms essay anyway."

"What book do you need? I'll go ahead and get it for you," he offered in a mechanical but polite voice.

"Um…that's okay. I can just get it tomorrow, I guess. Thanks though."

"Sure thing." And then he was gone. She ignored the way everyone was staring at her and pretended like her Charms homework was much more interesting than it was until she was sure all of the prying eyes had focused back on their own work. That was when she allowed a bit of the panic loose on her body. His words kept running through her mind. _You're embarrassed to be dating me. I'm done._ The pain in his voice, the cold mask on his face, the emotionless eyes; they haunted her, giving her the chills.

The whole group went up to bed earlier than usual. The promise of the weekend meant that everyone was putting off anything that wasn't due the next day in exchange for a night of more than five hours of sleep. Lily lay in her bed and listened as the other four girls drifted off to sleep quickly. She envied them that. She was determined to stay awake so that she could talk to James at midnight, but even if she didn't have to she wouldn't have been able to fall asleep anyway. There was too much running through her mind, too many frenzied thoughts screaming for her attention to be able to close her eyes and relax. The minutes ticked by slowly and with each movement of the hands on her watch her anxiety level grew.

Finally, at 11:45 she rolled out of bed, unable to lie still any longer. When she reached the common room it was completely empty. Her heart sank when she didn't see James but she reminded herself that she was fifteen minutes early so he still had plenty of time. She crossed the room and sat close to the dwindling fire, wrapping her dressing gown tightly around her body. The wind whistled menacingly outside the windows and made the common room drafty.

The minutes ticked by slowly. Her ears were hyper-sensitive to any noise in the quiet tower. She was straining to hear a door opening or the gentle padding of feet down a staircase but she heard nothing but the crackling of golden embers in the grate.

As time passed and he still didn't emerge from the boys' staircase, she began growing anxious. In all of their fights prior to this one, he was always the one to calm down first, always the one able to shake off their disagreement and continue as if nothing had happened. She was the one who held grudges and couldn't let anything go. She was the one who apologized last (on the few occasions that she had actually felt compelled to apologize). His behavior was unprecedented and left her feeling hopeless as the minute hand on her watched passed midnight, then 12:30 and then got closer and closer to one. She kept trying to convince herself that he'd fallen asleep or forgotten, futilely attempting to persuade herself that the reason he wasn't there had nothing to do with the fact that he was mad. She refused to go upstairs, knowing that if she got up and left that she would just miss him. And so she fell asleep, her legs tucked up under her body and her head tilting awkwardly on the arm of the couch.

-&-&-&-

"Evans…wake up," she heard a quiet male voice saying, drifting into her dream. She groaned but kept her eyes closed, too tired to put forth the effort to open them. "Good lord, you're stubborn," the voice muttered. Then she felt a tapping on her forehead. She scrunched her face up, irritated that whoever it was, was so determined to wake her up. "Lily, _at least_ go sleep in your own bed. People are staring." It was at that point that she heard the dull smattering of conversations around her. She wrenched her eyes open, the brightness of the sudden daylight making her wince. James was squatting a few feet away from her with the same cold, emotionless look on his face. "Good," he said and then stood up.

She stood up too and grabbed his arm to keep him from walking away. She teetered on the spot, the blood rushing to her head. He reached out to steady her, concern flashing momentarily in his eyes. Once she regained her balance though he dropped his hand and again seemed to be looking past her rather than at her.

She swallowed, aware that there were quite a few people around and that she was drawing attention to them for having slept on the couch, but if he was going to keep himself away from her, she would have to take advantage of _any_ chance she could to talk to him.

"Where were you last night?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I told you, I was in the library," he stated matter-of-factly, his voice passive.

"All night?" she asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh…" he paused and sighed. She knew that he had known the true intention of her question the first time and was slightly irritated with him for his evasive answer. But now he looked into her eyes, his were empty and though he was looking _at_ her, it didn't make her feel any better. Her stomach twisted again nervously. "I fell asleep," he answered, before looking down at the ground.

Lily stared at him for a moment, a tiny crease forming between her eyes. "Why are you lying to me?" Her voice was soft, but James felt the magnitude of the betrayal in her voice. He didn't know how to answer her. Why _had_ he lied?

Thankfully, he was saved from having to come up with an answer because at that moment Jenna and Mary toppled out of the girls' staircase. Their smiling eyes landed on Lily, who immediately dropped her hand from James's arm, causing him to clinch his fists at his side.

"What in the world are you doing?" Mary asked laughing, her eyes sweeping over Lily's pajama clad frame and wildly knotted red hair.

"Did you sleep down here?" Jenna wondered, barely suppressing giggles.

"Um…I'm not really sure," Lily answered. She turned to look at James as if asking for help in an explanation but figured out quickly from his vaguely curious expression that helping her lie to her friends was the last thing he intended to do. "Maybe I'm sleepwalking again..."

Jenna, who looked like she wasn't fully buying her story shrugged and said, "Well, go get dressed so that we can go get breakfast. I'm hungry! And…you might consider running a brush through your hair too."

"See you later," James mumbled and walked off leaving Lily watching and feeling just as hopeless as she had the night before.

The rest of the day didn't go much differently. He acted completely normal around everyone else except for the fact that he was a bit quieter than usual but Lily may as well have not even been there. He only talked to her if she directly addressed him (which she stopped doing around lunch time because each time he answered her quickly and then went back to ignoring her, it pushed her closer and closer to tears). He sat next to her in Transfiguration as usual but took notes more diligently than she had thought was possible for him.

The only thing that kept her going after dinner was the knowledge that Alyson had finished her probation earlier in the week and so she would at least have three hours patrolling that night to try and talk things through without any interruptions or ways that he could possibly deflect her questions.

The whole group sat in front of the fire that evening relaxing. All except for Mary who was already working hard on her Care of Magical Creatures essay for the next week.

"You laugh now, but I'll be the one laughing Sunday night when you're all scrambling to get your stuff finished," she'd retorted when Sirius and Jenna started making fun of her.

James sat quietly on the floor watching Remus and Jenna play a particularly violent and aggressive game of chess. His eyes were unfocused and it was obvious that his mind was far from what he was watching but everyone else was so exhausted that they didn't really notice.

"James, are you ready?" Lily asked as she hoisted herself off of the comfortable armchair and walked over to him.

He blinked as he was snapped out of his trance and then gave her an extremely confused look. "For what?" he finally asked slowly.

"Patrolling," Lily sputtered, though his obvious confusion caused her to second guess herself.

"Oh right! I guess I forgot to tell you, but I asked Alyson to trade a shift with me. So, I'm going to take her Monday night shift and she's going to go with you tonight," he explained, his expression vacant.

"Why?" Lily asked feeling crestfallen. She knew that her disappointment was written all over her face but she didn't care. She was frustrated and she was torn between wanting to yell and him and wanting to cry in his arms and beg him to forgive her.

"I'm really tired. I didn't sleep very well last night," he admitted as he turned his focus back to the game.

Lily just stood where she was for a moment, feeling like she was helpless to do anything except watch as he pulled further and further away from her. He seemed oblivious to her still form and used every ounce of willpower he had to keep from turning and watching her walk out of the common room with Alyson McKenzie chattering on happily next to her.

"You could give her a break, you know," Jenna noted and it was only then that James realized she was staring right at him. She didn't have the normally pleasant smile on her face but was looking at him with intense disappointment with something resembling hostility in her eyes. "I don't know exactly what she said to you about your pep rally plans, but I'm sure that it wasn't _that_ bad."

James just glared back at her. "Jenna, don't talk about things you don't understand," he bit out in an unforgiving and harsh voice. His jaw was clenched. She had no right to stick her nose into their business. She didn't even know what was going on.

Jenna however did not seem intimidated by him at all. She glared right back at him, a challenge in her eyes. Sensing a further conflict, Mary chimed in. "She feels really bad, James. That's all. We just don't like seeing her so upset."

James's carefully composed mask faltered briefly before falling back into place. "That's sweet, but you two need to butt out. It's none of your business," he snapped.

Mary shook her head and mouthed "okay" before turning her attention back to her books. Jenna looked ready to continue arguing but Remus interjected. "Your move, Jenna." So she let it drop, occasionally shooting James a look of pure venom but not bringing it up again.

-&-&-&-

"Oh my gawd, Lily, you are _so_ incredibly lucky!" Alyson prattled on. She had not stopped talking since they had left the common room more than two hours earlier. In fact, the only silences that Lily could remember at all were when Alyson had to take a breath. Luckily for Alyson, Lily was too distracted to really be annoyed by it. On the contrary, she almost enjoyed the constant babble. It gave her something besides James's silence to think about.

"How's that?" Lily queried, feigning interest though she was sure that whatever Alyson said would be some shallow perk in her life that she didn't really care too much about. She wouldn't have been surprised if "you have floral scented shampoo" or "you have two pairs of pink stockings" was the next thing out of her mouth.

"You get to work one on one all the time with _James Potter!_" she squealed. Lily gave her a look that clearly questioned why that qualified her as 'lucky' and Alyson wasted no time giving her an excited explanation. "He is _so_ hot! I mean, he's no Sirius Black but I always imagined that he had really nice muscles underneath his robes. And his messy hair is so adorable! How can you stand it? If I had to work as closely with him as you do I don't even think I'd be able to string coherent sentences together."

Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head, but it was nothing she hadn't heard before. For years, girls had been fawning over James and asking her how she, the one girl James seemed truly interested in, could possibly not reciprocate his feelings. "James and I are just friends," Lily responded mechanically, though as she said it she found herself thinking that that statement was debatable based on his behavior the past few days.

"That's right. I don't know how you can possibly resist him though. He's so charming and funny and smooth. I would just be making up all kinds of things that we needed to do to spend some alone time together," she chattered dreamily.

"You're overestimating his work ethic," Lily said, repeating James' own comment from the day before, a sad smile on her lips.

Alyson gave her an exasperated look. "I just don't understand you at all, Lily Evans. He is everything that a man should be. He's sexy, smart, funny, loyal…"

"He can also be arrogant, stubborn, stuck up and rude," Lily interjected, though even she recognized that these characteristics seemed to have been left in previous years. She hadn't seen much of that James Potter this year. Part of her was relieved, but another part of her was just waiting for him to resurface. She didn't want to believe it, but a small, cynical part of her brain kept telling her that he had obviously tried to change in order to get her to go out with him and now that he had succeeded, it was only a matter of time before the James she hated showed up again.

"Oh, come on, Lily! Nobody's perfect. And the good things about James Potter seriously outweigh the bad. It makes him almost irresistible," she debated.

"It's easier to resist when he spends six years doing everything in his power to drive you crazy."

Alyson sighed. "I suppose it's just as well anyway. Isn't he dating that Lexi girl from Ravenclaw now?" she wondered aloud, not noticing the way Lily's eyes bulged and her entire body tensed up.

"Um…I think that they are just friends, too," Lily blurted out quickly in a strangled voice.

"Are you sure?" Alyson asked, looking at Lily with doubtful eyes. "He looks at her the same way that he looks at you. And she looks at him the way I'm sure he always wished you would. And they make _such_ a cute couple! Did you see them together at the Halloween dance? I mean, is there anything cuter than Cinderella and Prince Charming? And she's really pretty too. They are a good match as far as attractiveness goes. They have an equal attractiveness, you know what I mean?" Lily couldn't take any more of that and started intentionally blocking out Alyson's chatter, offering up the occasional "yeah" and "oh, really?" whenever she heard a lull in the noise.

Alyson didn't seem to notice.

Lily instead replayed her last real conversation with James over and over in her head and tried desperately to come up with a plan of getting him alone. A plan that he wouldn't be able to weasel his way out of.

But as they found themselves back in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady with their time up, a frightening thought suddenly hit Lily. His last words to her reverberated around in her head. "I'm done." She'd thought that when he'd said that he'd meant that he was done with the argument. But what if she was wrong? What if that's not what he meant at all? She was starting to believe that maybe he'd really meant that he was done with her. Done with their relationship. All of a sudden, the careful control she'd maintained since their argument broke down. Her chest felt tight, compressed and she felt tears burning in the corners of her eyes.

She muttered the password to the Fat Lady and scampered across the room heading for the staircase before her tears could overtake her. She didn't dare a glance toward James knowing that one look at that cold exterior would push her over the edge and she didn't want to cry in front of him. Little did she know that he had instinctively looked over whenever she had entered the common room and noticed a glistening tear on her cheek. He tried to ignore it, but no matter what he did he couldn't get the image out of his head. It was like it was burned into his memory.

The rest of the evening was a blur. He didn't talk to anyone else or participate in any of the games they were playing. As he lay in his bed staring at his curtain rings and listening to Sirius's incredible snores he couldn't even recall what anyone had said. He was so distracted by whatever was going on between him and Lily.

He rolled over and sighed loudly. His eyelids were begging to be closed. His whole body was wrought with exhaustion but when he closed his eyes and attempted to fall asleep he couldn't get his mind to shut up. He didn't know what to do. Was he letting pride dictate his decision? Wasn't having Lily in secret better than not having her at all? But then again, just because it was Lily and just because he'd waiting so long to be with her didn't mean that he should just accept the fact that she was embarrassed by him. What kind of future did they really have if she didn't want other people to know about them?

With a loud groan he flipped over and violently kicked his covers off. Whatever he did, he knew that he couldn't continue to just ignore her. He was just getting more and more upset as time went on. The longer he just sat and brooded about it the angrier he got. And angry as he was, he hated the thought that he had hurt her. Whatever ended up playing out, it had to be better than the painful silence that had defined their relationship lately.

He jumped out of bed, determined to do _something_ and hurried out of the room, making more noise than was strictly necessary but not waking anyone up. He practically ran down the stairs, his invisibility cloak tucked into the back of his pajamas in case the common room was occupied and he and Lily needed to sneak out. He entered the room and satisfied that it was deserted, James slouched down onto the couch opposite the fire, his heart aching at the possible outcome of their meeting.

Lily had spent the evening dreading the approach of midnight. She hated the thought of his absence again tonight. She'd regained control of her emotions up in the dormitory but feared the return of the threatening flood of tears if James stood her up again.

She didn't go down early this time. She waited until she heart the chime of Jenna's watch indicating that it was twelve o'clock. She grabbed her dressing gown off of the end of her bed but didn't put it on. She had long ago decided that if he wasn't already down there she was turning right around and going to bed. Her hopes weren't high. She had seen no change in his demeanor that indicated that she should expect to see him in the common room.

That's why she was so surprised when her eyes fell on him. She stopped in shock and heard the door to the staircase click closed behind her. He stood up and gave her a crooked, unsure smile. She was so relieved that he was there, that he was looking _at_ her and that it was _her_ James looking at her instead of the cold, emotionless James she'd become used to. She was so relieved that she rushed forward and wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. He was taken aback and chuckled in spite of himself, allowing himself to enjoy this moment. He wrapped his arms around her, gently stroking her hair as he inhaled the floral scent emanating from it.

He didn't want to let go, content to stay like this forever, but knew that this discussion needed to happen. So after a long moment he stepped away from her and sat back down on the couch, his eyes not leaving her face. The relief that was evident there was disarming. She was looking at him as if she were afraid that she'd never be able to look at him again. He had to swallow hard and remind himself of why he was upset when she sat down next to him and snuggled up against him, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled. "I never meant to hurt you…that was never my intention. But I couldn't stand this." Wrapping an arm around his middle, she briefly closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his rising and falling chest beneath her. "I don't know how I lasted six years without you when I can barely go two days now." She looked up at him expecting to see his amused eyes glittering or a smirk on his face. Instead he seemed to be contemplating something very seriously. His eyebrows were pulled together and his hazel eyes were penetrating. Lily, her sense of relief dwindling a bit, continued teasing in the hope that he would join in. "I thought maybe you'd decided to dump me without telling me." She grinned, though it didn't reach her eyes. She watched in horror as he looked guiltily down at his hands. His silence was louder and clearer than anything he could have said at that moment. She stared at him for a long time and then shoved away from him, pushing him hard on the shoulder. "You _are_ breaking up with me, aren't you?" she nearly yelled at him.

He didn't say anything right away; he just continued to look at her sadly. "What else can I do, Lily?" he pleaded.

"You could _not_ break up with me…that would be a great start!" she said, anger flaring up and licking at her insides.

He lifted a hand to her mouth and covered it up. "Just listen…please. I need you to understand where I'm coming from." She glared at him but nodded her concession and waited as he lowered his hand. She could see the genuineness in his eyes and she could tell by the look on his face that this wasn't easy for him to do. "I don't want to break up with you. I like you and I like being with you. So much that I want everyone to know and I hate that I only get to be your boyfriend when other people aren't around." His voice was gruff and she could tell that he was fighting with himself, desperate to find a way to ignore his own convictions.

He ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it in frustration. Then he turned his body toward her and locked his eyes on hers. "I've wanted this for so long – wanted you for so long. And when we are together it's better than anything I ever imagined. But, this isn't just a…a _fling_ for me. And if you're embarrassed to be with me now, then I don't really see how we have a future. I don't want to be just the guy you hung out with while you were bored in school." His words were deliberate, his voice passionate. "You exceed any standard I ever set for a girl I wanted to date and I can't stand the thought that I am so far below yours that you don't even want other people to know about me."

And then he went quiet. The sadness in his eyes and the way he slumped dejectedly against the arm of the couch was like a knife twisting in Lily's stomach.

"Can I talk now?" she asked timidly, earning her a half-hearted grin from James and a slight nod. She didn't say anything until he finally looked up and met her eyes. "I'm not embarrassed to be with you. I'm not ashamed to be dating you and I am so sorry that I made you think that."

James looked confused. The crease between his eyebrows was well defined as he scrutinized her. "Then why do you want us to be a secret?"

Lily sighed and felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment. "For a couple of really stupid reasons."

"Which would be?" James prompted.

"Well, for one…I really don't like it when people gossip about me…" Lily admitted sheepishly.

"Lily…no one _likes_ being gossiped about."

"I know!" she retorted defensively. "I just…I don't like people who don't know me talking about me and making assumptions and acting like they care about what's happening in my life when they don't. And all the stuff with my parents hasn't even completely died down yet." James looked at her critically for a moment. "It just bothers me, okay. And for whatever reason people at this school are obsessed with you and me. Everyone thinks it's up to them to decide if we should be dating or not."

James was quiet for a minute. "Is that the only reason you want to keep us a secret then?"

"No…but the other reason sounds worse. I'm not really sure how you're going to take it."

James cocked an eyebrow, confused and with no idea what she was about to say. "Out with it then. Whatever it is it can't be worse than me thinking you're ashamed of me."

"I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out," she whispered slowly. "This kind of peaceful ease that we have created between us…how long can it last?" she asked with a shrug. "I mean, we hated each other for six years! Even when you liked me you still couldn't resist driving me crazy. We fought all the time. And then this year the friendship thing worked for a while and then we couldn't do that anymore. And then we started dating and that lasted, what? Two weeks before I'm having to sit here and talk you out of breaking up with me?"

"But Lily," James interjected, "you wouldn't have to do that if we weren't keeping it a secret."

"True, but how much longer do you honestly think we could go before we have a huge fight? It wouldn't be that much longer before something else happened," she argued. "If it's only going to last a few weeks, why bother telling everyone about it and then having to deal with the fallout of a break up? Think about it…if we do break up tonight, it'll be so much easier to only have to deal with you and I knowing about us than if the whole school knows."

James reached forward and took her hands in his, gently stroking them to soothe her. "That's not going to happen to us. All people in relationships have fights and disagreements but that's healthy. It would be boring if we agreed about everything always. We'll have our fights like everyone else but we'll work through them."

"How do you know?" Lily challenged. "James, there have been times over the last six years when I didn't even want to see your face. How is that 'healthy' for a relationship? You and I are just too explosive. All it's going to take is one huge fight and then it'll be over. I'm too stubborn and you're too prideful."

"Well then why not just break up now and get it over with!" James sputtered, his voice rising, though he immediately regretted it when he saw a look of hurt flash across Lily's face. He sighed and apologized. "I didn't mean that...but you could make that argument for any relationship, especially early on. 'Why bother going through the song and dance if we're both ultimately going to get hurt?' But the thing is, all relationships are doomed to fail until you're with the right person. All of your relationships are going to end until you're in the one that doesn't. But you'll never be in the one that doesn't if you're not willing to try…if you're not willing to take a chance." He took her face in his hands and looked intently into her eyes. "I _want_ this to be the right one…I want us to be the couple that makes it. I can't tell you for sure that we will, but I can assure you we won't if you keep expecting every fight we have to be the big one.

"Maybe you're right," he continued after a brief pause, "Maybe our personalities are so different that we'll fight more than 'normal' couples do. But then again, maybe you're wrong. I've changed a lot in six years and so have you. Maybe I'm less prideful than you think. And maybe as you've matured you've become less stubborn." Lily laughed at this. "I promise you that I won't give up on us…that I will fight for you and for us until either I die or you tell me you want out. But I won't keep us a secret. I can't fight unless you're willing to fight too."

Lily felt the sting of tears in the corners of her eyes at the surge of emotion she was feeling for him at that moment. How had she been so blind for so long? She wanted to say okay. She wanted to tell him to go wake up the entire house and let them know. But instead she heard different words coming out of her mouth. "I'm scared," she mouthed, barely able to access her voice. "I just need a little bit of time."

"I know," he replied. She could see the disappointment in his eyes but finally the sadness and the hurt was gone. "If there's anything I know for sure about you, it's that you need a little bit of time." He smiled and lifted one of her hands to his lips. "I'm okay with that. But can we put a time limit on it?"

"Like what?"

"Like if you haven't told anyone by a certain date we agree to tell them then," he explained.

"Do you have a specific date in mind?" she asked skeptically.

"Christmas?" he suggested lightly.

She shook her head. "That's in like, a week! Too soon. How about Valentine's Day?"

"Too far," he retorted. "How about your birthday? January 30."

Lily was silent for a moment. "Fine," she muttered. James seemed satisfied by that and if having a deadline made him happy, she was happy too. He pulled her into him, kissing her briefly and then holding her as she smiled, her heart feeling light for the first time in days. "So, just to clarify, we're not broken up?"

James laughed, his chest shaking beneath her. "No, we're not."

"Good," she muttered.

**A/N-**I hope you enjoyed this. I really had a lot of fun writing their various encounters. I think I'm making James a little bit too perfect...but it's a story right? If there's ever a place where the lead man should be perfect it's in stories.

I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas/holiday season and a very Happy New Year! The perfect gift you could give me: a review! :) I've already started outlining the next chapter so it should be up soonish!


	14. The First Secret: Part III

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N:** Hey everyone! Look! Another update within 3 weeks! I'll be honest, I was surprised how quickly this chapter came together because a) when I first started planning it I only knew what was going to happen in the beginning and at the end and had no clue what I was going to add in the middle, b) once I started writing it, it became apparent that it was going to be really long, c) as I was writing, more and more ideas kept coming to me. It took practically three days of nothing but writing but this chapter was really easy for me to finish. There are quite a few cheesy moments, but I liked writing them. Please enjoy!

**Chapter 14: The First Secret: Part III - The First Christmas**

"How did I get here?" Lily wondered grumpily as she sat in a cramped compartment on the train, speeding away from the castle much too early on a Saturday morning. Her feet were propped up on the seat across from her, one leg over the other. There was happy chatter all around her but she wasn't paying attention to any of it. She didn't notice the people talking cheerfully outside in the corridor or the many people who popped their heads in to say hello. All she could focus on were the events that had led to her sitting here heading away from what would have been a comfortable albeit lonely Christmas at the castle. Instead, she was headed toward an uncomfortable and nerve-wracking Christmas at the Potters'.

-&-&-&-

It was blustery in Hogsmeade, absolutely freezing. The snow was coming down so thickly and the wind was blowing so hard that it was impossible to even see the names of the stores from the street. Lily wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and scurried in between some people she didn't recognize (though most of the people on the street had hats pulled down over their eyes and thick scarves wrapped around their heads hiding their mouths. So, she _might_ have known them, she just couldn't see them). She hurried through the doors of the shop she thought was the book store. She glanced around the dusty shelves, unwrapping her scarf and brushing the snow out of her long hair. There weren't too many people in there, Lily was pleased to observe. She'd left the crowds and lines at Zonko's and Honeydukes. She could just hear the quiet music playing from the wireless over the idle chatter; a peppy Christmas carol.

She made her way to the discount shelves at the back o f the store. She normally enjoyed Christmas shopping. She loved analyzing her friends' personalities and latest interests and trying to find the perfect gift for each person. This year had been more difficult though. Her funds were far more limited as it was, and now she was buying gifts for James, Sirius, Remus and Peter as well. There were few feelings she hated more than finding the perfect gift and having to pass it by and she'd experienced it too many times today already.

James had been especially difficult to buy for. She couldn't decide between getting him a funny, gag gift or a sentimental gift. But she thought she'd finally come across the perfect gift and was actually pretty proud of herself.

"Fancy meeting you here," James remarked as he walked out of one row of shelves and came to stand next to her. He didn't look at her, pretending to peruse through a magical recipe book. Lily watched him out of the corner of her eye, suppressing a smile. He still had flecks of snow in his dark hair and his ears and nose were both bright red.

"Hmm…it is a surprise. However did you know you would find me here?" Lily asked playfully going along with his ruse. She spotted the book she was looking for and pulled it off the shelf, flipping through it, searching for any flaws that would make it unsuitable.

"Intuition, I'd say. I know you so well that I instinctively know where you'll be at any given point of the day."

Lily furrowed her brow and hugged the book (which passed her inspection) to her chest and turned to face him, leaning against the book case. "Aside from that statement being exceedingly creepy…Are you sure it has _nothing_ to do with the fact that I told you I'd be here?"

"Ah yes, maybe that was it after all," James said, turning toward her as well. He shot his half-grin at her and she lifted her hand to brush the remaining snow flurries out of his damp, messy hair.

"Are you getting that?" she asked, gesturing to the second hand book he was still holding.

"No, I just picked it up. I already finished all of my shopping. You want it?" He handed it to her and crossed his arms across his chest. He liked the way the wind had made Lily's hair look wildly tousled around her head and the way the temperature had given her a natural flush.

Lily flipped through the book for a moment, a curious expression on her face. "Actually, it would be kind of funny to send to my sister. The only thing Petunia ever writes about, besides how much she hates me, is all the new recipes she's trying with Vernon," Lily mocked, no attempt at all to mask the bitterness in her voice. "She'd love this. Getting a book full of recipes that require magical ingredients and 'wand flicks.' I was going to give her a Snitch ornament I saw in Diagon Alley this summer, but this is much better."

James watched her silently for a moment, unsure of what to say. She seemed lost in her own world and as though she'd forgotten he was even there. He finally cleared his throat. "And what about that one? Are you going to buy that one as well?"

"Oh…yeah. It's Mary's favorite author. It isn't the new book that just came out…the one she _really_ wants…but I know she hasn't read this one yet, so…"

"Why don't…" James began slowly, pulling the two books out of her grasp, "you let me get these for you."

"No, absolutely not!" Lily argued, grabbing the books back and fixing him with a piercing glare. She and James had already had this discussion multiple times over the past several days.

"Lily," James murmured, lowering his voice, "it's not a big deal. Money doesn't mean anything to me. I wouldn't feel like you owed me anything." He'd been trying to convince her to let him help her with her money situation. He knew how much she hated not being able to buy the perfect gift.

"You might not feel it, but I still would." When he just rolled his eyes and didn't seem convinced she continued. "Every time I'd look at you all I'd be able to think about is how I own you money."

"Oh, come on!" James drawled. "How much are they even worth? Five sickles?"

"Two galleons," she protested. "Besides, if you buy them it isn't _my_ gift to them, it's yours."

"Well, why don't you let me buy them, give them as a gift to you, and then you can re-gift them to Mary and Petunia," James said in his most persuasive voice. "Since you forbid me from getting you a gift, at least let me do that." During one of their more recent discussions about it, James, frustrated, had jokingly suggested giving Lily a giant bag of gold for Christmas. Her response had been to go right ahead and forbid him from getting her anything at all.

"You're being ridiculous," she groaned with a smile while reluctantly handed over the books.

James winked at her and walked toward the register. "Be right back!" he called over his shoulder.

Lily grinned to herself and shook her head while looking back at the books. She wasn't searching for anything in particular. But she was distracted enough not to notice when another figure approached from the other side of the bookshelf.

"_That_…was an interesting exchange," came the slow, quiet drawl of Severus Snape. Her spine instinctively straightened and she felt the smile leave her face. She turned to look at him, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "You and Potter sure seem to be spending lots of time together." His demeanor was carefully aloof but she didn't miss the way he practically spit James's name at her.

"We are the Head students. That tends to happen," Lily replied coolly. Her mind was numb to him. She'd spent the majority of her sixth year attempting to hurt him as deeply as he had hurt her. But now…her life now was so different from the one it had been when he was a part of it. He'd hurt her deeply, the kind of hurt that you can't undo. But she didn't care for him anymore. He was just another student to her now. He couldn't hurt her anymore. Not even if he wanted to.

"It didn't sound to me as though you were talking business just now," he countered. He didn't look well, she noted. He looked thinner, his skin more sallow.

"I don't see why it should matter to you, but as he _is_ my best friend, we are prone to having non-business exchanges."

She was ready to leave and looked past Snape for James so she didn't see the way her words affected him. Shock was painfully clear in his dark black eyes, but he recovered quickly enough, the shock replaced by a hardened mask. "Your standards certainly seem to have fallen," he remarked venomously.

Lily's eyes snapped up to meet his, her eyes narrowed darkly. "You'd better get going. James'll be back in a minute. And I think we both know how your exchanges with him typically go."

Snape's pale cheeks flushed. "Like he would even think about touching me while you're around," he hissed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily snapped, her temper flaring.

Snape was about to retort when James actually did walk up to them. He looked between Lily and Snape, eyeing the latter with intense dislike and a challenge in his hazel eyes. Snape similarly was looking at James with a deep loathing, his hooked nose scrunched in distaste.

"Do you need anything else or are you ready to go?" James asked, addressing Lily but not peeling his eyes away from Snape. His voice was not cruel, but it held no trace of the playful banter it had before Snape had shown up.

"No, I'm ready," she answered, picking up her bags and pushing past Snape.

She and James were silent as then made their way out of the store. As they stepped outside, the frigidly cold air blasting them, Lily moved closer to him. James looked over at her, an eyebrow raised. "What're you doing?"

"Using you to block the wind," she quipped.

"Is it working?" he asked her as a violent shiver ripped through her body.

"No," she answered truthfully. "I think the wind is coming from all directions." He grinned at her and rolled his eyes. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Three Broomsticks," he said, pointing at a building that she couldn't identify through the snow, but she trusted him.

She looked at her wristwatch, confusion clear in her expression. "We aren't supposed to meet the others for another half hour."

"Well…we are both finished shopping and I figured you wouldn't be opposed to spending thirty minutes alone with me," he said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "But if you'd rather go somewhere else…lead the way. I'd be happy to let you block the wind for me."

Lily chuckled, her body shaking gently against his. "I _suppose_ I could handle thirty minutes alone with you…if I have to," she grinned and then followed him happily as he led the way into the crowded but warm pub. "I'm going to go grab that booth," she practically shouted at him as she spotted an open table big enough for their group in the back corner.

"Okay," he answered, "I'm going to get a Butterbeer. You want anything?"

"No, thanks. You already bought my books, I can't let you buy my drink too." He rolled his eyes at her and as she headed for the back of the pub she thought she heard him mumbling something about "girls and their stupid pride." She had grabbed his bags out of his hands and dropped their things off. But the welcoming scent of the Butterbeers around her was too tempting. So without stopping to sit down she headed straight back for the bar where James was still waiting. "I changed my mind," Lily whispered, sneaking up next to him.

"You changed your mind about letting me buy you a drink?" he prompted hopefully.

"Of course not," she answered with a smirk. "Besides, since you're not getting me a gift, I'm not getting you one so I have a few extra coins to get my own."

"What can I get for…well, if it isn't James Potter!" Madam Rosmerta said happily as she recognized James and made her way to the part of the bar that James and Lily were waiting at. "I was wondering how long it would be before I saw you again! Usually I see you a few times in between Hogwarts visits."

"Ah Rosie…I've been pretty busy this year. But you know I can never stay away for long," James flirted good-naturedly causing Lily to hide a grin behind her hand.

"Well I should think so," Madam Rosmerta remarked. "After all the free drinks I've given you and Sirius over the years, I think I deserve a couple of extra visits a year."

James chuckled. "Speaking of drinks…can we get two Butterbeers?" he asked gesturing to Lily who gave a small wave and a smile.

"Of course you can," she said, pulling two tankards out from under the bar and pouring the foaming liquid into them. "Is the rest of your gang coming?"

"They'll be around later," Lily answered as she rummaged in her purse for a few sickles.

"Oh dear, don't worry about that. It's on the house," Madam Rosmerta said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Are you sure? It's not a big deal at all," Lily contested, pulling her coins out.

"It's not a problem. Sirius and Remus alone drink enough in one sitting to pay the rent on this place," she laughed.

"Well, thank you, so much."

"Yeah, thanks Rosie," James said with a wink, slapping his hands on the bar and discreetly leaving a galleon in the place of his own tankard.

Lily grabbed her drink and headed to the booth. When James fell into step next to her, she asked, "Should I be jealous?" with a grin on her face.

James laughed and slid into the booth opposite her. "You have nothing to worry about. Rosie and I both know it could never work out. I'm blowing dodge as soon as graduation is over and she'll never leave her precious pub. We're just two people who, despite our feelings for one another, will never be able to be together."

"Is that so?" James nodded solemnly and took a sip of his drink. "Good to know that my status as second choice is safe." He laughed and took a swig but it was only too obvious where his eyes had landed. "What are you looking at? Stop it!" she exclaimed, shoving her bags under the table and out of sight.

"What's in that Zonko's bag?" he asked suspiciously, trying to peer over the edge of the table to see what was in her shopping bags. "Did you get me a gift even though you swore up and down that you wouldn't?"

"No!" Lily exclaimed defensively. "That stuff is for Sirius."

A gentle smile crept up James' face. "You got Padfoot a present?"

"Of course," Lily said, her cheeks tinged a bright pink. She tried to say it as though it were an obvious question but suddenly she became much more interested in the foam atop her Butterbeer. James was silent for a moment, smiling for a number of reasons. He knew it would mean a lot to Sirius that Lily got him a present even if he would pretend like he had expected it. And also, for some reason James couldn't quite explain, the idea that Lily felt close enough to his best friend to get him a Christmas present even when she barely had money to buy her friends presents made him inexpressibly happy.

"What else have you got there?" he asked, returning to their playful banter.

"Well, I got Peter a ton of Honeydukes candy: Peppermint toads, chocolate frogs, Drooble's Best Blowing gum, those new toffees, a couple of sugar quills…mind you, those may not make it to him as I might eat them first…and a few acid pops. For Remus…I didn't really _get_ him anything. He's so sick all the time and I know he's just dreadful at Potions, so I'm going to make him a boatload of Pepperup Potion."

James laughed loudly at that, causing a few people at the tables near them to stare. "He's going to _love_ that!"

"You think so?" she asked anxiously. He nodded vigorously. "Great! Well, you already saw what I got Mary and Petunia. And then I got Jenna a subscription to her favorite gossip magazine."

"I'd say you did a great job choosing gifts. I am impressed. You have a talent, my dear," James complimented as he took another sip of his drink. When he looked back up, his eyes focused on something behind her. "There's Jenna." He waved and got her attention. She smiled and waved back, shoving her way through the crowd and plopping down on the seat next to Lily.

"It's really coming down out there, isn't it?" she said, her teeth chattering. "I can't feel my ears or my nose…or my feet come to that. I'm going to grab a Butterbeer." She was eyeing Lily's thoughtfully as she made this proclamation.

Soon, the rest of their group had joined them. The seemingly spacious booth was now cramped with seven people and all of their shopping bags. Jenna was crushed between Lily and Peter on their side and Sirius was struggling to stay on the seat, nearly getting knocked out of the booth every time Mary, Remus or James moved at all.

"It's better this way," Sirius asserted after Mary had complained that she was practically sitting in his lap. "The body heat will keep us warm." His voice was teasingly suggestive and Mary gave him a look of disgust.

"You can keep your body heat to yourself, thanks," Mary stated, determinedly shoving her way down between Remus and Sirius, actually managing to push the latter off of the seat completely. He went crashing to the floor to the great amusement of the rest of the group. He cursed loudly, earning the table another reproving look from the people around them.

As they were finishing their drinks and everyone except for James and Lily were preparing to finish their shopping, Jenna said, "I need to know where everyone will be over Christmas. I'm going to go ahead and send my gifts at the Post Office today so I need addresses."

"Why are you sending them so early?" Remus asked, before swallowing the last bit of his fourth Butterbeer.

"My family and I are going skiing in an entirely non-magical area and I don't trust the Muggle post," she explained.

"Well, I'll just be at my parents' house. We usually don't do much for the holidays," Remus supplied vaguely.

Jenna turned her gaze to Peter who piped up with, "My mum and I are visiting my grandma in Ireland."

"I'll be at Prongs' place, avoiding my family at all costs," Sirius proclaimed bitterly.

"Yeah, we'll just be at my parents' house," James confirmed.

"I feel sorry for your parents," Jenna teased with a wink. "Imagine having to put up with the two of you nonstop for three weeks!" Sirius laughed sarcastically and James just muttered something about now that we know how you really feel. "And Mary, you'll be at your brother's wedding in Australia, right?" Marry nodded. "What're you doing Lily?"

"I'm staying at Hogwarts," Lily answered, keeping her eyes lowered.

"What?" James asked indignantly, causing Lily to snap her head up and meet his eyes. He looked upset, almost angry at her admission. "No you're not."

She waited a moment, unsure if he was being serious or not. Everyone in the group was looking back and forth between the two of them. "Yes, I am!" she argued. "I don't want to spend three weeks with Petunia and her awful in-laws. Even if I wanted to, she has made it perfectly clear that I'm not welcome on Privet Drive."

"That's doesn't mean you have to stay here by yourself over Christmas. You can come home with me," James offered, completely unaware of the surprised looks on all of their friends' faces. Lily, on the other hand was only too aware of everyone's eyes on them and the all-knowing look that Mary and Jenna had just exchanged.

"James, just drop it," she muttered, giving him a severe look and hoping that for once in his life he would listen to her. "It's not a big deal. I don't mind staying here."

Sensing the tension, Remus was quick to pipe up. "You know Prongs, I hear staying at Hogwarts over Christmas is fun. Dumbledore and McGonagall supposedly get a little loose over the holidays. And Hogwarts would be nice and relaxing without Snape, Avery, and Mulciber lurking around." James didn't look fully convinced but didn't say anything else at the pleading look Lily was giving him.

They walked silently next to one another with the rest of their friends, a silent agreement to resume their discussion once they were out of earshot. Jenna lingered momentarily but eventually headed off to Gladrags and Lily and James headed up High Street toward the castle together.

"Why are you staying here over break?" James asked, clearly irritated with her stubborn stance.

"Because _James_, I don't have a family to go home to and I'm certainly not going to spend Christmas with Petunia and Vernon." She couldn't understand why he was making such a big deal about this. She had expected him of all people to be understanding. She had grown to depend on that from him, especially in regard to her parents.

"No, I get that," he said, irritation still present. "But just because you don't want to go to Surrey for Christmas doesn't mean you have to stay here. Come home with me." He said it like it was the most obvious solution in the world and as though they had discussed it hundreds of times before.

"That's very nice of you to offer," she began sardonically, "but I think I'll just stay here."

"There is no good reason for you to stay here when you could come home with me," James persisted.

"How about this one: I don't _want_ to," Lily said viciously. James raised an eyebrow at her, challenging the genuineness of her statement. She took a deep breath to try and calm down. "Sorry," she muttered quickly. "I don't really want to talk about this right now. Let's just go up to the castle and enjoy the last few days we have before you all leave." She turned and began walking more quickly through the sheet of snow that was falling around them.

"Lily, I know you. You won't have any fun staying here by yourself. You'll just sit here all alone and stew and be miserable," he said, jogging to catch up to her. He gently grabbed her elbow to slow her down to his pace.

"If you know me so well, why are you pressing me on this Christmas thing?"

"Why are you so opposed to spending Christmas with me?" His face was calm, expressing a polite interest in her answer, but his voice betrayed his matching annoyance with her.

"It just seems like a very…_girlfriendy_ thing for me to do." Lily practically spat the word out.

"Well, you are my _girlfriend_…" James said acidly, releasing her arm.

"You know what I mean," Lily snapped. "You don't think it's a little suspicious? Did you see the way everyone was staring at you in the pub? Why would I spend the holidays with you if we're not dating?"

"You know how I feel about that," James grumbled. "You could just _tell_ them we're dating and then it wouldn't be an issue." Lily pierced him with a disparaging look. "It's not like you're spending Christmas with just me either. Padfoot will be there too. And it's not like you could spend Christmas with anyone else. It makes perfect sense." Lily sighed, resignedly. She didn't feel like arguing today, especially not with James. This time of year was already going to be hard enough without spending the next three weeks regretting a fight they'd had before he left. "There really is no good reason not to spend Christmas with me…unless…" and now he dropped his hazel eyes to the pure white ground. "…unless you really don't want to." He said this so quietly that Lily could hardly hear it over the whistling wind. Everything from his stance to the tone of his voice told Lily that this was a legitimate worry of his and she felt the lingering traces of her anger melt away.

She tentatively closed the space between them and grabbed his hand.

"James…" she whispered. "You think I don't want to be with you?" He gave her a half smile which she returned, holding his gaze. "Staying here over Christmas has nothing to do with not wanting to be with you, I promise. I want you, and I want to be with you, don't doubt that." He studied her for a moment and then gave her an apologetic smile before releasing her hand as someone came into view ahead of them.

He was silent for a moment, a contemplative smile on his face. "Fine, I'll stay here then," he resolved.

"No, don't do that. I don't want to be responsible for dragging you away from your family," she said with a shake of her head.

"What do you want me to do then?" he asked.

"Well, I _don't_ want you doing anything just because you feel sorry for me. Just go home, enjoy the break and I'll see you when you get back. It's not a big deal."

James looked at her incredulously for a moment. "You think I'm only inviting you over because I feel _sorry_ for you?" Lily shrugged. "Well, I've got news for you honey, I invited you over because I don't want to go three weeks without seeing you unless I absolutely have to. Even if you were going to spend Christmas with your parents, I would still have wanted you to come over for a few days. _Or_ I'd want to come visit you." Lily grinned, the giddy feeling she was becoming so accustomed to when she was around James returning. "And if you're here…I won't see you at all. And that would just be the worst Christmas present ever."

Lily sighed heavily. He was making sense to her and he knew it. She could tell by the poorly veiled look of excitement on his face. "I dunno, James."

"You can just tell people that you didn't want to stay here and you didn't want to go to Petunia's and that I was the only one you could go home with. It makes sense. No one would suspect anything," he said in his most persuasive voice.

-&-&-&-

_That's_ how she had ended up in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express heading back to London for Christmas. Sirius was playing a very poor game of chess against James (who, in contrast to Lily's anxiety, had been nothing short of giddy at the idea of Lily meeting his family) on the ground while Peter was sound asleep, his head lolling in what looked to be an extremely uncomfortable position. Remus, who had been sick again earlier in the week and still looked rather ill, had found an empty, quiet compartment in the back of the train to sleep in. Jenna had been in the compartment with them earlier but had left to find Mary who was sitting with Emmett in a different compartment.

Lily was chewing on her bottom lip and looking anxiously out of the window at the passing countryside. It was a fairly nice day. It had stopped snowing and the sun was peeking through the rolling clouds. The rolling hills looked stunning blanketed in the white powder.

James glanced quickly at Peter to make sure he was asleep. "You know, if you're trying to convince people that we're not dating by acting like you're not excited at all by the prospect of coming home with me, you're doing an excellent job," he commented as his queen brutally knocked Sirius's bishop off of the board.

It took Lily a second to realize that James was speaking to her. Once she did, she looked over at him, his quizzical eyes piercing her. She smiled half-heartedly. "Sorry…And it's not that I'm not 'excited' I'm just a little nervous, I guess." She slid off of the seat and sat next to Sirius, occasionally pointing out a move he should make on the board.

"Why are you nervous?" he asked.

"Are you serious? James, I'm meeting your parents. Wouldn't you be nervous if our positions were reversed?"

James smirked. "Nah, people love me. I have no doubt that your parents would be the same way."

"Ha, ha," Lily said sarcastically before showing Sirius that his castle could take James's queen. James pierced her with a disgruntled look.

"You don't have anything to be nervous about. My folks are going to love you."

Lily bit her lower lip again, debating internally whether or not she should voice her main concern, one that had been bothering her since she had agreed to go home with him for Christmas. "They won't be disappointed because…well, because you're dating a Mudblood?"

Sirius winced and James looked up at her, the emotion in his eyes a mixture of anger and pain. "_Don't_ call yourself that," he said fiercely threw gritted teeth. "And no, they won't care at all that you're Muggleborn. Dad started at the Ministry as an assistant in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office and Mum is fascinated with Muggles. She's always going over to our neighbors' houses for dinner parties. So you can just…don't even think about that. Only idiots care about blood lines, and my parents aren't idiots."

"Seriously Lily, the Potters are great. You'll love them. Last summer was the best summer of my life," Sirius chimed in, sensing Lily's unease. "And trust me, they care _nothing_ about the family you came from. If they did, they wouldn't let me set foot inside their house. A house full of Muggles has nothing on the noble house of Black."

But despite James's reassurances before their friends had returned, when she felt the train stop with a lurch, her stomach filled with butterflies once again at the idea of meeting his parents. She really wanted them to like her. She wasn't under the impression that James would dump her if they didn't, but she knew how much family meant to him and she also knew that their approval would mean the world to him.

She chewed on the corner of her lower lip as she remained seated, staring out of the frosty window at the crowded platform. Everyone else in their compartment was standing up, pulling their trunks down, muttering hurried goodbyes and exiting the train. James pulled her trunk off the luggage rack for her and put his hand on her arm, running it soothingly up and down, sensing her tension. When he heard the door to the compartment slide open, he let his arm drop quickly to his side.

"You guys have fun!" she said in a cheerful voice with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. "Behave yourselves." Lily could hear her giggling as she walked away. If Lily hadn't been so nervous she would have been furious, but there wasn't enough room in her already crowded mind to harbor any more emotions.

James gave her a warm smile as he lowered his own trunk and then set out into the corridor. She followed him, allowing him to push through the throng of students ahead of them.

The air was chilly out on the platform where Sirius stood waiting for them. The steam billowing from the engine made it difficult to see too far ahead of them but the roar of hundreds of student reuniting with their parents was all around them.

Lily was looking around anxiously, trying to find someone with dark, messy hair or deep hazel eyes or someone who was exceedingly tall but James was forging a path headed straight for the line waiting to get through the barrier. "Mum and Dad usually wait on the other side," James explained. Though the line was long, they made their way to the front fairly quickly.

"Go ahead you three," wheezed a very old and portly wizard who was perched somewhat precariously atop a stool.

The butterflies in her stomach multiplied as they pushed through the solid barrier, the Muggle station opening up before them and Platform 9 ¾ disappearing. James was beaming as his eyes darted around in search of his parents. Sirius looked more like Lily felt. Though he had a grin in place, it didn't reach his eyes.

She was about to ask him what was wrong when she heard a voice squeal, "There they are!" James dropped his trunk with a bang and headed for a petite woman who was rushing toward him. She wore a wide smile and had vivid, red hair. While Lily's was a dark red, this woman's was more of a fiery orange-red though it also had streaks of grey. Her dancing eyes were the exact same shade of hazel that looked back at her when she was looking into James' eyes. This woman barely reached her son's shoulders and when she beamed at him, it accentuated the deep laugh lines around her eyes. As she hugged James around the middle, chatting nonstop about how thin he was and that she swore he was two feet taller than he'd been when he left for Hogwarts, Lily got the distinct impression that James had inherited his never ending energy and exuberance from his mother.

As his mother moved to embrace Sirius ("How long are you going to let your hair grow, dear? You look more like a dog than a boy!"), Lily noticed the man who shook James's hand and then pulled him into a tight hug as well. In a sharp comparison to his wife, Mr. Potter had a quiet power and confidence. He oozed pride and strength though somehow still wasn't intimidating. His hair, though completely white, stuck up in every direction. Also, like his son, he was extremely tall, though he still had a few inches on James.

He shook hands with Sirius too, telling him to ignore his wife, that his hair looked fine.

Lily watched from a few feet away as though a stranger watching another family. A part of her ached painfully as she remembered her father picking her up in this same spot, twirling her in the air as she ran into his arms.

"And this must be the famous Lily Evans!" declared Mrs. Potter, snapping Lily from her reverie. The small woman was walking toward her with a warm smile on her face and before Lily knew what was happening, she had Lily in a tight embrace similar to the one she had given her son only moments earlier. "So nice to meet you, dear!"

"Thank you," Lily breathed as Mrs. Potter released her. "If my staying with you is too much of a burden, I can go stay with my sister…" she bumbled.

"Nonsense, dear. The more the merrier. Davis and I have been dying to meet you anyway. The way James has talked about you over the holidays the past six years…well, let's just say that we've been placing bets about which parts are true and which aren't." Lily grinned as James blushed. Mr. Potter grabbed her trunk and began walking toward the street.

"Oh, Mr. Potter, you don't need to do that! I can carry it," Lily protested as she moved to stop him.

"It's nothing at all. And do call me Davis," he replied quietly.

"And I'm Arie," Mrs. Potter piped up. "We were so thrilled to get James' owl telling us you were coming. Of course, we'd hoped you would. But I've been all a flutter getting the guest room ready for you. Oh, it was no trouble at all, dear!" Mrs. Potter said hurriedly, spotting the apologetic look on Lily's face. "Sirius will stay in James's room. I am just so excited to have you _and_ Sirius with us. I was the youngest of eight children in my family and so I grew up with huge family Christmases. But Davis and I didn't get married until we were quite a bit older and James was a bit of a miracle for us so of course he was an only child." Mrs. Potter was talking a mile a minute, her words barely separate from each other. James was eyeing his mother warily while Mr. Potter and Sirius kept exchanging amused looks and were attempting not to double over in silent laughter. "Don't get me wrong, we loved our small Christmases and we were able to take some nice vacations, but it will be nice to have more people around the house. Of course, Davis is excited to have a girl around too. He always wanted a daughter so I think he's excited to see…"

"_MUM!_" James shouted, clearly exasperated with his mother. "Let her breathe, would you?" Lily noticed that his ears were a particularly bright shade of pink while Sirius was sniggering heartily and mumbling something about 'miracles.'

"It's not bothering me," Lily commented, but had to suppress a laugh at the look of disbelief and embarrassment James gave her. He and his father loaded the trunks into the car and then they all piled into a nice sedan.

Arie seemed to sense her son's irritation and decided instead to talk to Sirius. "So, James tells us you're dating Rosalyn again. Is she the same girl who spent a few days with us last summer?"

"Oh…um…yes, that's the same girl. We broke up though, a few weeks ago."

"I'm sorry," Arie said, though based on the look in her eyes, Lily doubted she truly was.

"I'm not," Sirius stated abruptly causing Davis to snort loudly. Arie shot him a reproving look though her eyes were alight with amusement.

"Well, honestly dear, from what we saw of her, she wasn't good enough for you anyway. And I still think it's ridiculous for a girl to spend and hour fixing her hair and makeup when you were going swimming." Now all of the men were chuckling heartily.

The conversation was light on the drive north through London. Everyone was recounting the more significant things that had happened since their separation at the beginning of September. When Mrs. Potter began talking about the neighbors' latest dinner party, Lily found her attention drifting, her eyes staring out of the window at the passing buildings. Feelings she had been working hard to suppress, feelings which had been easier to ignore in light of all the drama between herself and James, were beginning to resurface. Before, she was able to pretend her parents' deaths weren't real because she didn't see them while she was at school anyway. She was able to push any unpleasant thoughts or emotions to the back of her mind. But this was harder. Being with parents, being with a family she didn't belong to was hard. She knew James meant well and she knew that she would be happier here with him than alone at Hogwarts, but it didn't change the fact that being at the castle would make her continued denial easier.

"Evans!" Sirius exclaimed, getting her attention. He and Mrs. Potter were looking at her expectantly. James was watching her as well but his expression was one of veiled concern and she knew that he was aware of what she was thinking and feeling.

"I'm sorry. I guess my mind was wandering," Lily apologized.

"No problem. I was just asking where you live. Is it around London?" Arie asked politely, her smile still in place.

"I live…or lived rather…at Spinner's End," Lily answered, cringing as she said the word in past tense.

"Spinner's End? That's a lovely area. My eldest brother lived there with his wife for a long time before he died…"

James was still watching her carefully. Though she didn't want him spending his whole Christmas watching and worrying about her, Lily felt a rush of gratitude toward him. It was a relief to be around someone who knew her so well that she didn't even have to say anything for him to know what she was thinking. She knew that her being here with him at his home with his family meant a lot to him. She also knew that if she were miserable the entire holiday, moping about and crying the whole time that she would ruin it for him. So as she gave him a smile and reached her hand over and placed it in his, she made a vow to herself to enjoy this break, to act like she was having a good time regardless of how she was feeling at the moment. And as they made their way out of London and she listened to the easy laughter, she thought that maybe she wouldn't be faking it that often.

They pulled up to a pretty house with a large front yard. There were flower beds beneath the windows which were bare at the moment but Lily could imagine them blooming with large flowers of all shapes and colors. It was a one story house and while it was comfortable looking, it was not the mansion she had always imagined James had lived in. The untouched snow made the house look like it belonged on a Christmas card.

"I'll show you where your room is," James muttered as he heaved their trunks out of the car. "I'll get yours," he protested as she made to grab for hers.

"James, you can barely drag yours. There's no way you'll be able to get both of ours."

"Wanna bet?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. He checked over his shoulder, looking out for peeping neighbors, then proceeded to pull out his wand, flicked it twice and then lifted the trunks as if they were no heavier than a couple of Transfiguration books.

"That's illegal," Lily pointed out, though her tone was far from accusatory.

"Nah, the Ministry can't tell whether I did the charm or my parents. Mum usually lets me over the Christmas holiday. She doesn't like me to do it over the summer though. The last two summers she's had to hide my wand because I kept doing magic anyway." James chuckled but Lily wasn't listening anymore.

They had entered the house, walking right into a high-ceilinged entryway. There was a very elegant formal living room on the right but James was heading down a hallway on the left. She followed him but her eyes were skimming the photographs lining the walls. They were all of James. One showed him giggling and playing with some toys in his crib. Another showed James on a toy broomstick zooming around the back yard, his father tossing objects at him which he avoided. One, which Lily assumed was taken during his third or forth year at Hogwarts, had all three Potters smiling and waving on what seemed to be a snow capped mountain. And another showed Sirius with James, which Lily assumed had been taken last summer, playing chess. James was looking very sour indeed while Sirius looked smug. James must have been losing.

"Here you are," James announced, pushing open the door and walking in ahead of her. She made her way into the room slowly, taking in the calming blue color of the walls, the freshly picked tulips in the vase on the table by the window, the antique, queen sized bed frame, the motionless, black and white pictures on the wall. James, who was watching her nervously, noticed her gaze. "Mum fancies herself a Muggle photographer. Dad and I both think she's crazy, but it makes her happy so…and you met her. Dad and I do whatever we can to keep Mum happy. Because as fast as she talks normally, it's like warp speed when she's upset." Lily giggled, still looking around the room. When her eyes fell on James again, he was leaning against the wall watching her with a warm and awed look in his eyes. It made her stomach flip.

"What?" she asked, attempting to keep her voice even.

"Nothing," he answered, pushing off the wall and moving toward her, his eyes still smoldering. "I just can't believe that _you_ are finally here."

"What do you mean? You thought I wouldn't make it all the way from King's Cross or something?"

"No," he said, still thoughtful. He stepped right up to her and snuck his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer. "I mean, it makes _this _seem…real, you know? I always dreamed of you being here and now here you are. It's just a little surreal."

"Now, now, you two," Sirius said from behind them in a mock reprimanding voice. "Are you going to be able to control your hormones well enough to be sleeping this close to each other? I don't want any shenanigans taking place. Nothing kills a secret relationship faster than an illegitimate child."

"_Padfoot!_" James scolded, but Sirius merely smirked at them.

"Where will you two be sleeping then?" Lily asked, releasing herself from James' grasp. They walked out of the guest room and in through a door on the immediate left. There was a twin bed shoved against the wall and a cot set up next to it. Covering every inch of wall and ceiling space were posters of various Quidditch teams, many of them autographed.

"Good thing your mum made you take down that steamy Celestina Warbeck poster, eh, Prongs? Lily here probably wouldn't like that too much, would she?"

"Oh, shut up!" James said, picking up a deflated Quaffle from his dresser and chucking it at his best friend's head. Sirius ducked but wasn't quick enough and got hit, the Quaffle making a dull thud when it connected with his forehead. Sirius never missed a beat though, immediately picking up a magazine and hurling it back at James. This went on for several minutes, Lily dodging the occasional pillow or figurine that went flying in her direction when one of the boys had poor aim. It only stopped when Arie popped her head in.

"We'll be leaving for dinner in half and hour so you three be ready, all right!"

"Where are we going?" Lily asked as James started putting things back where they belonged.

"Well…here's the thing about my family. We have a lot of traditions that we observe." Sirius was nodding enthusiastically behind him. "The three nights preceding Christmas we all get dressed up and go out for dinner. Dad picks tonight, Mum picks tomorrow and I'll pick Christmas Eve. We also go caroling with the local church group on Christmas Eve. Then, on Christmas Day we sleep in. Our town does a parade thing to look at Christmas decorations that we march in. Then there is the traditional Potter family snowball fight followed by a huge Christmas dinner. Then we take a family photo, which Mum _has_ to develop right away and then we open gifts right before bed."

"Sounds fun," Lily remarked as she turned to head back to her room to get ready.

"Does it?" she heard Sirius ask sarcastically before the sound of more things being thrown around met her ears.

-&-&-&-

Lily had been right. Spending time with the Potters was easy. She often felt shocked when she realized that not only was she having a wonderful time, but that she wasn't really thinking about her parents very much at all. She had a blast watching James interact with his parents. She quickly discovered that though he got his exuberance from his mother, his sense of humor and sense of pride and loyalty had been inherited from his father.

She also noticed that though Sirius was James' friend, the Potters treated him as though he were their second son. They teased him the same way, scolded him the same way, and Mrs. Potter kissed him good night the same way she did her natural son.

Nights were the hardest for Lily though. That was when she didn't have anything to distract her from the pain. She would lay awake for hours, staring at the ceiling, listening to the snores drifting into her bedroom from the room next door. As much fun as she was having, it was hard in the darkness to keep the thoughts about what she would be doing if her parents were still alive at bay.

She was thankful on Christmas morning for the opportunity to sleep in. When she rolled out of bed, the sun was already up in the sky and she could hear the murmurs of James and his mother in the kitchen across the house. She pulled on her dressing gown over her pajamas and combed through her hair with her fingers before making her way into the kitchen.

"Ah, sleeping beauty has awaken," Mr. Potter announced as he peered over the top of his paper at her.

"Is 'beauty' the right word?" Sirius teased through a mouthful of breakfast. Mr. Potter chuckled but quickly pretended to be coughing at the severe look his wife was giving him.

"I think you look wonderful," James said as he set down the pan he had just flipped a pancake in and quickly kissed her on the cheek.

She grinned at him. "That's why I'm dating you instead of Sirius," she quipped, smirking at Sirius and taking a seat next to Mrs. Potter.

"I hope that's not the only reason," James said turning back to his pancakes.

"Coffee, dear?" Arie asked, offering Lily a mug. She took it, thanking her and then taking a swallow, allowing the warmth of the coffee to warm her from the inside out. James set a plate of perfect pancakes down in front of her and then took a seat himself. "The parade starts in two hours," Mrs. Potter reminded everyone although how anyone could forget was beyond Lily. Mrs. Potter had been going on about it for the last two days talking about how Mrs. So-and-so had spent extra money this year hiring a professional light crew to do her lights and how Mr. Something-or-other had declared the whole season to be far too commercial and had left his Halloween decorations up all through November and December. "We need to be at the corner of the street at noon so that we aren't late. And boys," she turned her attention to James and Sirius who suddenly had extremely innocent looks on their faces which fooled no one. "_Try_ not to embarrass me this year. Your little stunt last Christmas had people talking until Easter."

"What did they do?" Lily asked curiously.

"We were just trying to get the thing moving a little quicker," Sirius defended, though a mischievous glint in his eyes gave him away.

Mrs. Potter gave him a stern look. "They thought it would be funny to throw bewitched snowballs at people who were moving too slowly. You're lucky you didn't get in trouble for violating the Statute of Secrecy!"

"Oh Mum, you make it sound like we were standing in the middle of the street doing it. We hid behind Mrs. Applegate's nativity display."

"If anything that makes it worse!" she sputtered. "Trying to make it look like baby Jesus or the wise men were throwing snowballs at innocent bystanders…"

Lily was trying very hard to keep her shocked expression in place so that Mrs. Potter thought she was on her side, but the desire to giggle was quickly overtaking her.

"It's not like we didn't get a proper punishment for that anyway," James argued.

"Yeah! I still don't know how Mrs. Applegate's Dobermans got out of her backyard but that 'Beware of Dog' sign wasn't kidding. Those things bite hard."

"I don't think that you two were the only ones with your wands out that day," Mr. Potter speculated from behind his Daily Prophet. At these words, Arie's face went extremely red and she became very interested in stirring her coffee more thoroughly. But James and Sirius had understood Mr. Potter's hint perfectly and turned accusatory faces on Arie.

"Mum…_you_ did that?" James asked sounding very betrayed.

"Well! I had to get you to stop, didn't I?"

"I couldn't walk right for two weeks!" Sirius exclaimed.

Lily couldn't fight her giggles anymore.

James was still muttering incoherently about family disloyalty when Lily got up and headed for the shower. She was ready to leave before anyone else but five people sharing two bathrooms meant that Sirius didn't get his turn to shower until twenty minutes before it was time to leave. The other four were sitting in the living room, waiting. Mr. Potter and James were talking about some story having to do with England's Quidditch team they had read about in the paper while Mrs. Potter flipped through a photography magazine with Lily observing quietly.

She couldn't help but notice certain similarities between the Potter men. Both sat with one leg folded atop the other and gestured a lot with their hands while trying to make a point. Davis had his arm draped around Arie's shoulders the same way James had his resting on Lily's. And both Potter boys it seemed had a thing for red heads.

"James, I'm telling you, Abernathy is going to retire at the end of this season. And even if he wasn't, you're a better Chaser than he is anyway. If you go and try out after you graduate, you're sure to make the squad," Mr. Potter urged in a way that made Lily think that they had probably already had this conversation several times before.

"And I'm telling you, Dad, I don't want to play professional Quidditch. I decided that a while ago. Maybe I can join a club team or coach or something, but there are more worthwhile things I want to do with my life…"

"I'm not saying you can't do those things, just play a little Quidditch first. You have a gift that not many people have," Davis interjected.

"I am not playing professional Quidditch, Dad," James said with such a note of finality that Mrs. Potter looked up from her magazine and Mr. Potter didn't say anything else about it.

"You're not?" Lily questioned. She had always assumed that that was something James would undoubtedly do after Hogwarts. As good as he was and as much as he loved it, Lily had never considered that he wouldn't at least try out for a team before starting a different career.

"No," James answered and looked like he was ready to roll into a speech he had given multiple times before when Sirius popped into the living room, his hair still wet.

"Perfect timing!" Arie proclaimed as she stood up from the loveseat and pulled out her wand. She pointed it at Sirius's head and a rush of warm air blew out of it, blowing his hair out behind him. "But you'll catch your death going out into the cold with your hair dripping like that."

"Ah, Arie, I was just going to see if icicles would form on my hair," he protested, though he stood still and let her finish drying it anyway.

"Hmmm, I'm sure that would look very interesting, but try it at Hogwarts will you? I'll feel much better knowing that you died on Albus Dumbledore's watch than on mine," she said, a giant smile forming on her lips. "Okay, coats on you four," she ordered as she pulled on her own.

It was a cool day but as the wind wasn't blowing, it was a bearable cold. They made their way down the street and met up with the rest of their neighbors. They all seemed to know the Potters and Sirius so for a full ten minutes, James ushered Lily around and through the crowd, introducing her to people who would clap him on the back and ask him how school was going. Many of them seemed shocked to see Lily.

"Never thought I'd see the day James Potter brought a girl home," said Mr. Carter, a tall man with an angular face and five o'clock shadow even though it was just now noon. "Thought you'd end up an old bachelor like me," he chortled.

"I was just waiting for the right one, I guess," James answered, smiling at Lily and putting his arm around her shoulders. She was blushing, but grinning all the same.

Mr. Carter looked her over, sizing her up. "Yes, well, I suppose that's nice for some. I went through a phase like that once too. Thought I'd found 'the right one' as you say, but eventually I realized there's nothing better than the single life; going from one woman to the next, never tied down. That's true happiness, James m'boy. And I'm sure you'll figure that out soon enough. Though this will be fun for you until you graduate," he said, gesturing at Lily.

James was silent for an uncomfortable moment while Lily's eyebrows were raised and her mouth was hanging open.

Finally, James seemed to snap out of his stupor. "Yeah," he drawled, dragging out the syllable. "Well, it was nice seeing you Mr. Carter. I'm going to go say hello to the Olivers. See you." He began directing Lily away from the man who still seemed to think that he had imparted a valuable bit of wisdom onto James. "What a horrible thing to say…slimy git," he muttered into Lily's ear.

"No, he seemed friendly…and full of worldly advice," Lily commented sarcastically. James chuckled and threw a contemptuous glance over his shoulder.

"JAMES!" called a female voice from farther out. Lily watched as a very pretty girl with wavy dark brown hair pushed her way through the crowd and ran full speed toward them. When it became apparent that she wasn't going to slow down, James removed his arm from around Lily's shoulders and prepared himself for impact. The girl flung herself into James' arms, knocking him backward slightly as he steadied himself. She lifted her feet off of the ground and clung tightly around his neck. She was giggling when he put her down and rubbing his chest, wincing slightly.

"Hey Abby," he breathed, seeming to have had the wind knocked out of him. "Good to see you."

"Sorry if I hurt you, I just wasn't expecting you to be here, that's all," she said, still giggling and smiling at him with her perfectly straight teeth.

"Why would you think I wouldn't be here?" he asked, puzzlement on his face.

"Your mum always worries that you'll decide to stay at school over the holidays. Plus I thought…maybe you would stay away because you'd be afraid that things might be…you know…awkward between us," she answered, her tone thick with implication. Though, if Lily guessed correctly, it seemed as though Abby was hoping that James were feeling a little awkward. "Did I really hurt you?" she asked, concern in her voice for the first time as James was still rubbing a spot on his chest.

"Oh no, don't worry about it. My sternum was already bruised from a totally unrelated event," he said with just the tiniest hint of sarcasm. Abby didn't pick up on it but Lily spent so much time with James that she heard it instantly. She tried to suppress her laugh but failed. Abby turned her dark, chocolate eyes on Lily, her face full of curious dislike.

"Who's this?" she asked James, her tone implying that she thought Lily to be something disgusting, like a bug she'd like to crush under the heel of her shoe.

"This is Lily, my girlfriend. Lily this is Abby, our neighbor from down the street." Lily held out her hand and Abby took it reluctantly. She didn't look happy at all to have been described as the 'neighbor.' She was glaring at Lily, not working at all to conceal her dislike.

"Your girlfriend?" she squeaked. James nodded, but seemed to sense Abby's unhappiness and did not push it further by replacing his arm around Lily, but shoved both hands deep into his pockets. "I thought that this was your 'last year at school' and that you didn't need to be 'tied down in case you decided to do something else with your life,'" she mocked, using air quotes liberally. "Or was that just something you told me to let me down easily so that you didn't have to man up and tell me the real reason you didn't want to date anymore?"

Lily felt torn between laughing at the horrified look on James' face and feeling intensely awkward at being witness to a conversation that probably shouldn't be taking place, especially in a public area. She pursed her lips and looked around, spotting Sirius flirting with another girl. He was leaning against a fence post, his hair falling elegantly into his eyes. The girl was practically a puddle on the ground. Lily figured that that situation was bound to be less awkward than this one so she headed over to where Sirius stood.

"Hey Sirius," Lily murmured as she walked up to him. The girl he was talking to gave her a dirty look, one which Lily felt she certainly didn't deserve.

"Where's Prongs?" he asked.

"He's been detained," Lily explained, pointing to where James stood. Abby looked as though she were lecturing him and she was talking so quickly that he didn't have a chance to say a word in his defense. The look on his face amused her the most. He had the same expression that he wore whenever Professor McGonagall was yelling at him for his latest bought of rule breaking: mildly ashamed but mostly like he was ready to sprint as fast as he could away from her. He kept shooting pathetic glances over to the spot that Sirius and Lily stood which only seemed to infuriate Abby more and spur her on to another tirade.

"Lily, this is Olivia, by the way," Sirius said as a means of introduction. Olivia, who was still eyeing Lily suspiciously, grasped Lily's outstretched hand and gripped it rather hard. "Lily is James' girlfriend," Sirius further explained. At this proclamation, Olivia's body language changed completely. She was smiling brightly at Lily and began explaining that she was Abby's older sister and that she had warned Abby that James was a no good, heartbreaker. Apparently, Olivia didn't care how Lily's status affected her sister as long as she wasn't standing in the way of a date with Sirius.

Olivia wasn't very interesting. She laughed much too boisterously at all of Sirius's mediocre jokes and kept going on and on about what a horrible person James was. Just about the time Lily started trying to come up with excuses to get away and find the Potters, James walked dejectedly toward her, looking battered.

"Thanks for leaving me…traitor," he grumbled mutinously at Lily.

"Hey…I didn't ask you to break that poor girl's heart," Lily teased.

"I didn't think she'd still be upset about it," he protested. "And you saw the way she reacted when she saw me. Who runs into someone else's arms when you're still that furious at them?"

"She cried for weeks over you," Olivia told them, her eyes flashing coldly at James before refocusing on Sirius.

James sighed and let his head drop down onto his chest. Lily smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Poor James, it must be hard on you, being this irresistible," she said. He nodded his head in agreement and forced a pout onto his lips. "Having women throwing themselves at your feet and then having to deal with the fallout of the trail of broken hearts you leave in your wake. How do you do it?"

He was grinning now and shrugged. "You know, lots of training. It's not an easy job being an 'old bachelor' as Mr. Carter would say, but someone's got to do it."

"James, I care about you," Lily said, her voice very serious. "I promise that when you break my heart I will not throw myself into your arms and then yell at you. I will simply ignore you to the best of my ability and pretend that you no longer exist."

"Thank you," James said gratefully. "I appreciate that." He smiled full on now and leaned down to press his cold lips to hers briefly. Lily smiled up at him and then stepped away but he maintained a hold on her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"This is what I've had to put up with for month," Sirius was telling Olivia in a much too loud voice. "Makes you want to puke, doesn't it?" Olivia giggled a little too loudly, but Sirius didn't seem to mind.

They saw movement ahead as the people in the crowd joined the parade that was now marching down the street. Lily was surprised by the sheer number of people who were coming from the other drives in the neighborhood. As much as James and Sirius seemed to resent this tradition, Lily had assumed that most of the other people who lived here would too. Mrs. Potter ran up behind them, excitement obvious on her face. Mr. Potter was always a few paces behind her, smiling serenely, quietly enjoying the scene surrounding him.

"It's time, you three! It's time! I'm keeping you in my sights this year though," she declared with a fierce look that did nothing to scare the boys as it was trumped by the wide smile on her face. She was practically bouncing with anticipation.

"Oh Mum, we're not going to do that again this year," James repeated.

"Yeah, we're much too creative to do the same thing two years in a row!" Everyone laughed, including Mrs. Potter. Olivia headed off to meet her family with one last wave and a wink at Sirius.

"Really Sirius?" Lily asked, eyeing Olivia as she joined Abby (who was still sending death glares at Lily and James).

"What?" Sirius asked innocently.

"You're way too good for that," Lily explained. He scoffed and wave his hand. "Back me up, James."

"Oh, Padfoot can do whatever he wants. He's a big boy, he knows what he's getting into. And we're only going to be here for a couple of weeks. How much damage can he really do?" James said dismissively.

"Based on what we've already seen from that family, I'd say quite a bit." She chanced another glance over at Abby whose eyes were narrowed into slits so thin Lily wondered how she could see out of them at all. "That Abby girl hates me. It's understandable that she'd hate _you,_ but why me?"

"She doesn't hate you," James argued, looking over at her and seeing the expression on Abby's face. "Okay, maybe she does. But she's crazy so…you can't expect normal human behavior from a crazy person." He laughed at his own joke causing Lily to roll her eyes and shake her head.

"If she's so crazy, why did you date her?" Lily asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Why did you go on that date with Kevin Hildebrand?" he countered.

Lily paused a moment. She had not expected that to be the next thing out of his mouth. She scrunched up her face in concentration. That date seemed like a lifetime ago. She had to search to remember why she had gone on that date with him at all. "Because…I was trying to forget my feelings for you. I was trying to force myself to like someone else," she answered honestly.

He quirked his head and lifted his hand as if to say, "There you have it."

"Really?" Lily asked doubtfully.

"Sure," he said. Lily was giving him a look that clearly depicted her disbelief. "Is that so hard to believe? Especially last summer. We left school right at the time when you'd finally stopped hating me. We had had a couple of conversations, albeit short ones, that didn't end in you telling me how repulsive you thought I was or with me begging you to go out with me. I dunno, Lily, it was a confusing time. Believe it or not, I actually had been trying to convince myself to give up on you. That's the only reason I stopped asking you out in the first place. I'd given up hope. But just because I thought it would never happen didn't change the way I felt about you. So I spent the whole summer trying to _stop_ liking you." He shrugged again. "Clearly the way I went about it wasn't the best idea…but that was the motivation at any rate."

"But then you broke up with her?"

"Well, I'm not stupid," James said in a quieter voice. "I knew she was crazy. And I also knew we didn't have a future. She doesn't know I'm a wizard…and did I mention that she's crazy." Lily giggled and began looking around at the decorations as they passed a house that had every square inch covered in bright blue bulbs. "Plus," James continued, "Once I decided that I wasn't going to give up, I knew that I only had one year left to convince you that I was worth a second glance and I wasn't going to waste any of that time dating some girl I obviously don't care about."

"And look how quickly you managed to do that! It only took you three months," Lily said in a cheery voice as if commending him on a great achievement.

"The most agonizing three months of my life," James added, grinning.

"Agonizing?" Lily said, concern in her voice, a crease between her eyebrows. "Why agonizing?"

James looked at her as if it were obvious. "Really? You don't know?" Lily shook her head. "Well, there we were getting along better than I thought was really possible and I kept thinking to myself 'I have a chance. As long as I don't screw it up and do something stupid, I've got a chance.' And for a long time I was sure you liked me but you kept insisting that we were just friends. And then after the Halloween dance, which I now know is when you discovered you liked me, I felt like every time I got even a step closer to what I wanted you retreated. And it was always so extreme too. You wouldn't look at me, you wouldn't talk to me. You avoided me at all costs. It was like I had done something wrong but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was. And then we kissed and to be fair, we both overreacted to that." Lily nodded her agreement but remained silent. She had no idea that this is what had been going through James' mind all year. "But by that point I was convinced that you didn't like me and I was ready to settle for just being your friend if it meant you would start spending time with me again. It was Padfoot actually who convinced me that I needed to tell you how I really felt…but yeah, I'd say most of that was pretty agonizing. And then when I thought you were ashamed of dating me…that sucked a lot too."

Lily was silent for a long moment, processing everything he had just told her. "I didn't know that you were feeling all of that this year. I'm sorry." She took a step closer to him, closing the miniscule gap between them as they walked and rested her head on his shoulder.

He looked warmly down at her and kissed her forehead. "It was worth it." She smiled, her heart beating more quickly for a moment, deep emotions stirring within her. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he stated and picked up the pace a bit.

As they walked, he pointed out different places that he had haunted during his childhood. There was an icy looking playground off in the distance where he said he had his first memory of seeing his powers working. "I was spinning really fast on the merry-go-round and flew off into that tree. I should have probably broken my neck but I just kind of bounced off of it like it was stuffed with feathers. I told Mum that I wanted to try again and she said 'absolutely not' and walked me home." He pointed to a house that had moving reindeer in the front yard and a giant, plastic Santa Claus waving from the roof and told her that that is where his first best friend had lived. They reached a house at the end of one street that had a massive nativity scene in the yard and he informed her that behind the manger and barn is where he and Sirius had hidden the year before to throw snowballs.

"Isn't this nice?" he asked after an hour of walking as they turned back onto his street.

"Isn't what nice?" she asked though she was having such a lovely time that she figured anything he pointed to specifically she would agree was nice.

"This," he said, swinging their hands in between them. "Being able to hold hands in public."

She prepared to give him an annoyed look and to tell him off for bringing that up when they were having a perfectly wonderful time. But instead she answered, "Yeah, it is." He seemed as surprised as she was to hear that come out of her mouth. "I was actually thinking that earlier too. It's kind of nice not having to check who else is in the room before I go and sit next to you. And being in the restaurant last night, getting to hold your hand under the table and let you put your arm around me, I liked that. And you know what I _really_ like?" she asked. He shook his head, still staring at her in bewilderment at her sudden burst of honesty. "I like getting to kiss you goodnight and then actually _going_ to bed and not having to pretend to be asleep until midnight and then sneaking out of my room. I am a big fan of that."

"Ha, ha," James said sarcastically, though he was still smiling. "So, why not just tell people we're dating?" he suggested.

"James, you promised you weren't going to push me," she reminded him, looking imploringly up into his eyes.

"That's right, I did."

"Look, I have a deadline and now I know what it feels like to not have to hide our relationship. Just, let me take it at my own pace, okay."

"Okay," James said soothingly as they reached the front gate of his house. "I didn't mean to push you. I was just pointing it out." Before he could say anything else however, a giant snowball came hurling from his left and hit him in the side of the head causing him to stagger. Lily jumped and looked to her right and saw his dad smiling innocently, his gloves a darker blue than usual from the melting snow.

"It is now time to commence the annual Potter/Black family snowball fight," Sirius announced in his most professional commentator voice. "The fight will begin in five minutes time. Competitors, prepare yourselves." James released Lily and he and Sirius immediately set to building a barrier between themselves and the other side of the yard where Davis had begun making a mound of enormous snowballs behind a thick oak tree.

"Come on, dear," Mrs. Potter said, linking her arm with Lily's. "The Potter family snowball fight is no place for a lady. It is tradition that the men freeze to death hurling snow at one another and it is tradition that the women sit on the heated porch cheering the boys on." Lily felt grateful for this. Normally, she would never want to go against a team of James and Sirius but she wasn't sure she wanted to be on the receiving end of one of Mr. Potter's throws. The force of the snowball he'd thrown at James had nearly taken him to the ground.

"See how nice this is?" Mrs. Potter asked as she and Lily took their seats on the squeaking porch swing.

She was right. The porch had been magically heated, blocking out the surrounding cold. They had a perfect view of the fight as well. Mr. Potter was still making giant snowballs, his collection looking more like a hill of snow, reaching above his knees. James and Sirius were discussing tactics and drawing squiggly lines in the snow behind their fort.

"Who usually wins these fights?" Lily asked, thinking to herself that Davis probably won uncontested.

"Oh, Davis will usually beat James down a few pegs. But, and I don't know if you've noticed this or not, James is a bit competitive…so once he starts looking really downtrodden, Davis usually backs off a bit. I suppose you could say he _lets_ him win, but we choose to view it more as a fostering of his self esteem." She gave Lily a wink, checked her watch, and roared, "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"

Lily watched as the first few snowballs began to fly, James and Sirius both being hit with impressive force by Mr. Potter's throws. Though the boys' speed seemed to have taken Mr. Potter by surprise as he'd been hit quite a few times himself.

"So, this 'fostering of his self esteem,' has it been going on for a while?" Lily asked, amused.

"Since the beginning," Mrs. Potter replied shamelessly. "I guess you could say we have a bit of a soft spot for him." She paused and winked at Lily again. "What parent doesn't for their child though? And Davis and I had given up hope of ever having children years before we had James, so naturally we spoil him a bit. But it's all done out of love." Lily didn't say anything but took in what Mrs. Potter was saying. It explained a lot about who James was. It explained why when he came to Hogwarts he seemed to have everything. It explained his air confidence and arrogance. It also explained why he grew out of the horrible phase he had been in. "Which is why we are so glad you're here, dear," Mrs. Potter said, wrenching Lily from her thoughts.

"What do you mean," Lily said, confused.

"I don't think I've ever seen James as happy as he is right now…when he's with you." Lily was shocked into a stunned silence. Whatever she had expected, it had not been that. Mrs. Potter pierced her with an all-knowing look. "I mean, we both know he's a pretty happy-go-lucky person. There's not a lot that can knock the smile off of his face. But…it's hard to explain, but there's something different."

Lily opened her mouth and then closed it again, unable to think of anything to say in reply as she watched James get flattened.

"Davis and I were talking about it last night and he agrees with me. We've seen him with girlfriends before…plenty of times…"

"Abby," Lily interjected.

"Ah, you met Abby," Mrs. Potter said with a significant look over at Lily. "Yes, she was James' August. What a little adventure she was…but the thing with all of his other girlfriends was that it seemed like he was just using them to pass the time. He felt like it was something he was supposed to do and so he did it. I'm not saying he never felt _anything_ for those other girls, but we've never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you. And he just…I dunno, he just emanates happiness. It's almost as though it's radiating from him," Mrs. Potter explained, a small smile creeping up her lips.

Lily was wringing her hands in her lap. "It's probably just circumstantial," Lily uttered quietly. "A lot of things are going well for him right now."

"It's not though…that's the thing. _That's_ the difference," Mrs. Potter argued, the look on her face suggesting that she was just now working this out. "It isn't a happiness that comes from what's going on around him. It's coming from the inside. He seems content. As though everything in the world could go wrong and he would scarcely notice. And it's because of you."

Lily squirmed a little in her seat. Again she found herself at a loss for words. She watched the fight quietly, trying to absorb everything that Mrs. Potter had said. Part of it made her feel wonderful. She didn't really doubt James's feelings for her, but it was nice to hear that his mother noticed it as well. But the part of her that still inexplicably feared the day when their relationship would fall to pieces hated hearing that he was going to be hurting just as severely as she would when it happened.

The fight was getting more amusing as time went on. James was trying to create some sort of diversion so that Sirius could get a better angle on Mr. Potter. In his attempt to do so, he tried to stop abruptly and run in the opposite direction he was going, but his feet slipped out from under him and he landed with a thud on the ground moments before a massive snowball found its way to his stomach. He was laughing and trying to scramble behind his crumbling snow wall, more snowballs being hurtled his way, his feet still slipping in the slosh. He glanced up at Lily, his eyes twinkling, sending a wave of emotion through her body.

"He's made me really happy too," Lily finally said quietly, keeping her eyes on her hands for a few moments before looking over to see Mrs. Potter looking at her with a motherly expression. "Happier than I thought was possible."

Arie reached over and grabbed Lily's hand. The gesture was almost too much for Lily to handle. From one perspective, it meant a great deal to her to have been so accepted by James's mother. And from another, the gesture reminded Lily painfully of her own mother.

They made conversation for the duration of the fight, their chatter occasionally interrupted by a cheer for the boys. James and Sirius finally conceded after nearly two hours of being leveled by Mr. Potter.

James walked up the steps of the porch and put his arm around Lily who was smiling at him. "I'm a bit embarrassed that you saw the first game we ever lost…or I guess I should say the first game Dad ever let us win." Davis, who was grinning from ear to ear, pretended not to have a clue what James was talking about. "Yes, Dad, I am aware that you let us win every year. I'm not stupid."

The family made their way into the house.

"You're disgusting," Lily pointed out, holding her nose and pushing away from James.

"Yes, well, I just got my butt kicked for two hours, didn't I? You'd probably be pretty disgusting too if you'd just endured the humiliation I just did."

"I doubt it," Lily teased.

"Oh really?" James asked, piercing her with a look of scrutiny. "You think so, huh?" She nodded and then he put both of his hands in his hair and started flicking the leftover bits of snow off of himself and onto her.

"Okay! OKAY!" she shrieked through her laughter. "I would be that disgusting! Stop it! That's so gross!"

James stopped but then pulled her into a tight hug. "You like this sweat, honey? Hmm?" She was trying hard to push away from him but he was holding her too tightly, rubbing his cheek across her forehead, leaving a trail of sweat. She was cringing but still laughing hard, which between that and the grip with which he was holding onto her made it difficult for her to breathe. He released her, laughing while she gasped for air and then hit him playfully in the stomach.

The afternoon was very relaxed. James, Sirius and Davis all showered and then everyone sat around in the living room, talking and laughing. There was lots of talk about the most outrageous decorations they'd seen and the more idiotic things James and Sirius had tried during their fight. Around five, Lily drifted off to sleep, her head resting on an arm of the couch.

Mrs. Potter woke her up a little over an hour later announcing dinner.

Dinner itself was a lovely affair. The table was set and arranged pristinely and every Christmas dish imaginable was available for them to eat. There were lots of jokes and teasing and Mrs. Potter made everyone at the table say something they were thankful for.

When dinner was over, all of the boys groaned when Mrs. Potter pulled out her camera.

"It's tradition," she stated as if that settled the matter. Lily quietly edged her way out of the photo. "And Miss Evans, what exactly do you think you are doing?" Arie questioned when she noticed what Lily had done.

Lily shook her head. "It's a family photo…I'm not family."

"You're family this Christmas, now get back over next to James. I won't take 'no' for an answer." She stood stubbornly behind her camera, waiting for Lily to move. When she finally gave in and stood begrudgingly next to James (who was doing a poor attempt at hiding his grin), Mrs. Potter smiled and whipped out her wand. She levitated the camera up to eye level and stood in front of her husband. "One…two…three," she said brightly before jabbing her wand. They all heard the shutter. "I'll just go develop it and then we can get started on those presents."

Mr. Potter took out his wand and made a sweeping motion at the dishes in the kitchen and Lily watched as they all began washing themselves. They made their way into the formal living room where the tree, lit up brilliantly in the window, was waiting with the presents piled beneath it. Mr. Potter took his place on the loveseat while Sirius, James and Lily occupied the sofa. Mrs. Potter apparently took longer than usual because James, who was starting to get antsy, got up and yelled down the hall for his mother to get a move on.

She finally arrived with a small parcel in her hands which she placed delicately under the tree. "I forgot that I had one more present to wrap," she explained with a secretive look at her husband.

Lily liked the way that the Potters did Christmas. Mr. Potter handed out gifts one at a time, everyone watching as one of the five opened a gift. Then, with each gift opening, the recipient would get up and hug the person who had given it to them. It was very personal and full of gratitude. Plus, Lily liked seeing what everyone else got.

James had just finished opening a box of very nice dress robes and thanking his mother when Mr. Potter handed Lily a box. It took her by surprise as she'd already opened her gifts from Jenna and Mary and Sirius. She looked at the card and then turned on James.

"You swore you weren't going to get me anything!" she accused.

"The fact that you actually believed me shows just how little you know me," he replied, an eager grin on his face. "Now let's just pretend we already did the part where you're irritated at me for doing what you told me not to and open your gift."

She rolled her eyes but ripped open the paper to find not one, but three boxes of sugar quills taped together. She started laughing. "My favorite!" she exclaimed. "Thank you." She leaned in and quickly kissed him, blushing from having done it in front of his parents.

"You're welcome. And there should be enough in there to get you through another two terms of History of Magic lectures." Lily giggled again and set her candies down next to her other gifts.

Next, Mrs. Potter opened a pair of stunning pearl earrings from Mr. Potter and James got a pair of Tornadoes Quidditch tickets for the summer.

Sirius got the next gift. Lily watched anxiously as he ripped the paper off and started grinning like a madman. "Wow! Thanks Lily!" It was a huge supply of dungbombs, fanged Frisbees and other forbidden items from Zonko's. "I was running really low on stink pellets!"

"They do come with a condition though," Lily piped up. "You are not allowed to use the dungbombs in any room I am currently or will soon be occupying. And if you get caught with any of that stuff, we never met." He laughed and agreed, standing up to walk around the couch and give her a hug.

James' next gift was a very tiny box. "To: James, from…from: Lexi," he read, a look of confusion passing across his face. He looked over at Lily who wasn't smiling any longer but looking at the parcel with a raised eyebrow. "I feel bad, I didn't get anything for her."

"See what it is before you start to feel bad," Sirius muttered, earning him a reproving look from Mrs. Potter.

James carefully pulled the wrapping paper off revealing a plastic case which held an autographed Snitch. Lily didn't recognize the name but assumed it was a big deal based on Davis and Sirius's reactions. James, for his part, though obviously pleased with the gift, simply said, "I'll have to remember to thank her when we get back…And maybe buy a present and lie about it getting lost in the mail."

Lily's stomach had dropped. Lexi had gotten him an autographed Snitch. Her gift didn't compare to that at all. Her gift was stupid in comparison to that.

But before she'd had too much time to brood about it, Mr. Potter had handed her yet another parcel, this one much smaller than the last one had been. She read the tag and again rounded on James.

"I couldn't resist," he said with a smile, though he was clearly more concerned about what her reaction to this gift would be. It was long and thin and Lily opened it with trepidation. The paper revealed a velvet box stamped with the Gladrags logo. She looked over at James again before opening up the box. Her heart seemed to have stopped in her chest. Inside the box was a beautiful bracelet, much nicer than anything she had ever owned before. There were three apparently simple silver strands that bent and curved in an intricate design and everywhere they intertwined was a small, glimmering diamond.

She looked over at James, all words escaping her. He was watching her apprehensively with a cautious smile. "Do you like it?" he finally asked after a few moments of silence. She nodded, still unable to remember any words that might help her express herself. "I know that you said no gifts, but I saw it and I just had to get it for you. I know you probably think it's too nice…" he said quickly as he pulled the bracelet out of the box and began fastening it around her wrist.

"Too nice," Lily blurted out, finally managing to make a sound. "Much too nice," she repeated. "You didn't need to…"

"I know I didn't _need_ to," he interrupted. "I _wanted_ to."

"Thank you," she mouthed, looking down at the delicate trinket on her arm. "I love it," she whispered before kissing him again, a little longer than last time, but still brief.

Her head was still spinning when Mr. Potter handed James the gift that she had given him and all of a sudden her wonder at the gift she had received disappeared to be replaced by the embarrassment at the gift she had given.

"To: James, from: Lily," he gazed over at her, "And you said you weren't going to get me anything."

"Oh…it's really not a big deal. Just a cheap kind of gag gift. It's nothing like this," she said gesturing at her wrist. He gave her a hard look but didn't say anything. He ripped off the paper and opened the top of the massive box. He started laughing and pulled out a pair of gently used hockey skates.

"I just thought," Lily began in defense of her gift, "maybe you could train up a bit and then we could go skating without all of the falling."

James was smiling warmly at her. He knew she thought the gift was stupid, but it meant a lot to him. That first date had been one of the best days of his life. "It's really great."

She grinned, embarrassed, but encouraged by his reaction. "And look, they're hockey skates so…no toe pick," she explained, pointing to the front of the blade. James laughed too, before rummaging around in the box and pulling out a stuffed envelope.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Oh," Lily muttered, her face turning a brilliant shade of red. "Well, all your talk of traditions reminded me of one of mine. In the Evans family we write letters to…erm…people of significance and put them in their gifts. And…I dunno…I was just thinking that you're kind of my only…'person of significance.' So I wrote you a letter." James was smiling, an emotion flashing in his eyes that she couldn't really recognize.

"Can I read it?" he asked.

Lily nodded sheepishly. "Not out loud though…please. I'd be too embarrassed."

James opened the parchment envelope while the Potters gave their gift to Sirius and he began to read it. Lily was watching him out of the corner of her eye, trying to gauge his reaction. She had spent quite a bit of time toiling over the correct wording of the letter and an even longer time talking herself into _actually_ putting it into the box.

"'_Dear James_,'" he read silently. "_'I wanted to thank you for inviting me to come to Christmas with your family. I have had a blast and am definitely enjoying myself more than I would if I were stuck in the castle all alone. You were right. Surprise, surprise._

'_The point of these letters is to tell you how much you mean to me. I've been sitting here for a while now trying to find the perfect way to explain my feelings for you, but words have failed me. Nothing really seems strong enough. As I've already told you this year, you're my best friend. When I hear something exciting, you're the first person I want to tell. When I'm upset, yours are the arms that I want to run into. Whenever I have a secret I have to divulge, you're the person I trust the most to keep it. And whenever I want to hang out with anyone, you're the first person I go looking for. You're my best friend. But you're more than that too. I didn't think that feelings like this actually existed until I met you. People are always saying that real life isn't like a fairy tale; that finding someone who makes you feel perfect with a look, giddy with a smile, or who can make you melt with a kiss is impossible. But I think they're wrong. They clearly haven't met you. I know that I can never do anything good enough to deserve everything you have already given me. You mean more to me than I ever thought possible and in only a few short months I feel stronger for you than I ever could have dreamed._

'_Merry Christmas, James.'"_

Lily was watching him openly now as he folded up his letter and put it back into the box. He didn't know that his parents were watching and seemed to care nothing at all that Sirius was staring at them. He cleared his throat and swallowed hard before looking deeply into those bright green eyes that he adored.

"Thank you," he murmured, his voice low and husky. He was aware of the gravel in his voice and that it gave away the raw emotion he was feeling. He knew that he had let his guard down and that everything he felt for her was there in plain sight on his face for everyone to see, but he didn't care.

"I know it's no autographed Snitch but…" she began, her eyes dropping down to her hands.

James shook his head to silence her. "This," he said, gesturing to the letter, "is possibly the greatest gift anyone has ever given me." She looked deep into his eyes and she knew that he was being genuine. It was evident. Her words had impacted him and she was glad. Too often she felt that he was the one chasing her. He was always the one having to make the first admission to get their relationship going or to keep it going. It was time for her to give a little of that back to him.

"Even better than the Tornadoes tickets?" Sirius boomed making Lily jump. Everyone laughed, the moment gone but Lily noticed that James grabbed her hand and held it tenderly, occasionally running his fingers through her hair.

"And now, here's ours to Lily," Davis said, grabbing the small package that Mrs. Potter had brought into the room earlier and handing it to Lily.

Her eyes grew large and her mouth opened in shock. The shook her head and said pleadingly, "No, this is too much. I didn't get you anything and you're letting me stay here. That's gift enough."

"Oh, honestly dear, it's not a big deal," Mrs. Potter retorted and her husband sat next to her, dropping an arm around her shoulders.

"Well, can I get you something later then?" Lily asked. She was mortified that James's parents had given her a gift when she had not even thought to get them anything. How poorly that must reflect on her.

"No, don't be ridiculous. Just open it. It really isn't anything."

Lily sighed and looked over at James who was giving her an encouraging smile. She tore the paper off of the package and found enclosed a simple silver frame with the picture from earlier already in place. The family portrait. There she was, smiling and waving shyly next to James, Sirius, Arie and Davis. Lily looked up, smiling. Both Arie and Davis were watching her with a warm smile on their lips.

"It's wonderful. Thank you," she said hoarsely and stood up, meeting Arie halfway across the living room and hugging her tightly.

"You're welcome anytime, dear," she whispered into Lily's ear. "And I also developed it the Muggle way so if you want the still picture, it's behind the moving one." Lily laughed and nodded, afraid to open her mouth for fear of the onslaught of tears.

Davis was waiting behind his wife and pulled Lily into a hug as well. His arms were strong like James' and she briefly felt the protection of a father once more.

Lily sniffed and sat down on the couch next to James once more, feeling more satisfied and more whole than she had in quite some time.

"That's it everyone. Merry Christmas," Davis said, standing up and stretching.

"Dad, there's one more down there," James pointed out. "It's pushed further back behind the tree."

"Oh, so there is." He picked it up and looked and the tag and to Lily's horror handed it to her.

She immediately turned an accusing glare at James. "You didn't," she exploded.

But his eyes were innocent. "I didn't," he repeated.

She looked down at the box which wasn't wrapped very well in search of a card. She found a small piece of cardboard taped to the top and read aloud. "To: Lily, from: Petunia." She glanced at James again who looked as confused as she felt. "Why would she send me something?" she asked, more to herself than anyone else. She pulled the card off and saw that there was more writing on the back. "I found this while cleaning out Mum's and Dad's place. It was already addressed to you so I thought I would send it along."

Lily looked at the gift as though she were waiting for it to explode. A sense of foreboding and trepidation had filled her. She didn't know why, but she knew that she didn't want to open that gift. But everyone was staring at her and they might find it a little strange if she stood up and threw the thing out without even opening it. "No good can come of this," she thought as she pulled the top of the box off. When she saw what was inside, she froze. Her heart seemed to be beating twice as fast as normal and yet at the same time felt as though it had stopped.

"What's in it?" James asked, his voice full of concern.

"It's…um…knitting needles, a pattern book and some yarn…and a letter," Lily answered, her voice breaking multiple times. She looked over at James, who was obviously confused about the meaning of the present. "Ever since I started at Hogwarts," Lily explained, her voice still shaking wildly, "I would come home over the summer and be bored because I couldn't do magic so I would decide to take up some kind of Muggle hobby. If I hadn't dropped it by the time school started again, I certainly did once I got back to the castle. As a joke, Mum would go out and buy all this stuff relating to my hobby and give it to me for Christmas. I guess she had already bought this when…"

James nodded and Lily was subconsciously aware of how quiet and still everyone else in the room had become. "What does the letter say?" he asked.

Lily opened it up, but like James elected to read it silently.

"'_Dear Lily, Merry Christmas sweet girl. I can't believe you're already almost done with school and almost an of-age wizard. Your father and I are so proud of you. Every once in a while it still strikes us as odd that our sweet angel is actually a witch and how strange that sounds, but we know that you are going to go on to do great things._

'_Your father is reading this over my shoulder and telling me to save some of the sappy stuff for your actual graduation party. I suppose he's right. But we love you. Maybe now that you're nearly done with school you'll be able to do some knitting. Not likely I know, but who knows. Maybe you'll pick it up and then whenever you have your first child we can sit together and knit little booties for him or her or make a cute little hat. And hey, since you'll be of-age, you can finally teach me how to make that anti-aging potion!_

_We are so proud of you, sweetheart! No matter how old you get, or where you go in life, always remember that we love you more than anything in the world._

_I love you, angel. Love, Mum.'"_

Lily's hands were shaking, the paper in her hand crinkling where she was gripping it tightly. Tears were stinging the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to break down right here. Not in front of everyone. And she knew that this would be a big one. The hole in her chest that was finally starting to be filled and mended had ripped painfully open once again.

Without a word, Lily began gathering up her gifts into a neat pile to carry into her bedroom.

"Lily?" James said, his voice cautious but wrought with worry.

She looked over at him, the concern in his eyes nearly enough to push her over the edge. "I'm really tired. That parade really took it out of me. I think I'm going to go to bed, if that's all right." Even she could hear how hollow and empty her voice sounded and from the looks on everyone else's faces, she assumed that they had heard it too. "Thank you for a wonderful Christmas. Goodnight."

She heard everyone mumbling a goodnight. She wanted to run into her bedroom but she couldn't seem to force her legs to move. Her body felt empty, her chest hollow. She got ready for bed as if nothing had happened. She washed her face and brushed her teeth. She got into her pajamas. But as she sat on the edge of her bed, she pulled out the letter again. Her mother's handwriting…her mother's words. Making plans for a future that was no longer possible. Pain licked her insides. Not physical pain. That she could handle. That would be welcome in comparison to what she was experiencing right now. She was face-to-face with a reality that she had been avoiding for months. It felt like wave after wave of truth kept hitting her, knocking her painfully backwards. Every time she would be about able to get control of herself again, another wave of pain would hit her and drag her back under. It was like being caught in a rip tide in the ocean. How was she supposed to survive?

The rest of the group stayed awake and seated in the living room for another hour. No one talked about what had happened and no one said anything when James seemed distant. The conversation felt forced as everyone was worried and wondering what Lily was doing or thinking at that moment.

James was relieved when his parents said goodnight. He got ready for bed and informed Sirius that he was going to check on Lily. It was a sign of how serious the situation was that Sirius didn't make any rude or suggestive comments when James told him what he was doing. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep with the memory of the look on her face as she had read that letter. He knew she was hurting and he couldn't bear it.

He put his ear up next to her door. He didn't want to knock and wake her up if she'd been able to fall asleep. He knew she hadn't been sleeping well. The bags under her eyes gave her away. But he distinctly heard sniffles and so he felt no guilt in knocking softly.

"Come in," she said, her voice faint and broken but no longer hollow. He could hear the pain in her voice and the strangled way she was attempting to sound okay. He could tell she'd been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen and her cheeks were shining with tears. There were a few used tissues littering the ground around her feet. "Hey," she murmured as a greeting, her pained eyes cutting through him like a knife.

"Hey," he managed, surprised by her calm demeanor.

"I figured you'd be in soon," she said, sniffing again as James walked in and closed the door behind him. He tentatively took a seat on the edge of the bed next to her. She had the letter gripped tightly in her hand. He didn't say anything for a moment and as he sat there, she began to break down again. Tears were leaking out of her eyes once more and her hands were shaking violently. She was trying desperately to keep herself under control but it wasn't working very well.

"What kind of person does this?" she whispered, anger mingled with the pain now. Her voice was shrill and kept cracking. "Why would she do this at all?"

"Your mum?"

"No!" Lily whimpered. "Petunia! Why would she do this to me?"

"Maybe she thought you would like it. Maybe she thought it would help you heal," James speculated, though from everything he'd ever heard about Petunia, he highly doubted either of those things were true.

Lily apparently agreed with his train of thought. She scoffed angrily and threw the letter onto the ground with the tissues. "Hah! Petunia wouldn't have sent it if she thought it would _help_ me. She knew that it would hurt. She knew that it would do this to me and she sent it anyway." The tears were coming faster now and she was taking great gasps of air in between her words. James didn't really know what to do. There wasn't anything he could say that could possibly make her feel better. So he did the only thing he could think of, he put his arm around her and drew her close. She rested her head on his shoulder, crying even harder now.

"And I'm so mad at myself," she slurred, wiping impatiently at her cheeks.

"What?" James asked, staring at her in shock. "Why?"

She looked up at him, those wet, green eyes so filled with pain that James felt it as well. "Because…I promised myself I wouldn't get upset," she explained though not making much sense at all to James. "I knew how much my being here meant to you and I didn't want to ruin your Christmas by being all moody the whole time. And I think I was doing a pretty good job…and then _this_ happened and now I'm destroying your Christmas too…" she ranted.

"Lily," James said fiercely, turning on the bed so that he could stare more directly into her eyes, emphasizing his point. "You're not ruining my Christmas because you are upset about something you _should _be upset about." He stroked her hair softly and cupped her cheek. "It's okay to be upset about this. It's okay to wish they were here."

Her bottom lip trembled and she fell forward into his arms, the sobs coming freely now. "I just miss them so much," she wept, her voice muffled by his shirt. "It's not fair…"

Their embrace was so familiar, the situation so reminiscent, that Lily recalled the similar position she'd been in earlier this semester. She was clinging tightly to James and his arms were firmly around her back, holding her close. She had to hold on tightly. She was too afraid that if she let go that she would sink and never recover. Yet unlike the previous time, there was no denial; no anger. There was merely release and acceptance. She knew that he was there and though it didn't make the situation better, it did comfort her. He didn't say anything for the longest time, allowing her to cry. He knew there was nothing to be done, that all he could do was sit there and hold her and wish that he could take on her pain himself. This time she didn't feel the embarrassment that had followed before. She knew that he was there because he wanted to be, not because of some strange obligation he felt.

She held onto him tightly until she felt that all the moisture that her tear ducts required had left her body. She still felt miserable but the crying had stopped. He gave her a weak, half grin whenever she pulled out of his embrace. She barely managed to return it but tried her best.

"Sorry I'm gross," she muttered, picking up a tissue and weakly wiping her nose. She tried to wipe at her cheeks with the sleeve of her pajamas but before she could, James had taken her face in his hands and kissed her slowly. It wasn't terribly long or passionate, but sweet and loving and exactly what Lily needed.

"You could never be 'gross' to me," he said softly and rather than rolling her eyes as she normally would have done, all she had the strength for was to gaze back at him and believe him. After a long moment, he leaned away. "Will you be okay now? I won't be able to sleep if I think you're in here crying again."

She nodded her answer though the thought of James leaving made her heart thump uncomfortably. The only reason she'd been okay this Christmas at all was because he was close. What would happen when he left? Her stomach knotted when he stood up and before she knew what she was doing, she reached up and grabbed his hand, holding him back. He looked inquisitively back down at her, his tired, hazel eyes glinting at her from behind his glasses.

"Don't go," she whispered, pleading. He looked stunned for a moment and then torn. She knew he wanted to stay, that much was clear. But the noble part of him was resisting, and she could tell that it was winning. So before he had a chance to decline, she quickly said, "I just don't think I'll be able to sleep without you here. I can't be alone right now."

And that did it. The desperation in her voice coupled with the need in her eyes swayed him. He nodded and walked over to the other side of the bed. "I'll just get in, shall I?"

"Typically that is what one does with a bed," she said, the sadness in her voice canceling out the sarcasm. She crawled beneath the sheets and sat, waiting for him.

He hesitated for a moment, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Do you want me to sleep on top of the covers? Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

Lily shook her head, amazed at the way he could be such a gentlemen even when he knew that nothing was going to happen. "Don't be stupid. The only reason you should sleep on top of the covers is if you're planning on taking advantage of my extremely vulnerable state." He still didn't move. "Are you planning on taking advantage of my extremely vulnerable state?"

"No," he answered.

"Then get in." He sighed and scooted beneath the covers, very careful to keep a foot of space between himself and Lily. He pulled off his glasses and pointed his wand at the candles in the room, extinguishing them. They lay in semidarkness, James feeling awkward and Lily feeling empty. There was light streaming in the window from a streetlamp further on down the road. She could see his profile and knew his eyes were still open, staring at the ceiling. She felt slightly amused by his awkwardness but didn't push it. Just having him in the same room was enough for her.

But as she lay in the darkness, memories began attacking her: memories of past Christmases, memories of Christmases that would never be, memories of her mother's failed attempts at teaching her to knit. Tears found their way to her eyes again and she felt the familiar drowning sensation. She didn't want to feel it anymore.

"James," she whispered in a shaky voice. She felt the bed shift as he turned toward her and she felt around blindly for his hand. She found it quickly, under the sheets and somewhere in the middle between their two bodies. Just that small amount of contact made her feel better, safer.

"What is it?" he asked, concern filling his voice.

"Can you just…hold me until I fall asleep?" she asked as she moved toward him.

"Yeah, of course," he said after a few moments of silence. She heard him moving toward her as well and felt him slip and arm around her back.

And as naturally as everything else in their relationship had come to them, they found that lying in one another's arms did as well. She settled just underneath his shoulder, her head resting on his chest and her arm draped around his waist. His arms encircled her completely, holding her close to his body. Their legs intertwined beneath the covers. She instantly felt better, as though she could breathe easily. If only she could stay in this position for the rest of her life, nothing bad could ever happen again.

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed this. I want to thank all of you who have been reviewing and for all the people who are adding me/this story to your alerts and favorites. It's really hard for me (and I'm sure all other people who put their writing up) to put myself out there and so any kind of affirmation that people _do_ like this story really does help me. And, though I've never really considered not finishing, every review is like a happy reminder that I need to get a move on with the next chapter. So thank you all so much! I can never truly express my gratitude.


	15. The First Secret: Part IV

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N-**Um…I am so terribly sorry for the long wait. Thank you for sticking with me. Life just got busy with work and traveling (I actually got to go to Platform 9 ¾ so that was cool) and I am so sorry. But it is summer now and though I do have various activities that are quickly filling it up, it certainly shouldn't be another 6 months before I update.

**Chapter 15: The First Secret: Part IV - The First Christmas Part 2**

Lily blinked sleepily, the first rays of sunlight spilling in through the window and resting on her fluttering eyes. She closed them tightly and stretched her legs, a sleepy grunt escaping from somewhere deep in her throat. As her calves made contact with another pair of legs, a realization of her surroundings made its way sluggishly to her brain. Her legs were tangled with James's beneath the sheets. Their bodies were turned toward one another, her head resting against his chest just underneath his chin. One of her arms was draped loosely over his waist while his were wrapped around her, holding her close to himself. His chest was rising and falling slowly, pushing gently against her cheek.

She pulled back ever so slightly and, craning her neck, managed to peer up into his face. She couldn't help smiling as she gazed at him. His hair, if possible, looked even more wild than usual. His mouth was open just a sliver and she could hear his soft breathing. She had never seen him looking so calm, so peaceful.

She moved close to him again, enjoying the warmth of his body against hers. She inhaled his scent, the musk of his soap mingling gently with the remnants of his cologne. Occasionally he would unconsciously move his hands on her back, rubbing gently while his fingertips pressed into her skin. She could feel his heart beating through his chest, slow and steady. _Bump-bump. _She took a deep breath, her eyes closed, and ran her hand up his back and clung to his shoulder. He instinctively moved toward her, his legs wrapping more securely around her own. _Bump-bump._

And then she was struck with a thought, unbidden, but startlingly true. She wanted to wake up like this always. Really she never wanted to move from this position at all, but knowing she would have to, she just wanted the security of knowing that this would not be the last time that she would wake up in James Potter's arms.

After a few minutes, she decided that it was time to get up and let him sleep. Very carefully she began moving away. She untangled her legs from his, but when she tried to move out from his protective embrace, he stirred.

She froze instantly, watching his face with apprehension. He gave a tiny groan and opened his eyes slowly, peeking out at her. They were blurred and unfocused for a moment before locking on Lily. Immediately a sheepish smile formed on his lips. He removed a hand from her back and rubbed at his eyes.

"Morning," he murmured, his voice husky and gravelly.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Lily whispered, leaning into his body and lightly kissing a trail from his neck up underneath his chin and to his lips. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," he said humorously, smiling against her lips, his eyes closed once again. He wrapped his arms back around her. "How did you sleep?"

"Excellent," Lily answered. "Best I've slept all break." She snuggled up against him, noticing that his breathing was slowing down again. "How did _you_ sleep?"

"Fine once I fell asleep. I stayed up for a while making sure you were really sleeping," he answered honestly while suppressing a yawn. "I thought you might be faking to make me feel better." Lily looked up into his face again, but he was relaxing and his eyes were shut. She felt a rush of affection for him. How could she have taken so long to realize just how truly wonderful he was?

She pulled all the way out of his arms this time, getting off of the bed and pulling her dressing gown on over her pajamas. He was shifting on the bed, the springs groaning under his weight. "Where are you going?" he asked groggily, squinting against the light.

"I'm awake now so I'm just going to go ahead and get up." He pushed himself up too and leaned back against the headboard rubbing his eyes. Seeing this, Lily added hastily, "You stay here…get some more sleep and I'll go make some tea for you." He grinned blearily at her and reached blindly for his glasses.

"You sure?" he asked, his voice still husky. She nodded and began walking out of the room, but stopped when she heard the springs of the bed shift again.

"What are you doing?" she asked as he came to stand next to her.

"I was just thinking that I would go back to my room in case Mum decides to come check on you. I don't think she'd be too happy to find _me_ in _your_ bed," he explained as they stepped out into the hall.

"Good call," Lily said. James stopped outside of his door and kissed her forehead before stepping into his bedroom and closing the door with a soft click behind him.

Lily made her way contentedly through the cold and still dark house to the kitchen, sighing happily as she searched the pantry for the bags of tea. As she reached for the kettle, she was surprised to find that it was already full of boiling water. She filled her own mug and looked around the quickly brightening breakfast nook. The sun had only begun rising a few minutes earlier but the light was already flooding through the window, illuminating the undisturbed table. Her eyes were drawn to a still figure outside of the window. Sirius was sitting outside on the porch, hot steam billowing from the mug in his hands.

Lily debated a moment about joining him. He looked pensive and sad, tortured even. It was an emotion that had peeked out of him momentarily from time to time over the past week. He usually did a good job of hiding it behind jokes and laughter, but now, when he thought no one was watching, he'd released himself to it, allowing himself to get lost in his own thoughts. It was quite surprising for Lily to see anything besides mischief or fierce loyalty on Sirius' face.

Finally, she decided that perhaps he, like herself, didn't want to be alone with his own dreadful thoughts. So she pulled her dressing gown tightly around her body and opened the back door to step out onto the porch. She moved slowly and took a seat next to him on a bench.

"Hey," he said without looking up at her not even the slightest hint of surprise at being disturbed in his voice. He was bent forward, his forearms resting on his knees staring determinedly at the ground beneath his feet.

"Hey," she replied quietly. "You okay?" Her voice was timid, insecurity filling her with doubts about what to say or whether she should say anything at all.

"Yeah," he answered quickly, almost defensively. She was quiet for a long moment. He sighed, and raised his head, though his eyes remained away from hers and choosing instead to focus on some point off in the horizon. "Christmas is just…hard. It's always a hard time of year."

"Being away from your family?" Lily guessed.

He nodded and leaned back in his seat, sighing again. "I don't _miss_ them. Really, I'm not just saying that," he said, something in his voice pleading with her to believe him. "I hate the lot of them." Lily remained silent, concern in her eyes as she watched him. She'd never seen him this vulnerable before. "It's just…they're my _family_. They're supposed to love me unconditionally, right? Even if I'm a blood traitor…even if I'm friendly with Muggleborns…even if I don't want to grow up to kill loads of innocent people."

There was a hitch in his voice and he stopped talking. "You're a good person, Sirius," Lily said quietly after a pause. "And if your family can't see that then that speaks more about their character than about yours. Any halfway decent person would be proud to have you as a son."

"Yeah, yeah. I know," he said off-handedly as though he'd heard this already a million times before. He took a deep breath and then muttered, almost as though it was wrenched from deep within him without his consent, "It's just that no matter how many times I've heard that and despite how much I don't want to be a Black…it's still not a pleasant feeling being disowned. My own flesh and blood don't want anything to do with me…they hate me," he said trailing off. He sounded so dejected, his voice so full of pain that Lily could tell that this was something that had weighed on him for a long time.

Timidly, she reached over and took his hand. He finally raised his eyes to hers, their cool depths filled with a sorrow that made Lily's breath catch in her chest. "You know what I've realized over the last few years?" Sirius shook his head slowly, not removing his eyes from hers as though transfixed. "Those people, the ones who want nothing to do with you, they're not your family. They might share some DNA or have your nose or your eyes, but they're _not_ your family." She shook her head slowly. "You were right before. Family is supposed to love you unconditionally, in spite of your failures or shortcomings. Your _real_ family, the people you can depend on to love you through anything…you've got that. Regulus…he's not your brother. James…Remus…Peter, those guys are your brothers. And your parents…well, Arie and Davis treat you like their own flesh and blood." She paused now, unsure if she should say what was on the tip of her tongue but the desperation in his eyes and the way he was hungrily drinking up her words pushed her on. "And you've got me…you know, in case you ever wanted a sister." She smiled sheepishly but genuinely and he returned the gesture. "So maybe the Blacks disowned you, but your true family…we all love you and would give up everything for you without a second thought. I know it's not easy…believe me, _I know_. But what you have with us, with James and the Potters, that's much better than any approval you can get from those people."

He was quiet for a very long time. He held her gaze momentarily before squeezing her hand and dropping his eyes back to the ground.

"Thank you," he finally said, his voice thick. He let out a long exhale and leaned back, gulping his rapidly cooling tea. "How are you this morning?"

Lily grinned and sipped her own lukewarm beverage. "Better," she answered simply.

"Prongs was pretty worried about you," he elaborated.

Lily felt a heat rise in her cheeks that had nothing to do with the sun beams that were beating down on her. "Yes well…I definitely felt better once he came in." She suddenly felt extremely shy. It was one thing discussing her feelings for James _with_ James himself, but with Sirius? If she were honest with herself, she knew that she felt more pressure impressing Sirius than she did James's parents. "Most things seem better when I'm around James, so it wasn't really surprising…"

She blushed furiously under the gaze Sirius was now piercing her with. He seemed equally shocked at her statement, but also wore a smug grin. "You've ruined him, you know."

"Oh really?" He nodded his answer vigorously. "How so?"

"Well, he spends more time thinking about you than thinking up proper pranks. It's really affected the quality of our work," he explained seriously. Lily giggled and rolled her eyes.

"What's so funny?" James asked as he stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind him. He squinted into the sunlight and took a seat in the chair nearest the bench that Sirius and Lily occupied. He still looked exhausted, dark circles formed beneath his eyes. Between gulps of tea, he stifled yawns and rubbed his eyes. Lily noticed also that he messed up his hair more than normal, a habit which must be more difficult to resist whenever his brain was scarcely functioning.

"I was just telling Lily how much she's ruined you."

James raised his eyebrows seriously and looked over at her, Lily barely noticing the amused glint in his tired eyes. "It's true…I'm useless now." Lily laughed again as he winked at her. "At least Padfoot here knows what's wrong with me. Moony thinks I must have taken a Bludger to the head that knocked me down to Wormtail's intelligence level."

"It doesn't really bother me," Sirius stated, "But I'm warning you right now. If I'm in serious need of a good prank I may purposely cause a fight between you two so that I can get his complete focus." Lily raised an eyebrow at him but James piped up with a retort before she could think of anything to say in reply.

"Don't do that," he said through a yawn. "We fight enough on our own…we don't need your help as well." He chuckled and sipped from his mug again and didn't see the thoughtful look Lily was giving him. Something about the way he'd said that didn't sit well with her.

"Jeez, Prongs, why are you so tired? Were you doing more than just comforting dear Lily here last night?" Sirius asked, his voice thick with implication.

"Shut up," James replied, sipping again, but Lily noticed that his ears were a shade darker red than they had been moments earlier.

"What on earth are you three doing out here?" Mrs. Potter asked as she pulled open the door and yanked her dressing gown closely around her body as the chilly air collided with her. "It's freezing!" She ushered them inside and the smell of sausage and biscuits welcomed them into the kitchen, flooding their senses and making Lily realize just how hungry she was.

"I think the better question is when in our lives have we ever seen James or Sirius out of bed before lunch?" Davis quipped, his eyes glinting at the boys who were both laughing sarcastically. "Lily must use some kind of powerful magic we don't know about. We've been trying to manage this for years," Davis explained, addressing Lily. She giggled as Arie tipped some sausages onto her plate. James rolled his eyes.

"What are you kids doing today?" Arie asked as she sat down next to her husband. "Davis and I thought we'd take you all to see a show this evening."

Lily and Sirius murmured enthusiastically but James looked thoughtful. "Something wrong, James?"

He was still looking contemplative but looked up and met his mother's eyes. "I guess we can do it another night, but I was just thinking I'd take Lily out tonight," he explained.

"You did?" Lily asked surprised as this was the first time she'd heard of this plan.

"Yeah," James said, lowering his voice slighting and turning toward her. "I just thought…you know, we're at Hogwarts which limits our dates to stuff around the castle and Hogsmeade weekends. I just thought it would be nice to go on an actual date."

"I don't mind Hogsmeade dates," Lily murmured, embarrassed to be discussing this in front of his parents at the breakfast table.

"I don't mind them either, I was just thinking that it would be a nice treat." He smiled warmly at her and then seemed to realize that the rest of their group was silent and watching them. His cheeks tinged pink, he turned to his mother. "Um…but we can go another night. What did you want to see?"

They spent the rest of breakfast debating which play to see. No suggestion ever seemed to be able to make everyone happy. Sirius objected vehemently to anything he deemed too girly. Davis laughed very loudly for a prolonged amount of time when Lily had suggested they see a musical. Finally, tired of all the bickering, Arie pulled out the paper and read off the names of the different plays showing. If more than one person opposed she crossed it off. Then they voted and finally had decided on a not too girly, non-singing, non-old timey show.

James kept trying to find the time to escape to his bedroom and take a nap but each time he would manage it, his mum would need him to help her haul food over to a neighbor's house or his dad would need help installing some cooking gadget Arie had received for Christmas. Lily felt bad for him. She knew the only reason he was so exhausted was because he'd stayed up making sure she was okay.

His day had been so filled with small but necessary tasks that he had barely had time to sit down before Arie was ushering them all into the sedan; the boys dressed in slacks and button down shirts and the ladies in skirts and nice shirts.

James told Lily, though an immense yawn, that she looked lovely. In return, she gave him a stern look and told him that she looked like she was wearing a frumpier version of her school uniform.

Arie was nothing short of giddy as they made their way through the crowd of Muggles. She kept saying that she felt like a spy infiltrating their numbers without detection. Lily and Davis would often catch each others' eye after a proclamation like this and then have to look away swiftly in order to stifle their laughter. Sirius encouraged her, coming up with absurd code names for strangers and pretending to talk into his watch. James would laugh feebly whenever he noticed it, but most of the time he would be staring off into space, his eyes unfocused. Lily would periodically prod him in the arm throughout the show whenever she noticed that he seemed to be nodding off. He would respond by giving her a sleepy smile and rubbing his eyes and again trying to focus them on the action in front of him.

On the ride home, Lily let him nod off, his head dropping heavily onto her shoulder.

She roused him unwillingly whenever they made it back to his house. He winced against the light and then headed inside.

She crawled into bed a few minutes later, her fleece pajamas rubbing softly against her skin. She propped herself up on her side and grabbed a book out of her trunk. As the quiet rustlings of the other four people slowly quieted, a kind of dread began to build up inside of her. She didn't want to fall into the pit of despair that she had teetered on the edge of so dangerously the night before. James was probably fast asleep by now and would not be able to comfort her (besides, she thought it was probably pretty dangerous for the two of them to share a bed in his parents' house, even if nothing was going on). She figured if she could read until she fell asleep, she might be safe but found that her mind was unfocused and drifting to various subjects rather than on the words of the pages in front of her.

But just as the panic was really starting to surface and the knot in her chest tightened, she heard a soft knock on the door.

"Come in," she said quietly, marking her page in the book. The door opened a crack and James's sleepy face appeared in the doorway. She felt the corners of her mouth quirk upwards. "I thought you'd be asleep by now," she remarked.

"Me too," he admitted. "But then I was wondering if you might need company again." She noticed that he was very careful to remain in the hall until she gave him the okay to enter the room. She liked it. Although she would not have had an issue if he had walked in and sat down, she liked that he was conscious of the fact that boundaries had not been set.

"Do you promise to actually _go_ to sleep tonight?" she asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

"Honestly, I don't think that I could stay awake even if I wanted to…which I don't." He grinned and walked in, closing the door softly behind him. "I have every intention of going straight to sleep."

"Then please stay," she said. He walked around onto the other side of the bed while she put a bookmark in and placed the book on her bedside table. As she reached for her wand to extinguish the candles she felt him slide up behind her, his feet on hers and her back flush against his chest. "You're not going to wait for me to beg you to hold me tonight?" Lily asked as she turned slightly so that she could see his face.

He grinned, the gold flecks in his eyes more obvious with his glasses removed, and shook his head. "Nope, I liked it too much. Besides tonight is going to be about _me_ getting some sleep, and I sleep better with you right here," he explained wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her even closer.

"Good line," Lily commented as she twisted enough to kiss the space just underneath his chin and then turning and resting her head on the pillow. "Cheesy, but still sweet. And it accomplished your goal. I wouldn't have moved even if I wanted to…which I don't." She felt him chuckling, his chest shaking gently behind her and his breath ruffling her hair.

"Good night, Lily," he murmured quietly a few moments later, dropping a soft kiss on a bare spot of her shoulder.

"Night, James," she said. His hand hung loosely over her middle and she remained awake, trying to move as little as possible so that she wouldn't disturb him. It didn't take very long before his breathing became slow and even. She closed her eyes and allowed the sound to lull her to sleep, the knot in her chest barely noticeable now.

They both awoke much later the next morning. The sun was already high in the sky when Lily felt the wave of consciousness slide over her. She wasn't sure if James was awake or not so she was careful not to stir. The sense of comfort and contentedness was there again and as she woke more fully, she tried to memorize everything about this perfect moment.

They were in the same position they had been in last night though with obvious shifts. James had seemed to move down a bit. She could feel his steady breathing at the base of her neck, almost to her shoulder. Lily's arm was on top of his that was resting on her thigh. Their fingers were intertwined and she moved hers gently between his, stroking his hand absentmindedly. His hand moved as well, responding unconsciously to her stimulation. She closed her eyes, unable to stop the self-indulgent smile that formed on her lips. In this moment, everything was perfect. She had no worries, nothing to bother her or plague her mind; there was just here, just James.

She gripped his hand more firmly and pulled his arm gently down around her waist, flattening his palm against her stomach and then she sighed contentedly.

"Are you awake now?" he questioned softly in case she wasn't. His voice was husky and his breath tickled the back of her neck. She started and turned slightly so that she was on her back and could see his face. He was grinning down at her, the evidence of sleep still in his eyes. "I didn't wake you did I?"

She shook her head and turned completely so that her body was facing his. He lifted a hand and brushed a lock of her tangled hair off of her face. His hand stayed put on her neck, sending a shiver through down her spine. He leaned in to kiss her and she jerked away from him leaving him looking shocked.

"Morning breath," she explained holding her hand over her mouth.

"I don't care about that," James protested as he reached out, grabbed her waist and pulled her back next to his body.

"You might not," Lily said with a significant raise of her eyebrows. "But maybe I don't want to kiss _your_ morning breath. Ever think about that?"

James pretended to contemplate her for a moment before saying, "Yeah…I still don't care," and kissed her anyway. Lily smiled against his lips and couldn't help but think that this only made the morning more perfect.

He pulled back, his expression mirroring the blissfulness she was experiencing. He propped himself up on his elbow and toyed with a strand of the hair that was fanned out around her head. She tucked her hands under her cheek and gazed at him, content to stay in this spot for the rest of the day.

"I like this," he murmured as though reading her thoughts. "I like you being here when I wake up."

Lily smiled. "Me too," she admitted.

"I might have to sneak you into our dormitory every night so we can keep it up," he joked, his glasses-free eyes glinting merrily.

"Ha! Yeah right! If anyone's sneaking into dorms, it'll be you, not me." He looked surprised by her response to his suggestion. He had expected a harsh objection or an eye roll. "I was up there last year, remember? I raided it because of all the Dungbombs that kept 'mysteriously' making their way into the Slytherins' porridges."

"What's your point?" he asked, ignoring the pointed look she was giving him and not feeling the slightest hint of guilt.

She paused a moment. "It smells in there," she stated simply, but when James looked ready to interject, she continued a little louder. "It smells like nasty, disgusting boys who've never heard of laundry detergent or a shower live in there." James was laughing his belly laugh now and it was filling the whole room. "Not to mention…as loud as Sirius's snores are through the wall, I can only imagine how loud they are in the _same_ room. I don't know how any of you sleep at all!"

James took a few moments to quit laughing hard enough to get words out. Still chuckling, he turned toward her and attempted to pierce her with a conspiratorial look. "Are you giving me permission to sneak into _your_ dormitory then?"

"No," Lily answered quickly, rolling her eyes. "Nice try though."

Chuckling again, James rolled over and pushed himself up with a little groan. "I guess I should sneak out of here before Mum starts trying to wake us all up," he said in answer to the disgruntled look on Lily's face.

She seemed placated by this explanation, though still not happy about his departure and pushed herself up into a sitting position and leaned against the headboard. She watched him as he crossed the room, enjoying the way his twisted night shirt clung tightly to his chest. "You don't think your Mum would like you sleeping in here?"

He gave her a sarcastic grimace and then tiptoed out into the hall after cautiously peeking out first. He waved and then disappeared behind the closed door. Lily sighed and leaned her head back thinking that she was getting in far too deep. Much deeper indeed than she had ever imagined she would be, especially this soon.

The rest of the holiday went by quickly. At her house over the holidays, her family usually spent the time lazing around, enjoying time off and relaxing. Her mum would make quick and easy meals for them all and that was typically the extent of the work done. Lily would lay around on the couch, alternating between reading her mother's latest mystery novel, napping, and chatting for what felt like hours with her parents about school or her friends or what had happened at their bridge club. Petunia, for the last few years at least, would come up with an assortment of excuses (typically involving Vernon) to be out of the house so Lily never even had to deal with her snide remarks or bitter looks.

The Potters seemed to be the exact opposite. James and Sirius, unsurprisingly seemed to never run out of energy. From the moment they were both awake to the moment everyone said goodnight they were plotting adventures or creating mischief. Their greatest endeavor so far had been their attempt to teach Lily how to play Quidditch. They had carried three brooms up to a deserted meadow just a few minutes away from their house. At first, it had been Sirius and Lily against James but Lily was so dreadful that they ended up making her the Keeper and just playing one-on-one against each other. But she was also terrible as a Keeper (which, for her ego, she attributed to the talents of James and Sirius as Chasers rather than her own lack of ability) and so, while she followed them to the meadow the next day, she brought a chair and read her book while they played and reviewed new ideas for plays.

Nearly every night Sirius would disappear for a few hours. He headed out to the local pub and always came back smiling a bit more broadly and laughing a bit more loudly. James kept trying to take Lily out but was continually thwarted. One night, Arie wanted them to come over to one of her neighbor's dinner parties. One evening, England Quidditch was on and Sirius and Davis wouldn't let James leave (though Lily suspected that he didn't put up much of a fight).

Two nights before they left to go back to Hogwarts, Sirius was already snoring loudly in James's bedroom and the Potters had turned in early. Lily was laying down, her book propped up in her lap. James was laying down next to her staring up at the ceiling. He would sigh loudly at various intervals and then look over at Lily, hoping that she would take notice. But she was too wrapped up in her novel.

Finally, he rolled over to look at her. Though her eyes continued to move steadily over the words on the page, he saw the corner of her mouth turn up so he knew she was listening.

"I'm bored," he stated in tones that indicated he expected her to do something about it.

"Read a book," she supplied as she turned the page.

James was silent for a moment and then stated, "No."

She grinned again. "Go to sleep then. You don't have to wait for me."

"I'm not tired."

"Well then find something to do, but I want to keep reading. I just got to the good part," she said slightly exasperated.

James was silent and Lily put all of her attention back on deciphering the meaning of the words her eyes kept scanning over. But just about the time that she found her spot again, she felt James move closer to her. Before she had time to say anything his lips were on her neck leaving a trail of fluttering kisses up the side to her ear. His hand, large and warm, was on her stomach grabbing a handful of the fabric of her t-shirt.

"James, I'm reading," Lily protested through a feeble giggle.

"That's fine with me," he responded without moving at all, his lips brushing against her skin and his warm breath sending a shiver down her spine. "Carry on." He wrapped his arm all the way around her and pulled himself even closer. Lily laughed feebly again and then made a half-hearted attempt to continue reading. She had not even begun searching for her spot when her eyes closed almost involuntarily when his teeth grazed her ear.

"Forget it," she mumbled, dropping her book to the floor and rolling over to meet his lips with hers, her hands on either side of his face. He seemed momentarily shocked by her reaction but then responded and pulled her body closer into his. Their kisses were sweet and calm, Lily's fingers becoming tangled in his raven hair, James's strong arms circling her body.

"I can't believe that worked," James murmured against the hollow of her neck.

"I think you'd be surprised to find out how difficult it is for me to resist you," Lily explained with a grin as he made his way back to her lips.

"Really?" he questioned, amusement alight in his eyes as he hovered a few inches above her. "I need to figure out a way to use that information more effectively then." She nodded and ran her fingers down his cheek and settling on his chest, his taut muscles tightening at her touch.

"I think you'd be surprised to find out how strong a lot of my feelings are for you," she whispered. He gazed down at her for a long moment, shocked by her admission and suddenly the tension between them seemed to thicken. Her chest was rising rapidly and she was biting the corner of her bottom lip in anticipation. She was so beautiful and she was looking up at him with a desire in her eyes that he hadn't ever seen there before. And though he knew that the prudent and wise thing to do at that moment would be to move away, he found that his own want for her was overpowering. He leaned down suddenly and caught her lips with his, kissing her much more fiercely than before, ignoring any warning bells going off in his head and just allowing himself to feel (which was much easier as Lily seemed to be doing the same thing).

His body, now tangled on top of hers, was pushing her down against the mattress. Her knee was up against his waist, his hand moving over her thigh and up the side of her stomach, the tips of his rough fingers caressing the bare skin it exposed. He seemed to not be consciously making decisions about what he was doing.

He was everywhere, his body pressed against hers and yet Lily still felt that he wasn't close enough. He had never kissed her like this before, never with the reckless abandon that seemed to have possessed him. But she liked it. Too much. His hands were everywhere, rough and passionate but still tender. Lily's hands, acting purely on instinct, were running over his chest and then clutching at his shoulders. A soft moan escaped her lips which only intensified what was already happening. It was as though before this moment they had been holding back, treating one another with caution, unsure of what was going to happen between them. And though she still felt uncertain, the past few weeks had strengthened her feelings for James so much so that being with him like this felt natural, felt right somehow.

Without consciously telling her hands to do it, they had moved slowly down James' back, loving the way she could feel his muscles stretching beneath the fabric of his shirt. They found their way underneath the hem of his shirt and an electric shock seemed to pass through her body as her hands nervously made their way upwards, over his warm skin.

Without missing a beat, James pulled away from her a few inches (but even that made her body scream in protest) and he lifted his arm over his head and in one fluid motion pulled the t-shirt off and over his head and dropped it noiselessly to the floor. He looked down at her, his hazel eyes dark and deep, waiting for her to make the next move. Both were breathing quickly, unable to move their eyes away from the other. Lily's hands, still frozen in place on his stomach inched upwards over his chest and clasped behind his neck before she pulled herself off the bed to meet him. He grinned against her lips, pushed her back down on the mattress, and Lily could practically feel the happiness radiating from his body.

Lily knew that they were moving too fast, but it felt too good to stop. All of her senses were on fire and everywhere his body touched hers seemed to be tingling with pleasure. His lips moved against hers and over her skin in ways that she was sure must be illegal. He was everywhere and he was everything; all-consuming.

James's hands had made their way back down to her waist, teasing the hem of her shirt again, his fingertips brushing the skin of her stomach. It felt incredible. But as his hand made its way further underneath her shirt and began moving upwards, suddenly her mind seemed to snap back into sharp focus.

She wrenched her mouth away from his and pulled her hands out of his hair and pushed against his chest. "Stop!" she gasped, trying not to make eye contact. "Stop," she repeated, more quietly. James seemed momentarily immobile. He swallowed loudly, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Lily desperately tried to force herself to look away and ignore the way his muscles were expanding and contracting beneath her palms. "I'm sorry," she murmured and then dared to look in his eyes. He didn't look angry, or even surprised. She didn't have a clue what emotion was in his eyes but as they locked with her pleading eyes, they softened and he sighed loudly and let his head fall, his forehead resting on her collar bone. The contact wasn't necessarily a good thing. His fast breathing was sending waves of his warm breath over her skin, making her resolve much weaker than it had been moments before. Slowly he pushed himself off of her and into a sitting position. He was taking deep breaths, his head resting in his hands and his fingers raking through his hair.

Lily watched him carefully, guilt thrashing at her insides. She sat up too and rested her forehead against his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she repeated quietly.

He turned his head and kissed her forehead lightly before squeezing her knee quickly. "Don't be sorry…I had fun." She grinned involuntarily and then shoved him playfully while scooting back away from him and resting against the headboard. She unsuccessfully tried not to stare as he bent over and stretched to reach his shirt. She also tried to ignore the explosion in the pit of her stomach as she watched the curve of his back and the way his skin moved over his muscles as he pulled his t-shirt back on, again, unsuccessfully.

He stood up and walked over to her, bending low and kissing the top of her head once again. "Goodnight Lily," he muttered before turning and walking toward the door.

"Wait!" Lily called moving to the edge of the bed and reaching out to grab his hand. "You're not staying?"

James turned to stare at her, an incredulous look on his face. "I'm not sure it's such a great idea for us to be sleeping in the same bed after what just happened," he explained not moving an inch from where he stood.

"I'm sorry about that, but please stay. I promise I'll be good."

James sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly before he ran a hand through his tousled hair. After a momentary pause he looked up at her. "It's not really you I'm concerned about."

"Please, James," she pleaded. He looked deeply into her eyes and Lily watched as his carefully determined look faltered. She smiled as he rolled his eyes and began walking to the other side of the bed. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"It's really not a good thing that I caved so easily." Lily grinned as he slid under the covers but maintained a careful distance between them. "All it takes is a 'please' and those pouty eyes and you could probably have anything you wanted. This is very dangerous."

"I promise only to use my powers for good and never for evil," Lily giggled and then began moving closer to him, but his arms snapped up quickly and pushed against her shoulders. "What?" she asked, bewildered.

"I think you should stay over there," he said, swallowing loudly. "Just to be safe."

"Okay," Lily drawled and moved away from him, pretending that her feelings weren't hurt. He rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes immediately, occasionally releasing a long breath of air. Lily knew that he must be upset with her and though she could hardly blame him after the way she had led him on, she couldn't help but feel stung at his reaction.

She knew that he wasn't asleep and after a few minutes of painful silence she turned over onto her side. "Are you mad at me?" she whispered, the dim light from the street lamp filtering in through the window and illuminating his features. She saw his eyes snap open before he rolled over to look at her incredulously.

"Of course not, why would you think that?"

Lily shrugged and folded her hands underneath her head. "I stopped you and then you wanted to leave and now you don't even want to talk to me…and I dunno, I just assumed." She bit her lower lip and felt the heat rising to her cheeks. "I'm sorry that I let things get out of hand, but I'm just…I'm just not ready for that yet."

"Lily," James said gently, cutting her off. "I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?"

"Not even a little bit." He lifted a hand to her cheek and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "I tried to leave and I'm laying over here because I think being in bed with you in the dark after what just happened is possibly the most dangerous thing I've ever done. I am literally using every ounce of restraint I possess to stay over here." Lily grinned and rolled her eyes but didn't say anything as he let his hand drop back onto the mattress between them. "I don't think either of us is ready for _that_," he said after a short pause. "And I think we've got something really great going on between us and I don't want to mess that up."

Lily smiled sheepishly, thankful to the darkness for hiding the way she was blushing. "I think this is going pretty good too. But I don't think I'm going to be ready for that for a long time. I tend to be pretty old fashioned when it comes to sex."

"Really?" James asked, and Lily could tell from the tone of his voice that he was intrigued.

"Yes, really."

"How old fashioned?"

Lily was silent for a moment. "Like, wait-until-I'm-married old fashioned," she answered. "Sorry." She heard him laughing and felt the mattress shaking gently. "Why are you laughing?"

"Because you keep apologizing! There's nothing to be sorry about. All that means is that I'm going to have to propose sooner than I'm planning on."

Now it was Lily's turn to laugh and she shoved him playfully. "You're already planning it then?"

"Well, I haven't got all the mechanics of the date figured out yet. I can't decide between two weekends that I've got picked out. It really depends on where we're going for our honeymoon. But I've got a ring picked out. I already had a couple of days circled on the calendar but clearly I'm going to have to reschedule." She could hear the amusement in his voice and just shook her head, resigned to letting him get this out of his system. "I suppose we could just elope…that would save a lot of time."

"Sure it would."

"How's tomorrow for you? Are you busy?"

"Wow! Is that your proposal speech? 'Are you busy?' If that's the best you've got, I'm going to have to turn you down," Lily teased.

"Ah, but you haven't seen the ring yet. You should at least wait until you see the diamond."

"Why? Is it big?"

"Huge! By the end of your life, your left arm will be longer than your right." Lily couldn't suppress the giggles anymore and let herself succumb to them, laughing much louder than she knew she should.

James was chuckling as well, his soft laugh soothing her. There was a comfortable silence when Lily closed her eyes and felt herself being pulled slowly into a peaceful sleep. "Lily," James began softly. She opened her eyes and smiled sleepily at him. "I'm actually kind of glad that you're 'old fashioned'."

"Really?" Lily asked skeptically, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah. I mean, the actual waiting won't be great…but I think that when it actually does happen, _if_ it actually happens, it'll just make it all the more…I dunno…special, you know what I mean?" Lily didn't know what to say. That had been one of the last things she had ever expected to come out of his mouth. Even in the dark, she could feel the intensity of his gaze.

"I think so too," she finally uttered.

"And…" he continued, deciding to just go ahead and say everything that was on his mind, "as a man, assuming that you and I get married, it'll be kind of nice knowing that I'm the only one who will ever get to be with you."

"Are you saying you _want_ to wait?"

"No," he answered immediately. "No, I'm just saying that if you want to wait, I understand it and I respect it and that I will find a silver lining. But if you change your mind, I'm game." Even in the dark she could tell he was smirking.

"Well don't get your hopes up too high, buddy," she teased. "Good night."

"Night, Lily."

They lay in silence, Lily feeling peaceful as she closed her eyes and began drifting off to sleep. James had been more understanding than she had expected him to be, but she was starting to get used to that; to James being more than she had ever expected.

And right before slipping off into unconsciousness, she felt James reach over and take her hand.

She woke up in his arms again. He was on his back, still asleep and her body was turned toward his, her head resting on his shoulder and her arm draped over his middle. His chest was rising and falling gently and she could just barely hear his heart beating, quiet and even. She could hear Arie moving around and she heard the low murmurings of Davis as he questioned her about something he was reading. Lily knew that it must be later than they had been waking up the rest of the break. She picked her head up and rested her chin on James's chest so that she could see his face. She hated to wake him as peaceful as he looked, his eyelids fluttering occasionally and his mouth slightly open but with only one day left of vacation she also didn't want to risk getting caught.

She rolled over on top of him and kissed him lightly along the collar bone. A noise rose from deep in his throat as he stirred, stretching luxuriously and then wrapping his arms around her. She left a trail of kisses up his neck and along his Adam's apple and finally resting on his lips.

"I could get used to waking up like this every morning," he mumbled hoarsely, his words interrupted by brief kisses.

Lily was about to respond when a soft knock came at her door. Simultaneously they turned their heads to look toward the threatening sound. "Lily, dear, are you awake?" came Mrs. Potter's quiet voice. Lily felt all of the color drain from her face and when she turned back to James, his eyes were the size of galleons and a fear like she had never seen from him gripped his eyes. Lily rolled off of him with too much force, accidentally whacking him in the head with her elbow. She shot him an apologetic look and watched as with a painful grimace he leapt lightly from the bed and landed soundlessly. He ducked down behind the bed as Lily pulled the covers up under her chin while at the same time the door creaked open.

"Morning, Arie," Lily said in a would-be calm voice, hoping that some of the color had leaked back into her face and that the expression of terror had disappeared.

"Good morning, dear. How did you sleep?" she asked cheerfully. Lily thought that she saw a trace of suspicion in her eyes but couldn't be sure if it was really there or if she was imagining it.

"Fine…really well actually," Lily answered, her voice higher than normal. She saw Sirius poke his head out of his door and look curiously in their direction.

"Glad to hear it! Well, breakfast is on the table and I thought that I would come through and do all of the laundry so that you can be packed and ready to go tonight. I'll just get yours and then I'll be out of your hair." She gestured to the giant pile of Lily's dirty laundry on the opposite corner of the room, which would give her a perfect view of her disheveled and clearly just awoken son hiding on the floor. Lily made a few nondescript noises of protest but couldn't get her mind to work fast enough to put together a good enough excuse to keep Arie from moving further into the room.

Lily watched and waited for an outburst of anger or embarrassment or horror but it never came. Arie crossed the room, picked up Lily's laundry and stood back up without a word. Lily, aware that her face had shock written all over it, chanced a glance down at the spot that she knew James occupied only to see that he wasn't there. Then Lily stared, mouth open, as Arie crossed back to the door and closed it quietly behind her. She stared at the spot his mother had just been for a moment, too much going on in her head to process anything else.

Finally she looked back down at the floor and there he was, just like he was supposed to be, curled into a ball and looking as fearful as she felt.

"Is she still in here?" he mouthed. Lily couldn't find her voice so she just shook her head weakly. James sighed, relief visibly washing over him before pushing himself up and sitting back on the edge of the bed.

"How…wh…what happened?" she stuttered gesturing to the floor.

James looked down at the floor and before looking up to meet her eyes again, he said, "Oh…I crawled under the bed." Lily still looked horrified causing James to smirk and kiss her on the forehead. "That was a close one, wasn't it?" Lily looked at him incredulously and nodded. He grinned again. "See you in the kitchen!" And with that he was off the bed and peeking out of the door before bolting out of the room. Still speechless, Lily sat frozen. She heard Sirius and James laughing through the wall, about their close encounter no doubt. Lily rolled her eyes and fell back on the bed, her heart finally beginning to slow down.

She managed to regain her composure enough to make her way into the kitchen without fainting. Everyone was already eating at the table and looked up when they heard her enter. She smoothed her hair nervously and pulled her dressing gown tighter around her waist. Davis gave her a quick wink and then focused his attention back onto the politics page of his paper. Arie flashed her a quick grin and went back to applying liberal amounts of marmalade to her toast. Sirius was grinning like an idiot and glancing quickly between her and James.

James, for his part, looked so convincingly half asleep and pleased to see her that had Lily not know that James had been wide awake only a few minutes earlier she would have believed that he had only just woken up. And even as she sat there looking back at his bleary-eyed face, she began to wonder if everything that had transpired in her bedroom had only been a very vivid and frightening dream.

"Morning," he mumbled as she sunk into the chair next to him. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. It was so natural, so perfect. Lily had to bite the inside of her lip in order to stop herself from giggling. James seemed to sense this and Lily watched as the spark of mischief in his eyes was fanned into a flame. "How did you sleep last night?" he asked innocently.

"Fine," Lily answered, the corners of her lips turning up slowly. She shoved a big slice of peach into her mouth and began chewing. "How'd you sleep?" Her voice was muffled and her words were choked out but it had the desired effect of keeping her from laughing.

James shrugged and took another bite. "Okay, I guess. But I fell out of bed this morning. Can you believe that? I guess I was dreaming and in my dream someone…actually, I think it was _you_…pushed me and I fell right onto the floor. You'd think after seventeen years that I'd be able to sleep without falling down."

Lily was now laughing so hard that she was choking on her fruit. Sirius was bent over, snorting into his cereal. Davis was watching them all with an eyebrow raised over the top of his newspaper. James wasn't laughing but was patting Lily on the back, feigning concern about her choking which only made her laugh harder. Arie shrugged at her husband across the table and began munching on her toast.

After Lily, James, and Sirius got control of themselves, Arie turned and addressed Lily. "So dear, I was thinking that since it's your last night here that we could all do something special. Maybe we could convince Sirius to stay here tonight and we could make a big dinner or we could go out and see a movie. How does that sound?" Her eyes were alight with affection and eagerness and Lily felt her heart warming even more toward the woman.

Arie smiled serenely at Lily who was about to answer when James cut across her.

"No, Mum," he objected loudly. Lily, shocked, looked over at him.

"No?" she asked, curious.

"No," he confirmed. "I've been trying all break to find a convenient night to take Lily out on a _real_ date and it hasn't worked out. Tonight is our last chance. I am claiming her for myself."

Lily felt the heat rush to her cheeks. "James…we've been on real dates before," she said quietly, almost whispering because of the awareness of all eyes on her once again. "I don't mind if you want to spend the evening with your family."

It was Arie who cut across her son this time. "You're very sweet, Lily, but James is right. We've been hogging you and keeping you all to ourselves. You two deserve a night alone." Her voice was very practical and matter-of-fact but she was gazing at her son proudly.

"Thanks, Mum," James said with a nod. "I'll pick you up at seven," he told Lily before stuffing a whole muffin into his mouth.

The day went by uneventfully enough. They spent the morning at a local shopping center; Lily buying a dress for their date and James and Sirius perusing the Muggle magic shop laughing at the tricks. When the returned to the Potter's, Arie made them start packing everything that they wouldn't use before time to leave the next morning. Lily could hear James and Sirius in the next room, the laughing combined with the occasional sound of something breaking or falling made her doubt that very much was getting packed.

Finally, seven o'clock arrived. James was sitting in the living room with his father dressed in his nicest jeans, a dark blue button up shirt and a sports coat. He looked around the corner expectantly as the clock chimed seven times and then watched as the minute hand clicked once, then twice, then three times past the twelve.

After fifteen minutes had passed, James was letting out a frustrated sigh every few seconds and tapping his foot anxiously on the ground. Mr. Potter was grinning to himself.

"You know, it just amazes me," James blurted out, throwing his arms up, "that she pitches a giant fit and threatens to give me detention if I'm two minutes late to a Prefect meeting, but it's okay for her to be FIFTEEN MINUTES late for a dinner reservation." Lily's response to his shouting the exact number of minutes she was late was merely a giggle that floated into the room to meet his ears. He groaned and rolled his eyes. Davis couldn't keep quiet anymore and chuckled quietly to himself.

"James, this is one of those things that you learn with age. Always tell a woman that your reservation is thirty minutes earlier than it actually is. There's something in their DNA that makes it impossible for them to be on time to anything that you deem important. I think it's like a test for them, to see if you love them enough to keep waiting." James ran his hand through his hair impatiently and his father continued, his demeanor quiet and wise. "Your mother for example has never been more than seven seconds late to one of her pot lucks or block parties. But any time I want to take her out or we have an event at work, she is at least fifteen minutes late. In fact, I would consider fifteen minutes a great success."

"Doesn't it drive you insane?"

Davis shook his head slowly. "No, because in the end, it's always worth it."

James was preparing to retort when Lily walked out of the hall and into the light. James let out a low whistle, all traces of irritation erased. Lily was wearing a little black dress; simple but form fitting. Her heels gave her an added three inches so that she wasn't completely dwarfed by James as she typically was. Her hair was hanging in loose curls around her face, her eyes shining as she gazed up at him.

"What do you think? Was it worth the wait?" she teased as she twirled her hips slightly sending the skirt of the dress floating out around her.

James looked at her and smiled slowly. "For you, Lily, it's always worth the wait."

Lily grinned involuntarily, her heart fluttering. She took a step toward him, clutched the lapels of his jacket and pushed up onto her tiptoes and kissed him briefly. "Sorry I'm late," she said quietly. "I couldn't find the right shoes."

"You made a good choice," James replied, without looking away from her eyes.

Lily giggled. "You didn't even look at them."

James grinned and looked down, momentarily admiring the black shoes. "Well, I was still right. They're very nice." She smiled and hit him playfully in the stomach. "Are you ready to go?" She nodded and they waved goodbye to Davis.

James walked her to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her, handing her in.

"I like that bracelet," James commented as he climbed in on his side of the car and started the ignition.

"Yes, it's very nice. Some guy I know gave it to me."

"That man has good taste," James joked.

They rode along joking and playing and just enjoying being by themselves.

"We really didn't have to come out tonight. I would have been just as happy spending an evening at your house with your mum and dad," Lily said after a few minutes.

James peered over at her when they reached a stoplight. "Boy, you really don't want to go out, do you?"

"No, it's not that." Lily was stammering. "It's just that…well, we don't _need_ to go out tonight. If you'd rather hang out with your parents instead." James was glancing at her critically now.

"What do you mean 'we don't _need_ to go out'?"

Lily was starting to feel defensive and stupid. She couldn't get her words to come out right. Everything made so much sense in her mind until she tried to voice it. "I just meant that you get to see me every day, and you only see your parents over the summer and at Christmas. You know…we can spend the evening with them and then go out once we get back to Hogwarts."

"But the whole point of going out tonight was so that we could go somewhere and do something that we can't normally do," James snapped.

"And that's a lovely thought, but I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to take me out," Lily replied, her voice getting smaller as James's grew louder. She had stopped looking over at him and was instead staring at her hands as they twisted in her lap.

He was quiet, knowing somewhere deep inside that he was taking something personally that really wasn't a very big deal. But it was a big deal to him. He wanted to give Lily nice things and to do nice things for her. And he saw this as something in those categories and yet she had been resistant to the idea of the dinner since the first time he'd mentioned it. And her resistance now was only irritating him. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that by asking you out to a nice dinner I was forcing you to do something you didn't want to do." He was talking through gritted teeth, trying to keep his temper under control but Lily's stature and the way she was deliberately avoiding his eyes made it obvious that this contained rage was just as hurtful as if he were shouting at her.

"I didn't mean that, you've just been making it sound like I'm pressuring you into taking me somewhere else. You don't need to take me out, I'm fine with our dates at school."

"Technically, we've only been on one date. We just happened to 'bump into' one another in Hogsmeade. I guess you're happy with pub food then. Or perhaps for the rest of our lives instead of taking you out I'll just nick food from House Elves." His voice was dripping in sarcasm now.

Lily sighed quietly. "I didn't mean that, I just don't want you thinking that I'm unhappy with what we've been doing already. I like it! I'm fine with…"

"Lily, the whole point on going on more than a few dates is to try new things…to do _different_ things."

"Yes, I know that!" she said, her voice rising in irritation at his patronizing tone. "But don't feel like you have to take me out tonight if you'd rather spend the night with your family."

"I don't feel that way! I want to spend the night with you!" James practically shouted.

"Fine!" Lily retorted before folding her arms across her body and staring out of the window at the building lights as they sped past them. The sun had set but the sky was still light, it's shade of light blue darkening with each passing minute.

A long time passed between them filled with nothing but tense silence, both angrily refusing to be the first to speak and both ashamed at having lost their temper.

James sighed as they sat at a traffic light, a tall man in a black winter coat talking angrily to a woman next to him who looked like she couldn't care less about what he was saying crossed the street in front of them. He looked over at Lily, her mouth still set into a determined frown though he could see the reflected turmoil in her eyes on the window. "I'm sorry," he murmured and reached over to take her hand. He took it to be a good sign that her anger was not very severe when she didn't pull her arm away but allowed him to intertwine his fingers with hers and then lift hers to his lips, brushing the back of her hand with a light kiss. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just really wanted to take you out over the break. But if you want to go back home, I'll turn the car around and we can spend the evening talking about news with my dad and crushing my mum at chess."

One corner of Lily's mouth turned up in a half hearted smile. "I don't want to go back to your house," she said softly, turning her eyes away from a couple of giggling friends on the sidewalk and into James' soft hazel eyes. "I just didn't want you to feel like you had to take me out because I wasn't satisfied with our dates so far. I didn't want you to feel like you _had_ to."

"I don't. I want to take you out."

"Okay." She smiled weakly at him and then turned her gaze back out of the window. She didn't say another word as they drove up to the restaurant, handed the keys to the valet or while they entered the obnoxiously fancy and elegant dining hall and sat at the table reserved for two under the name Potter. She let a quiet "thank you" slip out when he pulled out a chair for her but then returned to her silent musings and avoiding his eyes. James knew her and knew her well enough to know that she sometimes took longer to process an argument so he was content to sit and let her finished working through it. But when she was still mute after they had ordered dinner, he couldn't hold his tongue any longer.

"Are you still mad at me?" His voice sounded harsher than he had intended it too and he scolded himself when her eyes snapped up to his, a weary look in them at the prospect of another argument. He tried to smile at her to make his own words seem softer, more playful.

"I'm not mad at you," she answered firmly.

"Yeah…I'm not buying that. You haven't spoken to me in nearly fifteen minutes. _Clearly_ you're upset about something."

"Clearly _you're_ delusional because I'm not upset," she snapped.

James pierced her with a knowing look. "Tell me what's wrong," he pleaded.

"Nothing's wrong…I'm not upset," Lily persisted. When his expression gave no hint of relenting, she added, "I was just thinking."

"Well, what're you thinking about that's making you so quiet?" He was amused by the amount of work she was making him do to get a straight answer from her when she knew what he was asking all along.

Lily hesitated for a moment then took a deep breath. She looked up from the lace tablecloth and met his eyes. "Do you remember the morning after Christmas when we were sitting outside with Sirius?" James nodded but remained silent so that she could continue. "Do you remember what we talked about?"

"Vaguely."

"Well, Sirius was joking about making us fight so that you two could prank someone," she explained and James nodded as brief snippets of their conversation came back to him though he could not remember anything that would still be upsetting her weeks later. "And then you said something like 'we fight enough on our own' or something like that." Lily was looking at him anxiously, waiting for him to say something, thinking that this needed no more explanation.

"So…" he drawled.

Lily looked at him incredulously. "Do you think we fight too much?" It sounded stupid out loud, much more idiotic than it had sounded in her head. James, to his credit, maintained an even look on his face, seriously considering her question knowing that it had been bothering her.

"Not at all," he answered easily.

"How can you think that?" Lily exclaimed.

"Lily, I was kidding when I said it. It was hyperbole. A gross exaggeration to make a point…or in that case, to make a joke."

"Okay, but you have to admit that we fight a lot. Much more than other couples."

"That's not a scientific fact. You can't prove that statement," he said, a hint of teasing in his tone which only seemed to irritate Lily. He smirked and she glared. He sighed and leaned forward. "Much more than which couples?"

"Well…Mary and Emmett for one," Lily stated timidly.

James scoffed. "We don't want to be like Mary and Emmett. I give them another three weeks at the most and then they'll be split up again."

Lily looked shocked at his suggestion. "What makes you say that? Why would they break up? They never argue about anything."

"That's exactly why!" James said. "They're either so similar that they agree on everything which, let's face it, is completely boring. Or they're not being honest about how they really feel to avoid arguments and that just leads to resentment and lies and all kinds of other crap that dooms relationships."

Lily had to fight back a grin at the superiority and assurance with which James dissected their friend's relationship. He sounded so knowledgeable; more like an aged man with years of marriage under his belt rather than the sixteen year-old boy in the longest relationship of his life, 3 months. "So you really don't think we fight too much."

"No, I don't," he answered confidently. "Do we fight more than a typical couple would? Yeah, probably. But I don't think it means we fight 'too much.' I think it's just how we communicate. You and I _don't_ agree about everything and I think that when we fight or argue it's just how we come to terms with that. I think it's us being honest. And I certainly don't think it's a bad thing."

"We're just being honest," Lily repeated, trying it out for herself to decide whether or not it was the truth. "That feels right," she said with an answering smile.

"And we both know that honesty is the best policy," James said mockingly making her giggle.

As the waiter returned to their table and put their dinner in front of them, Lily said, "So, you really think Mary and Emmett are going to break up soon?"

The rest of dinner was wonderful. The conversation was light and easy, both of them laughing almost constantly, a strange sound mingling with the classical music in the room full of quiet chatter. A couple to their right continued to look over at them haughtily when they would laugh too loudly which would only make them laugh harder. The food was delicious and Lily ate until she feared her chair would buckle beneath her. It was also really expensive. She let out an audible gasp whenever the bill came but James seemed unfazed and pulled out the Muggle bills from his wallet. He sorted through the money expertly, much more expertly than any other wizard she had ever seen attempt it.

They were laughing again, Lily clinging to his arm and leaning against his shoulder as the valet drove their car up. James opened the door for her once again and then ran around to the driver's side, tipped the tall, scrawny boy who was manning the valet and then stepped into the car and began driving.

"Now, we have a couple of options," James began.

"Oh, no, not more options," Lily said sarcastically with a giggle.

James rolled his eyes at her and continued, ignoring her laughter. "We can go home and get a good night's sleep before the trip back to Hogwarts tomorrow _or_ Sirius wants us to meet him at that club he's been talking about all week."

"The one with the dancing?"

"The very one," James responded. "What do you want to do?"

Lily pretended to think really hard. "Who needs a good night's sleep? Let's meet Sirius!"

They took the directions Sirius had given James before they had left and were there quickly. The parking lot was packed and James and Lily ended up parking in the overflow lot across the street. They could hear loud music coming from the building before they got anywhere near the door and already there was a drunk couple spilling out of the doors and walking in zig zags down the street to the closest pub.

They walked in, James's arm wrapped tightly around Lily, and squinted into the darkness searching for Sirius. They walked further into the club, the music making it impossible to talk unless you were screaming at the person right next to you.

"I think I see him over there!" Lily yelled and pointed toward a table with three people at it right on the edge of the cleared space where people were dancing. James nodded his understanding and they made their way through the crowd. As they got nearer the table it became obvious that the person in the middle was Sirius. "Who are the other two people?"

"Oh no…"James moaned as they got close enough for the two girls to come into sharper focus. His pace had slowed down considerably. Lily looked at the two girls more closely. They looked familiar to her but she knew they hadn't gone to Hogwarts. "Hey Olivia. Hey Abby," James grunted as loudly as he could. Then it hit Lily. Abby Oliver, James's ex and Olivia Oliver the girl who had flirted shamelessly with Sirius during the Christmas Parade. She grinned widely and had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing at James's obvious lack of comfort. She waved her greeting and Olivia smiled happily at her while Abby glared at her venomously.

James pulled out a chair for Lily and then sat down next to her.

"Isn't this place great?" Sirius screamed across the table. Lily lifted her eyebrows and nodded sardonically while James just looked around taking in the lack of decoration on the walls and the wild dancing going on near them. "Did you guys have a good dinner?"

"It was really nice," Lily hollered back. "Very fancy." James nodded and looked over at Lily to avoid Abby's still violent gaze.

"You both look pretty happy. Did you actually take her to dinner, Prongs, or did you two take advantage of you time alone and…"

"SIRIUS!" Lily screeched, cutting him off. Heat was flooding her cheeks and while Olivia and Sirius were laughing, Abby looked angrily between her and James. "How many of those drinks have you had, you idiot?"

"Too many!" Olivia giggled, moving closer to Sirius.

"I think I'm going to find someone to dance with," Abby said loudly and without waiting for any response she stood up and walked onto the dance floor. Lily elbowed James, an amused grin on her face when she saw Abby grab the first guy she could find but kept looking over at James to see if he was watching.

"Merlin's pants," James said as quietly as he could (which was still nearly a scream), "I think I'd rather be at home playing chess." Lily laughed and scooted closer to him before reaching over and taking his hand. "That's a little better," he said grinning. She rested her head on his shoulder. "Quite a bit better actually. Padfoot, I think I like this place." Lily giggled, happy to be here with him and still wishing that somehow when she woke up the next morning that they would still have another day left of vacation.

They suffered through a few more unfamiliar songs trying to carry on a conversation before giving up and turning their chairs to face the dancers and settled for making fun of the most drunk or most uncoordinated people.

At one point, a handsome and chiseled boy walked up to Lily who was still holding James's hand and had her legs leaning against his, and began talking to her. "Hey Red, why don't you come out and dance with me?" He reeked of sweat and alcohol and was leering at her in a way that made her shiver. She looked over at James just to make sure that it was still extremely evident by their body language that she was indeed here with him. James was looking at the boy with a mixture of disgust and murder in his eyes. "I bet I can show you a better time than Peter Pan here can." His words were slurring together and James suddenly looked much more confused, probably trying to figure out whether or not being called 'Peter Pan' really counted as an insult.

Lily looked over at him, pity on her face. "Sorry, but I'm here with my boyfriend." She felt James's chest puff up a bit at the proclamation.

"So what? Come on beautiful, I can show you things this guy's never even heard of." James let out of noise of indignation and she felt him rising out of his seat. She put a calming hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down.

"I don't think you understood me. This guy is my _boyfriend_. Now, I know he doesn't look it, but he is much stronger than he looks. He seems like he would just be scrawny and easy to beat down, but underneath this skinny physique are rippling muscles. He could beat you down in about five seconds."

"Huh?" the guy said, looking over at James, a look of confusion slowly dawning on his face. "Are you serious?" he asked, disbelief dripping from his words.

"Yeah, now get out of here." The guy looked at Lily, but then walked away, deciding she wasn't worth his trouble.

James was quiet for a second, before he said, "I'm not sure if I should be proud, insulted or embarrassed."

"Just be glad he's gone," Lily said reassuringly.

The night went quickly. Occasionally Sirius would sit and talk with them but mostly he was sitting behind them drinking or out on the dance floor, usually with Olivia but sometimes with other partners. Abby, after failing at making James jealous, left angrily. James and Lily got even more laughs once drunk, smelly guy had a few more drinks and then took to dancing. He was the most uncoordinated person they'd seen all night and it wasn't helped at all by the massive amounts of alcohol he had consumed which seemed to have offset his equilibrium.

When it was starting to get late, a slow song came on, unfamiliar to James and Lily, but as James noticed other couples making their way out onto the dance floor, he decided it was time for them to join the land of the uncoordinated. He held out his hand to her and she took it without question or comment and followed silently as he led her to an empty spot on the floor. With a crooked grin he pulled Lily close, cradling her other hand against his chest. She stepped into his embrace snuggling her head into the crook of his neck and closing her eyes, smiling at the ease and familiarity of the gesture. James pressed a kiss into her hair, breathing in her scent and enjoying the moment as they revolved slowly on the spot.

After a few minutes of contented silence, Lily tilted her head up so that she could meet his gaze. "What are you thinking about?"

James contemplated her for a moment and kissed her briefly. "I was just thinking about the last time we were here."

Lily furrowed her brow and pulled away to look around the crowded hall. "I've never been here before. You must be thinking of your _other_ red-headed girlfriend," Lily teased.

"Ah yes, you're right," James said, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "I always get the two of you mixed up. Sorry about that."

"Quite all right," Lily quipped.

James smiled and spun them a little more slowly. "No, I mean the last time we were _here_," she said while constricting his arms around her. "Dancing."

Lily pretended to be pondering this though she knew instantly the night he was thinking of. "The Halloween party," she supplied. James nodded, a warm smile on his face that made her heart pound a little bit harder. "What are you remembering about that night?"

James pondered a moment longer, enjoying the way she rested her head on his shoulder while she waited for his answer. "It should be an awful memory for me…that whole night." Lily backed away a few inches and looked up at him, a question in her eyes. "I had to sit listening to Sirius and Rosalyn and Jenna bicker all night and I'd had to listen to Brady all week brag about how he was taking you and how excited you were and how he was sure that your date was only the beginning…"

"HA!" Lily interrupted. "The beginning of what? The beginning of his experiment on how best to drive your date to murder? Or how long it takes before your date actually dies of boredom?"

"Yes, I'm sure that's _exactly_ what he meant," James said with a chuckle. "Anyway…then I finally got up the courage to tell you how I felt and you managed to weasel your way away again. So, all things considered it should have been one of the worst nights of my life." Lily rolled her eyes at how dramatic he was being but he ignored her. "But it wasn't, because I got those two dances with you." He blushed at this admission but didn't look away from her. "But that night it occurred to me that maybe the party had been my only chance," James continued. "My only chance to hold your hand, hold you close like this, to move with you," he said softly, stroking her hand and pulling her a little closer as he spoke. "I was afraid I might never get the chance to do this again."

Lily was quiet for a moment, smiling into his chest and running her hand up and down his back. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be taken back to that night – to that moment.

"Want to hear something funny?" she said, pressing her chin into his chest and looking up at him. "I hated everything about that night too. I was tortured by the fact that I was stuck with Brady and I didn't know it at the time, but I was crazy with jealousy every time I saw you with Lexi."

"Lily," James scolded, lowering his eyebrows.

"What? It's not such a crazy idea," Lily argued defensively.

"It _is_ crazy to think that I could ever seriously like anyone besides you," James countered.

"Well, I was jealous and in denial and you know I don't always think very clearly when it comes to you."

"That's an understatement," James muttered under his breath, something Lily chose to ignore.

"_Anyway_…then I got back to the dormitory and I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes I either saw you with _her_ or I was reliving our dances. Those two dances were the only good parts of that night for me and I went through the same thing. I loved it so much it actually helped me realize how I felt about you."

"So," James said, drawing out the syllable, "What you're saying is that you don't actually like _me_, you like my dancing." He was smirking at her but she knew he was happy about what she had said. He had been so unguarded the whole evening, everything he thought or felt so clearly expressed in his eyes.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," she teased. "The past couple of months were all to get to dance with you. And now that we have, I'm afraid this is over," she said gesturing to the two of them. "It's been fun, but all-in-all not worth it."

"Oh, shut up," he grumbled playfully before spinning them around more quickly. They didn't talk for a while, Lily resting her head on James's chest and closing her eyes, enjoying the safety and peace that she felt in his arms. When she was with him, it was like the rest of the world simply faded away into nothing. All of her cares and worries that were constantly chasing each other around in her mind just seemed to go quiet. James had become her safe haven and confidante, something she had never expected. The longer they were together, the more time they spend with one another, the harder it became for her to imagine a future that he wasn't a part of.

"Guess what?" she said looking up at him again.

"What?"

"Tonight has been perfect," she stated smiling. She watched as a slow grin crept up James's lips.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. The whole break has been pretty close to perfect and this is just the perfect way to end it." James gazed down at her, an unchecked happiness radiating from him. "And for the first time ever, I'm not looking forward to going back to school."

James chuckled gruffly. "It has been a pretty amazing couple of weeks," he agreed. "And you almost didn't come just because of a little thing like people not knowing about us and being worried that my parents wouldn't like you. I think they're going to cry when you leave."

"You really think they like me then?"

James rolled his eyes. "Seriously? You even have to ask that question?" Lily shrugged and smiled but looked up at him expectantly nonetheless. "They adore you! If we weren't dating, they'd probably consider adopting you. I don't understand how you don't see it. My mum isn't one to pretend about anything so the fact that she treats you like one of the family is proof enough that she loves you. And then my dad only jokes around and teases people he likes. So rest easy. It would be very apparent if my parents didn't like you."

Lily grinned. "Good to hear, because I'm definitely coming back to visit them over the summer."

"What about me?" James asked.

"Well, I will visit you too, sure."

He laughed sarcastically. "That's not what I meant."

"Well, what did you mean then?"

"Assuming our roles were reversed, do you think your parents would have liked me?"

"No way," Lily answered without hesitation causing James to be taken aback, his jaw hanging open at her bluntness.

"Why not?" he protested. "I'm likeable. Parents like me."

Lily considered for a moment. "Well, in all fairness, my mum probably would have liked you, she just would have teased me mercilessly about it." Seeing James's questioning look, she elaborated. "She always said that when I would come home complaining about you that it meant I secretly liked you."

"And she wasn't wrong," James interjected.

"Yes she was. I really didn't like you. It's just coincidence that it worked out this way," she argued.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself to fall asleep at night."

"_Anyway_," Lily said loudly, raising her eyebrows at him, "Once she finished bugging me about you, she'd probably be quite fond of you. My dad on the other hand would hate you. He and I always had a really close relationship. I was his little princess," Lily explained.

"So naturally he hated all you boyfriends," he concluded.

Lily thought for a moment. "No, not really. I just don't think he would like you in particular."

"What?" James exclaimed indignantly. "Why just me?"

"Because…okay, well I only dated two other guys. One summer my friend Alex, from down the street, and I went on a few dates but it was never that serious. How could it be? He didn't know I was a witch. He thought I ran off to a German boarding school every September. Dad didn't mind him. And then you remember Daniel, that Ravenclaw I dated from the end of 5th year to the beginning of 6th. Well, he visited for a few days that summer. Dad didn't really like him because he was such an idiot, but he didn't mind him."

"So why if he liked Alex and Daniel would he not like me?"

"Because he wasn't threatened by Alex or Daniel. He knew I didn't have any real feelings or any real future with them. But with you…" she trailed off as she felt the heat rising to her cheeks once again. "Well, with you it would be different. He would know that the possibility was there…"

"What 'possibility'?" He was smirking again and Lily knew that he knew exactly what she meant and that he was only questioning it to make her say it out loud.

"The possibility that you might be the one to stick around for good," she snapped, embarrassed. "The possibility that you would be the one to take me away from him." The words flowed from her quickly, like a flood. She managed to step on his feet twice in the process but looking at his smirk erased the apology from her tongue.

James was not smiling warmly at her though. "So, he wouldn't really hate _me_ then. He would just hate the way you feel about me and take out that hatred on me. Am I correct?"

"Perhaps," Lily answered. "But then again, he really doesn't like overly arrogant guys who frequently lose snowball fights and think they know everything."

James did a mock gasp. "Low blow, Lily. Low blow."

"You were asking for it."

They danced quietly, the song in its closing frames.

"So, tomorrow we have to go back to the real world."

Lily groaned loudly. "Do we have to? Can't we just run away? I mean, who really needs an education anyway?" Lily joked. James laughed and brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead. "Think about it. We could go skiing in France or we could go to the Greek Isles. The rest of our lives could be like the last few weeks."

James gazed at her tenderly. "As unbelievably tempting as that sounds, I think we have to go back. Think about the absolute chaos our school would be in if the two Heads didn't return. The Slytherins would take over, House points would be lost, the Hufflepuffs would win the Quidditch Cup. Can you do that to your fellow Gryffindors?"

"No, I suppose not," Lily answered, defeated.

"It was a nice idea though," James consoled, a grin on his face.

"Hmmm…yes, it was." Lily sighed, her bright eyes twinkling at him. "Oh well, perhaps another day."

"I like the sound of that," James stated as the song ended and he led her back to the table where Sirius was sitting, his eyes unfocused and his elbow slipping off of the table. "What d'you say, Padfoot? Ready to go home?"

"You know, you two are sickeningly cute," Sirius said as an answer as he slid clumsily out of his chair and stumbled toward them. James slid his arm out from around Lily's waist and grabbed Sirius under the arm in an attempt to steady him. "I'm fine," Sirius protested as he tried to rip his arm away but James' grip was strong and he held on tightly.

"I know you are," James said calmly though his grip didn't slacken in the least.

The three of them made their way across the parking lot, through the gently falling snow. Lily walked beside James who continued to support Sirius who rambled on, his words slurring together.

James kissed Lily goodnight at her door and headed into his bedroom to sleep for the first time since Christmas knowing that his mum would wake them up early the next morning.

And he was right. At around six the next morning, Arie was pounding on her door, lighting candles and going on about breakfast and last minute packing. Lily forced her heavy eyelids open and pulled on her dressing gown, constantly talking herself out of lying back down on her warm, comfortable bed. She caught sight of her wildly tangled hair in the mirror and pulled it back into a loose bun. James was waiting for her in the hallway, bleary-eyed and yawning. She circled her arms around his waist and leaned into him as he put an arm around her shoulders and led her toward the kitchen.

"You mum is entirely too cheerful this early in the morning," Lily mumbled.

James groaned, a deep, low rumble. "I'm too tired to talk," he responded, making Lily laugh weakly. "How did you sleep?"

"Badly. I kept waking up reaching across the bed trying to find you," she answered.

James grinned sleepily. "I didn't sleep very well either, but it's because I apparently forgot just how loudly Sirius snores." Lily giggled throatily and squinted as they walked into the kitchen, the sunlight streaming in through the windows. Davis was sipping on a mug of steaming tea, the _Daily Prophet_ open in front of him. Sirius was at the table too but unlike James's father, his head was down on the wood, his closed eyes nearly hidden by the dark hair falling over his face and perilously close to a plate of half eaten pancakes and syrup. Arie was puttering around the kitchen in her dressing gown pushing bread down in the toaster, heating up another pot of tea, and scooting around sausages in the pan.

Lily ate as much as she could and tried to remember every detail of her last morning at the Potters. She memorized the way Arie lovingly attempted to flatten James' untamable hair, the way James kept kicking Sirius under the table to wake him up, the way Davis playfully teased Arie about only cooking good breakfasts when the kids were home.

After they finished eating, Arie rushed them back to their rooms to get dressed and to finish packing. She fretted around, rushing back and forth between the two bedrooms and the living room.

At one point Lily heard James yell, "Mum! I have all my underwear! You don't need to pull them out of my trunk and count them just to make sure."

Lily laughed as she finished stuffing her toothbrush and Christmas gifts into her trunk. She watched as Davis made his way into the boys' bedroom and come out with his arm around his wife, half pulling her away. "Come on, dear. Why don't you make the kids some sandwiches for lunch. And don't worry about James's underwear. If he needs more, we can send him some at school," he said soothingly.

"Yeah, we can send him some," Arie repeated, her voice slightly hysterical. As they turned the corner, Davis turned and saw Lily who was sitting on the bed clutching her stomach, doubled over in silent laughter and he winked at her.

Half an hour later, James, Sirius, and Lily were each clutching a bag full of sandwiches, crisps, candy and flasks of pumpkin juice in the backseat of the Potters' car. The ride to Kings' Cross was full of laughter and all too short. Lily had never been less excited to drive up to the large brick building. She was quiet as Davis lifted her trunk onto a trolley and as they all made their way to Platform 9 ¾.

Arie and Davis began saying their goodbyes outside the barrier, other families doing the same while others still followed their children onto the platform.

Arie hugged James for a long time, blinking back tears and whispering into his ear. Davis shook Sirius' hand and clapped him on the back. They came to stand next to Lily who was still watching James with his mother.

"Arie gets a bit emotional when she says goodbye," Davis explained. "James nearly missed the train in September of his second year because Arie would let him go." Lily smiled and looked up at Davis, an amused twinkle in his eyes reminiscent of the less guarded one she often saw when she looked at James. "That's why we do goodbyes on this side of the barrier now. It keeps Arie from jumping onto the train and pulling James off."

"Or worse," Sirius added, "Coming into our compartment and checking his trunk for underwear again." All three of them laughed loudly.

"Oh, shut up," Arie grumbled hoarsely as she released James and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Sorry dear," Davis said before leaning down and pressing a brief kiss to his wife's forehead.

"I just love my kids…that's not a crime." And with that weepy statement she pulled Sirius into a similarly tight hug. Davis too hugged his son. And when Arie released Sirius, she grabbed Lily, the hug reminding Lily of the way her mother had always hugged her goodbye.

"Mum, she's turning purple, I think you're crushing her lungs," James moaned. Arie released her with a laugh and Davis hugged her briefly, but the brevity of the hug didn't change the fact that it was full of all of the strength and love of a father.

"Now, you come back soon, okay?" Arie said, her tears now trickling unchecked down her cheeks. "In fact, no matter what you're doing this summer, I expect you to come for at least a few weeks." Lily nodded and smiled, afraid that if she opened her mouth the lump in her throat would turn to tears as well. "That goes for you too, Sirius. And you two be good this term."

"We always are, Mum," James retorted in a voice dripping in a falsely genuine tone. Arie couldn't help but laugh at that proclamation.

"We could never believe that. We've received more letters from Minerva McGonagall about your misbehavior the last seven years than _Daily Prophets_."

"Every time I get on the train, one of you says 'Have fun!' I'm just being an obedient son."

"We need to go," Lily piped up regretfully as she looked at her watch. "It's 10:55."

Arie pouted and kissed James quickly once more before they picked up their trunks and walked toward the solid barrier. James turned and waved one last time before they pushed through and ended up on the smoke filled platform. They hurried onto the train and found an empty compartment quickly. People were rushing through the corridor and hanging out of the windows for one last goodbye.

Lily sat back and sighed as the train jolted to motion. "I'm not ready to go back." James grinned and sat next to her but before he could say anything, the compartment door was thrown open and Remus, Peter, Mary and Jenna seemed to almost topple in.

"Lily!" Jenna giggled as the noise level increased drastically. She and Mary flung themselves onto Lily and hugged her tightly before all three of them let go, giggling loudly. "We missed you! I only lasted three days with my family before I was ready to come back."

Lily grinned. She hadn't realized how much she had missed her two friends until they were sitting right in front of her. "Mary, I'm surprised you're in here. I figured you'd be in Emmett's compartment after three weeks apart."

"Oh, I'll see him later at the feast," she responded dismissively. Lily looked over at James who was giving her an 'I told you so' look. She elbowed him and then turned back to Mary and Jenna who were watching excitedly.

"How was your Christmas?" Mary asked, a suspicious and playful tone in her voice. She wiggled her eyebrows and hit James on the shoulder. "Are you two in love yet?"

Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head before looking over at James who had a warm and adoring look on his face. He was watching Lily closely, looking so deeply into her eyes that she thought he could see into her soul. Then he looked up at Mary who was waiting with anticipation. He answered with a smirk, "Not yet."

**A/N-**I hope you liked this chapter. It was difficult for me to write. I fear that I let some of the scenes/conversations get a bit too much on the sappy side, but what can I say? I'm a sappy girl at heart. What did you think? Seriously, reviews and favorites and PMs mean the world to me and really inspire me to keep writing! Thanks you guys!


	16. The First Secret: Part V

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.**

**A/N-**I can tell you all about how busy I've been and how horrible this chapter was to write and how my first draft was so terrible that I had to delete most of it and rewrite in an effort to make excuses for why this chapter has taken me so long to post...but there's no real excuse. I have been busy and this chapter was awful to write (and also I discovered _Hunger Games_ so that took up a full week of my free time) but it shouldn't have taken me that long. So, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me.

**Chapter 16: The First Secret Part V**

"How is it that after only a few weeks of relaxing, wonderful Christmas vacation, I have somehow managed to forget just how much homework McGonagall is capable of assigning?" Lily complained, breaking the atmosphere of tense silence in frustration. She was flipping distractedly through a dusty tome, one of a stack of at least seven thick books that she had struggled to carry in from the library hours before, while the group sat in the common room on Thursday night. She looked down at her essay, discouraged by the lack of ink glistening on the parchment and even more discouraged by the lack of quality and content in those few words. She signed loudly and James patted her knee comfortingly.

"Oh, I don't know," Remus said, pulling one of Lily's books closer to him as he tried to finish the same assignment. "I wouldn't place all the blame on yourself too quickly. I think the Professors' idea of a good holiday is finding cruel and sadistic ways to give us more work and further sap our will to live." The group gave a collective snigger of appreciation.

"Well, they should be very proud. They've outdone themselves," Lily retorted, disgruntled.

James laughed and held out his nearly complete essay to her. "Here, you can copy mine."

She looked at his paper warily, even moving away slightly as though it were a poisonous snake rather than a harmless sheet of parchment. "Thanks, but I actually like to get _good_ marks on my homework," she teased and pushed the page back onto his lap. James feigned hurt feelings and pushed her off of the couch where she landed with a thud, laughing loudly. "_Ouch!_" She playfully hit him in the legs and he retaliated by gently kicking her back. Once she had regained a grip on herself, calming the giggles that had taken over for quite a bit longer than they should have, she sighed as she resignedly pulled another volume toward her. "Well, whatever the reasoning, my forgetfulness or our teachers' inherent cruelty, I am swamped. I doubt I'll do anything this weekend except homework…and that includes sleep."

"Does it include showering?" Sirius asked, a smirk on his handsome face as he lazily scanned a Zonko's catalog. He was the only one of the group not working on some kind of schoolwork. He looked completely relaxed, bored even, lounging in an armchair, one leg dangling over the side. "Because if you're skipping showers in order to finish your work, I'm staying in our dormitory all weekend."

Lily narrowed her eyes good naturedly at him as he grinned. "Oh please, we both know that I could go a week without showering and still smell better than your dorm room."

"Good point," James interjected as Sirius howled with laughter. He cleared his throat and looked down at her. "So...if you're going to skip eating and showering, does that mean you aren't going to force me to go to the Slug Club party with you either?" His voice was almost too hopeful. James had been whining and groaning about the party ever since the invitations had arrived in the post at breakfast on Monday. Once he'd finished complaining, he had begun searching for an excuse, _any_ excuse, to get out of it.

"Wow…someone's eager to get out of spending the evening with you," Jenna commented impassively without looking up from her work. "You must have really scared him over the break. If _only_ we'd known the last two years that the key to discouraging James and getting him to leave you alone was you spending _more_ time with him."

Lily shot Jenna a warning look but James spoke up before she could say anything. "Wouldn't have worked," he declared making Lily snap her neck around and stare at him with wide eyes. He just winked at her. "I'm tenacious…and incorrigible." Lily smiled, her glare relaxing as she rolled her eyes.

"And _I'm_ impressed that you actually know what those words mean," Sirius said causing Lily to snort loudly in a failed attempt to hide her laugh, earning herself another kick from James.

"Ouch!" Lily exclaimed, grabbing her arm in a wounded manner. "I _was_ going to say, 'sure James, I'm too busy to go to the party,' but now I think I should make you go as punishment for all of this physical abuse." James ignored this statement and instead nudged her with his foot again.

"Why do you go to those parties anyway?" Sirius demanded, disgust clear in his tone. "If I were you, and Sluggy leered at me the way he does you, I'd avoid him at all costs."

Lily rolled her eyes. "He doesn't _leer_ at me."

"Yeah, but sometimes he drools a bit," Peter said grinning.

"What is it, Lil? Do you secretly like the attention?" Sirius asked sarcastically, his tone mean and biting, but his eyes alight with enjoyment. "That's all I can think of because the one time I went was torturous enough to keep me from ever even considering going again. No joke, I _still _have nightmares about being in that dungeon again, bored to tears. I wake up screaming and soaked in cold sweat."

Lily grinned. "And that's precisely the reason that I _do _go...because I know that it's the one place in this whole castle that I won't run the risk of having to suffer through an evening in your company." Sirius just shook his head, as though disappointed in her excuse while she just smiled sweetly at him. "Okay fine, I'll admit it. The _real_ reason I go to the parties is for the Pumpkin Pasties. Not all of us can sneak into Hogsmeade every time we want some Honeydukes sweets," she finished giving each of the boys a pointed look.

"There are people at this school who _sneak_ into Hogsmeade?" Remus asked in mock horror, shock all over his face. "How terribly unfair for the rest of us rule-abiding students!"

"I don't believe it!" James proclaimed, pounding his fist on the arm of the couch. "There is literally no way to get out of the school undetected. And there certainly aren't seven different ways that Filch doesn't know about," James added, his feigned innocence causing everyone else to crack up.

After allowing his friends to quiet back down, he said, "Padfoot asks a valid question, Lily. Honestly, how can you stand going to those awful parties?"

Lily considered for a moment before answering. "I don't know, probably habit at this point. They're not always _that_ bad, after all. The music is usually pretty good and he always hires the best chefs to prepare the food and you're almost always going to run into a few interesting guests…" She trailed off as James, Sirius, Remus and Peter simultaneously, almost as though they had planned it, let their heads fall back and began making loud snoring noises. "Oh, shut up! You're all jerks." Everyone was laughing again and even Lily was having trouble keeping the disdainful expression plastered on her face.

As they all calmed down, the dull panic that gripped her stomach with the knowledge of precisely how much homework was still left to be finished compelled her to return her attention to the large hardback in her lap. She began rummaging around in her bag for a quill and when she couldn't find one she pulled James's bag off of the couch and searched it, pulling out a broken but usable one at the bottom.

She had tilted her essay and was flipping through the book in her lap when James leaned down next to her ear and murmured quietly, "So, just to clarify, I do _not_ have to go to the Slug Club party?"

She suppressed the shiver that threatened to shoot down her spine at the feeling of James's warm breath on her neck. She swallowed hard and then grinned and turned her head to look up at him. "No, James," she said half-exasperated and half-amused. "You don't have to go to the party. I'd say thanks for offering, but I practically had to bribe you to go with me."

They all worked late into the night, even Sirius pulling out a Charms book and working on the four foot essay Professor Flitwick had assigned the previous afternoon. Mary and Jenna were flipping through a Herbology book searching for organic magical cures for Muggle ailments. Remus was mumbling definitions for different runes under his breath, the repetitive nature of it deeply soothing. James drifted off, his head lolling to the side, his deep and steady breathing a comforting and steadying noise for Lily. But as her eyes began to droop and the common room gradually cleared out she decided it was time to go to sleep. It was only Thursday and she still needed to make it through another day of class.

She collected all of her things, throwing James's broken quill into her bag along with her ink well and incomplete essay. She stacked up the books that had bit by bit opened up and spread out around her. "I think I'm going to head upstairs," she announced quietly to the rest of the group as she stifled a yawn.

"We're right behind you," Jenna responded looking up at her, her eyelids drooping dangerously as well.

Lily, without thinking, nudged James's legs and looked around at him. He roused suddenly, blinking slowly and focusing quickly on Lily. "I'm going to bed," she told him as she began pushing herself up off the floor.

He nodded slowly as he processed her words. "Okay," he mumbled hoarsely, rubbing his fingers over his eyes quickly. "Goodnight." He smiled gently at her, his sleepy eyes unable to mask his feelings for her, foggy as they were with exhaustion.

"I'll see you in the morning," she said as she stood up and flung her bag over her shoulder. James handed her the stack of books and watched as she headed up the girls' staircase.

He debated internally about whether or not he should continue working or follow suit and go to bed. Only a few days into the Spring term and already he was more exhausted than he had been at any point in the previous one. He had insisted on Quidditch practices every day as the most important match of the season was coming up the following weekend. It would decide whether or not they made it to the final. Along with that, he and Lily had already patrolled the corridors two nights that week with a third planned for the following evening. The previous night they had decided to give up their midnight meetings because both were already so tired and also because most of the fifth and seventh years were up past midnight anyway trying to finish all of the extra homework the professors had assigned to prepare them for their O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s. In the end he decided to keep working on homework knowing that he would regret it the following day if he didn't.

Lily was washing her face, her red hair pulled into a ponytail at the base of her neck when Jenna and Mary walked into the dormitory, their book bags bulging. They both spilled their things onto their beds. Mary began digging around in her trunk for her warm pajamas, but Jenna stood up and pierced Lily with a suspicious look, one eyebrow hiked perilously high on her forehead. It was a maddeningly superior look that normally would have irked Lily had she any room in her body to feel anything except exhaustion.

"What?" Lily asked when Jenna didn't say anything but just continued to stare at her. Lily kept letting her eyes flicker over to where her warm bed was beckoning from across the room, her legs aching to trudge across the room and collapse into the thick covers.

"You tell us, Lily," Jenna said, her voice purposely light. Lily could hear the untamed curiosity though. Seven years of friendship had made it nearly impossible for Jenna to disguise her true feelings to the other two girls.

"I don't know what you're talking about or I would tell you," Lily replied her tone a bit harsher than she had intended.

"She wants to know what's up with you and James," Mary said, her voice flat. She had given up on finding her pajamas and had simply pulled her skirt off and slipped beneath the sheets, too tired to keep looking. Her eyes were closed as she spoke.

Mary said it so matter-of-factly, her voice unpretentious and unassuming but Lily faintly noticed the way her own shoulders automatically tensed. "Oh Merlin, you're not on about that again, are you?" she whined, rolling her eyes and making her way over to bed and crawling up on top. Mary rolled over on her stomach and cracked an eye open to look at Lily. Jenna abruptly followed her, her swift footsteps banging loudly on the floor. "For the hundredth time _today_…there is nothing going on between James and me." Her voice was fatigued but she wasn't sure if it was a result of her physical exhaustion or if it was from having this conversation again. She reached up to pull her hangings closed but Jenna grabbed them and held them open.

"Okay…yes, I'll admit we've already asked a million times, I'll give you that. But something is different between the two of you, you can't deny it."

Lily fell back onto her pillows with a groan and covered her face with her hands, rubbing at her eyes. "I can and I will!" she declared, her hands muffling her voice but not hiding the sharpness with which she uttered the words. She peeked between her fingers hoping that Jenna would have relented, but no such luck. She was still standing there, looking at her expectantly, waiting for an answer she liked. "Oh fine!" Lily grumbled as she felt what was surely a very childish pout form on her lips. "What is it that's so obviously changed between us that makes you sure there's something going on?"

"I dunno," Mary said, looking more awake now as she propped herself up on her elbows. "They just have."

"Well, that's not really helpful is it?" Lily said mockingly, her tone biting. "I really hope you've got something more specific than that."

"For example," Jenna spoke up, more loudly than earlier and cutting across Lily, "just this evening…you sat next to him…"

"I've sat next to James before," Lily interrupted with a halfhearted glare, but Jenna just ignored her.

"And then you were flirting with one another."

"Which really isn't _that_ different because you've flirted before but never so openly and never so obviously. It's never been quite so deliberate," Mary supplied thoughtfully.

"Very true…" Jenna added, her voice rising in eagerness, "and then when it was time to come up for bed, you just said a general goodnight to the rest of us but you actually woke James up to tell him goodnight. What's that about?"

Lily looked between them for a moment contemplating her next words. "Is that it?" she asked skeptically, almost derisively. "That's what's 'so different' between us that something must be going on? I sat next to him and then I woke him up? Is that all you have?" Jenna who had been looking triumphant moments earlier seemed to deflate a tiny bit.

"No…there have been other incidents," Mary stammered, losing confidence in her own perceptions.

"Like what?" Lily goaded, her tone sarcastic. Mary was silent, unable to recall a specific example though she knew there were plenty to choose from. "What's wrong? Can't think of anything?"

"That's the point, Lily," Jenna chimed in. "We can't pinpoint just one moment because it's all the time. It's the way you interact with each other. It's the way you react to one another. You're practically inseparable."

"We're friends, Jenna," Lily maintained, her voice small as she instinctively went on the defensive. "We're just friends."

"Good lord! When are you going to realize that you're _not_ just friends!" Jenna exploded, throwing her hands up in the air. Lily's eyes had grown wide, shocked at Jenna's reaction. "_Friends_ don't act the way you two do. Remus and I are friends. Sirius and I are friends. You and James are _not_ friends."

Lily and Mary were gaping at Jenna, speechless, amazed at her outburst. Lily bit her lip and composed herself before looking up at Jenna who was staring hard at her. "I'm just more comfortable with James than you are with Remus or Sirius," she said, her voice quiet and gentle. "Even more so since Christmas."

Jenna looked at Lily with something that looked like pity in her eyes. "You're sure that's all it is? You're one hundred percent positive that it's only that you're comfortable with him and that you feel nothing romantic for him at all?" Her voice was imploring, almost begging Lily to see reason. If Lily hadn't been trying so hard to keep her true emotions off of her face, she would have found the situation unbearably funny. Mary was giving Lily a furtive look and Lily considered telling Jenna that she did like James. It didn't seem fair that Mary knew and Jenna didn't but at the same time Lily knew that Jenna wouldn't just be able to absorb the information and move on the way Mary had. She never was able to just let things lie.

While she was still thinking about it, Jenna interrupted. "You need to be sure because not everyone who has a connection with him is satisfied with being just friends."

Lily furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "What is that supposed to mean?" she questioned, feeling drained.

"I'm talking about Lexi." Jenna seemed pleased with the reaction this statement earned. Lily's eyes snapped up to her, wide and suddenly absorbed in every word Jenna spoke. "_Lexi,_ who's the kind of girl who figures out what she wants and then goes after it, no cost spared."

"They're just friends," Lily replied quickly, reflexively, her brain already running through all of the solacing arguments that she'd used to placate herself in the past in an attempt to keep herself from getting hysterical and worked up.

"Are they?" Mary piped up quietly, her brown eyes beseeching. "I heard she spent a lot of money on an autographed Snitch for him. That's not the kind of thing you do for a friend."

"It was just a gift," Lily insisted, more to herself than to her friends. Old feelings of insecurity were beginning to resurface, her confidence shaken at the realization that her friends saw the same thing she did despite James's many reassurances. She was quiet for a long moment, replaying the internal debate she'd been having with herself about James and Lexi since Halloween.

When Lily said nothing else, Jenna sighed loudly and pushed herself up onto the bed next to her. "I guess we don't have any choice but to believe you." Mary concealed a grin while Lily did the same to her guilt. "I can't believe that you aren't even the tiniest bit attracted to him," Jenna remarked, playing with Lily's bed hangings distractedly.

"I don't know that I'd say _that_," Lily commented, the words spilling out before she could stop them. She immediately slapped a hand over her mouth but not before the other girls had seen the guilty grin making its way onto her lips.

"What!" Jenna and Mary exclaimed in unison, Jenna's head snapping around to look at Lily.

"What do you mean you wouldn't say that?"

Lily hesitated and slowly lowered her hand. She looked back and forth between her two friends who both looked like they'd found out McGonagall had cancelled end of term exams. "I mean, I'm not blind. Anyone can see that the boy's good looking," Lily explained, blushing deeply and unable to stop a giggle from escaping her mouth.

Jenna was gaping at her, speechless. "Merlin's beard," she finally stammered, "You think he's sexy!" Lily and Mary both began giggling wildly, Lily shaking her head in protest. "Yes, you do! You want to jump his bones, don't you?" Lily denied this vehemently while the other two girls giggled like maniacs. Lily promptly hit Jenna in the face with a pillow in an attempt to shut her up, but it was in vain.

"What exactly happened over Christmas?" Mary questioned through laughter. "Before you left, you'd barely admit that you liked him as a human being and now you're practically planning your wedding!" she said only managing to make herself and Jenna giggle even more.

"He didn't bewitch you or anything, did he?" Jenna said, only making the other girls laugh harder. "I know he and Sirius were working on some mind control thing a few years ago in an attempt to make McGonagall give fewer detentions."

"I hate you...I hate you both," Lily finally replied when she could control her giggles. She was holding her side, her stomach aching from laughing so hard. "You want to know what happened over Christmas?" They both nodded way too enthusiastically. Lily shrugged and blushed a bit before continuing. "He was really sweet. It wasn't awkward at all, he was...wonderful. But not just him either. His mum and dad too. It was like I was a part of the family from the moment I stepped off the train," Lily began before fully launching into detailed descriptions of the three week Winter Break. Of course, she left some of the finer points out of her retelling. But as she was talking, she realized that by keeping her relationship a secret, she'd been forfeiting this part: giggling and analyzing and telling her friends about how great a boyfriend James was.

She considered telling them right then. It would be such a relief. She was so giddy and so happy all the time now and she wanted to share that with them. She wanted to be able to run to them when she and James fought or when he did something especially spectacular. Sure, she was still wary of the inevitable rumor mill that would start up when news finally got out about them. And the fear that things couldn't possibly stay this good forever which would lead to her eventual heartbreak was still lurking in the back of her mind, but with each passing day it faded a little bit more.

If she really thought about it, _really_ analyzed it, she knew that at this point the secrecy act was more out of habit than anything else.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, the truth about her and James begging to come forward. But when she opened her mouth something else came out instead.

"Do you really think Lexi likes him?" she asked quickly, her voice too curious, her tone forced to sound too nonchalant. James had been so sure, so confident that Lexi didn't think of him that way that Lily had managed to convince herself that what she had assumed was between them was just a result of her own jealousy. But hearing it come from Jenna's mouth earlier had caused her to doubt.

Mary, who had been laying on her side while Lily had been rambling sat up and nodded solemnly. Jenna was scrutinizing her carefully.

"Do _you_ really think she doesn't?" she asked timidly.

Lily hesitated and bit the inside of her lip. She knew that she should have let it go, that there was no reason to be jealous. James had told her that more than enough times. But still, she knew that what she believed to be true, that Lexi did have feelings for him, was different from what she wanted to believe. Instead of answering Jenna's question truthfully, she voiced the answer she knew she _should_ give.

"James swears up and down that they're only friends. I don't know why he'd lie to me about it." Jenna smirked at this pronouncement. "What?" Lily asked, looking quickly between Jenna and the grinning Mary. She felt quite exposed by the way they were looking at her, like they were sharing some inside secret that she wasn't a part of.

"You _asked_ him about Lexi?" Mary questioned incredulously, obviously feeling that that simple fact was extremely telling.

"Yeah," Lily drawled, not understanding what was so significant about that.

"You asked him about another girl?" Jenna repeated, her words dripping with disbelief. Lily nodded, looking inquisitively at her, thinking that perhaps both of her friends had gone ahead and lost their minds. "_That_ sounds an awful lot like you're jealous, Ms. Evans," she said in a sing song voice, her smirk becoming more maddeningly smug by the moment. Lily just rolled her eyes before hitting her with a pillow again (and with quite a bit more force than earlier).

"What's more than that is I can't believe James wasn't announcing to us all that Lily was jealous of Lexi," Mary chimed in as well. "If this had happened last year he would have organized a parade to go marching through the Great Hall declaring it to us all."

"Oh, shut up, the both of you. I only asked him because when we weren't talking I assumed they were dating and he corrected me later. That's all." Jenna and Mary however showed no signs that they believed her and seemed to have lost the physical ability to quit laughing at her explanation. Lily, feeling flustered and annoyed but also pretty amused, began shoving Jenna off of her bed, proclaiming, "All right, I'm going to bed now. Get out, get out!" Then she snapped her curtains shut with a loud, "Good night!"

She could still hear them laughing and later she heard Jenna's gentle footsteps as she made her way across the room toward her own bed. She smiled as she sunk down into her bed, pulling the comforter up around her and cocooning herself in. She had nutty friends, and they _were_ often a bit too observant for their own good, but she couldn't shake the smile that had formed on her lips and fell asleep feeling more content than she had in a long time.

She met James the next morning at breakfast, both yawning widely as she slid into the seat next to him. He gave her a bleary eyed smile, one she returned as she squeezed his hand beneath the table. Remus was flipping through a Transfiguration book, his eyelids drooping as he attempted to spoon eggs into his mouth, missing on several occasions which resulted in several bits of egg sticking to his face. Sirius, across from him was completely asleep, his head resting on his folded arms, an occasional snore escaping him while Peter was absent entirely.

"You boys look exhausted," Lily commented as she suppressed a grin.

James looked over at her inquisitive gaze, squeezing her knee beneath the table. "We were up late studying," he explained before taking a bit of toast, but he looked up quickly when she snorted.

"A likely story," she said, pulling a plate of muffins toward her and grabbing a cranberry and cinnamon one.

"It has been known to happen on occasion," James said defensively though his mouth was quirked in a half grin.

"It's one of the great mysteries of the universe," Remus piped up though his eyes never stopped their scanning of his book. "James and Sirius manage to be top of the year in everything and yet has anyone ever seen them really do any work? No. The world may never know how they manage it."

"It's because they cheat," Mary stated when she sat down next to Sirius. "No one knows how, but there's no other explanation. That must be how they do it."

"Prove it," James teased with a wink. "Anyway, we're not the only ones who look tired. I thought you all went to bed early," he said, quirking an eyebrow up at Jenna as she sat down with a soft _fwump_, dark circles under her eyes. "Why so sleepy?"

"We stayed up late talking," Lily piped up quickly, eager to explain before Jenna got any nasty ideas.

"About what?" he asked though his tone suggested that he was hardly interested and was really only asking out of politeness.

"About you," Jenna chimed in before Lily could deflect the question. Suddenly James seemed very interested. The way he perked up reminded Lily of a dog perking up when he smelled dinner cooking. He was sitting up straighter, his eyes suddenly much more awake than they had been moments earlier.

"Oh really? What about me?" James asked with a highly amused look over at Lily who was gaping open-mouthed at Jenna, completely speechless.

"Jenna…don't…"Mary said, but she was too late.

"Lily was telling us how sexy she thinks you are," was already flying out of Jenna's mouth so nonchalantly that had Lily not heard it herself, she would have though Jenna was merely passing on the news that they had been talking about Switching Spells or Mary's favorite scent of shampoo. James, for his part, didn't act shocked or surprised in the least but immediately burst out laughing and Remus finally turned his attention from his homework to stare at the girls. Mary was giggling nervously, her eyes darting anxiously between Lily and Jenna. Lily was just shaking her head, her mouth hanging open in pure shock and amazement.

"Is that so?" James asked, his attention fully on Lily, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses. He bumped her leg with his own and his body was shaking in the effort to reign his laughter in. Lily couldn't help but grin back at him now he was so amused, and it's not as if he didn't already know she felt that way.

"That's not _exactly_ what I said," she replied shooting an exasperated look over at her friend who had a supremely smug look on her face. "And now Jenna, you know why I never tell you anything, you big mouth! Because anything I say in confidence is big news for the rest of the school in less than twelve hours." Lily was still looking at her incredulously, but her tone was light.

"I'd hardly call the six of us the rest of the school…" Jenna replied with an eye roll. "But look at you!" she exclaimed, disregarding the point of Lily's previous statement. "No denial…no embarrassment. You're not even blushing! You weren't kidding when you said you were comfortable with him."

"Well, it isn't exactly news to James, is it?" she said grinning. "He's been telling me for years how much I want him. He even wrote me a letter about it once, detailing my desire for everything about him. There was an especially interesting section about how his trainers sent my body into fits of ecstasy. I wish I'd kept it now...very amusing, that was."

James nodded, chuckling silently. "That's very true, but you usually had some 'amusing' little comeback about how you'd be more attracted to the offspring of Mulciber and a mountain troll than to me." Everyone laughed as James paused. "And truthfully, I could never decide which one of those was more of an insult, being less attractive than a troll or less attractive than Mulciber."

Lily giggled. "Let's just say you've been promoted. You're now somewhere between those two," she teased as she scarfed down the last bit of muffin on her plate. Jenna and Mary chuckled while James narrowed his eyes at her. "Anyway, any further discussion will have to occur later, we need to get going or we'll be late for Arithmancy." She stood up and grabbed her bag and waited as James groaned and did the same. He looked at her, ready to go but she paused. "Aren't you going to wake Sirius up?"

"No," he answered simply. "He looks pretty comfortable if you ask me."

"He's going to miss class," Lily said pointedly, arching an eyebrow at him. James just shrugged and started walking toward the doors to the Entrance Hall. Lily rolled her eyes dramatically and then stared after him for a few seconds before waving goodbye and scrambling to catch up, chuckling to herself. "You're a terrible friend, do you know that?"

"I am not," James retorted, his tone full of feigned indignation. "I'm merely prioritizing, putting Padfoot's biological needs ahead of his intellectual ones." He grinned cheekily at her. They turned and headed up a deserted corridor, one she didn't recognize, but she'd long ago realized that James knew a lot about the castle that she didn't and followed without question. "We did the same thing for Wormtail and you don't hear him complaining."

"You're crazy," she said, slipping her hand into his with a quick peek over her shoulder.

James nodded. "Perhaps," he agreed, "but at least I'm not attracted to someone who, according to your attractiveness scale is somewhere between a troll and Mulciber. You must have very low standards, Evans."

Lily smirked and knocked into him playfully. "Just further evidence that even the best and most well intentioned of us sometimes eat our words. Because I now find you much more attractive than a troll," she assured, giggling.

James laughed sarcastically. "How did you guys even start talking about that anyway?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. I think I might have been tricked into it...but then again, I offered it up pretty freely." James raised an eyebrow at her. "Jenna said that she couldn't believe I didn't think you were good looking…so, I contradicted her. It was out of my mouth before I could stop it." James was shooting her his crooked grin, the one that made her legs feel a bit like jelly. He was clearly still highly amused by the morning's conversation. "It's not like it's a big deal, anyway. You are quite good looking. She'd _know_ I was lying if I tried to deny that."

"Wow!" James muttered, looking at her wide-eyed. "You are being _really_ forward today." James stopped in the middle of the corridor. He pulled her into him using the hand that was still holding onto hers. She gasped in surprise and then grinned as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against his body. "I like it," he said, his voice low, before pressing his lips against hers. She practically sighed into him, her body melting into his. It wasn't long before her arms were winding up around his neck and pulling him down harder against her.

It was nice, warm, standing there in his arms. It was really easy to forget about everything else that was weighing on her mind. But somewhere in the back of her head she recognized the fact that they were standing in the middle of a corridor that surely would soon have at least a few students scrambling about. She grinned against his lips. "We're going to be late for class," she murmured quietly, though she was not making any kind of physical effort to actually move out of his arms.

"Don't care," he replied, kissing her again, his hands going to her face, holding her gently in place.

After a few more seconds, Lily spoke up again. "People are going to see," she persisted, her voice lacking any kind of real conviction. Her own desire to remain where they were was backed up by her body's inability to move away from him. If anything, it seemed to her that she was still trying to get closer.

Now it was James's turn to grin against her mouth, his soft words sending a shiver down her spine. "_Really_ don't care."

Lily laughed, somehow willing her fingers to untangle from his hair and move down to his chest where she gently pressed him away. He groaned and she laughed again. "I know you don't," she muttered. She ran her hand down his arm and linked their fingers, pulling him off toward the Arithmancy room again.

He groaned again, this time more to make a point. James couldn't deny that he was still frustrated by all of the secrecy. It took practically all of his will power to keep himself from taking out his frustration on Lily. He knew he didn't succeed at it all the time, but he also knew that unleashing it on her would only make matters worse, only confirm her belief that they were headed for destruction. It would only manage to push her further into her shell, making her even more reluctant to tell people about them. So, instead he waited. He could feel the wall coming down. He knew he wouldn't have to wait too much longer…at least that's what he told himself to stay sane.

He teased her mercilessly the rest of the day, Jenna and Mary joining in any time they were all together. And once the story had been retold to Sirius (who showed up twenty minutes late to class and then promptly went back to sleep during the lecture) he couldn't seem to help himself, though Lily doubted he was trying too hard to resist the temptation.

"Prongs," he said knowingly, later that evening in the common room while Lily was impatiently waiting for James to join her so that they could start patrolling, "you know the only reason Evans wants to get started so bad is because she already has the closet picked out that she's going to ravage you in and she wants to make sure that some hormone-crazed 5th years don't get their first." His words were dripping with implication and earned him a scolding look from Lily. James grinned too but he didn't look up. He was working hard on finishing an essay for Transfiguration. Jenna and Peter snickered, Remus ignored them all together and Mary was nowhere to be seen, Emmett having come to collect her some time earlier.

Lily sighed audibly and tapped her foot irately on the floor next to where James was sprawled, his items scattered all over the floor. "I know, I know, Lily. One more sentence and I'm all yours."

"I don't get why you're working so hard on it now anyway."

"I have three other essays due that I need to finish before Monday."

"So, do them tomorrow," Lily said, annoyed that her normally logical boyfriend was overlooking a very simple solution just to put off patrolling a few more minutes.

"I can't." He finished writing and put his quill in his mouth while he laid out the parchment to dry and screwed on the cap of his ink well.

"Why not?"

He couldn't answer right away because of the quill so Sirius piped up instinctively. "Because he's got Quidditch practice during the day and Sluggy's party after that." James froze, glaring at Sirius, and then stood up very slowly, artfully avoiding Lily's gaze.

"No," Lily said, dragging out the syllable, "he doesn't. He's not going to the Slug Club party anymore." Sirius, late on the uptake, seemed to realize what he'd said and looked up at James who was looking exasperatedly back at him.

Sirius cleared his throat then and said very carefully, "I guess he hadn't told you yet that he was taking Lexi then."

Lily masked her shock and horror before turning to look at James who was smiling very apprehensively at her. "No, he hadn't." She pursed her lips and nodded. "Okay, well...I'll help you finish that after we get back then," she said gesturing to his parchment and then turned and headed toward the portrait hole where she waited for James, anxious to get away from Jenna who she knew would recognize her jealousy.

"All right, be back in a few hours. That scroll better not be in the fire when I get back, Padfoot." He followed Lily out of the common room. She abruptly began walking before he could say anything so he followed silently down the corridor next to her until they came to an empty one. He was preparing himself internally for her rage.

She stopped and turned to look at him. "I was going to tell you while we were patrolling," James blurted out before she could start yelling at him. "I thought it best if I told you while we were alone."

The corner of her mouth quivered almost as though she were going to smile. "That's good to know," she said calmly and James was shocked at the lack of coolness in her voice. She actually seemed like she was _really_ calm and not just forcing herself to sound like she was. "What exactly were you going to say?"

James stared dumbstruck at her momentarily. Calm was the last thing he'd come to expect from her in a situation like this. "Well…" he started slowly, "I was going to say, 'Hey Evans, you know that Slug Club party? Well, remember how I took Lexi last time and she had so much fun? Well, interestingly enough, she didn't get an invite this time around and she approached me on my way to dinner this evening wondering if I would mind taking her again. And so I figured you couldn't go…and you're so amazing and obviously you know that it doesn't mean anything at all and that I'll be thinking about you the whole time...so how much could it really hurt? So, as long as it's okay with you, I thought I'd take Lexi to the party tomorrow.'"

Lily's arms were crossed and she was watching him with a skeptical eyebrow arched, but there was certainly something like a grin playing on her lips. "Hmm…well, it certainly picked up steam toward the end." James smiled at her nervously. She shrugged. "Okay."

"Really?" James asked, astounded. "You're not mad?"

"Not yet...and I sincerely hope that you don't give me a reason to start." Lily grinned and then turned and started walking down the corridor. "I will however be going to the Slug Club party too," she called over her shoulder.

James rolled his eyes and let her get a few paces ahead of him before taking long strides and catching up with her. "You don't need to do that."

"Oh, but I think I do," Lily countered.

"Look, I know you need to study. That's the whole reason you decided not to go in the first place. And if you're worried about me rubbing up on her or something, you shouldn't because that's ridiculous."

She laughed and leaned into him momentarily. "I'm not worried that you're going to 'rub up' on her. I'm just not particularly fond of the idea of my boyfriend being on a date with some other girl while I'm doing homework."

"Lily, that's ridiculous. _You_ are being ridiculous." She glared at him, but kept her mouth shut. "There is no point in us both going to that wretched party separately. The only reason I could even tolerate last time was because you were there."

She grinned at his statement. "Well, I don't really like it either, but it's not like you've given me too many options. And in future I would appreciate it if you wouldn't go on dates with other women…"

"What was I supposed to say?" James interrupted, anger flaring up inside of him. "'Sorry Lexi, I know I just said that I was only going to be studying Saturday night and you really want to go and I know to _you_ it looks as though I'm single so it won't matter to anyone if I took you, but I can't because Lily, who has no reason to be jealous because the two of us aren't dating, would be mad.'" He stopped and looked at her, his irritation at the whole situation threatening to boil over. "Trust me, I don't want to go to that absurd party, especially with someone who isn't you, but the only legitimate excuse I have for why I can't take her is the one that I'm not allowed to tell."

Lily considered his statement for a moment and then nodded. "I know…and I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking up at him apologetically. She searched for something else to say, but there really wasn't anything. He was right. The only real reason he had to not take Lexi was that he was dating Lily, and as he was respecting her own wishes to keep them a secret she didn't have much of a reason (or really any reason at all) to be angry with him. So she sighed and reached her hand over and took his, pulling herself up close to him, resting her head on his shoulder and looking up at him. "Do you promise you'll think about me the whole time?" she asked in a sing song voice, a mischievous grin creeping up on her lips.

James couldn't help but smile at this, much as he would have liked to continue on in his sour mood, and shook his head in disbelief. "Of course I'll be thinking of you the whole time...unless Ernie Frakkenflin starts eating ghost food for money again. That might take precedence." Lily hit him playfully in the arm. "But then I would just be mentally taking in all of the details so that I could tell you about it later."

"Hmm..." Lily hummed, shooting him a sarcastic glare. "I suppose I _might_ not go then. But I make no promises."

The dungeons were as loud as they were chilly despite all of the grates alight with roaring fires. People were laughing raucously and many of the guests, James observed, seemed to have had one (or two...or three) shots too many of Firewhiskey. He and Lexi were leaning against a stretch of table covered in stacks of different flavored tarts but otherwise absent of other people. The hall was decorated with brightly colored streamers, balloons and banners with words painted on them that were flashing different colors and designs. James stared at one for a long moment, reading the text as it flashed and scrolled.

"It would seem that this party is New Year's themed," he commented, hoping his desperate longing to be anywhere else in the world didn't come across in his tone. His eyes were scanning the crowd for Lily's dark red hair even though when he'd left her in the common room she had seemed content and determined about remaining there.

Not that he _wanted_ her to come. He wanted her to trust him.

But he was _so_ bored.

When his eyes came up empty, he looked to his left and let them settle on Lexi's pale brown eyes instead. He thought she'd seemed a bit different around him this evening, a bit odd. She was standing nearer, watching him more closely. It wasn't awkward, it was just strange. She seemed a bit more reserved than usual. But then he would remind himself that he was probably just projecting Lily's doubts onto her...that he was overanalyzing and that perhaps he was the one making it strange rather than the other way around.

"Didn't it say that on the invitation?" she asked.

A quizzical look crossed James's face as he dug around in his robes for the bit of parchment they'd needed to get into the party. He scanned it quickly and sure enough, about midway down the scroll it proclaimed the theme. "What do you know?" he said amazed, handing the invite over to her so that she could see. "There it is."

Lexi was grinning at him and shaking her head. "Are you always this forgetful or are you really that poor of a reader?"

James chuckled, the first moment of real enjoyment he'd experienced since arriving an hour earlier. "I suppose I only had to read to the time and day to know that I didn't want to go."

Lexi stared at him a moment, the smile frozen on her face as she was trying to gauge how much of his comment was sarcasm. When she realized he was being completely serious, the smile slowly fell from her face. "If you didn't want to come, then why are you here?" Her voice was hollow and a bit defensive. A look of deep disappointment spread across her pretty face and she self-consciously tucked a piece of blonde hair behind her ear.

"_You_ invited _me_ if I recall correctly," he said lightly, sensing her shift in mood and trying to inject some humor back into the conversation.

"Okay, what about last time? I didn't ask you then."

James thought for a moment back to the previous time he'd been in this same situation. "True, but I only came because Lily had said she might come." Lexi nodded, flicking her eyebrows up, and then looked away for a second, mouthing "Lily" before turning her eyes back to James as he continued. "But I didn't want to be at the party by myself so I asked you." James winced at the bluntness of his words. It made the whole situation sound a lot worse than it had actually been. "Sorry, that sounds really bad."

"No, it's fine," Lexi said, though her smile still didn't return and her voice held an edge of bitterness. "I'm Plan B…just like at Halloween." She was chewing on the corner of her lip and staring off into the crowd, obviously pretending like that fact didn't hurt her feelings as much as they did.

James felt guilty at the look of hurt on her face, but was at a loss for words. There wasn't anything he could say that would make her feel better. Most of what was on the tip of his tongue was a lie…and worse than that, a lie that would give her the wrong impression about his feelings for her. But he couldn't tell her the truth either. Though, he reminded himself, the truth would only give her solid proof that she had indeed been his "Plan B" as crude as it sounded, and it probably would only manage to make her feel worse.

So he remained silent, awkwardly shifting his weight back and forth between his two feet and uncomfortably stuffing another bite of pumpkin tart into his mouth.

James cast his eyes around the room, searching for something to distract them from the serious turn the conversation had taken. There was a pack of about four students following Professor Slughorn around the dungeon, hanging on his every word and gazing star struck at some official looking warlock who James didn't recognize but didn't doubt was a very important person. There was also a surly looking gang of Slytherins who were whispering conspiratorially to each other in a corner. They caught him watching them and the look they gave him in return was so icy and so hostile that they were practically screaming, "we're doing something sinister and there's nothing you can do about it," across the dungeon. He furrowed his eyebrows and had a right mind to reach into his pocket, pull out the mirror and tell Remus (who was currently in possession of the corresponding mirror as he'd been the most recent to land himself in detention) to hurry down with the cloak to listen in and figure out what they were up to. Then, a group of girls walked in front of him, breaking their eye contact and he briefly heard them giggling their hopes that Sirius Black would make an appearance this time. He rolled his eyes and turned back to Lexi, pretending he didn't see the way they were looking at him inquisitively as if he were hiding Sirius inside of his robes.

"James, did you hear what I said?" Lexi asked, her tone amused but her eyes annoyed. He guiltily shook his head, grinning apologetically and trying halfheartedly to recall something of what she had said, hoping he'd processed it subconsciously, but coming up empty. She was sighing and then telling him that it was okay and began to repeat herself but once again James felt his attention ebbing away. He tried to focus his mind on her words but they seemed to wash over him with no comprehension at all.

He looked around for the group of Slytherins, but couldn't spot them anywhere and disappointment swept through him. He guiltily acknowledged that he was more disappointed because for a brief moment he'd had something to really think about and not because the menacing crew were off carrying out whatever horrific thing they'd been plotting.

He was miserable, bored out of his mind. How had he even managed to _survive_ the last party?

That was a stupid question. He knew how. He'd only been thinking of Lily that night, wondering if she was coming and then wondering if she'd ever recover, those sad green eyes gazing up at him, her world so tragically ripped apart. He hadn't been worrying about his own boredom, only helping her start living life again.

Coincidentally, he had really only been thinking of Lily this evening as well, only this time he'd been wishing he was with her anywhere else. He wasn't sure how many times he'd sneaked a look at his watch only to be horrified that the hands seemed to be turning backwards. It wasn't that Lexi was poor company. He liked being around her. She was funny. She was clever and witty and interesting. He just wished that she didn't enjoy these awful parties quite so much.

That's when he spotted it. A dark red ponytail swinging around in the crowd. He figured his eyes must have started playing tricks on him. In his advanced state of boredom he was beginning to hallucinate. It wouldn't be the first time. He often had wildly entertaining hallucinations during History of Magic.

Lily couldn't be in the dungeons right now. She would currently be sitting by the fire in the common room. He could picture it quite clearly in his mind's eye. Her hair pulled away from her face in a sloppy ponytail, whisps of her thick hair falling into her face. Her eyes would be screwed up as she surveyed something in a book, working it out in her mind and then finding a way to incorporate it into her essay. Massive books would be open and surrounding her as she scribbled on a scroll, shooting angry looks at anyone who dared to interrupt the silence. Yes, Lily would be having an infinitely more exciting and enjoyable evening than he was having.

Or would she? He spotted that red ponytail again and this time he got a better look at the rest of the girl it was attached too. And there she was, petite and beautiful, her bright eyes scanning the crowd, searching (he noted with a satisfied flip of his stomach) for him. He couldn't deny that he was happy to see her. Despite all the implications about her trust, or lack of it, that her appearance created, he was elated.

"Lily!" he cried, cutting off whatever Lexi had been saying. Lily spun, her eyes seeking his in the mass of people around her hoping to find the source of her name. He waved his hands (perhaps a bit too enthusiastically) and her eyes connected with his. Her face immediately broke into an expression mirroring what he felt: exhilaration.

"Hey guys!" she said a bit breathlessly as she approached, keeping a careful distance from James but standing closer to him than was strictly necessary. "How's it going? Did I miss anything good?" Lexi smiled pleasantly at her but again her eyes flickered up to James, watching for his reaction.

"Is it possible for anything that happens at one of these parties to be considered 'good'?" James asked sarcastically, shooting her a pointed look.

Lexi shot James a scornful glare while Lily shook her head. "No, you didn't miss anything," she answered. "James said you weren't coming. What happened? Why'd you change your mind?" James tried to ignore the barely concealed hint of disappointment in her voice and hoped that Lily had missed it entirely, but one look at her expression which was slightly stonier than it had been moments earlier and the fact that her eyebrow had arched an infinitesimal amount higher on her forehead, told him to abandon that hope.

Lily looked at her warily for a few moments before she let her eyes flicker to James briefly, but long enough for him to interpret the "I told you so" she had intended. But when she spoke, her voice was friendly and devoid of any frostiness that might have been present in her gaze seconds earlier. "I couldn't really concentrate. I've been working all day and I really needed a break so I decided to come down here. There's only so many times a girl can read _Practical Numerology_ before she goes crazy, you know?" _A likely story_, James thought, when she turned her eyes on him, a pleasant smile on her face. "I tried to convince Sirius to come down here with me but no amount of bribery or blackmail could convince him. And then Brady Wilkins overheard and offered to be my escort…"

James snorted loudly at this bit of information, cutting her off. "Of course he did." Lily shot him a questioning glance so he decided to explain. "You know he's been bragging ever since Halloween about how well your date went and how obsessed you are with him now."

Lily started laughing now as well. "Has he really?" she asked, disbelief clear on her face.

James nodded and rose his eyebrows at her significantly. "It's dead annoying really. I ignore him most of the time but sometimes he says the most absurd things. I just can't help myself."

"Oh Merlin...what have you done to him," Lily groaned, shooting James a wary look. "I hope you weren't too mean."

"I wasn't!" James said defensively. "Just because Brady and I have our..._differences_ doesn't mean that I go out of my way to make his life miserable." Lily's serious exterior cracked and she let out a giggle. "Besides, if you heard half of the stuff he makes up about you, you'd want me to be mean to him. If you really look at it closely, I bet you'd find that I have shown remarkable restraint."

"What kinds of things has he said?" Lexi asked, injecting herself into the conversation. Her words and the way she had casually stepped closer to himself and Lily indicated that she wanted to remind him that she was still standing there.

James scrunched his face up thoughtfully and brought a finger up to his chin, scratching it as if in deep thought. Lily grinned again, watching him with great amusement. "Well, before Christmas he claimed that he received an anonymous gift but that he knew it was from you because it clearly held a hidden reminder of your, and this is a direct quote, 'magical night together.'" Lily snorted loudly, ducking her head as she began to laugh harder. "And then he swears that the reason you two aren't an official item yet is because _you're_ moving too fast for him. It's quite clear to him that you are in love with him by the way you gaze achingly at him during History of Magic. I tried to explain to him that that's just the way you look whenever you're bored out of your mind, but he will hear nothing of it. Even when I asked how he wasn't already familiar with that look because he saw it constantly the evening of the party."

"What'd he say to that?"

James smirked now. "He pretended not to hear me and walked off toward Muggle Studies."

Lily snorted again, rolling her eyes. "How did he handle the news that I spent Christmas with you?"

"Probably just consoled himself with the knowledge that you were _obviously_ using me to get over him," he answered with a wink. "It's twice as nice for him because firstly, he gets the satisfaction of knowing that you're trying to get over him. Though, really, we both know that it's impossible, what with how infatuated you are with him. And secondly, I get my precious feelings crushed, which he always enjoys." He was wearing a face riddled with sorrow now, but his eyes were shining with amusement.

Lily scoffed and shook her head. "I'm sure your precious feelings have endured much worse than a bit of rejection from me," she protested, reaching across him for a cranberry tart.

"Oh, I don't know," James said thoughtfully, grinning at her. "You didn't see just how heartbroken I was when I realized that our unbelievable Christmas break together was just a ruse to help your forget your one _true_ love." Lily looked over at him doubtfully, amazed at his ability to be so completely over the top dramatic about anything and everything. "I spent hours on the second floor curled up behind that portrait of Padrina the Pathetic crying my eyes out and holding onto a lock of your hair..."

Lily cut him off at this point, his wild story taking such a wild turn. "A lock of my hair?" she asked astounded. "Really?"

"Yes," he answered seriously, pretending to wipe a tear from behind his glasses. "It was a bit difficult to obtain, but it has helped me through a very dark time."

"And have you made it through that dark time, yet? Have you reached the light on the other side?" Lily's voice was consoling, playing along with him.

James took a deep breath and sighed loudly. "I think there will always be a part of me that will be haunted by that time...haunted by the loss of you," Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head at his proclamation, "but I think the dark days are behind me. I can look forward now with hope."

"Okay, okay," she muttered, hitting him in the stomach and giving him an exasperated look. "Thank goodness I have Brady, because I just don't think I can handle someone quite as in tune with his emotions as you are." She took a bite of her tart, James looking quite satisfied with himself and gazing at her with amusement. She chewed thoughtfully and then swallowed, looking up at him again. "I don't understand why he's diluted himself into wanting me anyway. I mean, it's not like we had a wonderful night...he was probably just as bored as I was." James quirked an eyebrow at her now. "Okay, maybe not _as_ bored as I was, but it's not like we had any type of connection. He spent the whole evening talking to Bill. It's like he just arbitrarily chose to like me. No real reason, I was just the first girl he saw after he decided that he needed to fancy someone."

James looked down at her warmly, forcing his hands to remain at his side when they really wanted to reach up and push a loose strand of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail away from her face. His hands were also considering reaching out and pulling her closer. "Oh, I can think of a few reasons he chose you," he said, his voice a shade deeper than before. He watched as she began to blush ever so slightly, the pink tinge creeping up her cheeks. She held his gaze momentarily and then quickly cleared her throat and looked over at Lexi who was wearing a look of agitation now for having been ignored.

"So, Lexi," Lily began, her voice a bit choked. James couldn't deny that he found great pleasure in being the reason she was so flustered. Perhaps that was wrong, but it was the truth. "How was your break? Do anything fun?"

"It was fine," Lexi bit out, her voice much colder than it had been before Lily's arrival, but then she hadn't just been properly ignored (well..._as_ properly ignored) before Lily's arrival either. "My family and I went to visit my older brother in Spain."

"Oh, that sounds great," Lily said politely, James observing the way her blush seemed to deepen whenever she realized that he was still watching her. "Was Spain nice?"

Lexi was watching James who had finally looked away from Lily and over to her as she was speaking. "Dunno. I got food poisoning the first night we were there and spent the rest of the hols in our hotel room watching television shows in a language I don't understand." She watched them both expectantly, waiting for their reply. James wanted to laugh, sure that at some other time Lexi would have found the retelling of these events to be quite amusing, but based on the steely glare he was currently receiving, thought it best if he kept his chuckles to himself.

Lily, on the other hand, seemed to feel quite uncomfortable. "Oh..." she drawled, looking around awkwardly before looking over at James, a silent plea for help.

"I've been to Spain," he piped up, a wicked glint blooming in his eyes. He was speaking to Lexi but his eyes were slowly being drawn once again to Lily. "It wasn't for very long but my parents took me to this really good restaurant. They had _the_ best raspberry tarts I've ever tasted." Lily scrunched up her nose in distaste but watched James cautiously. She recognized the look in his eyes and was anticipating something contrary to the serious tone he was using, though it was clear that she had no idea where exactly he was going with this story. "But you know _these_," he continued, reaching behind him and plucking a raspberry tart off of the table, "these are quite good as well. Here, have a taste, Evans."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't want a taste...I hate raspberries."

James looked at her in open-mouthed shock. "You do?" he asked with false disbelief in his voice.

"I do," Lily answered, her eyes narrowing to slits. "And I'm pretty sure you know that too."

James shook his head. "I didn't actually," he said smoothly, though it was a complete lie. He'd known she hated raspberries for years. "But, even the best of us sometimes eat our words." He grinned cheekily at her and she glared at him as he turned her words back on her. "I think you'd be surprised to find how delicious this is." And with that, he took a step toward her and held it up to her lips, waiting for her to take a bite.

She instinctively leaned back, away from the offending pastry. "No thanks, I don't want...James Potter!" she giggled as he began pushing it into her mouth. "Get that thing out of my face!" she demanded, smacking his hand away and laughing like a madwoman.

James was grinning now too. "Now come on, Evans. Anyone with a lick of sense would at least be willing to _try_ something as delectable and savory as this. Lexi will, won't you, Lex?"

He held it out to her, waiting for her to take it from him. She eyed it disapprovingly, her brown eyes flickering up to James's to see if he was truly serious. After a few seconds, a look of pure incredulity crossed over her face. "I don't want to eat something you just tried to shove in Lily's mouth."

James merely shrugged and dropped the tart back onto the table before picking up a blueberry tart and holding it up in Lily's face again. "Now the best _blueberry_ tart I ever had was in a little town in southern Italy..." Lily was giggling uncontrollably now, dodging his fresh attempts to make her eat the dessert.

But before James could finish his story, Lexi had pushed between James and Lily and was walking toward the exit, shaking her head in disbelief.

James stared after her for a moment. "Oi, Lexi, are you leaving?" He didn't understand why she would be going. _He _was just starting to have a good time.

She turned and pierced him with an icy glare. "Yeah," she responded angrily, her jaw jutting out in her frustration. "Yeah, I am. Because if I wanted to spend a couple of hours being ignored and watching you and Lily flirt, I would sit at Gryffindor table for dinner." Lily winced and looked down at the ground, shame flooding her body. James however stood rooted to the spot, unable to think of anything to say in defense and unable to say anything to try and convince her to stay. "And you know what? There's a common room full of people who actually _like_ talking to me, so I think I'm going to go and spend the rest of my evening with them." And with that, she turned on her heel and marched out of the dungeons.

James watched her go, remorse building up within him as she went. He slowly turned to look at Lily who was pursing her lips and watching him, a guilty and uncomfortable look on her face. Silently, they began moving toward the exit too.

When they reached the corridor, Lily headed off toward the common room, but James stopped and headed in another direction. "I think I'm going to try and apologize to her before she gets to her common room." Lily nodded. "I didn't realize we were being so obnoxious, but I guess we were."

Lily nodded again, this time a small grin playing at her lips. "Oops," she murmured, making James grin too. "I'd go with you to apologize, but something tells me my presence wouldn't make the situation any better. I'll just wait until breakfast."

"Probably a good plan," James agreed. He took a few swift steps toward her, kissed her quickly and then headed toward the Ravenclaw common room. "See you in a few minutes!" he called over his shoulder and then he was gone.

Lily sighed and began walking, feeling light for the first time in days. James seemed to have that effect on her. And as the days passed by, she cared less and less that other people were slowly beginning to notice.

**A/N**-Again, I am terribly sorry for the long wait. I'm horrible. Feel free to express your frustration at me in a review. Hopefully the next chapter will make up for it though. ;)

Also, I'm looking for a Beta for this story. What I really need is someone who can read through it and tell me if things feel natural, check for blatant grammatical errors, check for continuity, etc. I need someone who can look at it critically and tell me what is good but also (kindly) tell me what needs to be fixed or worked on. I need someone who won't say it's perfect all the time. If you're interested, please PM me. Thanks!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And Happy Harry Potter Movie! If you haven't seen it, go now. And I just want to say that what I'm thankful for is you guys for reading this story (because that means the world to me...truly it does) and for the person responsible for casting Rupert Grint as Ron Weasley.


	17. The First Reveal

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters, plots, and places belong to JK Rowling. She is awesome. I am not.**

**A/N-Oh my goodness, I am so terrible! I'm so sorry to everyone for making you wait so long. This is an extraordinarily long and significant chapter so I hope that that can in some very small way make up for my awfulness! I promise that I am not going to give up on this story. As long as I don't die, it will get completed. Unfortunately, I cannot make any type of promise about how long it will take for the next chapter to go up. My life is so busy right now that I spend maybe 4 nonsleeping hours a week in my apartment and those are usually filled with eating and bathing. I will be working on it, that I can promise you, and my awesome beta, Sabrina, sends me lovely e-mails every once in a while that urge me to continue writing.**

**Speaking of my awesome beta, there is no way that this chapter would be any good without her. She took a very raw chapter and made it lovely and made it flow in a way that I never would have been able to. She's awesome! I'm so lucky (and so are y'all) to have her editing this for me!**

**Thanks for all of your favorites, reviews and PMs - they really do encourage me to keep going. Now, without further ado, please enjoy...**

**Chapter Seventeen: The First Reveal**

Quidditch. Lily was _so_ sick and tired of hearing about stupid Quidditch. It's all anyone could talk about these days. Did anyone care that Slughorn was giving them a N.E.W.T. level exam next week? Nope. Did anyone care that Belinda Drewely passed out on top of a Venemous Tentacula plant on Monday? Even though it was because of said N.E.W.T.s and the stress that they induced that she hadn't eaten anything in a week and therefore succumbed to unconsciousness due to lack of proper nutrition? Not a bit. How about the fact that the Slytherins (and quite possibly a few from other houses as well) had doubled their efforts in attacking Muggleborns? No one could care less.

However, the rumor that Professor McGonagall had caught Sirius Black making a crass hand gesture during her class and had subsequently dislocated said finger (resulting in his inability to play in Saturday's match against Ravenclaw) had spread through the castle like the flu in February. The only thing that spread faster than that little tidbit of news was the confirmation that Madam Pomfrey had healed him, and had in fact ensured it was better than ever, increasing the velocity of his throws by .23 percent.

The Prefect meeting on Wednesday had consisted entirely of reports detailing nasty fights that were breaking out in the corridors between students supporting different houses. They hadn't had time to go over any official business at all, because by the time everyone had finished their overly dramatic retellings it was five minutes to curfew.

Not that Lily needed any reminder of those fights anyway. She'd hardly had a chance to speak with James all week, because everywhere he went he had at least five people around him acting as a human shield. As the team's (to be honest – though she'd never admit this to James - probably the school's) best player, he was in the most danger. While he'd ardently attempted to get everyone to leave him alone, claiming that he could take care of himself, no one would listen. It wasn't until after Mary had been "accidentally" slammed into a suit of armor Tuesday morning that James had ordered everyone on the team to utilize the buddy system when traveling anywhere outside their common room. And he meant _anywhere_. The Owlery, the Great Hall, the loo. _Anywhere._

Lily didn't mind that so much, though. She missed James. There was no denying that. Her life had been missing a sufficient amount of laughter (and snogs— not that she would ever admit to that), but she just kept reminding herself that after Saturday, things would go back to normal. At least until the next match.

What she did mind was the fact that no one on the grounds seemed capable of talking about anything _else_. It was maddening.

It wasn't that Lily didn't like Quidditch. She really did harbor a genuine affection for the sport. People had always assumed that since she was both a girl and moderately intelligent, she must hate sports. Not so. Not in the slightest. However, everyone has their limits. She did not want to talk about it every waking second the entire week.

Considering the fact that she could find no one else who shared her sentiments - which was proven to include professors when McGonagall had held her after class earlier in the day to ask how James's reflexes had seemed – she was seriously contemplating cramming her nose in a Charms book and not coming up for air until Sunday morning at the earliest.

That plan had been working rather well, and so it was precisely what she was doing that Thursday night in the Common Room. James was sitting on the couch beside her, but had hardly said a word all evening. Instead, he sat with Becca going over and over Keeper strategies. He had drawn a model of the hoops on a sheet of parchment, then a figure that Lily assumed was supposed to be Becca (James clearly would never be any kind of artist; even his stick figure didn't look quite right) and a circle representing the Quaffle, which he then proceeded to prod with his wand, causing the figures to wiggle around and demonstrate whatever it was that he was yammering about.

Lily had tuned them out a while ago, immersing herself in the wonder that was Vertigo spells.

Even without listening or watching, though, Lily could tell that James was allowing the strain of it all to get to him. They were barely touching, his shoulder brushing lightly against hers only when he would lean back into the couch, but she could almost _feel_ the tension rolling off him.

A little while later, Becca had gone off somewhere, but James remained in his seat, prodding more stick figures along what Lily assumed to be the Pitch (really, how hard could that be to draw?), his eyebrows pulled together in a look of deep concentration. Lily stopped reading and set her book down in her lap to watch him for a moment.

He was so engrossed in the bit of parchment that he didn't even notice. Occasionally, another student would walk over to the couch to clap him on the back, saying something encouraging or manly like "Can't wait to see you rip Ravenclaw apart," or "I'd take out Stallings for you, but I figure you'll flatten them anyway," and each time James would give an extremely forced laugh and a tight response before turning his attention back to his now wrinkled and battered notes.

Lily wasn't sure why no one else was noticing (or how it had taken _her_ this long), but James was clearly freaking out. He was agitated, his shoulders raised with tension while he absentmindedly nibbled on the inside of his cheek and jiggled his leg up and down. Lily reached out, touching his knee to get his attention, and he jumped so violently that he jabbed his wand into the parchment, setting it on fire. James jumped again and cursed under his breath before shooting a thin stream of water at the flame.

Lily raised her eyebrows at him when he looked over at her, wincing slightly, still with that wildly shocked look in his eyes. Just as she was about to ask him if he was all right, a figure walked up next to them, casting them into shadow.

James slowly looked up and gave 6th year Luke Billows a smile so forced that it resembled more of a grimace than he intended it to.

Luke didn't seem to notice.

"All right, Potter?" he beamed. James had just opened his mouth to respond, a sound not even escaping his mouth before Luke quickly continued. "Listen, I'm counting on you to win Saturday. I've made a bet with Susie Marks, you see. If I win, she has to give me ten galleons. But if she wins…well, I have to take her out next Hogsmeade weekend." A pink blush bloomed on his cheeks at his admission and he had the decency to shuffle a bit nervously, but he was still beaming like a fool.

Lily pierced him with her best skeptical look, her eyes narrowed nearly to slits. "Aren't you dating Stella Angelo?"

Luke seemed to burn a darker crimson as his gaze shifted momentarily to Lily. "Yes," he drawled, "So you see my predicament. I _really_ need Gryffindor to win."

James sighed softly and again, Lily could sense his frustration with this flighty 6th year. He looked up at Luke and surprised Lily with his response. She would have ripped into this boy, telling him that if he didn't want to go on a date with Susie, he shouldn't have made the bet in the first place. James however, playing the role of confident captain to perfection, merely shot him a winning smile and said, "You should have bet more money because there's no way we're losing to _Ravenclaw_."

Luke grinned broadly, uttered a few more ridiculously male, macho comments before making his way across the room. Lily rolled her eyes and looked back over at James. His charming smile was gone, and the troubled frown had returned in its place. He looked back down at his charred piece of parchment and then leaned back into the couch and groaned.

Lily suppressed a grin before tucking her Charms book back into her bag and cautiously tapping James on the knee again.

"What?" he grumbled, his eyes closed as he laid his head back.

"Come with me," Lily ordered.

James opened one eye and peeked out at her. "Where exactly are we going?" he asked, his voice emotionless as though he were merely placating her rather than experiencing any genuine curiosity.

"To the library," Lily answered. When his only response to that was to close his eye again, she stood up, grabbed his hand and tugged. "Come on. I need help with our Transfiguration assignment."

"It's not due until _Monday_," James whined as he reluctantly allowed Lily to pull him off of the plush cushions. When she just ignored him and began tugging him toward the Portrait Hole, he continued his complaints. "Evans, I have other things I need to do. Get Sirius to help you."

"Yeah right," Lily laughed, releasing his hand as she pushed the portrait open. "The last time he helped me, I failed because he thought it would be a laugh to give me all of the outdated methods to transfigure outerwear instead of the ones we currently use." She heard James chuckling behind her. "Oh yeah, laugh it up! McGonagall thought it was really funny too. So funny, in fact, that she gave me detention. No doubt hoping I'd grace her with some more of my witty Transfiguration theories. I'm afraid she was a tad disappointed."

They made their way into the corridor and once Lily made sure there was no one around, she slid her arm underneath James's and around his waist. He made a startled noise but recovered quickly. Lily felt his fingers lightly move up her back before he draped his arm over her shoulders. He heaved another heavy sigh, but this one sounded more content than frustrated. Traveling so lightly up and down her arm that it felt like the memory of a touch, his fingers managed to send tiny shocks and shivers down her spine.. It was only seven, and the path to the library wasn't typically what Lily would describe as deserted, but she found that she didn't really care if anyone saw them or not. Her gesture already seemed to have made James feel a little better, making the risk of being found out worth it.

"I really don't have time to help with your Transfiguration," James muttered seriously after they'd taken a few more steps. "I can help you after the match, but I've just got too much to do right now."

"That's okay," Lily said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I finished it last night. I just wanted to give you an excuse to get away from all of our mental housemates."

James looked over at her, shock rapidly transforming to gratefulness. He squeezed her shoulder and pulled her a little tighter against him. She couldn't quite suppress the grin that was threatening to emerge on her face, and indulged herself by leaning into him.

"You seem pretty tense," she muttered, turning her head a bit so that she could get a better look at his face.

James snorted humorlessly. "Picked up on that, have you?" he asked, running a hand through his hair. He sighed again and shoved his other hand into his pocket. "People keep coming up to me and asking me what our strategy is. People who aren't even in our _house_. I just want to know why they assume I have enough time to sit around and discuss various Quidditch strategies with everyone at this bloody school. Or that I'd even want to. And everyone has some stupid idea of something we could do that would help the team. Marlene McKinnon tried to convince me the other day that if we only ate cottage cheese for the entire week we'd be sure to win." He paused to consider this for a moment before adding, "Though to be fair, I think she was just kidding. I never can tell with that girl.

"_Oh_, and the Hufflepuffs think they're so _funny_ trying to psych Becca out just because they want us to lose so they don't have to face us in the final. Poor Bex is already so stressed out anyway and then Kevin Hildebrand has to come along and say that he'd snog her behind the greenhouses if we lost, y'know, to make her_ 'feel better_,' so now she's all jittery about that. And jittery is about the last thing she needs to be. I can't get her to stay centered in front of the goals for the life of me. Keeps drifting to the right. Last week she was so engrossed in watching the Chasers that she drifted so far that she wasn't in front of _any_ of the posts anymore. And Emmett…"

Alas, even her boyfriend couldn't talk about anything but Quidditch. Though, him being captain and all did give him a more legitimate excuse than all the rest of the idiots at the school. As he began regaling her with the intricacies of Beater moves and defensive strategy, though, there wasn't much she could do but nod occasionally and let the words wash over her because she had _no idea_ what he was on about.

Even as she noticed that the words spilling out of his mouth had taken on a stream-of-consciousness-like quality, Lily felt assured in her conclusion that he'd been holding quite a bit of this back for some time. While it wasn't the topic of conversation that she would have chosen, the tension which had been so prominent in his shoulders seemed to be gradually releasing, convincing her to keep her mouth firmly shut.

So she let him talk…and talk…_and talk_ all the way to the library, not understanding a word that came out of his mouth.

He finally looked over at her as they turned the corner and the entrance was in sight. "I'm sorry," he muttered with a sheepish grin. "I know you don't want to hear about this."

It was Lily's turn to grin at him. "Picked up on _that_, have you?" He smiled too as he instinctually dropped his arm from around her when the doors to the library opened and a couple of third years tumbled out. "What was it that tipped you off?" she asked playfully. "The fact that I have contributed _nothing_ to the conversation in five minutes? My generic lack of enthusiasm about all things Quidditch? Or was it the glazed look that settles over my eyes whenever I stop listening?" She grinned cheekily at him and he just rolled his eyes.

Madam Pince sent them both steely glares as they continued talking and made their way to a table in the back of the library.

"It had more to do with the fact that you were practically sprinting through the corridors to get here," James added, not bothering to lower his voice in the slightest. His only response to Madam Pince's fresh hiss to be silent was an insolent wink which caused her to scowl so ferociously that a pale blush bloomed on her cheeks.

Lily grinned again, her eyes twinkling. She snapped her fingers in a faux disgruntled manner. "Ah, you found me out." James quirked an eyebrow at her as he pulled out a chair and plopped down into it. "But now that we're here, no more talking unfortunately." She shrugged her shoulders pretending to be disappointed.

James shot her a smug look. "Joke's on you, Evans. I'm a Marauder. Rule breaking is in my job description. As if Pince could keep me from talking your ear off for the next hour." Then raising his voice just to prove a point, he added, "I'm not scared of that mad bint!"

Lily fought to keep the corners of her lips from turning up in a grin, but wasn't sure that she'd completely succeeded. "I _knew_ I should have pushed you down that flight of stairs!"

James chuckled at that. "What was it that stopped you? Was it my devilishly good looks?" he asked, flashing her a charming smile. "My stunning wit? My excellent snogs?"

Lily shook her head seriously. "Who else am I going to cheat off of in Transfiguration?" she asked somberly.

"My talents are so underappreciated," James muttered, shaking his head slowly.

"On the contrary, I am very appreciative of you. That last essay earned me an O. McGonagall actually smiled at me on the way out of class. That would _never _have happened without you."

Their banter could have continued this way for quite a while, but it seemed that Madam Pince had had enough for she made quite the show of marching back to their corner of the library and uttering some very pointed and scathing remarks that made Lily wince. James managed to hold back his laughter until Madam Pince had stomped back to her desk, after which he dissolved into a fit of laughter so raucous that he had to bury his face in his arms to muffle the sound. Lily watched this madness with wide eyes, waiting for him to stop shaking and look back up at her.

Tears of mirth were glistening in his eyes when he finally did as she shook her head and flashed her eyes up to the ceiling. "Did you enjoy that?"

"Immensely," he answered. She glared at him and then hit him in the arm before finally pulling her books out of her bag. She unrolled her unfinished Potions essay and pulled it toward her, beginning to reread what she had already written. James watched her quietly for a moment still chuckling at random intervals.

"Are you actually going to do anything or are you just going to stare at me until dinner?" Lily asked, without looking up from her parchment.

James grinned and waited for her to look up, knowing that she wouldn't be able to keep averting her gaze for much longer. She crossed her arms at him and then cocked an eyebrow as she awaited his answer. "_You're_ the one who dragged me up to the library. What am I _supposed_ to do?" he asked.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Nope. But that was."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Study."

James wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Boring. It's much more fun to watch you." The grin that formed on his lips indicated that he was quite pleased by the wide-eyed expression she had on her face after his comment. "You're pretty cute when you're embarrassed and flustered, you know." His grin widened as a blush crept up her cheeks.

She swallowed hard, trying mentally to force it away and cursing herself whenever she didn't succeed. She pulled a new sheaf of parchment out of her bag and shoved it none too gently toward him. "Here. Go back to drawing your squiggly lines…"

"It's called strategizing," James interrupted pompously.

"Fine, go back to _strategizing_. And try not to set the paper on fire this time."

"Ha, ha," James muttered sarcastically, before obediently pulling the parchment toward himself and retrieving a quill from his pocket.

Lily expected him to disregard his strategizing fairly quickly and resort to what he did best when they visited the library together—irritating and distracting her. She supposed it said a lot about the importance of the upcoming match that James didn't once look up or attempt to converse with her for the next hour as they sat there. He just stared at his little X's and O's, waving his wand at the page and watching the way they wiggled about, occasionally mumbling to himself. Intermittent sighs would escape him from time to time, his fingers usually following with a quick and forceful rub of his eyes beneath his glasses.

Lily found herself wondering if James had always seemed this stressed before matches. She tried to think back to the match against Slytherin earlier in the year, but all she could remember was their fight. She knew that some of his anger at her had come from the stress of the match, but she hadn't been paying close enough attention to notice how much of it had been from the game and how much had been justified anger. Matches from the years before were difficult to recollect, as well. She remembered 3rd and 4th year when he would make such a ruckus that Lily had learned to avoid the common room at all costs the week before matches. She couldn't remember anything from 5th and 6th year once he'd been made captain. Either avoiding the common room had become a natural instinct or – more likely - she just hadn't been paying attention to him.

She looked over at him now. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was chewing on his thumbnail. All of the tension that had evaporated as they'd made their way into the library was back in full force. Every once in a while he would shake his head slightly and then scribble something at the bottom of the page.

"Hey Potter," someone said from behind them. Both Lily and James turned in their seats to see Aidan Powell, a 4th year Gryffindor materializing from a between a few nearby bookshelves. James smiled at him and muttered a greeting back.

Aidan wasted no time at all pulling out the chair across from James and plopping down. Lily scowled at him. She itched to bark at him that no one had invited him to sit down. Not only that, but he hadn't bothered sparing her a glance, let alone a greeting or any general acknowledgement of her existence. And the second he'd sat down his mouth had immediately started yammering on about Quidditch, a sure fire way to irritate her these days.

Lily would have ignored him and gone back to her work, but before she did, she caught sight of James's face. His smile was completely forced and though it probably wasn't evident to Aidan, James's entire being was screaming that he didn't want to talk about Quidditch with a 4th year. Credit it to his manners or social awareness, but James was still playing the lighthearted captain and would chuckle at appropriate times and let Aidan keep talking.

Lily wasn't sure if it was affection for James and the way he was trying so hard to placate this idiot 4th year that prompted her, or if she was still just irritated at being ignored, but whatever it was, she didn't stay silent for long.

"Go away, Aidan," she said forcefully, effectively interrupting him and stopping whatever stream of verbiage was shooting out of his mouth. He looked over at her, shock evident on his face. Lily didn't look over at James, but she was fairly certain that a similar look would be present on his face as well.

Aidan floundered for a moment before regaining his composure. He seemed to sit up a little straighter in his chair. "I just thought we'd talk some strategy," he said, gesturing to James and flashing her a winning smile.

Lily raised her eyebrows patronizingly, as though that particular possibility had never occurred to her. She turned and finally made eye contact with James, who did look quite shocked, but she could see the amusement shining in his eyes as well. Bolstered by his reaction, she turned back to Aidan, her patronizing look still firmly in place. "Really? And what was it that made you think we want to listen?" She arranged her features into a politely curious expression as the smile slipped off of Aidan's face and a glare replaced it.

"I don't remember inviting you into the conversation," he spat at her.

"I'm sitting right here," Lily shot back as she gestured to the table, her polite manner disappearing completely as she openly scowled at him. "Not being included doesn't change the fact that you're still bothering me. Besides, what exactly makes you think that anything you have to say will be news to James? He's been Quidditch captain since 5th year. He could fly circles around the entire England National team. Do you _really_ think he needs to hear anything _you_ have to say?"

Aidan's shocked look made a brief reappearance before he glared even harder at her, his eyes lacking any trace of the friendliness he had recently been beaming at James with. "Sometimes it helps to talk things like this out."

Lily nodded, again feigning as though his comments were something she hadn't thought of before. "I agree. That's very true, yes." She peered at him like someone who is explaining something very difficult to someone very dim. "But, you see, that's what he has friends for. He has an entire Quidditch team full of people who are more than willing to chat about strategy with him. An entire team of people who know a whole lot more about what they're talking about than you do." He continued to stare at her, so finally she lifted a hand and made a shooing gesture. "Go on now, I need to finish my essay."

Aidan sat there for a few more moments before slamming his chair back violently and stomping away from the table, muttering a few choice words under his breath about Lily. A few of them reached James' ears and his shocked look turned quickly into something dark and menacing as he whipped his head around to scowl at the retreating 4th year. He scooted his own chair back and made to go after him when Lily put a restraining hand on his arm.

"Don't," she ordered, gently squeezing his forearm. "It's fine." Calmly she pulled him back down into his seat as James turned to fix his glare on her.

"_Fine_? He can't say things like that about you!"

Lily smiled at what she could only describe as an adorable display of protectiveness. "Well, to be fair, I was pretty nasty just then. I probably deserve much worse than any insult that could pop into that naive little head of his."

James's expression softened and he visibly relaxed. "You _were_ pretty harsh." The words were a rebuke, but the tone of his voice made it clear that he was rather impressed. "I don't think I've ever heard you be that brutal to anyone other than _me_."

"Yes well, he was bugging you, that much was obvious," Lily said with a shrug, her cheeks tinged with pink.

"Sirius bugs me on an hourly basis and you don't verbally abuse him," James pointed out.

Lily stifled a grin. "That's the thing about heroically saving your boyfriend from hours of annoyance. It tends to work better if the person you're sending away is afraid of you. Sirius, in this case, would see my defense of you as a challenge, or an…an _insult match_. One that I would inevitably lose and then spend the next four hours in the loo crying about," Lily replied matter-of-factly.

"'Heroically'? What are you, my knight in shining armour? The brave witch with the shining wand?" James snorted.

"Yes. Feel free to fall at my feet in reverence and awe whenever inspiration hits."

James snorted again as Lily turned back to a book that she'd been flipping through. She was about halfway through the page when James spoke up again, this time more softly.

"Thanks."

Lily looked over at him. His eyes were trained on a corner of his parchment that he was nervously fidgeting with, and the back of his neck was bright pink. Reaching out and placing her hand over his twitching fingers, Lily smiled warmly and waited for him to look up and meet her gaze. His eyes were serious but the corners of his mouth were turned up ever so slightly.

She shrugged. "It's not a big deal. Who says it's always the boy that has to come to the rescue, anyway?"

James' lips quirked up in a half smile. "Yeah, and I _am_ grateful for that. But I meant thanks for all of it. For being so…I dunno…okay with all of this Quidditch madness. I know you hate it, but it's a bit of a relief that I haven't had to deal with you being irritated all week because of it, as well."

Lily smiled affectionately at him and then checking out of the corner of her eye to make sure that no one was approaching them, she leaned in close. "It's the least I could do. You put up with all of my secret nonsense. I suppose it's only fair that I put up with a week of your Quidditch insanity." She kissed him quickly and made to pull away, but James was quicker and managed to snake an arm around her waist and hold her against him a few seconds longer. She grinned against his mouth before pushing firmly against his chest and finally ending their kiss.

"Don't you have a strategy chart to study?" she asked a bit breathlessly.

James smirked mischievously at her. "This is much more fun," he quipped, still holding her close.

She rolled her eyes dramatically and gave him a harder shove, prompting him to finally release her and move away, leaving what she considered a slightly less than respectable distance between them, but it was a big step up from being held flush against his body. "Well, I don't think I'm going to be able to stand Transfiguration with those Ravenclaws if we lose, so get back to work," she demanded.

He sighed loudly, but reluctantly turned back to his parchment and began fiddling with the X's and O's again. It wasn't long before his previous disposition of complete concentration returned. Lily found herself envying him, because at no point during the rest of their stint in the library was she able to fully focus on her work again. She found that her thoughts were quite often being distracted by the bloke sitting next to her.

Friday's classes were indescribably boring. Even the professors seemed on edge about the game. Jenna said that she thought Professor McGonagall deliberately gave them an assignment that she knew James, Sirius, and Mary would be able to do in their sleep so that they could discuss their game plan in more depth. Lily honestly couldn't say that she disagreed. Normally, McGonagall would never let James and Sirius mutter in the back of the classroom. If they ever finished an assignment early, she gave them extra homework (so naturally, most of the time they faked difficulty with a spell). Today was different though. She had turned a deaf ear and didn't even ask them to perform the task for her whenever she made her rounds about the classroom.

Jenna seemed a bit outraged by this blatant favoritism, but Lily wasn't surprised by it in the least. McGonagall's obsession with Gryffindor Quidditch was legendary. Stories had been passed down for years about her explosions at the referees for what she deemed incorrect calls. One rumor even claimed that dear Minerva had once turned Professor Rochester, the previous Charms professor, into a toad in a fit of rage. Lily had even heard that a few years prior to her own enrollment at Hogwarts, McGonagall had given a Slytherin captain detention on the day of a Quidditch final just to ensure a Gryffindor victory.

At any rate, by dinner on Friday, the school was abuzz with talk of Quaffle size regulations and point spreads and player comparisons. Lily sat quietly next to James, occasionally nodding her head in agreement or muttering a "you don't say?", but on the whole, ignoring every word that came her way. No one really seemed to notice, and she certainly didn't mind. They had a Potions exam coming up the following week and Lily passed the time by mentally going over the steps for brewing an Adrenaline Draught.

She was so engrossed in it that she didn't even notice when someone walked up and was standing across the table from them until she spoke.

"Enjoying your last meal, Potter?" Lexi asked, a playful smirk gracing her lips. Lily's head snapped up at the sound, trying to ignore the way that her stomach automatically began to clench uncomfortably. She looked over at James, hoping to find a look of disgust or annoyance there, but all she saw was amused delight.

"You mean my last meal before I'm officially named the winningest Quidditch captain in Hogwarts history? Yes, I'm quite enjoying it," he quipped. Lexi rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over a t-shirt that Lily noticed already claimed victory for Ravenclaw. "The stew especially is _very_ tasty. You should have some."

Lexi shook her head and then took a seat on the bench in front of her, squeezing between Jenna and Remus. "No, I meant your last meal before your legacy is forever tainted by your inability to make it to a final in your 7th year, and all the Gryffindors hate you, and you're forever shamed, etc., etc…but if you'd rather focus on that meaningless award, be my guest." She seemed pleased with herself, but Lily felt James tense beside her. Lexi may not have known it, may not have even meant to do it, but she'd hit a nerve with James, and Lily, who recently had discovered her own white knight streak when it came to all things James, felt her pride bristling with indignation.

"If those are my only options…" James mumbled.

"Actually, I'm surprised at you James," Lexi interrupted, piercing James with an inquisitive look. "I honestly never thought that you were the type of person who was more invested in your own individual achievements than in those of your team." She let her words sink in, and when it looked like James was about to retaliate she continued, effectively cutting him off. "After all, what does a measly record mean if you don't succeed as a team? Sure, sure, you'll have a little plaque in the trophy room until someone else comes along and breaks your record, but in the grand scheme of things, is that really what you want?"

James was quiet for a moment, and then seemed to regain some of his usual swagger. "Oh, I'm pretty sure we're going to beat you tomorrow…"

He looked ready to lay out another long list of the reasons that Gryffindor _should_ win the next day, but Lexi cut him off again.

"It's a distinct possibility," she interjected, nodding slowly. "The Ravenclaw team as a whole isn't _all_ that superior to Gryffindor. I suppose you could get lucky." She grinned now, seemingly unbothered as every member of the Gryffindor team stared at her with open hostility.

"You're kidding me, right?" Sirius asked, his words flooded with harsh incredulity.

Lexi turned a playful glance over toward him. Lily didn't think Sirius looked even slightly amused by her taunts and secretly thought that this girl must be either extremely brave or extremely stupid to continue provoking him the way she was. "Of course not! I'd say if you get right down to it we're about evenly matched. Ravenclaw may have a _slight_ advantage…"

"Evenly matched?" Sirius roared. "You're bloody mental!"

Lexi didn't look even remotely harassed as she blinked serenely in his direction. "Regardless, the fact of the matter is, even if you win, you're still not going to the Quidditch final."

"What makes you so sure about that?" Lily asked, equally as fed up with the taunting as she was concerned that Sirius might pull out his wand and start hexing this poor girl until she couldn't even crawl to the Hospital Wing. She felt her cheeks heat up as all eyes instantly focused on her. She instinctively knew that James was grinning at her, probably biting his tongue to keep from spitting out some comment about her resurgent heroics.

Lexi turned her gaze onto Lily this time, the amusement still alight in her eyes. Lily wasn't sure what she'd expected. After her embarrassing show of flirting with James the previous weekend and Lexi's outburst, Lily figured there might be some underlying coolness there, an unspoken jealousy or something. Remarkably, it was absent.

"Well, Lily," she began, using the same patronizing tone Lily had earlier (it was far more infuriating to be on the receiving end of it, she discovered). "You may not know this, but Gryffindor has to win by 260 points to overtake Ravenclaw for 2nd in the standings."

"So?" Lily tried to inject her voice with a confidence that she wasn't really feeling. She thought she might have succeeded, but then again, Lexi was still looking at her like she was a bit of an idiot.

"_So_…that means your team has to be up by 110 points _before_ the Snitch is caught."

Lily shrugged nonchalantly and picked at a hangnail on the corner of her thumb. "I still don't see a problem." Now Sirius was the one looking at her like she was an idiot. So much for support and solidarlty.

Lexi's mouth was quirked in a half grin, as though she knew that whatever she was about to say would take Lily down a few pegs. "Not to be rude or anything, but the likelihood of your team being up by 110 with Becca as your Keeper is about the same as the likelihood that Dumbledore is about to declare his love for Professor Vector, throw her down on the table, and start shagging her."

Remus piped up now, no doubt hoping to diffuse some of the tension. "I hear that's actually _quite_ likely," he threw Lily a look and chuckled nervously. "I saw Vector drawing the initials 'AD' in little hearts all during class today." Peter laughed appreciatively and then abruptly stopped whenever no one else joined him. All eyes were still focused on the two girls.

Lily continued to look impassively at Lexi, as though her words hadn't made any impact at all. "I'm sorry, let me be clearer," she continued, her words dripping with smugness. "Becca can't guard well enough to keep us from scoring," she said, enunciating each word carefully and slowly.

Before Lexi could feel too pleased with herself though, Lily added her two sickles. "I'm pretty sure Chasers have to have aim in order to score though," Lily said matter-of-factly, and couldn't keep the grin off of her face as everyone in earshot appreciatively guffawed and James' mouth dropped open in shock. Unable to reel herself in, she found her mouth continuing on in the same vein. "I mean, the object is to get the Quaffle _through_ the hoop, is it not? And, _not to be rude_, but from what I saw of your match against Slytherin, your Chasers don't do much of that, do they? Good thing you have a decent Seeker, yeah?"

The smug smile dropped from Lexi's face almost instantly. The entire mood of the surrounding spectators had shifted from tense annoyance to gleeful. Lexi's cheeks burned red, but she didn't lose her composure. "Say whatever you need to get some sleep tonight, but it's still not going to happen!"

Lily continued as though she hadn't even heard her. "Despite your earlier claims, there is _some_ merit to looking at personal statistics, don't you think? For example, our Beaters had more combined blocked goals than any other duo last year. And James here not only is about to become the 'winningest' captain, but also _already_ holds the record for most points scored in a career. And sure, big deal, I'll bet your Beaters have been working like house elves trying to figure out _some way_ to stop him. It's a completely useless effort of course, but they've got to try, I suppose. Maybe that'd be worth something if say our other two Chasers were rubbish…but they're not. James, Sirius and Bill _combined_ scored more points as a trio last year and also scored the most points in a single game."

After rapidly spitting off statistics, Lily paused here, the silence of the people around her a stark contrast to the noise of the rest of the Hall. Something about their awed silence and Lexi's lack of a rebuttal spurred her on though and she continued. "Furthermore, it seems to me that you had to come over here and try to be intimidating in order to reassure yourself because you aren't feeling very good about your own chances of making the final. And judging by the look of your team over there," Lily said, glancing quickly to a group of huge Ravenclaws who were sitting at the end of the table, secluded and huddled together, muttering and not touching a bit of their dinner, "I'd wager that you're not the only one feeling a little nervous. So why don't you scurry on back and tell them that we're all shaking in our earmuffs so that you can all feel better about yourselves. At least until tomorrow that is, when at precisely eleven, you realize that Gryffindor _is_ going to win and win by at least 260 points, thus ending your season completely."

Lexi didn't move for a few seconds. Shock was clear on her face. Of all the people she'd expected to challenge her when she'd come over here, Lily doubted that she'd have ever dreamed it would be her.

To her credit, after a few moments of awkward staring, Lexi cracked a grin, her eyes glittering with amusement. "We'll just see, shall we? I'll pay you a visit tomorrow at dinner, and I expect a full apology full of groveling and an admission of my team's superiority," she said as she threw a leg back over the bench and prepared to stand up.

Even Lily, who was more than a little irritated at Lexi because of her taunting, couldn't help but grin back. "I'll get to work on it," she muttered, before Lexi turned and headed back to her group of friends at the Ravenclaw table.

Lily bit her lip, reluctant to look up at her own friends, knowing from the continued silence that they were all probably still staring at her. Finally, cheeks burning at an all new level, she looked over at James. His mouth was gaping but the second his eyes connected with hers, his lips turned up.

"Is this a dream? Did I just hallucinate?" he asked, his eyes shining. Lily rolled her eyes, though she couldn't completely conceal her self-satisfied grin. James held out an arm to her. "Pinch me, I think I've lost my grip on reality." Lily didn't need telling twice. She lifted her own hand to the bare skin on his arm and pinched as hard as she could. "Ow! No, I'm awake. Jeez, Evans." He clutched his arm protectively against his chest.

"I don't think I've ever been more scared of someone in my life," Sirius muttered, still staring at Lily as though he'd never seen anything like her before.

"Yes well," Lily started, feeling distinctly uncomfortable and squirming underneath everyone's gaze, "I've had enough of this stupid taunting nonsense. Sometimes a girl's got to stand up for her house."

"Whatever you say, Evans," Sirius said, still donning a teasingly frightened look and holding his hands up in a position of fearful surrender. Lily glowered at him, though he didn't wither under it as he should have if he'd really been scared of her.

"Sure am glad you're on our side," Remus added, smiling at her as he reached for a roll.

"Where'd you learn all of those stats?" James asked, still looking completely shell shocked. "Are they even true?"

"Oh…um," Lily stuttered. She really didn't want this subject being broached. She looked down at her bowl of stew and stirred absently. "McGonagall told me after the final last year."

Lily knew immediately that the boys weren't going to accept this answer at face value. She felt herself drowning in embarrassment, wishing for a Time Turner so that she could go back and stop herself from snapping at Lexi if only to avoid what was surely going to be an uncomfortable line of questioning.

Sirius scoffed loudly and shot Lily a look full of disbelief. "Sure she did, Evans. And that's a completely believable excuse because of all those long, detailed, Quidditch-oriented chats you and McGonagall have on a regular basis," he finished sarcastically.

Lily shot Sirius another nasty look, but James ignored them both and went right in with his own narrow-eyed interrogation. "Why were you talking to McGonagall after the final last year?" he drawled. Lily hated the amusement in his voice. Maybe it was because he knew her so well, or maybe it just came from years of practice embarrassing her and others, but it was almost as though he could sense that she was withholding something and that whatever detail it was that she was glossing over would be mortifying. A good boyfriend would have recognized this and cleverly steered the conversation in another direction. Unfortunately for Lily, her boyfriend's instinct was to draw it out and have a good laugh.

Before she could even get an answer out of her mouth; before she could even formulate a plan for how to distract everyone, Jenna inserted herself into the discussion. "She had detention." Lily supposed she should have been proud of the sounds of shock and amazement that met her then; should have reveled in the fact that she was in detention so little that these infamous trouble makers were impressed with her own rule breaking, but she didn't. Instead, she felt the blush that had been present since Lexi had left deepen and creep from her cheeks down her neck, under the collar of her shirt.

James especially seemed impressed by this. "Ah…I remember you weren't at the after party last year. I never knew you had detention!" The glee that was permeating his words was nearly sickening. His legs bumped against hers underneath the table and she gave his a none too gentle bump back.

"What did you do that was so bad that McGonagall gave you detention after a final?" Sirius asked, amazement and perhaps a hint of admiration evident on his face.

"Nothing! It was _nothing_!" Lily exclaimed while shooting Jenna a particularly nasty glare because her friend's mouth was already open and ready to pour out the whole sordid affair.

Sirius rubbed his hands together, his features pulled into an all too eager expression. "Oh, I love when Jenna drags out Evans' dirty laundry. Her face gets so hot you could toast a biscuit on it." He sat up a little straighter and looked around the table completely ignoring the dirty look Lily was piercing him with. "Speaking of…anyone got a biscuit?"

"Oh, ha, ha. You're _so_ funny, Black," she said sarcastically, watching warily as he spotted one, picked it up and pulled it into two pieces. "And if you even think about putting that biscuit on my face, I will reach over and push you off of the bench. I swear to Merlin." Sirius stopped mid-movement, holding half of a biscuit across the table and smirking at her. He hesitated for a moment, his smirk widening, and then he continued moving toward her. She wasted no time slapping the biscuit out of his hand and then made to launch herself across the table at him. Sirius's eyes widened. Obviously he had believed she wouldn't do anything, and was laughing as he instinctively moved away from her. James grabbed Lily's upper arms and pulled her back down to the bench. She tried to look angry as she crossed her arms, but couldn't quite keep the small smile from reaching her own lips. Sirius was still grinning at her like a maniac and would occasionally flash the other half of his biscuit at her threateningly.

"Ahem," Remus said after a few moments of glaring, "Some of us are still waiting to hear about what happened last year."

Jenna looked over at Lily, grinning like the madwoman that she is. "Either you tell them, or I will," she said smugly.

Lily sighed dramatically and lifted her eyes to the enchanted ceiling. Without looking back down, she murmured, "I had detention because I punched Serena Marcelas at the match." She said it miserably before letting her gaze lower back down to the six sets of eyes that were fixated on her. It was quiet for only a brief moment and then everyone exploded. Jenna and Mary were giggling madly, their heads ducked together.

"You _punched_ somebody?"

"_Wicked!_ Was there any blood? How much?"

"I've been telling people for years that you had violent tendencies, but no one ever believed me!"

"What in the name of all that is magical would have possessed you to do something like punching another person in the face?"

"How often do you run about punching people, Evans? Can I come with to observe on your next rampage?"

The boys' ramblings were getting more and more outrageous. Sirius was utterly impressed and was looking at Lily with a deep sense of awe. Remus was staring wide-eyed, seemingly unable to reconcile an image of Lily and an image of someone getting punched to each other. Peter kept going on about how it seemed like the last thing she'd ever be caught doing and the irony of it considering all the times she'd yelled at them for hexing people. James looked torn between admiration, unquenched mirth, and curiosity, and was laughing so hard he barely seemed to be keeping himself from falling off of the bench.

Lily just sat scowling silently, waiting for someone to address her with a reasonable question. It was James who finally managed to control himself enough to speak coherently.

"What in the name of Merlin" – _laughter_ – "did Serena say" –_more laughter_ – "to make you" –_chuckle _– "punch her?" He concluded his statement by collapsing onto the table and laughing a bit more into his arms.

Lily had every intention of ignoring him some more, but Jenna spoke up again, apparently ready to get the story out.

"You've never seen Lily when she gets competitive have you?" she asked. The boys shook their heads and Jenna grinned a bit manically. "She goes a little mad sometimes. It's absolutely hilarious!" she elaborated.

"The real surprising thing about it is the fact that it's actually Quidditch that brings it out in her," Mary chimed in. She too was donning a grin, but hers held a bit more sympathy for Lily's embarrassment.

Lily's ears perked up at her friend's statement. Perhaps she'd be able to get out of this without admitting the most embarrassing detail, after all.

"Yeah," she started, forcing a quick laugh and hoping no one noticed how unnatural it sounded. "I just get really competitive during Quidditch. House solidarity and all." She paused for about a second, continuing before anyone could comment, "Anyway, who wants some trifle?"

James was piercing her with a most disbelieving look, but Lily was ignoring it, hoping that for once in his life he would just _let it bloody go_, but Jenna, wouldn't let her get away with it.

"Hold on just a second there, Evans. I seem to remember there being a bit more to it than that. Specifically about what it was that actually set you off. Maybe I should tell my side of the story, yeah?" Though her word choice suggested that she was asking for Lily's permission, Jenna didn't even hesitate before she launched into the retelling. "Serena was sitting behind us at the match…"

"Wait a second," Remus interrupted, holding up a hand to halt Jenna. "Why was a Slytherin sitting in the middle of the Gryffindor section?"

"She said it was because she knew we were going to lose and she wanted to watch our destruction up close," Lily answered bitterly, the prat's words still standing out clearly in her mind.

"That was stupid of her," Mary added.

"No one ever said Slytherins were particularly brainy. What was it the hat said at the Sorting this year?" Peter asked.

"Smelly, ugly and despicably slimy; I haven't got a clue why we let them in…_blimey_," Sirius supplied, dead panning. He didn't even smirk when the rest of them chuckled appreciatively.

"Erm…yes, something like that," Jenna grinned before continuing. "But like I was saying, she did sit behind us, and it was right annoying, let me tell you. She went on and on about how Hooch was favoring us and how we were cheating and she made all these snide personal remarks about the team. She never shut up. It was like this rolling commentary throughout the whole game, except that it was rude and offensive and loud."

"As would be expected, I stood up for our house. There's nothing wrong with that!" Lily jumped in indignantly. "I can't be expected to just sit there and listen to that. It was a two hour match!"

"Of course not," Jenna replied, and for the first time since her tale began, she sounded as though she were being sincere. She then proceeded to pat Lily's hand soothingly and continued with her story. "I was quite proud of you, actually. Showing off that Gryffindor pride!"

"So how did you end up fighting with her?" Peter asked, enthralled in the story and seeming rather put out at the detour.

"I was getting there. Don't rush me!" Jenna exclaimed with a warning look at Peter. "At the end of the game…well, I don't know if you remember what happened, but Potter here did some pretty fancy flying which somehow managed to block the Seeker, giving Mary a huge edge, and we ended up winning." Everyone was nodding, silently waiting for Jenna to continue. "Of course Serena wasn't very happy about that. We were jumping up and down and screaming and she started going on about how James is a cheat and how he'd clearly bribed Hooch into looking the other way while he ensured a Gryffindor victory. She claimed that was the only way we'd ever be able to manage to win anyway.

"I guess that was the last straw for Lily. I don't even remember exactly what it was she said, but it was pretty nasty and Serena practically had steam coming out of her ears, she was so angry. At first she seemed so shocked that I thought she'd just walk away fuming, but you know Serena. She always has to have the last word, and any time you shoot a hole in her pride she bristles up and says the first scathing thing that comes to mind. So she said…well, I don't remember the exact phrasing. Lil, do you remember?"

Lily glared at Jenna a moment and then sighed resignedly. "She said, 'Of course Potter's bloody girlfriend is going to stick up for him. It doesn't change that fact that he's a no good cheater.'" Lily said it all very monotonously and left out a few of Serena's choice expletives, particularly her slur against Lily's family, knowing that it would only create tension.

"That's right," Jenna continued, her sly grin widening. "Well, you know how Lily reacts any time someone connects her to James in a way that doesn't involve murder. She freaked out. She launched herself over the chairs and knocked Serena to the ground and just started hitting her as hard as she could. McGonagall finally made her way over and pulled Lily off, but Serena's mate Jillian had to take her to the Hospital Wing."

"Nice," Sirius murmured, nodding admiringly at Lily.

James was smirking, an eyebrow cocked smugly at her. "Even then you had a bit of a hero complex when it came to me…I never knew that."

Lily narrowed her eyes and hit him hard in the arm. "I wasn't defending you, you prat. I was standing up for my house. Her little remark about you just sent me over the edge." She hit him again, just for good measure, but it only made his smirk widen.

Remus was grinning now too. "It sounds a _bit_ like you were defending him, Lil." She turned her glare on him and he playfully recoiled. "Just a bit though," he added with a wink. "What d'you think, Pete?"

"I think we better warn whoever's sitting near us tomorrow not to say anything bad about Prongs, that's what I think. Also, if I ever decide that I need to speak with Pomfrey urgently, it's good to know that all I have to do is call Evans his girlfriend."

Lily rolled her eyes, but it seemed that Sirius was ready to move on to a new subject. "And why exactly would you need to urgently speak with Pomfrey? Are you planning on making her your latest conquest?"

"She's already putty in my hands, Padfoot. Don't be jealous just because she prefers me to you," Peter quipped.

All in all, the mood was much more relaxed for the rest of dinner. They kept the conversation away from Quidditch and the match the next day which kept James's fidgeting to a minimum. Not to mention the fact that he couldn't seem to look at her without bursting into fits of laughter. That seemed to be a contributing factor as well.

Things changed a bit as they made their way back into the common room, though. Since becoming captain, James had a tradition of meeting with his players one at a time the evening prior to a match to go over any strategies they were working on, any moves they needed to remember, and perhaps a word of encouragement. So while he did that, Lily went up to bed. It had been a long week, and knowing how James could get when he got into Quidditch mode, Lily doubted he would miss her very much anyway. He probably wouldn't even notice that she was missing.

She couldn't fall asleep though, tired as she was. She kept thinking of James and how much pressure was mounting on him. She hadn't known until Lexi had pointed it out at dinner just how crucial this match was to the rest of the Gryffindor season. She'd just assumed that as they'd won their first game that winning their second guaranteed them a spot in the final. Apparently she'd been wrong. She was sure that at some point this week someone had mentioned this fact, but she had become so accustomed to blocking out all talk of Quidditch that it had never sunk in.

She also returned her thoughts to wondering if James always felt this much pressure, and though he was always pretending that it didn't bother him, she wasn't sure whether she'd just overlooked it or not bothered to look deeper than his façade. She would have hardly believed it had someone told her last year that James Potter was anything less than completely and arrogantly confident of his _own_ ability, if not his team's collective ability, to do everything necessary to win the Quidditch Cup.

She wanted to do something to help, but she didn't know what. He'd done so much for her this year. Everything from letting her cry in his arms, to making her laugh when she was having a rotten day, to forfeiting his own sleep to make sure that she was okay. He'd been there for her through times much more difficult than the pressure of a Quidditch match, and she couldn't help but feel that the scale was unbalanced. She owed him a little bit of comfort.

She heard Mary come in and get into bed which meant it was too late to do anything now anyway. Mary's arrival meant that James had ordered the team to bed. He would be up in the 7th year boys' dormitory now, doing Merlin only knows what. But maybe that was a good thing. If anyone could make James feel better, it was Sirius, Remus, and Peter. They also know him well enough to tell when he's lying about feeling okay. Lily hoped that whatever their plan to make him feel better was wouldn't land him in detention, but if it did, she'd be okay with it. Sure, she'd throw a fit just for looks (she was Head Girl after all) but in the grand scheme of things, she could survive him getting a detention.

Jenna and Claire were quick to follow Mary into the dormitory. She heard them chatting quietly before settling in. The familiar sounds of her roommates getting ready for bed were soothing. She liked that she could predict the order in which things would happen. She liked the dependability. She would miss it come July.

Soon though, another sound joined Jenna's toothbrush and Claire's quiet humming. It was an owl. Lily could hear the beat of its wings and its soft hoot as it flew in one of the windows.

Even more surprising was when the owl flew over her bedposts and gently landed on her comforter. Lily wasn't sure whose it was, but stroked its feathers lightly as she untied and read the note.

_Lily,_

_Apparently you think it's okay to waltz upstairs without telling you're certain someone good night. I'm here to tell you that this is a falsehood, Evans, and not okay in the least. Don't you know that it's good luck for the captain to get a kiss from his girlfriend the night before a big match?_

_James_

_PS-Please don't punch me just for calling you my girlfriend. I don't want to end up in the Hospital Wing. Pomfrey scares me.  
PPS-Good night. Sorry I missed you._

Lily couldn't help the ridiculous grin that immediately surfaced on her face. It meant much more to her than it should have that somewhere in the midst of his ridiculous Quidditch-obsessing brain, he had noticed her absence. She reread the note, drinking in the words written in his familiar scrawl.

Suddenly she had an idea. She scrambled to the edge of her bed and struggled to find the opening in her hangings before rushing out and grabbing a few items out of her trunk.

"Lily?" Jenna asked, peeking out of the bathroom at the racket Lily was making. "Was that James's owl? Is everything all right?"

"Um…yeah, everything's fine," Lily answered as she scrambled back to her own bed. "He just wanted to see if he could borrow my Potions notes after the match to study."

It was a horrible excuse and she knew even without Jenna's eye roll and answering "Yeah, uh huh…_sure_," that there was no way that she would believe her. Luckily, Jenna didn't press it and went back to brushing her teeth muttering, "Could have just told me it was none of my business…"

After she'd scrambled back into her bed, she held her quill between her teeth as she unscrewed a bottle of ink. Quickly she scribbled a note of reply before tying it to his owl's leg and sending it back to his owner.

_James,_

_I'm impressed you even noticed I wasn't there. I figured you only noticed people in Quidditch uniforms on a night such as this._

_Lily_

_PS-I'm almost constantly considering punching you, but not for calling me your girlfriend. Consider yourself warned.  
PPS-I was really tired, so I came up early. I didn't realize I was jeopardizing our team's chances. My apologies. For what it's worth, I _was_ planning on giving you an _especially_ cheerful 'good morning' to make up for my not saying 'good night,' but if you want to forfeit that, it's fine._

As Lily expected, it wasn't a very long time before a response came flying through the window. She chuckled at how quickly it had come back and didn't even bother commenting rudely when Jenna asked if he needed Charms notes this time.

_Lil,_

_Ever since your Snitch costume at Halloween, you have forever become synonymous with Quidditch in my mind. And I certainly don't want to forfeit my 'good morning.' At least until I find out what 'especially cheerful' entails._

Lily, grinning at her own cleverness and also her ability to so correctly predict her boyfriend's weaknesses, quickly penned a reply.

_James,_

_I'm afraid that details of what that entails are best not written down where they may fall into innocent and unsuspecting hands. I'd hate to be responsible for corrupting or scarring one of our younger Gryffindors. If you'd like a detailed description, I can provide you with that in person at midnight in the common room._

_Lily_

_PS-Obviously if you need to sleep or carbo-load or something I understand. After all, I've already jeopardized the team enough as it is. I don't want to be responsible for a sleep deprived captain as well._

His response came quickly and sent a thrill to the pit of her stomach.

_L,_

_Even if I did need to carbo-load (whatever that means), I'd be there. You can't honestly expect me to pass up something that might scar a younger student, especially when you're involved. See you in a few hours._

_J_

Lily made her way down to the common room a while later after her dorm mates had all settled in and assumed that she was sleeping as well. She heard Mary's watch chime midnight and carefully crawled out of bed. She wasn't sure if Claire was fully asleep yet, but she didn't say anything when the door opened, and that was enough of an assurance for Lily.

The fire was still crackling warmly in the grate, but James was the only one in the room. He was sitting on a couch, staring intently into the fire and looking very tired. Lily felt a twinge of guilt for keeping him up late, but it disappeared whenever the door shut behind her and he turned and grinned at her. She smiled too, unable to curb the automatic reaction as she made her way over to him. She sat down next to him, tucking her feet underneath her and leaning on his shoulder. She felt him push his lips again her hair as one of his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tighter against him.

"Sorry if I'm damaging our chances by keeping our captain up the night before the big match," she said. Her tone was teasing, but her words were genuine. She wanted him to know that her feelings wouldn't be hurt at all if he jumped up and took the stairs three at a time in order to get a good night's sleep.

He smiled tenderly at her and then lifted a warm hand to push her hair back. "Don't worry about it," he murmured. "I can't ever sleep before matches anyway. I stopped trying in 4th year. Normally I just stay up running plays and scenarios in my head over and over again. It will be nice to have a distraction for once."

Lily smiled. "Is that all I am to you now? A distraction? Two hours ago I was someone special. You forget one good night and all of a sudden you're downgraded to distraction."

James rolled his eyes at her antics and then lowered his forehead to hers. "It's an unfair system, I know. But for what it's worth, you're a very _good_ distraction," he said with a dangerous glint in his eyes before pushing his lips to hers. She made a small noise of protest, though wasn't surprised when it didn't do any good. James had tightened his grip on her, pulling her more snuggly against himself. And Lily, despite her well intentioned initial sound of protest, wasted no time in kissing him back. She reached her hands up to cup his cheeks, pulled him harder against her lips and then ran her fingers through his hair.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she remembered that there was a reason, aside from uninterrupted snogging, that she'd invited James into the common room in the middle of the night. While it didn't seem nearly as important at the moment, she somehow forced her hands down to James's chest and gently pushed him away. Now he was the one making protesting noises, and the put out look he was piercing her with was so harsh it was comical. Lily had to force herself to keep her laughter contained when he continued to look disgruntled.

"Evans," he growled, "I thought the whole point of this little rendezvous was to give me my especially cheerful greeting. It's not particularly kind of you to drag a bloke out of bed with that kind of bait and then snatch it away before he's been properly greeted."

Lily rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. "I'm _trying _to give you the especially cheerful bit. I can't do it if you're snogging me!"

James narrowed his eyes at her and looked as though he were deeply confused. "You mean the snogging _isn't_ part of the greeting?" His puzzled look morphed into a scowl. "You were very misleading, Evans. I could sue you for that."

"You know what they say about when you assume…" Lily said in a sing-song voice as she wriggled out of his arms and put a few small (all right, miniscule) centimeters of distance between them.

"That you're usually right unless you have an especially cruel girlfriend who likes to get your hopes up only to smash them to bits?"

"Exactly," Lily answered turning on the couch so that she was squared to him.

James couldn't help but grin at her remark. He crossed his arms and donned a "this better be good" look and watched as she reoriented herself. "Fine. What's the other part then?"

"I wanted to give you something…well, let you borrow something really," she answered, suddenly feeling a bit nervous as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a silver bracelet so full with charms on it that it jingled loudly in the deserted common room.

She smiled as she held it out to him. His puzzled expression resurfaced as he slowly reached out and took it from her. He fingered it for a moment, surveying it closely as though expecting it to suddenly become something different or more useful. Finally, when it didn't, he looked up at her with an arched eyebrow. "Er…you shouldn't have?"

"It's a charm bracelet," Lily said quickly as if James had asked her what it was rather than giving her the universal response for "I don't want this but I don't want to hurt your feelings either."

James nodded, still looking very confused. "I can see that," he said. "I'm really not a bracelet kind of guy…" he started before Lily cut across him.

"It's good luck," Lily finally explained, letting out a quiet giggle though James still seemed thoroughly confused by her behavior. "My dad gave that to me. It was kind of a tradition really for Petunia and I. On each of our fifth birthdays, he bought us a charm bracelet with only our first initial on it." She ran her fingers over the warm metal still held in his open palm until she found the small "L" written in a curly script. "He traveled a lot for work, and it became a tradition with him that when he went on a business trip he would come back with a different charm for both of us."

Lily paused, her throat tightening as memories came flooding back. James was fingering the bracelet more carefully now, surveying each charm with interest. "One year…I don't even remember when it was…but Dad had to go on a trip to the city where they were playing the World Cup. I was really into football when I was younger and I was obsessed with England's team. I read every article I could get my hands on. I watched all of the interviews with the players on TV. Mum wouldn't let Dad buy me a jersey so I got some permanent markers and colored all over my white shirts so that it looked like I had an England jersey. Mum was so mad…she grounded me for three weeks. And then she wouldn't take me to buy new clothes so I had to wear these hideously colored shirts to school…I was so embarrassed." Lily chuckled quietly remembering her mum yelling at her when she'd found all of the jerseys.

James was grinning at her but when she paused, all he said was, "Football?"

"Oh, it's a muggle sport. We can go a little crazy for it. Anyway, my dad was in the city that the World Cup was being played in and he managed to get some tickets to see England. He went to the match and it was terrible. After the first half England was down three, nil." James looked confused and Lily had to remind herself that Quidditch scores were usually really high and that three, besides being a score that you could never get, would seem like nothing to overcome even if you somehow managed it. "Oh, that's a lot. You don't come back from something like that typically. Anyway, at the half he went to get me a charm and he got this one." Lily reached for the bracelet again, but this time she pushed the charms around until she found a small, football shaped one. "He put it in his pocket and said that it brought him good luck because England managed to come back and win."

Lily felt embarrassed at the story, even with James smiling so tenderly at her that she knew he wasn't going to make fun. Even so, she felt herself reflexively doing what she always did when she got nervous or embarrassed. She started rambling.

"I know it's lucky because I didn't wear it all the time, I was always afraid that I'd lose it or that it would break, but when I would wear it, good things happened a mysteriously large amount of the time. And it's just the football charm, so you don't have to wear the whole bracelet either. And I think that the good luck will work all the way from the locker room." James was chuckling now and Lily couldn't help but grin as well. "I looked into the physics of it and if you just put it in your locker, I think the luck should carry over onto the pitch. Obviously you don't _have_ to wear it…I just thought that maybe you'd want to, but there's no pressure."

James chuckled quietly as he snaked an arm around her waist once again and pulled her close. She sighed, more words dying in her throat and then snuggled her head into the crook of his neck. He let his head fall, his lips grazing the bare skin at the base of her neck right on the edge of her night shirt. She shivered as he whispered, "Thank you."

Lily pressed a brief kiss on the underside of his jaw and then moved away from him; just far enough that she could look up and see his face without straining her neck but not moving out of his arms.

She gazed up at him. He was still smiling at her, but Lily found herself wondering the same thing that had been bugging her the past few days. "Are you okay?" she asked, concern filling her voice. She didn't want to press him. If he didn't want to talk about it, then fine. He was a man, after all, and weren't men supposed to be anti-feelings and anti-talking and anti-communication?

Before she could really ponder this too much though, he sighed heavily and leaned back, running an anxious hand through his hair and gripping it firmly before letting his arm drop limply back to his side. "Yeah, I'm fine," he answered. "I mean…it's nothing that I don't deal with before every match."

Before Lily could even form the words "Do you want to talk about it?" James had launched into a full explanation, though the look on his face made her think that the words were rather being wrenched from him without his consent. "There's so much riding on the game tomorrow. Right now I'm everyone's favorite person, but one loss and that all changes. And it's not that I really care what anyone thinks, but it's not like _I_ want to lose either." He paused and looked down at her as if he were considering the wisdom of his next statement. "What Lexi said…tonight at dinner…that was true too," he said quietly, dropping his eyes from hers. "I have all of these Quidditch records, but none of it means anything if the _team_ doesn't win."

Lily pursed her lips and repressed the wave of jealousy that threatened to rise up within her before she spoke. "James, the team has already won. The last two years we won the Cup. Third year as well."

"This is different though," James interjected. "This is my last chance. This is what people will remember after I leave. No one will care if I won two before but lost the last one." Lily was getting ready to jump into a tirade about how it won't matter in thirty years if he won two or three Quidditch Cups and that it doesn't matter what other people think of him anyway, but James' lips quirked up in a half smile as though he knew every thought that had just raced through her mind. "There's no use in arguing with it. Great minds before you have tried using logic to make me see sense and it's never worked before. You just have to go with it. At about three tomorrow afternoon I'll come back to my normally sensible perspective."

Lily smiled too. "Well, I promise I won't stop liking you if you lose tomorrow. In fact, I might prefer it. If everyone gets angry with you it means they'll probably stop dogging your every step and I would actually get to see you again!"

James rolled his eyes. "I'll keep that in mind if we lose and I need a compelling reason to talk myself out of jumping off of the Astronomy Tower."

"Glad to be of service," Lily giggled and then gave him a little smirk. She ran her hands up his chest and gripping his shirt, she tugged him back toward herself. "And speaking of services," she added as he lifted an eyebrow at her, "I'd like to offer my skills at distracting. I've recently been informed that I'm quite talented when it comes to that."

James seemed to be done talking at that point, because he quickly drowned out the rest of her words with his mouth. It became clear to Lily within a matter of seconds that she wasn't the only one who'd been missing him over the course of the week. James kissed her hard, his lips moving urgently over hers, his hands spread wide on her back and pulling her closer, holding her tightly against him.

In all honesty, though, Lily couldn't say that she was necessarily discouraging his efforts to basically ravish her. She had gone pliant against him the moment his lips had met hers, twisting her arms around his neck and pathetically letting out quiet, involuntary moans any time he did something that felt even slightly good (basically everything, so they came out an embarrassingly large amount of the time) which only served to spur him on more enthusiastically.

Before she really knew what was happening, James was pushing her down on the couch, and since she'd been starting to think that her only other option was to hop up on his lap in order to make the heated snogging more convenient, she didn't put up much of a fight (or any at all, for that matter). Her body instantly recalled the last time James had been lying atop her and faint warning bells went off in her mind, but it felt _so_ good sinking into the couch cushions with James's warm body covering hers that she ignored them. His mouth had migrated to do something maddening to a particularly sensitive spot on her neck and she was no longer in a frame of mind to make him stop even if she'd really wanted to.

She deliberately didn't check the clock when she finally made her way back to her own bed later. She didn't want to know how long they'd spent putting on what surely would have been a very entertaining show for anyone who'd ventured down from the dormitories. She was fairly certain, however, that it was much further along in the night than she cared to admit. She also didn't want to admit to the fact that James had once again ended up shirtless, though she couldn't for the life of her pinpoint the exact moment in the evening in which she'd shoved it over his head and dropped it unceremoniously onto the floor.

_What a shameless tease,_ she thought with a guilty smile as she curled up underneath her warm covers.

Whatever else the evening had ended up being, she had _definitely_ succeeded in distracting James. That much was for sure.

* * *

Mary was already gone when she woke up the next morning and Jenna was banging around, digging under her bed and looking for a banner that she liked to hold up at the beginning of the matches. Lily got ready quickly, pulling everything in her trunk out until she found what would be the warmest and threw on as much as she could. It wasn't nearly as cold as the last match had been, but Lily knew from experience that the stadium acted as a wind tunnel, and that Mary would be doing everything that she could to keep the match going until Gryffindor was up by enough points. All things considered, it was shaping up to be a very long match.

She and Jenna made their way down to the Great Hall earlier than normal on a Saturday, but of course there were loads more people up than usual in all the excitement for the match.

They made their way over to the Gryffindor table where the team was already seated. Lily sat down next to Mary, who was looking a bit green and staring forlornly into a bowl of oatmeal.

"Good morning!" she exclaimed happily, smiling around at them all. "Lovely morning, isn't it?" Her eyes locked briefly with James' before she had to look away and mentally force the blush that was threatening to creep up her cheeks back down.

"That it is, Evans! _That_ it is!" Sirius all but shouted, reaching across Mary's untouched breakfast and rumpling Lily's hair. He grinned so brightly at her, his smile so wide, that she was sure she could count all of his teeth. She shot him a skeptical look as he shoveled a forkful of egg into his mouth. "But what day wouldn't be considered lovely when we're about to pummel Ravenclaw?" he continued, his voice rising with each word until he was yelling the last two words as more of a war cry to which several people around them cheered.

"Ignore him," Remus commented, throwing his mate a disgusted look as he continued chanting different battle cries. "This is how he deals with nerves…he just gets louder. Now, I realize you must be thinking that it's impossible for him to get any louder than normal, but you're wrong. Prepare to be amazed."

"I'm not nervous, Moony," Sirius protested quickly (and loudly, Lily noted), narrowing his eyes and pointing his fork accusingly at him across the table. Remus didn't look the least bit intimidated, merely cocking an eyebrow and pushing the offending object off to the side whenever it came too near his nose. "I am just supremely confident in our impending victory!"

Lily, in spite of herself, found a giggle escaping her lips as Sirius continued to make a complete fool of himself.

"You're in a good mood this morning," James commented quietly as she reached for a muffin and began lathering jam on the top of it.

"No more than any other morning," she replied with a shrug.

James' face, which up until this point had been sporting a very solemn look, suddenly split into a smirk. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with that. You normally don't stop scowling at the fact that the sun is up until halfway through lunch."

"Bloke's got a point," Jenna chimed in. "You were practically skipping in the corridors on the way to breakfast." Lily only shrugged her response, taking another bite of her muffin.

James's smirk widened and his eyes glinted behind his glasses. "You _are_ in a good mood. One might even go so far as to say that you're looking _especially cheerful_ this morning." Lily's grin fell from her face and she glared at James across the table which only managed to make him chuckle more, his face splitting into a true grin now. "Well, not anymore, but I bet you're working really hard to keep from smiling again."

He was right. Of course he was right. Lily could only keep scowling for a few more seconds before her grin returned. "I hate you," she murmured with a wink, but kicked him underneath the table just for good measure. "Are you going to eat anything?" she asked, gesturing to his clean plate.

He shook his head. "No. I stopped sleeping in 4th year and I stopped eating in 5th. There's no use." He sighed and ran a hand anxiously through his hair, tousling it and making it stick up wildly in the back. "I'm going to head out there," he said, addressing Sirius this time.

"So early?" Lily asked before she could stop herself. She felt a blush creep up her cheeks now, one that she wouldn't have been able to stop no matter how much effort she put into it. It seemed that she wasn't the only one who had noticed the disappointed tone in her voice either. James was smiling warmly at her and Jenna was smirking to her right.

"I have to go through my pregame routine. You know, check the conditions, survey the equipment, offer up animal sacrifices…the usual," James joked. Lily laughed, as did quite a few of the other people listening in. "Padfoot, ten minutes and then round everyone up and head to the locker rooms."

"Aye, aye Cap'n," Sirius said loudly, lifting his hand in salute.

James rolled his eyes. "I mean it, ten minutes and not a second later. If you're late I'm playing the reserve," he warned as he walked backwards away from the table.

"Threats only work if you can follow through!" Sirius shouted after him. James pretended not to hear, lifting his hand to his ear and shrugging his shoulders. Then he gestured to his watch before turning and walking purposefully out of the Great Hall. Applause from the Gryffindor table and a few of the Hufflepuffs intermingled with boos and hisses from the Ravenclaw and Slytherin tables.

Lily waited until James had completely exited the hall before she began searching her bag. "Oh no," she groaned in her most believably irritated voice. "I'm such an idiot…I left my scarf up in the tower. I'll be right back."

"You're going to get it?" Jenna asked, her brow creased.

"Jenna, it's freezing outside. I don't want to lose my ears to frostbite, thank you very much. I'll be right back."

"We only have ten minutes!" Jenna argued as Lily had already swung her legs over the bench.

"So? It doesn't take that long to make a round trip to Gryffindor Tower." When Jenna continued to glare openly at her, she added, "I'll run, okay?" And with that she scampered away.

However, when she reached the Entrance Hall, instead of turning left to head for the staircases, she went right, toward the front doors of the castle. She hoped she hadn't waited too long. Sure enough, as she ran through the hallway, she spotted James's back as he was pulling on the doors. He heard her footsteps and turned to look at her. His eyes widened as he took in her sprinting form.

"Lily? What're you –" but his words were cut off as she slowed down just enough to keep them from toppling over as she ran into him. Without explanation or hesitation, she pressed her lips to his, swallowing the rest of his question with her mouth. She was pushed up on her toes and felt James' hands grip her waist, steadying her. He seemed rather shocked by her sudden attack, but got over it quickly enough, kissing her back until she lowered herself back down and pushed away from him.

She backed up a few centimeters, grinning at him. "Good luck," she murmured before releasing him fully.

He beamed down at her and then began fumbling with something at his neck. "Looks like this thing's working for me already," he said, his eyes twinkling. It was then that Lily saw what he was holding on to. He had a long, silver chain around his neck that had been tucked beneath his jumper. Hanging from the chain was her football charm.

Lily was silent for a moment. "You're wearing it," she said softly, her voice hoarse as she lifted her hand and touched the small charm. She looked at it for a moment and then let her gaze drift up to James who was watching her. She wasn't sure what emotion was playing on her face at that moment, but she was fairly certain that it was unguarded and probably all too revealing.

"Yeah, well, I know you said you'd worked out the physics of it and all and that it _should_ work even from the locker room, but I just wanted to make sure." The side of his mouth quirked up in a half smile that had Lily all but melting in the middle of the corridor.

She chuckled and nudged him in the side. "That was very wise thinking, though I am slightly offended that you would doubt my physics prowess."

James rolled his eyes and took a step toward the doors again. "What did you tell them to get away?" he asked, his tone curious.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, disoriented by the sudden change of subject.

"I'm guessing you didn't tell everyone that you needed to come out here and attack me. So what did you tell them to get up from the table?"

Lily grinned slyly. "The truth. That I left my scarf up in Gryffindor Tower."

James nodded slowly. "Ah, and here I was hoping that you'd spent the whole morning thinking up some intricate lie in order to accost me in the corridor," he sighed wistfully.

Lily laughed again and shook her head. "What I didn't tell them was that I left my scarf up there on purpose…for the sole reason of having an excuse to run out here and, as you so _delicately_ put it, 'accost you.'" James's grin was all too smug as he snorted and pulled the doors open. "Now go on, you're running out of time to properly prepare your sacrifices. And if there's one thing that the Higher Powers of Quidditch hate, it's an ill-prepared offering." She waved goodbye and then turned on her heel to run all the way up to her dormitory, James's chuckles chasing her until she reached the staircase.

She had barely sprinted into the Entrance Hall, scarf tied haphazardly around her neck and hair all askew, when she spotted the Gryffindor Quidditch team closely followed by Remus, Peter, and Jenna about to exit the castle. There was already a large crowd on the front lawn and Lily could hear the sounds of hundreds of people moving within the Great Hall, preparing for the mass exodus to the Quidditch Pitch.

Jenna somehow managed to spot Lily and made a wild waving motion at her that prompted Lily to begin sprinting again, pushing through groups of people to reach them.

"What took you so long?" she asked crossly, once Lily had managed to catch up with her.

"Couldn't find it right off," Lily lied, smiling to herself while tugging the scarf more neatly around her neck.

"Well, you shouldn't have forgotten it in the first place. We almost had to leave without you and then what would you have done? You would have had to sit by yourself…"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, honestly, Jenna! First of all, you could have stayed and waited for me. We don't _have_ to sit with Remus and Peter," she interrupted. Then spotting the boys' affronted looks she quickly added, "Not that we don't _want_ to…just pointing out a fact. Obviously I'm very happy that I caught you in time." They nodded, placated, and went back to having some loud conversation with Sirius. "And even if you had left with them, I am more than capable of either finding you in the stands or sitting by myself. I'm not so pathetic that I can't watch Quidditch for a few hours alone. And if I got bored, I'd pick a fight with some unfortunate Slytherin who happened to be in my vicinity."

Jenna, who had been scowling throughout Lily's whole speech, couldn't help laughing at her last comment.

They were about halfway down the lawn when Lily noticed something very peculiar. Random students from different houses kept coming up to Sirius, Remus and Peter, muttering something in hushed whispers, making some kind of exchange, and then quickly scampering away.

After a few minutes went by and it didn't happen again, she decided it wasn't worth the effort of trying to wheedle whatever mischief they were up to out of them, but no sooner had she settled on that decision than a 3rd year Slytherin came up and repeated the same strange actions.

Lily stared at them suspiciously as Remus and Peter ducked their heads together and scribbled something down onto a piece of parchment. They pretended not to notice her staring, but Peter's constant furtive glances in her direction confirmed her suspicions that they couldn't be up to anything good.

"What are you three doing?" she asked, her tone equal parts menacing and intrigued as she narrowed her eyes at them.

"Nothing," Peter answered too quickly.

"Nothing _wrong_," Remus amended immediately after. Lily arched her eyebrow dubiously at them.

"I'm not involved at all," Sirius added. When he received the most disbelieving look of all, he continued, feigning indignation. "It would be a conflict of my morals."

Lily snorted loudly. "You have morals?"

Sirius smirked wickedly. "I'm flattered by your low opinion of me, Evans. And while it's true that in certain areas my morals could be considered…erm, _less_ than wholesome, I would never do anything that could be construed as cheating in the arena."

"Cheating?" Lily exclaimed loudly, her eyebrows knit together as she turned her attention back to Remus and Peter.

Remus was shooting Sirius a severe look. "It's not cheating if _we_ do it," he insisted, his voice completely rational even though he was still looking daggers at Sirius. "We're just taking bets on the match. And seeing as we're not playing and would therefore have no bearing on the outcome of the match, it's not cheating."

"Oh," Lily said simply. She knew that she _should_ care that they were taking bets and that, despite Remus's assurances, they were probably finding ways to cheat younger students out of too much money, but she really couldn't find the will to summon the emotion. "So, just bets on who's going to win?"

"Nah, that's boring," Peter answered. "It has to be an obscure bet."

Lily furrowed her brow. "Obscure? Like what?"

Remus was looking at her warily, but glanced down at his sheaf of parchment nonetheless. "Marcus just bet three galleons that Becca flies in the opposite direction of the Quaffle 13 times during the match."

Lily snorted very indelicately. First, because of the perfect randomness of that bet and second, because of the fact that it was probably a very smart bet to make. "That's clever."

"That was my idea," Sirius chimed in proudly.

"I thought you weren't involved," Lily scolded.

Sirius scrunched up his face as though in deep thought. "Perhaps I was a bit involved in the beginning phases. You know, helping it get off the ground, offering the use of my keen business sense. I don't take or place bets though." Lily clicked her tongue suspiciously, but didn't press the subject.

"So…you're not upset?" Remus asked warily. Lily shook her head and shrugged. "You're not going to yell at us or give us detention or anything?"

"I wasn't planning on it," Lily said, grinning at the plain fear she clearly had the power to inflict on troublemakers. "If you want me to, I'd be happy to oblige. But as it is, I'd rather not."

"Spot on, Evans," Peter said gleefully, clapping his hands together. "What do you say? Want to make a bet?"

"Oh…I dunno."

"Go on, Lily. It'll give the game a bit more interest," Jenna encouraged.

Lily shot her a skeptical look. "As if it isn't going to be interesting anyway…" she muttered but then dug around in her pockets to see how much money she had. "I'll put…seven Sickles on James scoring the most goals."

Remus jotted it down, but Peter shook his head sadly. "Afraid your returns won't be too high on that one, Lily. Odds are very in favor of that."

Lily shrugged as she handed over her money. "I'm not much of a risk taker, I suppose."

"All right, lads," Sirius said, stopping in the middle of the path. "I should head off. I think Prongs may have been serious about benching me if I'm late again. Ladies, I'll see you after."

Before he could run off, Lily, who was standing next to Sirius, grabbed his arm, pushed herself up onto her toes and kissed him on the cheek. She murmured "good luck" and then released him. Sirius looked at her with more shock than anything else before the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. He nodded at her and then took off in the direction of the locker rooms, a few paces behind the rest of his team.

Lily kept walking, hoping that no one would say anything about her recent display of affection for Sirius. She knew that Jenna was watching her with a look of mingled confusion and skepticism on her face but the only thing that was said about it was from Peter who muttered, "Prongs will be disappointed that he missed Evans handing out good luck snogs," under his breath to Remus, who didn't get a chance to respond as another student ran up to them to place a bet.

* * *

The game was, to quote something Remus had said an endless number of times since the Quaffle was first released, a 'nail biter'. Almost a full two hours of play, and there was still no end in sight. Ravenclaw had jumped to an early lead, taking all the wind out of Gryffindor's sails and prompting the Ravenclaw and Slytherin section to reach deafening noise levels. When they were down 20-60, James called a timeout and did a fair bit of yelling at his fellow Chasers. After that they were like a completely different team. James quickly snatched the Quaffle, flinging it quickly to Sirius, who put it through effortlessly. Then James managed to fake out the Keeper so badly that he went hurtling into the stands while James easily scored. What really got the Gryffindors back into the game though was a particularly impressive stop by Becca, in which she actually leapt from her broom, swatted the Quaffle to Bill, and then caught her own broomstick and hoisted herself back onto it.

After that remarkable feat, the Gryffindor team had taken off. The Ravenclaw Beaters did seem to focus much more on James than any of the other players on the field, the majority of their Bludgers headed toward the Gryffindor captain, but unlike in the Slytherin match earlier that year, they seemed less intent on maiming James, and more intent on impeding his path. James, however, was too quick and his fellow Chasers too talented for it to have much of an effect on their scoring.

Mary had provided a fair amount of entertainment herself. Her game plan was to keep an eye out for the Snitch and either distract the Ravenclaw Seeker from seeing it as well or keeping him from catching it without catching it herself. She feinted so believably at one point that Lily feared she was actually going to catch it. Instead, she'd sent the Ravenclaw Seeker racing toward the ground. He just managed to pull out of his dive without completely plummeting into the hard earth, but his leg scraped against the ground, sending him wobbling into the side of one of the stands. Another time, Mary actually made her way to the Snitch and kicked it as hard as she could away from the match.

Gryffindor was now up by ninety points and Becca had just made another incredible save, urged on by the excited Gryffindor crowd. It was obvious that the Ravenclaw supporters were nervous, anxiously cheering on their Seeker, hoping that he would catch the Snitch before Gryffindor could score twice more.

It wasn't too long before both Seekers were diving toward a flickering speck of light near the ground. Jenna jumped to her feet next to Lily with her hands over her eyes screaming "Please be feinting! Please be feinting!" but Lily could tell that this was the real thing. She looked frantically for the Snitch and saw with a flood of horror that the Ravenclaw Seeker was much closer to the elusive gold ball. Mary was gaining quickly, but it was clear that she wouldn't have time to bat the Snitch away.

This was it. Gryffindor was going to lose.

James, throwing a glance over his shoulder, immediately understood what was happening, and sped furiously down the pitch. The Gryffindor crowd was urging him on, praying for one last miracle from the captain they'd idolized for years. Luckily, both Ravenclaw Beaters were too busy watching the Seekers to bother with sending Bludgers in his direction. Unfortunately, the Ravenclaw Keeper was only too aware of how close Gryffindor was to winning and was watching James with narrowed eyes.

Lily, along with the rest of the Gryffindors, had wrenched her eyes from the Seekers and glued them to James. It was almost too easy for him. With only the Keeper to beat, he raced toward the right goal, and at the last minute flipped the Quaffle behind his back and through the middle hoop.

It wasn't enough, though. Gryffindor was still only up by 100.

With a quick glance up at the Seekers, Lily didn't think they had enough time to score again. Mary was too close. James, however, had raced back to the middle of the pitch and, with a tricky little move in front of one of the Ravenclaw Chasers, easily intercepted the Quaffle, throwing it back into play.

He passed to Sirius who caught it and dodged one of the Ravenclaw Chasers before passing to Bill who was closer to the goals. Bill beat the Keeper, sending him toward the left goal and then aiming for the right, but his throw was off the mark. It was obvious that it was erring too far to the right. Suddenly, out of nowhere, James sped into view and tipped the Quaffle just enough to send it through the hoop, seconds before the whistle blew sounding that the Snitch had been caught. Lily's eyes raced frantically around the pitch to see which team had caught the Snitch. About the same time as the rest of the crowd, she saw that it was Mary's hand that was clenched around the fluttering bit of gold, her arm raised high in victory.

Simultaneously, all the Gryffindors went completely mad, roaring wildly. The team attacked Mary in midair and gradually made their way to the ground hugging each other and cheering. Lily and Jenna were jumping up and down screaming, and their actions would be considered calm in comparison to the reaction of some of the other people around them. Lily would later swear that she saw Claire sobbing on the ground with happiness.

Lily was still screaming and hugging every single person she saw when Jenna grabbed her hand and started pulling her down onto the field. They weren't the only Gryffindors rushing the field, either. The team had already disappeared in the sea of gold and scarlet.

Lily's only thought was that they must be going to find James, because he was the only person that she could think about in that moment. She quickly realized, however, that Jenna obviously would not be sharing her sentiments about wanting to find, congratulate, and possibly accost her secret boyfriend when Jenna maneuvered them through the mass of people to find Mary.

Of course Lily was happy to congratulate Mary who really had been something of a hero that day, extending the game long enough to allow Gryffindor to score the points that they needed and all. She eagerly praised her fabulous flying, catching, anything she could think of, perhaps doing a bit more jumping up and down and screaming than she would ever admit to. Still, Lily couldn't deny that her eyes were scanning the crowd around them for James. She wanted to see him. Wanted to see the relief on his face; the excitement shining in his eyes. She wanted to congratulate him on his brilliant play and on being everything that the Gryffindors had come to expect from him. She knew he would be jubilant and she wanted to share that with him.

"Lily!" She heard her name in the familiar tones of his voice. Turning without hesitation, she saw him a little ways off. He was waving at her, his smile blindingly bright, his eyes gleaming even from a distance. He was still holding onto his broomstick, his hair sweaty and sticking to his forehead. Something about the fact that he'd been looking for her, along with the thoughts that had already been racing through her mind, set her on a course of action that she certainly wouldn't have authorized had she stopped to think about it.

Her face split into a huge grin and she took off in his direction without a parting word to her friends who were still giggling a bit madly. She wasn't sprinting like she had earlier in the Entrance Hall, but she was anxious to get to him, pushing people out of her way and speeding up as she got closer to him. As she approached him, she launched herself into his arms, hitting him with such a force that he was required to spin her around a bit in order to keep them from falling over. He caught her, broomstick in hand and all, and didn't protest as she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

He released her, placing her back on the ground and beaming down at her, but she didn't move out of his embrace. "You were brilliant!" Lily practically shouted over the din of the crowd. "Really! I've never seen anything like it!" He didn't say anything, but just smiled wider, gazing happily down at her. Before she really thought about what she was doing, before she even knew that she should stop herself, she responded to what her body was telling her to do, ignoring any and all protests from her brain. Without a moment's hesitation, she pushed herself up on her toes and met his lips with hers, showing him, in a much more effective way than words, how excited she was.

He gasped, actually _gasped_, with the shock of her action, and then responded so enthusiastically that Lily would have laughed had she not been enjoying it so much. He dropped his broomstick and wrapped his arms firmly around her, pulling her up into him and even lifting her off of the ground once more.

The rest of the world seemed to disappear for a moment. She could still hear the people around them, but she wasn't really aware of them. Instead she was very much focused on James and the wonderful things his lips were doing against hers. She didn't care that the crowd could see them and she didn't care that people would soon be gossiping about the inappropriate snogging the Head students had done in the middle of the Quidditch pitch. All she cared about was James.

If anyone deserved a good snog in front of the entire Hogwarts population, right now it was probably him.

She wasn't sure what she'd expected whenever they pulled apart. In movies or books whenever something as momentous as this happened, the crowd would go silent, all eyes on the pair of them. Perhaps someone would wolf whistle before the whole group began applauding.

Obviously, nothing of the sort actually occurred.

There was certainly a bit of pointing or staring from the people closest to them, but most people just acted as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Everyone continued chatting with their friends and shouting of Gryffindor's victory while walking back toward the inviting castle.

The same calm can't be ascribed to _everyone's_ reactions, though. Remus and Peter were looking on, a bit bug-eyed, from a few meters away. Mary had her hands over her mouth, and Jenna was bouncing up and down on her toes in excitement. As soon as she was sure that more kissing wasn't about to commence, she raced towards them.

James's reaction, for his part, was exactly as you would imagine. He was flushed (even more than he had been before) and grinning so widely that his cheeks were bound to start into spasms at any moment. Lily was blushing, but really could only force herself to feel the smallest amount of embarrassment as she too did nothing but beam right back up at him.

The fear that she had expected to accompany the outing of hers and James's relationship never settled in. She couldn't even make herself care that the biggest gossip in the school, Ellie Cartwright, had just spotted them and had immediately started whispering to a fellow student. She was in too deep with James now. It didn't make the smallest lick of sense for her to continue insisting on all of this secrecy.

Jenna reached them quickly and based on the impact that she had on Lily's back as she wrapped her arms around James and Lily as a unit, Lily could only assume that she too had hit them at a sprint.

"Best. Day. Ever!" she was shouting, still jumping up and down. James was chuckling while Lily grumbled and pushed backwards off of James's chest (where her face was currently plastered quite painfully).

Lily went on and on about abuse and a fractured jaw and how the Ministry should really criminalize the act of forcefully attacking another person from behind, but Jenna didn't seem to hear any of it.

"I can't believe that actually just happened!" she squealed as she finally released Lily, who noticed that James wasted no time in slipping his arm around Lily's shoulders and pulling her back against him. Upon seeing this, Jenna seemed to squeal at an even higher pitch. Lily was about to point out that if she kept going, they wouldn't be able to hear her anymore, but that dogs would probably start responding to her call, when Jenna stopped smiling, held up her arm and stood directly in front of Lily.

"What're you doing?" Lily asked quizzically.

Jenna shook her head solemnly and continued to hold her arm up. "I must delusional. That's the only explanation for why you would _finally_ desert your state of constant denial and snog that man. Pinch me…I need to know if this is real."

"I've heard Quidditch can have that effect. They call it a Quaffle induced coma," James chuckled as Lily simultaneously swatted her arm away, rolled her eyes, and told Jenna to stop being such a daft henwit.

Jenna, _again_, ignored her. "We need to do something to…to _commemorate_ this!" she exclaimed, still bouncing up and down on her toes, a giddy smile on her face.

"Commemorate what, exactly? A historic win for Gryffindor?" James asked, playing dumb, though it was quite clear that he knew exactly what Jenna wanted to commemorate. The giddy smile Jenna was sporting was outshined only by the one on James's face. It looked to Lily like nothing could wipe it off.

"No! The fact that Lily _finally_ stopped being an idiot and snogged you." This drew out a loud laugh from the other three Marauders (Mary had run off to find Emmett) who had joined them. Normally Lily would have been affronted by this apparent display of negativity toward her, but she too was feeling exceedingly happy, and couldn't even manage a proper scowl at the insult. Not to mention, she wasn't so oblivious that she couldn't admit that she had been rather idiotic about that whole thing. "We need to celebrate this!"

"What say you, captain?" Sirius asked, clapping James on the back and sounding utterly ridiculous.

James however didn't seem to share her sentiment. Instead, he just grinned like a madman and pretended to ponder his best mate for a moment. "I say," he began in a tone of most seriousness before yelling at an earsplitting volume, "PARTY IN THE COMMON ROOM!" Lily rolled her eyes as tons of people who hadn't even been listening cheered and applauded before beginning to chant again. James was beaming down at her, his arm still slung around her shoulders holding her snugly against him. He kissed her once more, his lips warm against her chilly ones.

Just as Lily was starting to think that, as her proximity to his lips was sending shocks of warmth down her spine and into the pit of her stomach, perhaps if she kissed him a bit longer he might be able to warm up her frostbitten toes and fingers as well, they were shoved rather unceremoniously from behind by Sirius who was smirking something awful. "Come now, you two. There will be plenty of time for snogging later. And you might want to think about doing it somewhere a bit more private. I hear the dormitories get taken up rather quickly, so you _might_ want to hurry up and claim one for yourselves." Lily bristled with embarrassment and was about to tell him off for being needlessly suggestive when he seemed to recognize her intention and quickly added, "I didn't mean it like _that_, love…though interesting that _your _mind went there. I simply meant that not everyone wants to watch the two of you molesting each other. You'll find that _some people_ have a rather weak stomach when it comes to sickening displays of affection."

Lily glowered at him and muttered "noted" while simultaneously swinging out a leg in a weak attempt at a kick, one that he easily evaded.

James, on the other hand, chuckled quite happily before offering his chosen remark of "Sod off, you ugly git," which earned him a chuckle in return. Sirius then disappeared into the crowd that was making its collective way towards the warm castle.

James was still grinning as his arm slid from around Lily's shoulders, his fingers drifting down her arm and interlocking with hers. He stepped forward tugging her along with him. She wasn't sure if he was so happy because they'd won the match by 260 points, or if it was relief that the match was finally over, or if it was because he'd just been snogged quite thoroughly, or if it had more to do with the fact that the snogs had been rather public and everything that _that_ implied, but she'd be lying if she said that she wasn't a little thrilled that some of his obvious joy was in part due to her.

"Padfoot has a point, you know," James said, pulling Lily out of her musings and back to the present. "If you are going to continue to molest me, we should find a more private spot."

"Oh really?" Lily said in a politely curious tone, piercing James with a look that was anything but polite. "Did you have somewhere particular in mind?"

"There's a roomy broom cupboard on the 5th floor that has excellent maneuverability," he answered lightly as though commenting on mattress firmness or the pros and cons of different wand cores.

Lily snorted loudly to which James's only reply was a self-satisfied smirk. "Leaving aside the fact that I don't want to know why you are so well acquainted with any broom cupboard's maneuverability, I think it would be somewhat rude of us to not attend the party. It is, after all, being held to commemorate the end of my idiocy. Though I'm fairly certain that were my idiocy still firmly in place, the party would be raging regardless."

James nodded and tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Probably true," he said pensively, "but now you'll get all flustered and embarrassed all night and as we established yesterday, you do look quite pretty when you're blushing." James's comment again caught Lily by surprise and of course she started blushing like mad. Luckily, between her scarf and her already pink, cold, windblown cheeks, it was hidden fairly well. "Not to mention, I can use it as an excuse to get away from people I don't want to talk to."

"And how exactly do you intend to do that?"

"Simple really," he said with a shrug. "I'll just say, 'Yes, I know I just captained a _very_ impressive win that guarantees our spot in the final, and I know you want to carve my likeness into the walls. That's all well and good, but you see, this party is really to celebrate my recently acquired public girlfriend and I really must get over there and snog her until she can't see straight. What's that you say? You have a weak stomach where sickening displays of affection are concerned? Not a problem at all, my man. I know of this wonderful broom cupboard on the 5th floor. Brilliant maneuverability! I'll just run and grab Evans and we'll be off. You're so…" Lily socked him playfully in the stomach to get him to shut up. She was certain he could have continued in his imaginary conversation with himself for hours if she didn't put a stop to it.

"You are, under _no_ circumstances, to say anything of the sort to anyone. Do you understand?" she scolded while he just continued to smirk at her.

"But what if they really are trying to carve my likeness into the wall?"

Lily released an exasperated sigh. "They won't."

"They might," James countered. "They've tried before."

Lily couldn't stop the giggle that had been threatening to escape. "Then do whatever you did the last time to get them to stop."

"What? Let them? And hope that McGonagall walks in right before they get started and sends everyone to bed?"

Lily shook her head and grinned. "That sounds about as good a solution as any."

They had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Loud one going on in there," she told them, gesturing to the room behind her with a jerk of her thumb.

"Ready to face the giggles and inquiries and get embarrassed and flustered?" James asked turning to Lily after a quick acknowledgement to the Fat Lady.

"Yes. Ready to stand still for hours while your face is carved into stone?"

James laughed, his voice echoing off the walls of the empty corridor. "I was born ready." And then quickly he bent down and kissed her again before straightening up and giving the Fat Lady the password.

She hadn't been lying when she'd told them it was loud. A roar like none Lily had ever heard erupted when the portrait swung open and people inside saw that it was James. Hands reached through the hole and pulled him in, leaving Lily to scamper in after.

By the time the portrait slammed shut behind her, James had already been hoisted up on someone's shoulders and was being carried toward a table where the rest of the team was standing. He looked back at her and shrugged his shoulders. She grinned and waved him on and then began looking about for Jenna. She spotted her across the room squeezed between Claire and a couple of rowdy 4th years. As she made her way across the room, she found herself chuckling more than a few times at some of the things people were calling out to James. "Hero", "Quidditch god", and "future father of my children" were only a few of the things she heard.

"Hey," she said as she reached Jenna, still laughing about something one of the 4th years next to them had yelled.

Jenna squealed with pleasure at her appearance, giddy from a Quidditch high, grinning from ear to ear. "What took you so long? Did you stop for a bit of fun with our fearless captain on the way up here?" Lily rolled her eyes and nodded sarcastically, but was spared having to make a biting comment back when James started speaking.

Lily didn't really pay attention to what he was saying, partly because it was so loud already and partly because everything he said was followed by some assortment of applause, laughter or cheering which bled over into whatever he started to say next. His eyes would flicker in her direction regularly, which would make her smile like an idiot and then blush because of it. Jenna took notice after James had caught her eyes for the ten millionth time and nudged her in the side.

"I really am afraid that I'm dreaming. There's no way this could really be happening," Jenna said over another round of laughter now that Sirius had started bantering with James.

"It's a rather sad statement about your life if you're dreaming about my relationships though, isn't it?"

"Ooh…_relationship_! Bold word choice, Evans," Jenna cooed, completely ignoring the sarcasm in Lily's comment.

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed exasperatedly. "Can we find somewhere to sit before the team finishes whatever it is they're doing? You know the minute they're done we won't be able to find a spare pillow let alone an actual couch. As much fun as the last party was, I don't want to spend the next three hours sitting on the stone floor."

Jenna quickly consented and they set off in search of a suitable area to hold their normally large group and did manage to find a large couch that wasn't already claimed by other wise 6th and 7th years or surrounded on all sides by chattering and giggling girls. Though it wasn't large enough to hold everyone in their usual group, Jenna very smartly pointed out that as three of them were on the actual team and all four boys loved being the center of attention in mass chaos, it was very unlikely that all seven of them would be in need of a seat at any given point in the evening.

She was right, of course. As soon as Sirius shouted something about getting the party started, emphasized with a loud bang and a few bright fireworks from the end of his wand, the room went crazy, and Mary was the only one who came to find them. Peter and Remus were distributing food that had surely been stolen from the kitchens, and Sirius and James were talking animatedly with a few of the 6th year boys, the whole group busting up into wild laughter every few seconds.

Lily told herself that she wasn't going to spend the evening staring at him, but it seemed that her eyes had every intention of doing just that. Though she scolded herself for her own weakness and began telling herself to _stop_ staring at him, it was a failed effort. It really wasn't her fault, though. He was just too good looking. If he were a bit uglier, maybe she could be expected to pull her eyes away, but he wasn't. It was just something she would have to live with.

She watched as he left Sirius with the other boys and began to make his way toward her, proceeding exactly two and a half steps before someone else had roped him into a conversation. Then she watched as it happened four more times. Lily figured he would make it over to her by midday Wednesday at the rate he was currently going. Every once in a while when he would catch her eye, he'd shoot her an apologetic smile or shrug again. Lily didn't mind though. He _should_ enjoy his victory. Plus, she'd been to enough of these parties to know that James was a hot commodity after a Gryffindor win, especially when he was the hero of the match. It was an inevitability.

"I was going to try really hard not to hound you about what happened with James on the field, but you are making it so sodding _difficult _not to, Lily," Jenna growled with feigned anger in her voice.

Lily snapped her head around to look at her, peeling her eyes from where James was talking to Rosalyn and looking very uncomfortable. Jenna was grinning and Mary was smirking rather knowingly. Lily looked between the two of them quickly. "What're you talking about?"

If it was possible, and Lily wasn't convinced that it was, Jenna's grin only got wider. "Well, it would be one thing to ignore it if you weren't acknowledging it either, but you keep staring all moony-eyed at him across the room and you have this giddy little grin on your face that makes you look like you just won the _Prophet's_ Galleon Draw. So, I'm sorry, but there's no way I can be expected not to badger you about this." She turned her eyes to their other friend. "Mary, do you second the motion?"

"Absolutely," Mary answered with a smile.

"No need to badger me," Lily said defensively, "I will happily offer up any and all information pertaining to the event of interest." Jenna and Mary giggled and Lily couldn't keep herself from adding, "It was rather nice too, so it's not like I mind reliving it."

"Ooh!" Jenna cried, rubbing her hands together. "Details!"

"Hang on," Mary interrupted. "We can get the specifics of James's snogging prowess later on. I want to know how this happened. One minute you're standing there talking to us and the next I look up and you're sprinting across the field and jumping him. How? Why?" Jenna looked like she would much rather talk about snogging, but conceded and looked at Lily expectantly.

Lily considered the question for a moment. It had happened so fast and had felt so beyond her control that she wasn't exactly sure how it had happened herself. She shrugged before she started talking. "I guess it had a lot to do with how stressed out James had been all week. I'd never seen him like that before…maybe it's just because I never bothered to notice, but I noticed this time. I guess I was just feeling it too, you know…everything he felt, _I_ felt." Lily shrugged again, not sure if she was making any sense. "Anyway, I was so excited that we won, and so excited that all this pressure would be lifted off of him, and so excited by how close we'd been to everything going the wrong way that when I saw him and I saw how happy and relieved he looked, I just…couldn't stop myself. It was meant to be just a hug at first, but when I pulled away and he was smiling down at me, something just overtook me and the next thing I know I was kissing him." Another shrug punctuated with a blush ended her explanation.

Jenna scrunched her face up. "That's it? You were just relieved that _he_ was relieved so you snogged him? That's weak, Evans, and you know it. We want to know about the heart-wrenching revelation you had as you ran toward him that he's your soul mate at that if you didn't take action soon that you would lose him forever!" Jenna finished dramatically.

Mary, grinning, added, "Yes, or some kind of admittance of preexisting feelings."

"Yes!" Jenna agreed, looking over at Mary and nodding her head encouragingly. "Something like that."

Lily rolled her eyes at the pair of them. "Of course I have _feelings_ for him! I don't go around sympathy snogging people every time someone's feeling stressed. That would make exams a very busy time for me. Not to mention I'd probably catch all kinds of illnesses."

"Of course? OF COURSE!" Jenna cried, looking at Lily as if she'd just lost her mind. "What do you mean 'of course'? You've spent the entire school year telling us how your relationship was only platonic and how you only liked him as a friend. You told me that on Tuesday!" Jenna's eyes were bugging and she looked like she was torn between laughing and smacking Lily in the face.

Lily wasn't fazed though. She just smiled serenely at her mad friend. "I was lying, obviously."

Jenna couldn't stop herself from laughing now. "Obviously," she repeated under her breath and giving Lily a friendly nudge. "You make me insane, do you know that?"

"Okay, okay," Mary interjected with a dismissive sweep of her hand, still anxious for more information apparently, "So you've fancied him forever. What made today different?"

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, confused.

"You've been running around pretending that you don't like him and that you don't want to be with him for who knows how long," Jenna explained, interpreting Mary's question. "Why do you decide after all of that time that today is the day to act on it? And don't spout off any of that relief rubbish. That's not nearly romantic enough."

"Does it matter if it's romantic enough if it's the truth?" Lily asked dryly.

"Yes," Jenna replied emphatically. "If that's really all it was, then make something up."

Lily snorted and nodded. "Why today?" she muttered to herself as she paused to think through her answer. "It had just been building up, I suppose. I just kept trying to put it off and kept reasoning to myself why I shouldn't do anything even though it hardly made sense anymore…and I dunno, I just couldn't keep pretending. It was time. Past time actually…_way_ past time."

Happy that they seemed satisfied with the girly romanticism of that, Lily just listened as they took turns making conjectures about what kinds of things had happened recently that had pushed Lily over the edge. She laughed when they asked if James and Sirius melting their pot in Potions (because they wanted to skiv off, they thought it would get their potion finished faster if they just threw all of the ingredients in at once rather than following the directions. At least, that's what they had said. Lily suspected that they knew precisely what would happen, and were more interested in the loud popping sounds and variously colored smoke that unfurled from the destroyed cauldron for the rest of the class) and having to come share with Lily and Mary had been a factor. She frowned and cleared her throat awkwardly when they suggested that James going to the Slug Club party with Lexi had been a big push in the right direction.

"Lily, I have to say, I'm rather impressed with how well you're handling all of this," Mary commented after a few minutes giving her a contemplative look.

"How well I'm handling what?"

Mary shrugged. "I just thought that if anything ever happened between the two of you that you would completely freak out and avoid James, or pretend that it was nothing and go into a fit of denial for a bit longer. I'm impressed that you're not."

Jenna was nodding her agreement and shared sentiments. "That's true. You do tend to overreact when anything concerning James happens. Like at Halloween…nothing even happened between the two of you and you didn't talk to him for _weeks_."

Lily drew her eyebrows together. She wasn't sure what her friends were talking about. They were right, of course. She did tend to blow things concerning James out of proportion and she would admit that she did seem to have certain commitment issues when it came to him, but why would that come up after what had happened that afternoon? It's true that she had run from her feelings when they'd begun dating, but this was just an acknowledgement of their relationship. She had no reason to run into fits of denial now.

But as she looked at the proud looks on her friends' faces, she realized what she should have recognized earlier. They assumed what was only the natural conclusion, what the rest of the school would be assuming as well – that her relationship with James had started that afternoon on the Quidditch pitch.

A guilty squirming settled in her stomach. She had just opened her mouth and was about to start awkwardly explaining that she and James had been dating much longer than the hour that had passed since she'd hurtled herself into his arms when none other than James himself called to her from a spot halfway across the room.

"Lily!" he shouted loudly. It only took her a few moments of scanning to find him. He was being held captive by a group of 5th year boys, one of which was much larger than average, and had his arm slung around James's shoulders, effectively holding him in place. James grimaced at her and with merely a look she knew that he was pleading with her to come rescue him. "C'mere for a sec," James shouted, waving rather frantically at her. Lily wondered at these boys who seemed completely oblivious to James's very obvious desire to remove himself from their presence.

Lily though, just smiled and wiggled her fingers at him. She only grinned cheekily at him long enough to see the shocked look on his face before she turned back to Jenna and Mary.

Maybe it was because she was listening for it, or maybe it was just because she's _that_ pathetic and _that_ able to pick his voice out of a room of a hundred yelling students, but she heard James say, "Excuse me for a moment," and knew that he would be making an appearance at their couch momentarily.

Still, knowing that he was about to make an appearance and suddenly feeling his warm breath against her neck and hearing his low, hoarse voice in her ear were two entirely different things. When he growled "You were seriously just going to leave me there?" she had no hope at all of stopping the involuntary shiver that shot down her spine. He slowly made his way from the back of the couch to the side and leaned over the armrest so that she could see him, his eyes narrowed. "Don't you care about me at all?"

The shock at James's sudden arrival dissipated and Lily felt a smirk settle on her lips. She lifted a hand and patted James's cheek. "Of course I care! I'm just letting you fight your own battles today." She shrugged at him and smirked wider. "Sometimes that's the best thing you can do for someone."

James rolled his eyes. "What happened to all of your knight in shining armor rubbish?" he asked, leaning back a bit. "I thought that was what you were supposed to be doing. If there was ever a time I needed rescuing, it's now!"

Now Lily narrowed her eyes. "You didn't seem to think it was rubbish when I was telling Aidan off," she said in a clipped voice. "But it's a come and go thing. I already used it all up. You're going to have to wait for it to build up again…so sorry."

"Come on, Lily…_please_. I'm dying over there."

"Why don't you just excuse yourself for good and come sit over here?" Lily asked, dropping her playful tone and looking seriously up at him.

James shook his head. "It's not that easy. When you are the Quidditch hero, everyone wants to talk to you," Lily rolled her eyes, but James pointed his finger at her and said pointedly, "That's not me being arrogant. That's four years of experience talking. And if I blow everyone off, they're just going to come find me. So really, if you think about it, I'm being chivalrous by getting all of the Quidditch talk out of the way _before_ I come over here." Lily cocked an eyebrow at him, clearly letting him know that she was not about to credit this to him as chivalry. "Not to mention _someone_ forbid me from using my bonafide get-away-from-annoying-people excuse."

"Merlin's beard, Potter. There are other ways of getting away from people you don't want to talk to without insinuating that you're about to come haul me off to a closet somewhere…"

"And what exactly do you suggest?" James interrupted, crossing his arms across his chest and smiling expectantly at her.

"Just go over there," Lily began, gesturing to where the boys were still standing watching the two of them closely and waiting for their hero to return, "and say, 'Do you see that picture of perfection sitting over on that couch? Well, you see, I'm hopelessly obsessed with her and I really just can't even be in the same room with her for more than a few minutes before I _have_ to be at her side. So pardon me, but I must go over there and compose some love sonnets for her.' Be creative James, I guarantee you they won't follow you if you say that."

James couldn't hold back a laugh at that and he leaned back down so that his face was close to hers. She grinned up at him as he gazed at her, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Or," he said quietly, "I could just pick you up and carry you over there against your will, because I promise you those words will never come out of my mouth." He paused and considered her for a moment. "Not that the obsessed bit is necessarily a lie," she smiled at that, "but sonnets? That's _never_ happening. I just can't go about _telling_ people that. I have a reputation to maintain, you know?"

He leaned closer to her as he made this last declaration so that she could feel his breath on her cheek as he whispered the last few words. He kissed her, albeit briefly, before straightening up once more. It was one of those kisses that didn't last long, but James had made it count. He'd given her just enough to leave her feeling dazed and wanting more.

She looked up at him and noticed that the look on his face seemed to indicate that he was feeling the same light headedness and unwillingness to leave. She swallowed hard and then forced herself to remember what it was that they'd even been talking about. "Um…" she stammered, blushing slightly as she felt Jenna giggling on the couch next to her, "I would…I would seriously reconsider the whole forcing me to come with you business," Lily said as she slowly became capable of focusing and using words again. "Unless you have some secret desire to make me so angry with you that I never speak to you again. You'd also be risking, y'know, _bodily harm_, because I promise that if you pick me up, I will use every ounce of strength I have to hit, kick, and maim you until you put me back down on this couch."

James grinned wickedly at her and took a step forward, reaching out as though about to grab her and throw her over his shoulder. "What part of that is supposed to scare me?"

"James Potter!" she screeched as a warning before slapping him hard on the arm closest to her.

He winced and pulled his arm back into his chest. Lily was glaring at him, daring him to even try something like that again. "Okay, okay!" he said, holding his hands up as he took a quick step in retreat. "But I want you to know, I'm not bowing out because I'm afraid of you. It's because I respect you so much," he added with a wink.

Lily rolled her eyes and watched as he walked back to the 5th years, chuckling to himself. She momentarily considered joining him. Not because she thought the situation nearly as dire as he was making it out to be, but because she figured it was the "good girlfriend" thing to do. She had almost decided to stand up when she noticed Sirius joining him and figured that he would make better company than she could in that particular circumstance. So she turned her attention back to Jenna and Mary.

"Well, would you look at that," Jenna said with a grin to Mary. "Apparently James is also aware that they're in a relationship now. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you two had planned all of this beforehand."

Lily's guilt, which had been momentarily forgotten, resurfaced and squirmed even more violently in her stomach. "About that, Jenna…" she began, but she was interrupted again.

Emmett had suddenly appeared, plopping down right next to Mary on the couch, pushing Jenna and Lily together. Lily couldn't help but notice the tight lipped smile he sent Mary's way and the fact that he didn't put his arm around her or take her hand or really pay much attention to her at all.

"Hello ladies," he said, addressing all three of them. They returned the greeting, but Lily could tell from the tight tone of Jenna's voice that she hadn't been the only one to notice Emmett's strange behavior.

"Good game," Jenna said, her tone passing as friendly enough. Lily was watching Mary closely, careful to notice the way her eyes were suddenly downcast and the way her fingers began to convulsively clench and unclench on her Quidditch robes every time he spoke.

Mary looked at her suddenly and Lily wrenched her eyes away, not wanting to make Mary feel even more uncomfortable that she already was. "Yes," she said suddenly, catching Emmett's eye and adding on to what Jenna had already begun saying. "You did a very good job…er...beating," Lily said slowly, finishing with a grin. Emmett pierced her with an odd look while Jenna and Mary both giggled, Mary adding an eye roll at Lily's attempt to talk Quidditch.

Emmett also seemed to be aware of Lily's lack of Quidditch knowledge and promptly asked, "Are you just saying that, or was there any play in particular that you thought qualified as 'good beating'?"

"Of course I have specific plays in mind!" Lily proclaimed even though her mind was completely blank. Jenna giggled more loudly as Lily visibly began squirming, trying to recall any play at all that Emmett had been involved in. She doubted that anyone besides players or Quidditch experts ever paid attention to anything other than the present action, let alone the Beaters, but surely if she racked her brain she could remember _one_ play in which a Bludger was involved.

As an image flew into her head, she quickly began speaking. "You did a wonderful job keeping James from getting his head bashed in."

Though she'd thought nothing about that particular recollection as she'd said it, she felt her cheeks heat up when Jenna snorted and muttered not nearly quietly enough to Mary, "Big surprise that's the first thing she remembered." Mary laughed too. Some of the tension that had been so blatantly obvious before perhaps hadn't left, but was at least much better masked.

Lily cleared her throat awkwardly. Shooting Jenna a harsh glare first, she said, "_And_ that one time when you knocked the Ravenclaw Seeker out of the way right before she caught the Snitch. That was absolutely brilliant! Saved the match!" She said this last bit with a shout of triumph, sitting up proudly and smirking at her friends.

"Is that all you remember?" Emmett asked in what Lily thought was a rather haughty tone. "Two plays out of a two hour match?"

Jenna was quick to pipe up, saying in a voice dripping with such smug airs that Lily knew she was going to hate whatever she was going to say before it was even out of her mouth. "Don't be cross with her, Emmett. You have to remember, she spent the majority of the match ogling James. It's not her fault she has no memory of anything else." She sent Lily an unbelievably superior look, a wicked glint in her eyes. "If anyone's to blame, it's her hormones."

Lily gave Jenna a very dirty look and elbowed her a bit harder than was strictly necessary, but felt the intended bit of pleasure whenever her friend winced and elbowed her back. "I hate you," she grumbled, but an indulgent grin crept up onto her lips anyway.

Jenna grinned too and turned back to Emmett. "That was a pretty brilliant shot though, Lily's right. My heart nearly failed when I saw Jamie was getting closer."

Emmett nodded. "It did get to looking a bit precarious there for a moment, didn't it? Good thing I noticed in time." Lily's smile froze as she watched Emmett smirk haughtily. She really wanted to roll her eyes, but for Mary's sake she held it back. "Though if _someone_ had done her job properly, I wouldn't have needed to make that shot in the first place." At this, he shot Mary what was probably intended to be a teasing look, but it really only ended up looking pointed and made Mary blush and look down at her hands once more.

Lily was still trying to think of a polite response when Jenna blurted out a loud, "Excuse me?"

"What?" he asked, shooting her a blank look.

Jenna was looking at him incredulously, her temper clearly beginning to boil as she came to the defense of her friend. "Mary was brilliant today."

"I'm not saying she wasn't…" Emmett began, recognizing that Jenna was in attack mode, but if Jenna heard him, she didn't acknowledge it. She just kept speaking, her only recognition of his attempt to defend himself present in the way she began talking louder so as to drown him out.

"If it weren't for her we would have lost a lot earlier in the game. Jamie never stood a chance. I doubt he ever located the Snitch until Mary had caught it."

"With the exception of that one play," Emmett interjected, louder himself, causing Jenna to pause in her rant. "You're right, she played nearly perfectly the rest of the game, but it was the one play that nearly made it all worthless. If it hadn't been for me…"

Emboldened by Jenna's rant, Lily found herself not caring a whit about the politeness of her own words. "I'm sorry Emmett, but if I recall correctly, your own work during the game couldn't necessarily be thrown into the perfection category either. Stop me if I'm wrong, but a Beater's job is to keep the Bludgers away from their team and to use it to keep the other team from scoring as well, right?" She only waited for Emmett's slight nod of his head before cutting across him and continuing to talk before he could start. "I seem to remember a few occasions that our Chasers were stopped as they were trying to score, and the Ravenclaws scored quite a few points themselves. Had you done _your_ job properly, none of that would have happened either, am I right?"

"You're completely missing the point…" Emmett began, looking darkly over at her.

"_Am I right?_" Lily repeated, a hard edge to her voice.

Emmett looked completely baffled for a moment before composing himself. "Yes," he answered, and then, as if worried that either she or Jenna were about to start attacking him again, quickly added, "I'm sorry if it sounded like I was insulting her. I swear I know how incredible she was today. I wasn't trying to take anything away from that. I was just saying that she did make _one_ mistake…and Mary will agree with me, won't you?" He turned to look at Mary, making eye contact with her for the first time since he had joined them.

Mary looked a bit shocked at suddenly being addressed, but quickly regained her composure and nodded. "He's right," she said in a small voice, looking at Lily and Jenna. "I took a bad line when I tried to cut her off and it put me too far behind on the dive. It was a stupid mistake."

Jenna didn't seem to care a bit about this completely logical reasoning; she was still horrified that Emmett had said it in the first place. "Be that as it may, it doesn't really seem like something a person should say to their teammate, let alone their girlfriend."

"Sorry," he muttered, though it sounded as though he was saying it more to placate her than as a genuine sentiment.

Jenna's eyes narrowed as she noticed this. "Don't tell me," she ordered, her voice cold.

Emmett looked up at the ceiling as though praying for the strength to keep from strangling her and sighed exasperatedly, but then turned and addressed Mary (who was blushing to the roots of her hair). "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

Mary's lips turned up in a forced smile and she shrugged. "It's…not a big deal," she murmured quietly.

Nothing more was said on the subject, but Jenna sat broodingly, watching Emmett as though waiting for him to say something else that she could jump on him about.

After a few moments of painfully awkward silence, Emmett cleared his throat and turned his eyes on Lily. "The real reason I came over here was to tell you that there was a group over in the corner getting ready to play Butterbeer-Pong."

Lily waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't. He just sat there watching her as though this information should have meant a great deal more to her than it actually did. "Um…alright. That sounds…fun," she said slowly when he still remained silent.

Emmett seemed to get that further explanation was needed. "I was going to join them, but thought I'd check with you to make sure that you weren't just going to shut it down as soon as it started getting fun."

Lily bristled at the implication that she was the ultimate antidote for anything fun, but swallowed her pride in order to answer in a manner that _wasn't_ sure to start up another verbal attack. With a shrug, she said, "That's fine. I really don't care as long as it doesn't turn into Firewhiskey-Pong that makes you all act like a bunch of idiotic berks."

Emmett smiled happily and clapped his hands together. "Brilliant, absolutely brilliant," he said, standing up. "Knew I could count on you, Evans."

Again, Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes. Emmett looked primed to make his exit, which Lily felt was probably a good thing at this point, but Mary didn't seem to share her sentiment. She watched with what could only be described as a look of panic as Emmett made to leave and scooted herself to the edge of the couch, ready to jump up and follow if need be. "Can I play too?" she asked, her voice remarkably calm for someone who looked as though she might start hyperventilating at any moment.

Emmett's smile vanished and was replaced with an expression somewhere between contemplative and grimacing. "Er…why don't you stay here. It's just going to be the lads playing. You know…just stupid, ego-boosting nonsense."

"Oh, right," Mary said slowly, her eyes turning downcast, but before she could become too forlorn, she perked up and looked back at him. "I could come and cheer you on," she suggested with a bright smile.

Emmett shook his head. "I don't want to tear you away from the girls. You just stay here and I'll go play. Butterbeer-Pong isn't really much of a spectator sport anyway." Mary's smile tightened, but softened again when he touched her gently on the cheek and leaned down to drop a kiss on the top of her head. "I'll come find you later, all right?"

Mary looked up into his face, searching for something. Whether she found it or not, Lily couldn't tell, but soon enough she was nodding and giving him a slightly brighter smile before he straightened up and headed for a gradually growing group in the corner.

Mary watched him stroll eagerly away, but Lily suspected that it had more to do with avoiding the inquisitive looks of her friends than the hormonal impulse that she was trying to make it appear to be.

It didn't faze Jenna in the least, though. She had barely waited for Emmett to get out of earshot, and she certainly wasn't going to wait for Mary to reluctantly turn her eyes back to them before she started her interrogation.

"What the hell was that?" she demanded, her words coming out loudly and causing Mary to jump in their suddenness.

Mary looked at them guiltily, but only shook her head ever so slightly. "I don't know what you mean," and then shrinking a bit under Jenna's quelling look, added, "It was nothing," in a very quiet voice.

"Come _on_, Mary," Jenna said with so much impatience that she threw her arms up in the air. "We're not stupid. We saw what just went down. You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Lil?" she asked, looking to Lily for confirmation.

Lily nodded, throwing Mary an apologetic look. "Afraid I do," she replied. She saw that Mary was getting flustered and decided on a less hostile form of questioning. Leaning forward, she gave her a sympathetic sort of smile and asked, "Is everything okay between you two?"

"Yes, of course," Mary immediately assured with a vigorous nod of her head. She pointed her thumb over her shoulder to the approximate spot that her boyfriend was standing and said, "That was…we're…it's just that…" She visibly deflated as she stammered, her eyes dropping as her words trailed off.

Lily and Jenna shared a quick glance, communicating their shared concern, before Mary glanced back up looking utterly helpless.

"Mary," Jenna started in a voice much gentler, "what's going on?"

Instantly, but only for a brief second, Mary's walls of defense seemed to crumble down around her. She sighed and Lily could see her eyes quickly beginning to moisten before she blinked the tears back quickly and began trying to pull herself back together. Mary hated crying. She hated anything that made her appear as if she wasn't in complete control. There was no point in pushing her though, they just had to wait as she put the wall back up brick by brick.

Finally she calmed herself down and looked up at them. "Emmett and I are fine," she lied. The looks Lily and Jenna gave her must have conveyed their disbelief, because she quickly began arguing her case. "We _are_. We're just…we've just had a tough few weeks. But we're perfectly fine."

Jenna pursed her lips and appeared to be biting something back, something cynical that she knew Mary wouldn't appreciate.

Lily, on the other hand, saw little red warning flags going up everywhere. This encounter savored strongly of the same types of things that happened right before her first breakup with Emmett. Add to that James's prediction at Christmas that the two of them wouldn't last much longer and Lily suddenly found herself feeling anxious about the whole situation.

"What _exactly_ is it that's made it tough?" she asked carefully. Lily wanted Mary to really think this through. She was a girl who hated conflict, who hated anything that caused even the slightest amount of discomfort. When Mulciber had attacked her in 5th year, she hadn't reported it to the professors. When Jenna blew up at her 6th year for something that hadn't even been her fault, she had apologized. Lily was afraid that she would, out of fear of any type of confrontation, try to sweep any real problem in her relationship under the rug, which would only lead to her inevitable misery.

Mary shrugged noncommittally, her eyes shifting around indicating her discomfort. "Just life stuff, you know?" She looked at her friends, hoping for a confirmation that they did in fact know what she meant, but both girls just looked stoically back at her. She sighed huffily and sent them both dirty looks, knowing they were being difficult on purpose. "The match has had us both busy and stressed and exhausted, and then school has kept us busy. We haven't had a lot of time to ourselves lately. It's just been a little awkward, I guess."

"Have you talked to _him_ about it?" Lily asked, knowing the answer, but needing Mary to acknowledge it.

"No," she admitted, averting her eyes and looking instead at a pair of 4th years chucking Dungbombs at each other. "I haven't had time to bring it up." Jenna cocked an eyebrow at her and stared disbelievingly. "_Or_…perhaps I haven't brought it up because I hoped it would just go away?" Jenna nodded, and Mary had the decency to look properly shamed at her admission.

"You need to talk to him about it, Mary," Lily urged. "Things like this don't just go away. They only get worse."

"No offense, Lil, but being in a relationship for all of two hours doesn't suddenly make you the greatest living expert on all things romantic," Mary snapped. Seeing Lily's shocked and slightly hurt expression, she immediately apologized.

"Sorry," she muttered quickly.

Lily shook her head and waved off her apology. Swallowing her pride, she said, "You don't have to be the greatest living expert to know that relationships don't work without communication. It's just common knowledge." She accompanied her statement with an apologetic shrug of her shoulders.

Mary nodded, but didn't respond immediately. She clicked her jaw the way she always did when she was thinking hard about something, and again became very interested in the Dungbomb war next to them, before looking back up. "I know that. And I know that you're both just trying to help, but I really think that this is just something born of not having spent any time together, and that it will all blow over after we do."

Lily disagreed, and from the way that Jenna was sitting up straighter in preparation to argue, it seemed that she did as well. Before either of them could get a word out, they were cut off by an awfully loud explosion to their left.

"OY!" Sirius was yelling at one of the Dungbomb launchers. He was standing inches away from the 4th year who was clearly frightened out of his mind as Sirius towered over him. Holding a Dungbomb inches from the kid's face and looking terrifyingly menacing, he continued to yell. "Hit me with one of these again and I will personally toss you OUT OF THE NEAREST WINDOW!" Just to add a bit of an emphasis to a statement that really didn't require it, he tossed the Dungbomb forcefully at the 4th year, bouncing it right in between his eyes. The poor kid was trembling as Sirius turned on his heel and, spotting the girls, headed in their direction. "Cheers, girls!" he greeted in a tone so different from the one he'd just been sporting it caused Lily to burst out laughing.

He caught her eye and winked before dropping onto the floor and resting his back against the wall. He stretched his long legs out in front of him and gracefully flipped his hair out of his eyes.

"You really shouldn't have yelled at Simon like that," Mary said in a serious tone, shooting a concerned glance over her shoulder at the still trembling boy.

Sirius donned a look of confusion and then narrowed his eyes in thought. "Who's Simon?" he asked innocently, a grin only touching his lips once Jenna started laughing as well and Mary was well into her eye roll.

Lily shook her head though her shoulders were still shaking from her laughter. "Honestly Black, this shouldn't be so difficult for you to figure out. How many people have you yelled at recently?" she asked.

"Quite a few if you really must know. It's not my fault you were too wrapped up in yourself and your own conversations to notice the goings on of the people around you." Lily rolled her eyes and again swung a leg out at Sirius, trying to kick him, but he evaded it. "I will, however, assume that you are speaking of the little sod who has nailed me with Dungbombs seven times in the last five minutes." Sirius glanced at Mary with an inquisitive expression and she nodded her confirmation. "All I have to say in my defense is this: What else could I be expected to do? It seriously hurts your game with the ladies if you smell like a pile of dung."

Jenna snorted loudly. "Heaven forbid," she said with a grin.

Lily made a show of looking absolutely shocked, "And here I was, thinking that your, as you say, 'game with the ladies' couldn't be tarnished by anything!"

Sirius grinned as well. "You know, you may be onto something there, Lily. There's no denying that if anybody could make it work, it would be me. In this case, though, it has more to do with my own desire not to walk around smelling like dung the rest of the night than anything else."

"So you terrorized that poor child just for the sake of your own vanity?" Jenna asked, feigning disappointment.

Sirius shrugged. "What can I say? Eau de Dung is not my preferred cologne."

"I've got news for you then, Padfoot," Remus said as he and Peter joined them, both looking rather harassed, "You smell a lot worse than that on a daily basis."

"Eau de Dung would be an improvement, actually," Peter added with a thoughtful look, grinning happily when it earned him a round of laughter from the girls.

"Good idea for a birthday present, yeah?" Remus said with a nod at Peter.

"Oh ha ha," Sirius said with a scowl and shooting them both a rude hand gesture that had Lily and Jenna laughing harder and Mary scolding him. "You two think you're so bloody funny. We'll see who's laughing whenever I pour it all over your pillows."

"All over our pillows? Is that really the worst you could do?" Peter asked, clicking his tongue.

"They're called House Elves, Padfoot," Remus said patronizingly. "All I have to do is take my pillow to them and tell them my idiot mate is a complete klutz and they'll clean it for me. Not to mention the fact that smell permeates. It isn't like the scent would be isolated only to our pillows. It would eventually get into all of your things as well, not to mention Prongs', Emmett's and Brady's."

Sirius glowered at them, beginning to resemble the menacing bloke he'd been all of three minutes earlier while yelling at poor Simon Dungbomb-Launcher. Lily was impressed that neither Remus nor Peter cowered under their friend's glare. She supposed they'd been on the receiving end of it enough times not to be affected anymore.

"Fine, I'll pour it into your pumpkin juice at breakfast and watch happily when you're slowly poisoned to death. Bad enough for you Wormtail?" Sirius asked throwing Peter a particularly nasty glare.

Peter yawned dramatically and then looked over at Remus as he leaned closer, still speaking in a very audible voice. "Let's go the non-toxic route, yeah?"

Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, but proceeded to wipe his face of its menacing glare, only looking mildly put out now. "Bugger off, you gits."

About that time, James slid down onto the arm of the couch next to Lily. She tried to keep her face impassive as she gazed up at him, but she wasn't sure how well she pulled it off. As pathetic as it was, she was glad to see him. So as she felt the completely telling grin creep up her face, she scooted over to create a space for him, and watched as he slid down the arm and next to her, slipping his arm around her shoulders and dropping a quick kiss on her lips.

When he leaned back, she saw in his eyes a mixture of tender emotion and amusement. His fingers travelled up and down her arm and she had to concentrate to keep herself from shivering. He cocked an eyebrow and pointed an accusing finger at her. "You, Lily Evans, owe me…_big_ time."

"Oh really? And why is that?"

James was sporting an extremely pained expression. "Because I just spent the last twenty minutes talking to Brady. And by 'talking' I mean listening to him dissect _every single_ _thing_ Becca did, and then he proceeded to telling me exactly what he would have done differently and why that would have been better."

Grinning at the tone that suggested it had been the worst twenty minutes of his life, Lily patted his arm sympathetically. "As terrible as that surely was, I still don't understand why it is that I owe you."

James scoffed and looked at her as if it were the most apparent thing in the world. "Obviously, Lily, if I weren't the kind, compassionate, and understanding gentleman that I am and had forced you to come spend time with me," he paused here and fixed her with a very pointed look, "something you should _want_ to do anyway – then you would have had to listen to him as well."

Lily looked at him and replied dryly, "I'm very lucky to have you in my life then…to protect me from the dangers of boredom." She cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. "Or at the very least from boys who either can't tell or don't care when the person they're talking _to_ has absolutely no interest in the conversation," she added as an afterthought.

James, completely ignoring her sarcasm, leaned in a bit closer, smirked and said, "And don't you forget it," before swooping in and placing another brief (though not quite as brief as before) kiss on her lips.

She drew back away from him before he was finished, fearing that he might _not_ finish if she didn't do something to stop him, and the feeling of eyes on her had her face heating up instantly.

She was too embarrassed to look over at any of them, so instead she focused all of her attention on James, who looked torn between feeling smug about somehow managing to slip another kiss into the day and disgruntled at having it cut short. It was actually quite an amusing expression, and had she not been so discomfited by some of their friends who were blatantly staring, she probably would have laughed.

"Why do you keep doing that?" she finally managed to force out of her mouth. James raised his eyebrows and she quickly added, "Not that I mind really, but they have been occurring in a very high frequency tonight."

James grinned at that, the half grin that still managed to make her insides feel all wiggly. "Because I can," he answered simply, but his voice was low and Lily got the impression that he was enjoying it even more than he was letting on.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. "Oh Merlin…how long am I going to have to put up with it then?"

"I thought you said you didn't mind?" James asked with a wicked amusement in his eyes. Lily shot him a look at that only succeeding in making him laugh. "I don't know if you can put a specific time frame on it, Lil."

"Ballpark estimate?" she asked sardonically.

James appeared to ponder this for a moment, looking off in the distance and slowly tapping his chin. "Let's just say this; that it will last until I feel like I've fully made up for lost time."

"Is that code for forever? Or just at times that will really irritate me?"

"Could be either one, Evans," he quipped. Another eye roll later and he was chuckling again. "More realistically though, I'd say a couple of months. However, there is another option. There are certain ways to lump all of the missed time together and knock it out in only a few attempts," James added, suddenly very business-like.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "You still thinking about the broom cupboard?"

He fixed her with an impish look, the corners of his mouth turning up slowly. "With you, Lily, I'm _always_ thinking about the broom cupboard."

She was just about to reply indignantly when Sirius started making some rather horrible gagging noises. "Merlin and Agrippa," he spit out, "Are we going to have to put up with this all the time?"

"Put up with what?" Lily asked lamely, though she had a feeling she knew exactly what Sirius was talking about.

Sirius shot her a disbelieving look, but before he could explain further, Remus had piped up, in a serious tone that was rather ruined by the slight grin that accompanied the comment, "The nausea-inducing flirting

"Exactly!" Sirius exclaimed, giving Remus a thankful nod. "And nausea-inducing flirting falls into the category of sickening displays of affection, in case you were wondering."

"I wasn't, but thanks."

"I feel sick already," Peter murmured, rubbing his stomach for affect.

"To be fair, that's just because you hid all of the Pumpkin Pasties for yourself rather than putting them out for everyone else to enjoy," Remus pointed out thoughtfully.

Peter opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to think of any way to defend himself, finally giving up and sighing before shooting Remus a withering look.

"I'm shocked! Didn't your mummy teach you to share, Wormy?" Sirius asked in a very patronizing tone, one which Peter clearly didn't appreciate if the frustrated grimace on his face was any indication.

"Yes!" he answered loudly, throwing his hands up in defeat, his face flushing in anger and embarrassment. "Yes, she did. And I _did_ share, but everyone was going crazy and grabbing the food and I just wanted to make sure that I got some too," he finished in a quick and exasperated outburst. He looked a bit mad as he turned his head to all of them, waiting for any kind of response. They were all quiet for a moment and then catching each others' eyes, simultaneously burst into laughter.

Laughing so hard he was throwing himself back and nearly toppling over, Remus managed to sputter, "That really doesn't make it seem any better," between chuckles.

Peter was still looking rather put out when Sirius reached an arm out and flung it around his shoulders, pulling his head down and rumpling his hair. Peter pushed him away and instantly began flattening it back down. "Oh, lighten up, Peter. We're only teasing. Even you have to admit that it's completely ridiculous to be hoarding sweets."

Judging by the look on Peter's face, it seemed unlikely that he would admit any such thing. He pierced Sirius with a steely glare, still combing his fingers through his hair. "Sure, it's ridiculous when I do it. But if it had been _you_, everyone would be going on about how clever you are and how cool it was and how you're such a rebel…"

"Wormtail, don't be stupid," James piped up, finally having calmed his laughter down enough to breathe, "Padfoot would never do something as asinine as that." Peter turned his glower on James now, no sign of relenting in his eyes.

Lily was just gearing up to scold James for being so cruel to his friend when Sirius cut her off, addressing Peter. "Mate's got a point," he agreed, nodding solemnly at Peter, who was now fuming. "Let's just say though, for the sake of argument, that I did. First of all, refusing to hand out sweets that _you_ paid for to the general public hardly counts as 'rebellious.' I am also of the personal belief that people would _not_ find my greedy refusal to hand out Pumpkin Pasties cool and clever, but if they did, I can't say that I'd really blame them." Peter cocked his head questioningly at Sirius waiting for him to explain himself. "When _everything_ I do is in some way clever, cool or rebellious you really can't blame people for just lumping that in with everything else. Sure, perhaps it's a bit mindless. Maybe it's lazy, a refusal to take the time to critically examine my actions, but I think it's a right I've earned."

Lily and Mary rolled their eyes at one another while James, Jenna and Remus all fell back into bouts of laughter. Peter stared for a long moment and then a rueful smile crept up his face. "You're such an arse," he muttered.

Sirius sighed dramatically. "I know, I know. But I'm a clever, cool, rebellious arse, and that's all that really matters, isn't it?"

Peter had a few more biting comments for his friend, but seemed to have calmed down a bit. Lily listened to them trading insults for a few minutes before it finally reached the point where she feared that if left unchecked, they would continue for hours. Interrupting them seemed like as good of a course of action as any.

"Speaking of Pumpkin Pasties," she chimed in addressing Peter, "do you have any of them left? I'm starved."

Peter shifted uncomfortably on the floor, avoiding looking directly at Lily, knowing that he was sure to catch more crap for the confession he was about to make. "No," he admitted, his face heating up. "No, I ate them all."

After many more minutes of Sirius, Remus, and James picking on Peter (really, they were relentlessly cruel sometimes) James added, "You know Wormtail, Lily isn't the only one at this party who I've heard complaining that they were hungry. While I was being forced to mingle with a bunch of people I don't like," he paused and threw Lily a pointed look here, "I heard a lot of people complaining about the lack of food." Then, so subtly she nearly missed it, she saw James shoot very quick glances at Sirius and Remus before casually scratching the end of his nose. "I think _someone_ needs to head to Hogsmeade and get more food." Before Peter even had time to comprehend James's meaning, the other three boys had muttered "not it" and held a finger up to their noses.

Peter looked around at them, shocked, but then said "not it" as well and looked around at the girls, a hopeful look on his face.

"Come now, Wormtail," Sirius said, his voice full of mock disappointment. "Be a gentleman. You can't make one of the ladies go."

"I can," Peter argued. "I'm all about feminism and a level playing field." Lily had to stifle her giggle, but James just fixed Peter with a disappointed stare and shook his head. Peter looked as though he would stand his ground for a few seconds before he slumped his shoulders and pouted. "But I _always_ lose that stupid game," he whined.

"That's because we specifically designed it so that you _would_ lose," Sirius grinned.

"That's why we only use it when we don't want to do something and want you to do it for us," James explained in a chipper voice. Peter shot him a very nasty look to which James' only reply was a smirk.

"Go on, Pete," Remus commanded with a hearty slap on the back. Then he leaned in a bit and said in a conspiratorially quiet voice, "And I would suggest you use the witch passage. You'll get into Honeydukes faster."

"I know," Peter grumbled mutinously. "I'm the one who discovered the bleeding tunnel." After he'd finished his muttering, he stood up and smacked Remus hard on the side of the head. He sighed angrily and began to walk toward the Portrait Hole before stopping and turning back to them all. "Prongs, can I use something from your trunk?" He then proceeded to wink so obviously that James' only response was to stare at him in amazement.

"If you honestly can't do this in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday without getting caught, you have no business calling yourself a Marauder," he said wryly.

Peter scoffed and threw James a rude hand gesture before rushing out of the common room.

Sirius smirked and leaned back, putting his hands behind his head. "And _that_ ladies," he said with haughty arrogance, "is how it's done."

Mary rolled her eyes with a reluctant smile. "That was possibly the most juvenile thing I've ever seen."

"It works though," James countered with a wink. "And with the proper training, you too can learn to manipulate Peter in this way," he added to Lily as if he were a salesman pitching a product rather than discussing one of his best friends.

Lily grinned skeptically at him. "What exactly am I going to do with that skill?"

James looked up to the ceiling, as though he was putting a lot of thought into his answer. "The possibilities are endless Evans," he replied with a nostalgic sigh. "The better question is: what _can't_ you do with it?" Lily looked at him expectantly and he just grinned back at her. "Be creative, yeah?"

Lily was about to respond when Remus spoke up. "So," he drawled, looking back and forth between the two of them, "how long has this been going on?" he asked, gesturing at them.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, feeling her face heat up once again. Knowing where this question would lead, she began to feel uncomfortable, and judging by the way that James was fidgeting, he was feeling a bit self-conscious too.

Remus shot her a look, informing her wordlessly that he was aware that she was just stalling, but then obliged anyway. "Did you two _really_ only start whatever it is that's going on between the two of you just now, or has it been going on for a while?"

James shifted a bit next to Lily and cleared his throat loudly. He glanced over at her and gave her a quick half smile. "Truthfully," he began turning back to Remus, "it's been going on for a while." Lily blushed and grinned sheepishly over at Jenna and Mary, who were both looking a tad shell-shocked.

"How long is a while?" Remus asked suspiciously. "Like…a few weeks? Or…"

James scratched idly at the back of his head. "A bit longer than that actually," he admitted guiltily. He looked back over at Lily who was watching him with an embarrassed smile. "Since November?"

She nodded slowly and grinned. "Yeah, the end of November," she confirmed.

"What?" Jenna exclaimed at the same time Remus clapped his hands together and pronounced, "I knew it! I _knew_ it!"

"You did not," Lily laughed. "How could you have known?" The smile vanished from her face and she turned a playfully narrowed eye on James. "Did you tell him?" she asked accusingly.

James held his hands up, pleading his innocence. "I swear I didn't." He turned to look at his friend. "How did you find out?"

Remus shrugged nonchalantly. "I had a hunch," he explained. "I wasn't sure before Christmas, but when term started there was no doubt of it."

Lily scrunched her face up. "Were we that obvious?"

Shrugging again, Remus grinned knowingly at them. "It was more James than you. He was smiling _all_ the time and he'd finally stopped bugging us about you." James pulled his eyebrows together and muttered something under his breath about not-talking-_that_-much-about-her while Lily laughed at him. "Not to mention, the two of you would have these mysterious arguments that would pop up and then resolve themselves without any of us knowing how it had happened. And once I figured it out, it was pretty obvious. You two suddenly had an _extraordinary_ number of things you had to do alone."

"Glad you figured it out, mate," Sirius said with a clap on the back. "I would have been ashamed if you hadn't. They were unbelievably obvious about it."

James had opened his mouth to argue when Jenna cut across him. "You knew?" She sounded indignant, but Lily couldn't tell if she was putting on a show or if it was a genuine emotion because her eyes were focused on Sirius and didn't even flicker in Lily's direction. Sirius nodded. "What about Peter? Does he know too?"

"Doubt it," Sirius answered with a shrug. Lily gave him a severe look. "What?" he asked indignantly. "It's not a slight on him. It's just an honest conclusion based on observations I've made about a friend. Peter _isn't_ the most observant guy. I doubt he noticed."

"Well, what about us?" Jenna asked, waving her hand between herself and Mary, the same hard tone in her voice. "We didn't know."

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows at her, but she didn't seem to notice. Remus seemed to detect her less-than-pleased tone and intervened. "To be fair, Lily was much better at hiding it than James was."

"Hmm, what do you suppose that means?" James asked, looking over at Lily with narrowed eyes.

Lily scrunched her face up in concentration and pretended to think really hard about his question. Then she looked down at him and plastered a solemn expression on her face. "I guess it just means that you're clearly much more into me than I am you."

"Yikes," James muttered.

"Sorry," she replied with an apologetic shrug.

"No, I think it means that James trusts his mates more than Lily trusts hers," Jenna said angrily, finally making eye contact with Lily.

Lily was stunned silent for a moment, the atmosphere changing quickly from playful to icy cold. "Jenna," Lily started, her voice shaking slightly. "It wasn't like that."

"Oh, it wasn't?" she asked sarcastically, folding her arms over her chest and piercing Lily with a murderous look.

"No, of course not," Lily replied wanting to reach out to her, but afraid of what might happen if she did.

"Then what _was_ it like, Lily?" she asked, no hint at all that she believed her. "If it wasn't that you don't trust us then by all means, explain what it was." Jenna stared at her coldly, her jaw set. Lily didn't have a reply right away and felt herself floundering as she tried to find the right words. Jenna looked determined to wait it out, satisfied with merely sitting and glaring until Lily said something.

"I don't…" Lily finally began in a quiet voice, but that seemed to be all that Jenna was okay with letting come out.

"I can't believe you. I can't _believe_ you!" she exploded throwing her hands up in anger. "How could you not tell us about this?"

"Jenna," James interjected as he moved his hand down to the middle of Lily's back in a soothing gesture. She would have thanked him or acknowledged it in some way if she weren't so preoccupied with trying to keep her best friend from hating her. "It wasn't a trust thing. We both agreed when we started dating that we wanted to keep it a secret from _everyone_ so that we could figure out what we were doing. It wasn't to do with you."

Jenna turned her scowl on James now. "That's a load of rubbish and you know it, James Potter. And don't you even pretend like this was your idea. This has Lily Evans written all over it."

"And you did tell Sirius," Mary piped up quietly. Her scowl wasn't nearly as vicious nor her expression nearly as hard, but it was clear that she was upset too.

"That wasn't really the same…" Sirius added, before quelling under the ferocious look Jenna gave him.

She then turned her still fierce gaze on Lily, but this time, underneath all of the anger, Lily saw the first traces of hurt beginning to break through. She felt her stomach clench, hating herself for being responsible for the emotion on Jenna's face.

"Okay," Jenna said quietly, attempting to control her own temper, "I understand you wanting some time to figure everything out. I get that, okay?" Lily nodded, afraid to speak in case in riled her up again. "But we're your best friends. We should know about big things in your life. It's not like we can't keep a secret. We wouldn't have told anyone."

"You aren't exactly the world's best at keeping secrets Jenna." The words flew out of Lily's mouth before she had time to think. She couldn't disguise the horrified look on her face as she glanced up at Jenna, wishing there was some way to reach out and shove the words back into her mouth and then clamp her lips shut to prevent their escape. Instead, her mouth seemed intent on getting her into even more trouble. "You _do_ have a penchant for gossip."

Jenna's eyes went huge and round, anger filling them instantly. "Oh, I see how it is," she shouted, her voice rising impressively. She stood up and moved away from the couch and held her arms stiff and straight against the side of her body, clenching her fists. She looked torn between kicking Lily hard in the shins and screaming at her so for long and so loudly that her vocal chords would be permanently damaged. Lily moved to the edge of the couch, poised perfectly in case she needed to get up and run, though she wasn't sure if it would be to run after Jenna or to run away from her. "I get it!" Jenna continued to rant. "So, it wasn't really that you wanted to keep it a secret from Mary or Remus or Peter or anyone else in this sodding school. It was just me! You just didn't want _me_ to find out because of course I lack the self control necessary to keep my best friend's secrets!"

"No…no, it wasn't like that," Lily pleaded frantically.

"We just thought it would be better not to tell anyone," James interjected as well, hoping to be some kind of voice of reason. He knew that Jenna had the grounds to be angry, but it seemed like she was blowing things a bit out of proportion. "It wasn't anything specific against you. It would have gotten complicated trying to remember who knew and who didn't—"

"Oh, shut the hell up, James," Jenna snapped, glaring venomously at him. "You can let her tell herself whatever it is she needs to justify treating us badly so that she can sleep at night, but it doesn't mean you have to believe it."

"Oh, come _on_. Really Jenna—" James said, his voice growing angry, but before he could say anything else, Lily put a restraining hand on his arm and told him it was all right. He tried to argue, but she silenced him with a look. Settling for a deep sigh before slouching back against the couch, he began tapping his foot angrily, but said no more.

"You know what, Lily?" Jenna asked, as Lily turned back towards her, "You didn't want Mary and me involved in your relationship? Fine. Your wish is my command." And with a dramatic sweep of her hands, she turned and walked towards the girls' dorms, calling Mary after her as she went. She didn't turn back, but Lily could hear her stomping up the stairs loudly and then the telltale crash as she slammed the door shut.

Mary still sat on the other side of the couch, watching silently. Lily locked eyes with her, and found something like deep disappointment there. Mary sighed and shook her head before standing up and following Jenna without a word.

Lily remained where she was for a few moments, feeling helpless and as though all the wind had been knocked out of her. Was it possible that only a few hours ago she'd felt weightless and free of all her problems?

She finally sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat, and leaned back against the couch. James' arm immediately went around her shoulders and his hand moved in a soothing pattern up and down her arm. She leaned her head against his shoulder and tried to ignore the horrible sinking feeling in her stomach.

Peter reappeared some time later and handed her a large parcel of Pumpkin Pasties, but she hardly had any appetite. She took one out and nibbled on it occasionally, but eventually handed them out to the boys, who had started up another conversation in the wake of the argument and had quickly made their way through all of the food that Peter had brought them.

"It'll be okay," James said quietly to her when Sirius, Remus and Peter were all very involved in a debate about which was the better snack candy: Bertie Bott's or Sugar Quills. She looked up into his hazel eyes for a long time, hungry for the comfort that she found there. At that moment, it was easy to pretend that everything was okay. Reality held a much different and hopeless feeling whenever she looked away.

"Yeah," she muttered in agreement when she looked away from him and down at her hands. "I know."

James clearly heard the despondent edge in her voice, as he removed his arm from around her shoulders and hooked a finger under her chin, lifting it until she had no choice but to return her eyes to his. "She'll come around. Just give her a little time," he promised moving his hand up to her temple and brushing his fingers through a few tendrils of her hair.

Searching his face, she couldn't help but feel that he was right, even though her fearful thoughts that she'd ruined something important were rushing through her brain. She nodded after a while, letting his assurance wash over her, leaning in eagerly when he kissed her lightly, and grabbing the front of his robes to hold him there. Despite his teasing earlier that he was trying to make up for lost time, Lily couldn't help but savor the freedom that she had to kiss him in the middle of a crowded common room.

She pulled her lips away eventually, but didn't allow much more space than that to separate them. When James opened his eyes, they were so bright that Lily couldn't help but grin back at him. "You know," he said, his voice low and hoarse, "if you need something to take your mind off of it…" He didn't finish his thought, but the suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows said enough.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "If you mention that bloody broom cupboard one more time…" she said with a threatening tone. James smirked, causing Lily to laugh as she sat the rest of the way up. "You have an entirely one-track mind, my friend."

James shrugged and sat up too. "What can I say? It's a gift."

Lily considered him thoughtfully for a moment, watching as the silly grin that had been wiped off his face while Jenna had been arguing with them reappear. "Hmm, maybe later," she commented off-handedly, before sliding down onto the floor to join Peter and Remus in a game of Exploding Snap.


End file.
